Trying to date a busy girl

[Teknoe]

Exactly. I'm bordering on aspergers, and it's no issue. I know myself and know how to make things work. I'm self aware, and always learning and striving to stay ahead of myself.

 

Fwiw, I scored 34 on the quiz.

 

Again, it makes me wonder how SD got the score of 7. Everyone else is getting much higher.

 

It's good that you are self-aware, Phoe, but answer this. Phoe, do you think SD is self-aware?

[ThaWholigan]

It's not a fantastic test to be fair. I actually am autistic and I scored less than 30 - I was diagnosed as moderate-to-mild.

[Teknoe]

It's not a fantastic test to be fair. I actually am autistic and I scored less than 30 - I was diagnosed as moderate-to-mild.

 

I think SD should seek a 3rd and more thorough opinion. None of this 5 minute or 20 minute quick on the surface assessment. But it seems that he believes this is no longer worth pursuing, with the 2nd opinion saying he displays no signs.

 

I would check more thoroughly to be sure. If you got something like aspergers, you want to know!

[Teknoe]

I agree SD, that this girl is a great indicator of how easy it should be. You're confident that she likes you, and you haven't hadto try so hard. That's normal and how it should be.

 

 

Exactly. It shouldn't be as hard as he is making it out to be. When two people click, it falls into place naturally. All this dramatic and nonsensical play by play "what should I do next" is not the way to go.

 

Sometimes I believe SD likes doing this same old song and dance simply because he's grown so used to it that it's become a strange kind of comfort for him.

 

Otherwise, why hasn't he gone to meet up groups yet? Why hasn't he tried speed dating yet? I think he's actually afraid to get into a real serious relationship. He keeps going after "unattainable" girls that he knows deep down will shoot him down. It's very strange. It's strange when someone says they want something, but then they go and do the complete opposite to attain whatever it is they think they want.

 

It'd be like saying "I want to become a teacher" and then you don't send out any resumes whatsoever. It's like, seriously? Everyone can see you aren't giving it your best shot. Be proactive. GET OUT THERE WHERE THE SINGLE LADIES ARE.

 

He's making this way too difficult on himself. Which tells me he really doesn't want what he thinks he wants. If he wanted a date, he would be out speed dating tonight. I'm sure there's a speed dating event going on tonight in his area. Maybe it's social anxiety? That could be why he only chases girls in the classroom. He has to be there. It's a natural, easy, lazy target. But to go out on your own and talk to women? To find a Saturday night meet up or speed dating event in town? Why can't he do those things?

 

Is it laziness? Social anxiety? A fear of actually meeting someone? I don't know, but trying only in the school environment is a recipe for disaster.

[somedude81]

 

I agree SD, that this girl is a great indicator of how easy it should be. You're confident that she likes you, and you haven't hadto try so hard. That's normal and how it should be.

 

 

I didn't try at all with this girl so it's actually a little confusing on why she likes me.

 

For whatever reason, only the girls I consider to be undesirable to me, are interested in me.

 

Of course I don't know for sure that she's into me, but I just have a strong feeling. Unfortunately there is no way to know for sure without leading her on.

 

I just wish I knew why one girl is into me, and the other isn't.

[organizedchaos]

I didn't try at all with this girl so it's actually a little confusing on why she likes me.

 

For whatever reason, only the girls I consider to be undesirable to me, are interested in me.

 

Of course I don't know for sure that she's into me, but I just have a strong feeling. Unfortunately there is no way to know for sure without leading her on.

 

I just wish I knew why one girl is into me, and the other isn't.

 

Happens to us all.

 

You ignore her bc you're not attracted to her, yet get all bent out of shape when girls do that to you when they're not attracted to you. You don't know how many times she's been in this situation either. Hypocrisy?

[xxoo]

.

 

I just wish I knew why one girl is into me, and the other isn't.

 

They are individuals. Their views about you ard completely individual.

 

If one gets a lot more attention from guys than the other, she may be much pickier about a partner. Or if could be any number of personal preferences.

[somedude81]

Happens to us all.

 

You ignore her bc you're not attracted to her, yet get all bent out of shape when girls do that to you when they're not attracted to you. You don't know how many times she's been in this situation either. Hypocrisy?

 

What makes you think I ignore her? She's usually the first person I talk to when I go to class.

 

And no, I don't know how many times she's liked a guy and didn't have him like her back.

 

Why am I being a hypocrite?

[somedude81]

They are individuals. Their views about you ard completely individual.

If one gets a lot more attention from guys than the other, she may be much pickier about a partner. Or if could be any number of personal preferences.

 

I really think what I highlighted in bold is true.

 

I've always felt that the girls that are less attractive are less picky about the guys they like. That's why primarily only unattractive women have been interested in me.

 

The girls that are pretty get a lot of attention from guys, so they have higher minimum standards.

 

So somehow I need to find the happy medium where a girl isn't too pretty enough to like me, but still attractive to me.

[Phoe]

Why am I being a hypocrite?

 

she likes you, but you're just plain uninterested.

 

You like other girl, she's just plain uninterested.

 

 

You're having quite a negative reaction to something that you're doing right back to another person.

 

Only she's likely not taking it quite so negatively as you, because having someone you like, not like you back, is normal. It happens.

[xxoo]

I really think what I highlighted in bold is true.

 

I've always felt that the girls that are less attractive are less picky about the guys they like. That's why primarily only unattractive women have been interested in me.

 

The girls that are pretty get a lot of attention from guys, so they have higher minimum standards.

 

So somehow I need to find the happy medium where a girl isn't too pretty enough to like me, but still attractive to me.

 

Most men are like this, too. If they get less attention from women, they begin to take a closer look at the women who are interested and find some mutual interest there. That's why we see so many happy, sexed up average couples in the world.

 

You seem to be different, and that causes you problems.

[organizedchaos]

What makes you think I ignore her? She's usually the first person I talk to when I go to class.

 

And no, I don't know how many times she's liked a guy and didn't have him like her back.

 

Why am I being a hypocrite?

 

Ignore, reject, don't make a move when she's interested.

 

You're rejecting her bc you don't find her attractive enough to pursue. I bet if she asked you out you'd say no.

 

Other girl you like rejects you. You get bent out of shape being rejected bc of your lack of attractiveness or whatever.

 

You don't see the hypocrisy?

[organizedchaos]

I really think what I highlighted in bold is true.

 

I've always felt that the girls that are less attractive are less picky about the guys they like. That's why primarily only unattractive women have been interested in me.

 

The girls that are pretty get a lot of attention from guys, so they have higher minimum standards.

 

So somehow I need to find the happy medium where a girl isn't too pretty enough to like me, but still attractive to me.

 

Ok, so now you've dwindled your dating pool even smaller. You'll continue to remain dateless. Congrats.

[preraph]

I will give Somedude81 credit because even though he's placed himself in a somewhat hopeless quandry with women, he is working on himself. In some respects, at least generally, he realizes he has some issues holding him back, and he seems to be aggressively working on them, from seeing a therapist to airing his feelings here even under the intense fire he often draws. That takes a certain admirable amount of tenacity.

[somedude81]

she likes you, but you're just plain uninterested.

 

You like other girl, she's just plain uninterested.

 

 

You're having quite a negative reaction to something that you're doing right back to another person.

 

Only she's likely not taking it quite so negatively as you, because having someone you like, not like you back, is normal. It happens.

 

Yeah it's normal and it happens, but is it supposed to happen all the time?

 

I have never had a girl I liked, like me back. That is why I'm having such a big reaction.

 

For once in my life I want to meet a girl, flirt with her, have her start liking me and then ask her out and then start going on dates.

 

My ex doesn't count because I never really pursued her and she made the big first move. I wasn't even trying to get her to like me, it just happened.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Most men are like this, too. If they get less attention from women, they begin to take a closer look at the women who are interested and find some mutual interest there. That's why we see so many happy, sexed up average couples in the world.

 

You seem to be different, and that causes you problems.

 

That's not his problem. He's PMed me pics of the women he's interested in and he has a wide range of tastes and is attracted to a lot of women.

 

Now ... if you are suggesting that he give a chance to a woman he is not physically attracted to, that is something almost no women will do either.

 

I feel like OP just likes to get beat on and abused by other posters.

[Phoe]

My ex doesn't count because I never really pursued her and she made the big first move. I wasn't even trying to get her to like me, it just happened.

 

I don't see any benefit to not counting her simply because you weren't trying.

 

You liked her, she liked you.

 

Why must it be some grand display of effort on your part, of achievement, for it to count in your eyes?

[organizedchaos]

Yeah it's normal and it happens, but is it supposed to happen all the time?

 

I have never had a girl I liked, like me back. That is why I'm having such a big reaction.

 

For once in my life I want to meet a girl, flirt with her, have her start liking me and then ask her out and then start going on dates.

 

My ex doesn't count because I never really pursued her and she made the big first move. I wasn't even trying to get her to like me, it just happened.

 

And one would think you'd learn from what has worked for you and what has not. Yet which do you continue to do?

[CrystalCastles]

I have never had a girl I liked, like me back. That is why I'm having such a big reaction.

 

Yeah but that's nothing unusual and it happens to people all the time. I've liked guys who didn't like me back. And there have been plenty of guys who liked me, but I didn't like them back.

 

Is that other girl who you don't like still pursuing you?

[somedude81]

I don't see any benefit to not counting her simply because you weren't trying.

 

You liked her, she liked you.

 

Why must it be some grand display of effort on your part, of achievement, for it to count in your eyes?

 

Mainly because of how it ended with her.

 

Girl with a boyfriend starts to like me even though I didn't try to pursue her at all. She breaks up with him and makes it very obvious she's interested in me. We date. I get very attached, then she dumps me.

 

So I don't really have a sense of accomplishment. I was pretty much along for the ride, and she crashed it into a wall.

 

All my life I've been rejected by girls I liked, so I want to know what it's like to finally win over somebody.

[somedude81]

Yeah but that's nothing unusual and it happens to people all the time. I've liked guys who didn't like me back. And there have been plenty of guys who liked me, but I didn't like them back.

 

Is that other girl who you don't like still pursuing you?

 

Same thing I said to Phoe. I know that it happens to people all the time. But in my case I have never had a girl I like, like me back. That is not the norm.

 

The girl isn't pursuing me per se, but I can tell that she is trying to extend conversations and look for reasons to talk to me. Well, maybe that is how a girl pursues a guy, and she's just hoping I ask her out.

 

It's frustrating enough that the girl I like doesn't like me back, but to have a girl I'm not interested in be interested in me makes it even worse. Somebody up there seems to have a sick sense of humor.

[organizedchaos]

Same thing I said to Phoe. I know that it happens to people all the time. But in my case I have never had a girl I like, like me back. That is not the norm.

 

The girl isn't pursuing me per se, but I can tell that she is trying to extend conversations and look for reasons to talk to me. Well, maybe that is how a girl pursues a guy, and she's just hoping I ask her out.

 

It's frustrating enough that the girl I like doesn't like me back, but to have a girl I'm not interested in be interested in me makes it even worse. Somebody up there seems to have a sick sense of humor.

 

Irony can be a bi*ch, can't it?

[Hope Shimmers]

It's frustrating enough that the girl I like doesn't like me back, but to have a girl I'm not interested in be interested in me makes it even worse. Somebody up there seems to have a sick sense of humor.

 

Big whoopie.......

 

Everyone in the world has gone through this at one time or another. Suck it up and get over it.

[Cristo]

Same thing I said to Phoe. I know that it happens to people all the time. But in my case I have never had a girl I like, like me back. That is not the norm.

 

The girl isn't pursuing me per se, but I can tell that she is trying to extend conversations and look for reasons to talk to me. Well, maybe that is how a girl pursues a guy, and she's just hoping I ask her out.

 

It's frustrating enough that the girl I like doesn't like me back, but to have a girl I'm not interested in be interested in me makes it even worse. Somebody up there seems to have a sick sense of humor.

 

Just hook up with her and get more experience.

[Million.to.1]

 

I wonder if every girl I've been interested in has seen me the same way I see this girl. As somebody who is nice but undesirable.

 

Yes they do.

 

...And you always complain that you just want a chance and maybe you'd grow on them.

 

Which is why you should focus on this girl who actually likes you. You don't have to marry her, but why not at least, ask her out? Go on a date? Give her the chance you want so desperately.

 

What have you REALLY got to lose? one evening? You might learn something. You might make a friend. You might have fun!