Trying to date a busy girl

[JuneJulySeptember]

He would also look for factors beyond "cute and single" and be more selective than that.

 

"Cute, single with some relatively good conversation and somebody in your ballpark."

 

Personally, I don't even really need the 'cute' either, but that's a personal decision.

Edited October 18, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Badsingularity]

Op. I used to be in your situation and think just like you.I started doing better with women when I accepted that many of the things I believed in regards to this stuff (the same things you still beleive)....WERE WRONG. I had to open my mind and accept that what I thought to be true may not be true and what some others had told me was true, but that I did not believe, was in fact true.

 

All those times you think something doesn't make sense doesn't matter. Just because it doesn't make sense to you does not mean that it is not real.

 

That is what I had to start accepting before I started getting better with women.

[normal person]

I'm not quite sure that's good enough.

 

I have no idea what he's majoring in, but the possibility that he'll be a 35/36 year old entry level employee making 35-40K or so is pretty standard. And that's not really going to put him in the minimum position to qualify for a lot of women's standards.

 

In other words, what does it matter if he hits on women now or when he finishes. It's not like he's finishing up a MD residency or even a nursing degree for that matter and will be making solid $ when done.

 

No, he won't be perfect. But I can't fathom a situation where telling someone "Of course I've got a job" is worse than saying "I'm still in school at 33."

 

Having an entry level job making $35-40k is a lot better than nothing. It's not going to drop any panties right away, but it's something he'll have accomplished that he can be proud of. With as much vitriol gets directed at women for only caring about money, consider that there are plenty who don't care about it as long is the guy is happy and can put food on the table.

[somedude81]

If you really believed you were good enough, you wouldn't be chasing a woman who isn't interested. You'd value those who see your worth over a pretty young woman who overlooks you.

 

That's not exactly how I saw things.

 

From my perspective, I'm chasing the most attractive woman in the class who was friendly and fun to talk to.

 

I felt that I could overcome her not being interested. Essentially I overestimated my worth.

[xxoo]

Having accomplishments that make YOU proud is an important ingredient in building confidence. It's really not about women needing x amt of income. It's about women responding to confidence.

[somedude81]

No one's shoving it down your throat. You knew this was going to happen and everyone here told you that as well. I and many other people wanted to save you from doing this to yourself. You decided to do it anyways.

 

So now we've come full circle and I'll say it: It's admirable that you're in college and trying to better your situation. That's a great thing that you're doing that you can be proud of. When you finish with school, have something to offer, feel better about yourself, are happier, are not desperate/clingy, then things will likely look a lot better for you. But until then, this will probably keep happening to you.

 

The problem is that I don't know how long it's going to be until I have "something offer." What if I can't get a job till five months after I graduate?

 

I want a girlfriend now, and don't want to wait until I'm finally "good enough" to have one.

[xxoo]

That's not exactly how I saw things.

 

From my perspective, I'm chasing the most attractive woman in the class who was friendly and fun to talk to.

 

I felt that I could overcome her not being interested. Essentially I overestimated my worth.

 

But she wasn't interested, and you knew that.

 

Importantly, that is NOT a reflection of your worth!

 

Being attractive to a pretty young woman isn't the measure of worth.

[somedude81]

But she wasn't interested, and you knew that.

 

Importantly, that is NOT a reflection of your worth!

 

Being attractive to a pretty young woman isn't the measure of worth.

 

Of course it is.

 

Nothing in this world exemplifies a man's worth more than a pretty woman being interested in him.

[GemmaUK]

But what about you?

 

What about me?

 

I'm correct in thinking that this man went right up to you and was fully interested in you with only seeing your picture in a Meetup profile, not even a descriptive dating profile, right?

Incorrect.

 

For all he knew, you could be a total psycho b@tch from hell who makes the Gone Girl look like Marcia Brady. Yet, he was interested.

Ooh! Don't spoil the story, it's on my reading list!

Yes he was interested but I was in a relationship with someone who was there that night and this guy knew that as did everyone else in the room.

 

You cannot correlate dating success with personality and temperament as such.

Personality and temperament are what draws or equally can repel us once we come into contact with someone aren't they?

[JuneJulySeptember]

No, he won't be perfect. But I can't fathom a situation where telling someone "Of course I've got a job" is worse than saying "I'm still in school at 33."

 

Having an entry level job making $35-40k is a lot better than nothing. It's not going to drop any panties right away, but it's something he'll have accomplished that he can be proud of. With as much vitriol gets directed at women for only caring about money, consider that there are plenty who don't care about it as long is the guy is happy and can put food on the table.

 

What I'm saying is that posters are giving him advice that a BA/BS will take him over the hump. It won't. It won't cross him from one level to the next.

 

Everybody has one and there are lots of people who make more without one.

 

In my experience, it would help more if he worked at like a grocery store and was an unsuccessful bohemian artist or musician. Women WILL overlook lack of career success if you have that. I have seen it with both eyes.

[somedude81]

Op. I used to be in your situation and think just like you.I started doing better with women when I accepted that many of the things I believed in regards to this stuff (the same things you still beleive)....WERE WRONG. I had to open my mind and accept that what I thought to be true may not be true and what some others had told me was true, but that I did not believe, was in fact true.

 

All those times you think something doesn't make sense doesn't matter. Just because it doesn't make sense to you does not mean that it is not real.

 

That is what I had to start accepting before I started getting better with women.

 

Your post doesn't make any sense

 

It sounds like something out of the Matrix.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Personality and temperament are what draws or equally can repel us once we come into contact with someone aren't they?

 

Yes, but I don't think there's anything wrong with him. At least personality wise.

 

He's actually fairly good with words and pretty funny when he wants to be. And he's pretty ambitious. He goes out dancing and asks out women. That's more than I can say for a lot of people who have never had any problems attracting the opposite (or same) sex.

 

The fallacy is thinking it's an A - B correlation between personality flaws and dating success.

 

In reality, I had a woman who was totally into me when I was at my most desperate and bitter. Total truth.

 

I'm a lot more stable now, and am still getting rejected quite often. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with it. Just proving a point.

Edited October 18, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

Of course it is.

 

Nothing in this world exemplifies a man's worth more than a pretty woman being interested in him.

 

I strongly disagree.

 

But this does explain a lot about your path and your struggles.

[somedude81]

Yes, but I don't think there's anything wrong with him. At least personality wise.

 

He's actually fairly good with words and pretty funny when he wants to be. And he's pretty ambitious. He goes out dancing and asks out women. That's more than I can say for a lot of people who have never had any problems attracting the opposite (or same) sex.

 

The fallacy is thinking it's an A - B correlation between personality flaws and dating success.

 

In reality, I had a woman who was totally into me when I was at my most desperate and bitter. Total truth.

 

I'm a lot more stable now, and am still getting rejected quite often. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with it. Just proving a point.

 

Thanks JuneJulySeptember.

 

I really don't think there is anything wrong my personality. I'm generally well liked by women, but not in "that way."

 

I am trying to accomplish a goal that is extremely difficult for me and many would have given up, but I can be very stubborn. I'm also putting myself out there trying to meet women, though people may say that I'm looking in the wrong place. But I still am making the effort.

 

I really think that the main problem I have is that I still don't know how to interact with women in a way that makes them want to be more than friends with me. Even if I had a great job, it wouldn't matter if I didn't know how to talk to women.

[Anela]

That's not exactly how I saw things.

 

From my perspective, I'm chasing the most attractive woman in the class who was friendly and fun to talk to.

 

I felt that I could overcome her not being interested. Essentially I overestimated my worth.

 

No, you just focused on the wrong girl, that's all.

 

It's a shame that you don't find the one girl attractive, because the way you've described your interactions with her had me thinking that she was interested in you. It's supposed to be easier, like that, than working so hard to get someone to notice you.

[d0nnivain]

Of course it is.

 

Nothing in this world exemplifies a man's worth more than a pretty woman being interested in him.

 

 

Not true at all.

 

A person's worth is an internal measure. How kind are they? How smart are they? How compassionate are they? How empathetic are they?

 

Only the most shallow people judge other people by how pretty their companions are.

[d0nnivain]

I really think that the main problem I have is that I still don't know how to interact with women in a way that makes them want to be more than friends with me. Even if I had a great job, it wouldn't matter if I didn't know how to talk to women.

 

Talk to us like we are people not assets who will boost your social standing or provide you with pleasure / fulfillment.

[somedude81]

I strongly disagree.

 

But this does explain a lot about your path and your struggles.

 

As a woman, you wouldn't understand. You didn't have to "work" to get a partner. All you did was let yourself be chased. BTW, I'm speaking very generally.

 

For many men, it's hard to pursue and win over a woman. It's an accomplishment.

 

Failing at the task that matters most in life, attracting a woman, has lead me to developing very low confidence and self-esteem. Though those things were high when I was in a relationship.

[somedude81]

Talk to us like we are people not assets who will boost your social standing or provide you with pleasure / fulfillment.

 

That's what I've been doing. Because it's the only way I know how to talk to women. And look at what that has "accomplished."

 

Guys who do well with women flirt and talk sexually with women. I don't.

[SJC2008]

Of course it is.

 

Nothing in this world exemplifies a man's worth more than a pretty woman being interested in him.

 

SD this is a very cynical view. Society it part does engrain this view into people for both sexes but most people get to a certain age/life stage where they know it's not true. Call it maturity or what you want.

[somedude81]

No, you just focused on the wrong girl, that's all.

 

It's a shame that you don't find the one girl attractive, because the way you've described your interactions with her had me thinking that she was interested in you. It's supposed to be easier, like that, than working so hard to get someone to notice you.

 

Yes it is a shame.

 

I talked to her on Wednesday and I'm almost certain that she likes me.

 

But for whatever reason, I perceive her as ugly. She has a very nice body, I just don't like her face and that is not something I can overcome.

 

I wonder if every girl I've been interested in has seen me the same way I see this girl. As somebody who is nice but undesirable.

[somedude81]

SD this is a very cynical view. Society it part does engrain this view into people for both sexes but most people get to a certain age/life stage where they know it's not true. Call it maturity or what you want.

 

Not really. People who are older and have never been married are looked down upon in society.

 

I really don't want my family to see me as the crazy uncle whose always been single.

 

The only time it's acceptable for a guy to be older and unmarried is when he's a playboy. And even then that's not the greatest.

[GemmaUK]

Guys who do well with women flirt and talk sexually with women. I don't.

 

Why don't you flirt SD?

Flirting is excellent fun!

[somedude81]

Why don't you flirt SD?

Flirting is excellent fun!

 

I don't know how.

 

Most likely it's due to a lack of positive feedback from women.

 

So I just stay safe and clean with women. Which explains why nobody wants to get dirty with me.

[SJC2008]

Not really. People who are older and have never been married are looked down upon in society.

 

I really don't want my family to see me as the crazy uncle whose always been single.

 

The only time it's acceptable for a guy to be older and unmarried is when he's a playboy. And even then that's not the greatest.

 

This I garee with to a certain extent. Men have a clock too, the woman in my thread even told me I'm getting close to the age where if I do have kids I'm gonna be an older parent. It's true and has crossed my mind but it is what it is. I won't raise children in a dysfunctional home so *if* I do have them it'll be an even tradeoff in my book.