Trying to date a busy girl

[Million.to.1]

.... And let's be honest. You need the practice.

[Cristo]

Another thing to consider is that this girl may not even like him. He may be misinterpreting it. SD does not seem to have very good social awareness to begin with.

 

I have a lot of experience with women and I'm usually spot-on with my interpretations, but even I'm wrong sometimes. So there is definitely a chance that SD is wrong here.

 

Just saying....

[GemmaUK]

So, there's this other girl who you think likes you SD?

 

What does she do to make you think that?

 

Also, why is she unattractive to you?

[xxoo]

Yeah it's normal and it happens, but is it supposed to happen all the time?

 

I have never had a girl I liked, like me back. That is why I'm having such a big reaction.

 

For once in my life I want to meet a girl, flirt with her, have her start liking me and then ask her out and then start going on dates.

 

My ex doesn't count because I never really pursued her and she made the big first move. I wasn't even trying to get her to like me, it just happened.

 

Your ex situation is the norm. You are trying to force attraction on the unattracted, which maybe is possible for the very seductive, but not the norm.

 

Branch out, meet FAR more women without primarily trying to date them, and you'll have more situations like your ex (mutual attraction). You were natural and relaxed with her because she had a boyfriend. You need to be natural and relaxed with the single women, too. It was natural and relaxed that succeeded. Yet you persist in being intense, trying way too hard, and getting frustrated. That's unattractive.

[somedude81]

Your ex situation is the norm. You are trying to force attraction on the unattracted, which maybe is possible for the very seductive, but not the norm.

 

Branch out, meet FAR more women without primarily trying to date them, and you'll have more situations like your ex (mutual attraction). You were natural and relaxed with her because she had a boyfriend. You need to be natural and relaxed with the single women, too. It was natural and relaxed that succeeded. Yet you persist in being intense, trying way too hard, and getting frustrated. That's unattractive.

 

Hmm, so you are saying what happened with my ex is the norm?

 

I have a couple of issues with that.

 

First of all, that was the first, and only time that an attractive woman was interested in me. She was hardly the first girl I was relaxed and natural with and did not pursue. She was definitely not the first girl who had a boyfriend that I made friends with and didn't pursue. One girl in 18 years of wanting to have a girlfriend is not a good measure of success. Who knows how much longer it will be till another girl that I'm friendly with that is also halfway decent looking develops feelings for me? I've been on that level of friendliness with far more women than I can remember.

 

The other issue I have is that what you're saying goes against the entire notion that men are the pursuers. Waiting for a woman to become attracted to me pretty much means that I can't do anything other than just hope and pray that somebody starts to like me. And that I have no choice in the matter. That it's irrelevant if I like somebody. It only matters if the girl likes me first, and I can choose to accept or reject her.

 

I got lucky one time in my entire life. And if I was actually smart, I should have realized that it would be a bad idea to date a girl who just got out of a serious relationship, and I wouldn't have dated her at all.

 

There's also the fact that I still have a very hard time telling if a woman is actually interested. I wouldn't be surprised if the girl that I think likes me, doesn't like me at all, and I'm just interpreting her friendliness as interest. It definitely wouldn't be the first time.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

There's also the fact that I still have a very hard time telling if a woman is actually interested. I wouldn't be surprised if the girl that I think likes me, doesn't like me at all, and I'm just interpreting her friendliness as interest. It definitely wouldn't be the first time.

 

Don't go down this road again. There is no way to tell.

 

Go back to the Dating Forum and read the dozens upon dozens of threads by women who are confused to whether guys like them.

 

Nobody can read minds. Just ask.

[xxoo]

Hmm, so you are saying what happened with my ex is the norm?

 

I have a couple of issues with that.

 

First of all, that was the first, and only time that an attractive woman was interested in me. She was hardly the first girl I was relaxed and natural with and did not pursue. She was definitely not the first girl who had a boyfriend that I made friends with and didn't pursue. One girl in 18 years of wanting to have a girlfriend is not a good measure of success. Who knows how much longer it will be till another girl that I'm friendly with that is also halfway decent looking develops feelings for me?

 

I continue to assert that your limited social involvement is a huge factor here, along with you insecurities.

 

The other issue I have is that what you're saying goes against the entire notion that men are the pursuers. Waiting for a woman to become attracted to me pretty much means that I can't do anything other than just hope and pray that somebody starts to like me. And that I have no choice in the matter. That it's irrelevant if I like somebody. It only matters if the girl likes me first, and I can choose to accept or reject her.

 

Usually there is some mutual attraction, and the man makes the move/pursues. Women have ways of showing attraction, as you are noticing with the girl you don't like. But the man doesn't pursue disinterested women, no.

 

I got lucky one time in my entire life. And if I was actually smart, I should have realized that it would be a bad idea to date a girl who just got out of a serious relationship, and I wouldn't have dated her at all.

 

Everyone has breakups. At younger ages, people are often jumping from partner to partner. This is just part of the whole dating experience, living and learning, especially if you're going to date women that age. If you want maturity, date mature women.

 

But it is silly to regret dating her. Everyone needs experience. You FINALLY got some, and you regret it? Why??????

[Cristo]

Your ex situation is the norm. You are trying to force attraction on the unattracted, which maybe is possible for the very seductive, but not the norm.

 

Branch out, meet FAR more women without primarily trying to date them, and you'll have more situations like your ex (mutual attraction). You were natural and relaxed with her because she had a boyfriend. You need to be natural and relaxed with the single women, too. It was natural and relaxed that succeeded. Yet you persist in being intense, trying way too hard, and getting frustrated. That's unattractive.

 

This is wrong. Most women will not make the first move, even if they really like the guy.

[xxoo]

This is wrong. Most women will not make the first move, even if they really like the guy.

 

I didn't mean her making the first move what the norm.

 

I meant having mutual attraction happen naturally was the norm over "winning over" someone who is not attracted to you.

 

Yes, the guy will typically still have to make the first move even when the attraction is mutual.

[carhill]

A busy girl will show her attraction by making time in her busy schedule to interact with and date the man she's attracted to and will do it in such a way that he'll never substantively know that she was busy at all. She'll simply be available. Accept no less.

[somedude81]

[i should probably make a new thread for this but for now this one will do.]

 

I had a math class today at 12:30 so I decided to take a salsa class before just for the hell of it. Also since I was going to be on campus, I might as well text this girl and see if she wanted to get lunch. So I text her at 10:50 asking when she's planning on getting lunch. At this point I don't care if it's with her friends or not.

 

I go to salsa and dance with some pretty girls that I may add to my list of potentials. Once the class was over I checked my phone and she still hasn't gotten back to me. Oh well.

 

As luck would have it, I end up walking out at the same as a girl I had my eye on. One thing leads to another and we end up having lunch together. We had a fun conversation, I get her number and we make plans to go out dancing on Monday. I'm going to text her in a few days and see if she wants to do something this weekend.

 

While I'm with her the girl I made this thread about texts me "Now!", but by then I've already eaten and tell her that I have to make it to class.

 

So I'm happy. I didn't spend time with the girl I wanted, but was instead with another girl.

 

Additionally there is a different girl that I'm getting close to in another dance class. (I went to three classes this week) I think she may be starting to like me and I'm going to try and get her number tomorrow.

 

Hopefully I'll be able to go on a date with at least one of these girls in the next week or so.

[serial muse]

[i should probably make a new thread for this but for now this one will do.]

 

I had a math class today at 12:30 so I decided to take a salsa class before just for the hell of it. Also since I was going to be on campus, I might as well text this girl and see if she wanted to get lunch. So I text her at 10:50 asking when she's planning on getting lunch. At this point I don't care if it's with her friends or not.

 

I go to salsa and dance with some pretty girls that I may add to my list of potentials. Once the class was over I checked my phone and she still hasn't gotten back to me. Oh well.

 

As luck would have it, I end up walking out at the same as a girl I had my eye on. One thing leads to another and we end up having lunch together. We had a fun conversation, I get her number and we make plans to go out dancing on Monday. I'm going to text her in a few days and see if she wants to do something this weekend.

 

While I'm with her the girl I made this thread about texts me "Now!", but by then I've already eaten and tell her that I have to make it to class.

 

So I'm happy. I didn't spend time with the girl I wanted, but was instead with another girl.

 

Additionally there is a different girl that I'm getting close to in another dance class. (I went to three classes this week) I think she may be starting to like me and I'm going to try and get her number tomorrow.

 

Hopefully I'll be able to go on a date with at least one of these girls in the next week or so.

 

Hey, good job, SD. Laid-back approach = win.

[d0nnivain]

I'm happy for you that you had lunch with the girl who wanted to have lunch with you. That sounds far more promising.

[preraph]

Taking salsa dancing was a brilliant move! It's really hard to find guys who will go do proper dancing with you and most girls really would love to do that. This is going to be fun for you and get you out of your drought.

[somedude81]

I'm happy for you that you had lunch with the girl who wanted to have lunch with you. That sounds far more promising.

 

Yeah it was definitely nice how everything just worked out.

 

Though I'm sure that if the busy girl didn't have work on Monday and Wednesday (the days we have class), we would be eating lunch together.

 

I don't know if either of the two girls have boyfriends, but I've decided to just proceed as if they don't and let them stop me.

 

I'm curious how things are going to turn out for me. I'd be happy with either girl, but busy girl is still my favorite.

[organizedchaos]

[i should probably make a new thread for this but for now this one will do.]

 

I had a math class today at 12:30 so I decided to take a salsa class before just for the hell of it. Also since I was going to be on campus, I might as well text this girl and see if she wanted to get lunch. So I text her at 10:50 asking when she's planning on getting lunch. At this point I don't care if it's with her friends or not.

 

I go to salsa and dance with some pretty girls that I may add to my list of potentials. Once the class was over I checked my phone and she still hasn't gotten back to me. Oh well.

 

As luck would have it, I end up walking out at the same as a girl I had my eye on. One thing leads to another and we end up having lunch together. We had a fun conversation, I get her number and we make plans to go out dancing on Monday. I'm going to text her in a few days and see if she wants to do something this weekend.

 

While I'm with her the girl I made this thread about texts me "Now!", but by then I've already eaten and tell her that I have to make it to class.

 

So I'm happy. I didn't spend time with the girl I wanted, but was instead with another girl.

 

Additionally there is a different girl that I'm getting close to in another dance class. (I went to three classes this week) I think she may be starting to like me and I'm going to try and get her number tomorrow.

 

Hopefully I'll be able to go on a date with at least one of these girls in the next week or so.

 

You see? This is how it's done. Don't focus on one girl so much. There are other options. And when you're busy with someone else, you finally hear from the first girl! Now you work on others and if some have a boyfriend, so what, you have options! This way you don't stress over it.

 

The girl you had lunch with and plans to go salsa dancing on Monday already - IMO, I would not text her to ask her out for this weekend. You had a good lunch today, you have plans for Monday. Don't blow it up by looking too needy and asking her for a date for this weekend. Let this play out. You ask her out for the following weekend after your Monday Salsa class. However you can still text her in a day or two about something fun you're doing to keep the conversation going.

[clia]

The girl you had lunch with and plans to go salsa dancing on Monday already - IMO, I would not text her to ask her out for this weekend. You had a good lunch today, you have plans for Monday. Don't blow it up by looking too needy and asking her for a date for this weekend. Let this play out. You ask her out for the following weekend after your Monday Salsa class. However you can still text her in a day or two about something fun you're doing to keep the conversation going.

 

I want to "like" this a thousand times. Please take this advice.

[somedude81]

Oh my God! I feel like I'm going to be sick.

 

Having fun with busy girl in class as usual. Then when class ends another guy walks up to her and they start talking. She grabs her backpack, turns to look at me, and then walks out with him.

 

I have to walk behind them for about a minute down the hall to the exit and I hear them talking and laughing. I think I heard her giving him directions to her place.

 

If there was ever a real sign that she wasn't into me, this was it.

 

I knew she wasn't interested in me, but I felt that I could work on her. Now I know that there is no chance at all. I deleted her number and I'm going to stop going to that class because apparently my feelings for her were stronger than I thought they were.

 

I haven't been this angry or felt this bad since my ex dumped me.

 

Above all else I have a ton of self-hatred for not being good enough for her, and losing her to another guy.

 

It would have been great to date her, but there is no way that's going to happen now.

 

Fu*k the world

[JuneJulySeptember]

Oh my God! I feel like I'm going to be sick.

 

Having fun with busy girl in class as usual. Then when class ends another guy walks up to her and they start talking. She grabs her backpack, turns to look at me, and then walks out with him.

 

I have to walk behind them for about a minute down the hall to the exit and I hear them talking and laughing. I think I heard her giving him directions to her place.

 

If there was ever a real sign that she wasn't into me, this was it.

 

I knew she wasn't interested in me, but I felt that I could work on her. Now I know that there is no chance at all. I deleted her number and I'm going to stop going to that class because apparently my feelings for her were stronger than I thought they were.

 

I haven't been this angry or felt this bad since my ex dumped me.

 

Above all else I have a ton of self-hatred for not being good enough for her, and losing her to another guy.

 

It would have been great to date her, but there is no way that's going to happen now.

 

Fu*k the world

 

It's hard for me to tell how serious you are with this post.

 

It sounds exaggerated, but I have had very similar feelings when being rejected and people have probably read my posts and think I'm cukoo or even joking.

 

That's why you don't let yourself fall for women you don't know. You get your 'no' right away. Not sure what else to say. I haven't followed the story, but you haven't known this one long, right? Shouldn't take long to get over.

[xxoo]

The good lesson here is that you got to see how a woman acts when she is interested in dating vs. interested in being friends.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting today. Better to find out now than dragging out your hopes.

 

Refocus on new opportunities (women and otherwise).

[preraph]

Did she look smug or what? That day you met the other girl, you asked her to lunch, she waited too long to respond but then said yes, or "now" I guess, which I assume meant yes, so maybe she got her feathers ruffled. I have no idea if she was able to use her phone to text you back sooner or not if she's in class or whatever. I would hope that would be frowned upon by the teachers. Anyway, I'd be taking the attitude "You snooze, you lose" and I wouldn't be acting mad at her but neither would I go out of my way to talk to her or anything. Just see if she decides to start talking to you and if not, let it go.

[somedude81]

The good lesson here is that you got to see how a woman acts when she is interested in dating vs. interested in being friends.

 

And what the hell is that suppose to mean?!

 

She wasn't acting any differently with them than she acted with me.

 

She just fuc*king chose him over me!

 

Most likely this also means her being to busy to date was just a fu*king lie. I'm such a piece of sh*t.

[somedude81]

It's hard for me to tell how serious you are with this post.

 

It sounds exaggerated, but I have had very similar feelings when being rejected and people have probably read my posts and think I'm cukoo or even joking.

 

That's why you don't let yourself fall for women you don't know. You get your 'no' right away. Not sure what else to say. I haven't followed the story, but you haven't known this one long, right? Shouldn't take long to get over.

 

I've been trying to get a real no from this girl for a while. I've had her number for at least three weeks. We talked regularly in class for a couple of weeks before that. I'd say I was starting to get to know her. I've developed crushes on women I've talked to far less.

[somedude81]

Did she look smug or what? That day you met the other girl, you asked her to lunch, she waited too long to respond but then said yes, or "now" I guess, which I assume meant yes, so maybe she got her feathers ruffled. I have no idea if she was able to use her phone to text you back sooner or not if she's in class or whatever. I would hope that would be frowned upon by the teachers. Anyway, I'd be taking the attitude "You snooze, you lose" and I wouldn't be acting mad at her but neither would I go out of my way to talk to her or anything. Just see if she decides to start talking to you and if not, let it go.

 

I don't think she cared at all that I couldn't have lunch with her yesterday. By the time she responded to my text, I had class in five minutes.

 

It's not really a case of you snooze you lose, because if she wanted to walk with me, she would have said bye to him and waited for me.

 

But instead she knew that I wanted to walk with her and she definitely acknowledged my presence but then took off with him.

 

It's just so frustrating that I wasn't able to make any progress with her and it looks like some other guy will. I feel like such a loser.

Edited October 22, 2014 by somedude81

[xxoo]

And what the hell is that suppose to mean?!

 

She wasn't acting any differently with them than she acted with me.

 

She just fuc*king chose him over me!

 

Most likely this also means her being to busy to date was just a fu*king lie. I'm such a piece of sh*t.

 

It wasn't supposed to be a dig.

 

They way she acted with him, eagerly leaving with him even though someone else wanted her attention (man or woman)....that's how a woman acts when she's interested. She'd easily dump the girls for lunch if she wants alone time with a guy.