Trying to date a busy girl

[Moe'sTavern]

Reading this thread has certainly been interesting. Like the OP, I'm also an older undergrad. I'm a 28 yo in a commuter school. Unemployed also. As much as it would be nice to date the cute 20-22 year olds, I'm sure my efforts won't amount to much. I'm just going to wait till I graduate in a couple years and try out this whole dating thing people seem to like doing.

Edited October 17, 2014 by Moe'sTavern

[Cristo]

Reading this thread has certainly been interesting. Like the OP' date=' I'm also an older undergrad. I'm a 28 yo in a commuter school. Unemployed also. As much as it would be nice to date the cute 20-22 year olds, I'm sure my efforts won't amount to much. I'm just going to wait till I graduate in a couple years and try out this whole dating thing people seem to like doing.[/quote']

 

This isn't true, man. I'm around your age and it's not difficult at all for me to date in the 18-22 year old range. I just don't want to.

 

I think you should give it a shot if it's what you want.

[Teknoe]

To be honest, I don't even know why a 33 year old guy that wants a relationship even wants girls so young.

 

He said a while back that he has a lack of life experience. Girls 20-22 tend to have a lack of life experience compared, obviously to women in SD's actual age bracket (30-35).

 

Problem is, just because SD's life experience moreso matches someone who is 18, he is still 33. What has he done with his life in the last 15 years? People who are 18 usually are very different people 15 years later. SD, what about you has changed other than age in the past decade and a half?

[Cristo]

He said a while back that he has a lack of life experience. Girls 20-22 tend to have a lack of life experience compared, obviously to women in SD's actual age bracket (30-35).

 

Problem is, just because SD's life experience moreso matches someone who is 18, he is still 33. What has he done with his life in the last 15 years? People who are 18 usually are very different people 15 years later. SD, what about you has changed other than age in the past decade and a half?

 

This is a very good question.

 

SD, what have you been doing during all of that time?

[Teknoe]

This is a very good question.

 

SD, what have you been doing during all of that time?

 

I think it's important for everyone to ask themselves that question and consider how much growth has taken place over 5, 10, 15 years.

 

18 to 33 there should be some significant changes and growth displayed. Just as an example, if someone were to ask me how I've changed since 18 (I am 31 now) I would say:

 

-Became Christian

-Graduated college with a BA

-Work full time in a professional capacity

-Had speaking lines in an independent film

-Performed and co-starred in a handful of stage plays

-Directed plays consisting of children and young adults

-Spent a summer in Africa working with the orphans there

 

And so on. I think it's important to chart your "milestones" as you go along. If all you can say is "I bought a new TV" or "I watched this anime or beat that game" then what are you really doing with your life? Not to say that those are BAD things, but if merely "existing" and consuming entertainment where you just watch or play is all there is to your life, how are you going to attract a woman to that? You should have broader interests, some rich life experiences to share and from which wisdom is gained, making you all the better for having done it or gone through it.

 

15 years is a long time. If you're basically the same person, just older, then it's time to practice some honest self-reflection.

[somedude81]

Sent her a text a few hours ago asked if she was going out dancing tonight in a joking way.

 

No reply so far.

 

If she doesn't reply, then that's it completely for this girl.

 

I'll move on to a different girl who doesn't give me the time of day either.

[sid3]

 

I'll move on to different girls who dont give me the time of day either.

 

Fixed it for you

[somedude81]

Fixed it for you

 

Woah now.

 

Lets not get a head of ourselves.

 

Not everybody can ignore me.

 

I'm such an idiot for thinking I had a chance.

Edited October 18, 2014 by somedude81

[Cristo]

Sent her a text a few hours ago asked if she was going out dancing tonight in a joking way.

 

No reply so far.

 

If she doesn't reply, then that's it completely for this girl.

 

I'll move on to work on different parts of my life and come back to dating later.

 

Fixed it for you.

[somedude81]

So when would I be good enough to actually get a fu*king date?

[organizedchaos]

So when would I be good enough to actually get a fu*king date?

 

When you start actually taking the advice you've been given here over and over and over again.

[Teknoe]

SD,

Most of us have been telling you for years now that you can do BOTH at the same time. You can work on certain areas of your life while asking out girls. Neither have to be exclusive.

 

The problem is, you keep doing the same things that have proven to not work with girls, and you expect the results to somehow magically change without any actual change first happening in and within you.

 

Your tunnel vision of the destination has hindered you from blossoming. Instead, we've urge you to look at the journey, as focusing on that will, ironically, help you to the destination you ultimately want to end up at. But, you seem adamant on skipping steps. So you remain single while not improving on your weaknesses, and that's how stagnation kicks in.

 

I don't know of many girls who would want to date a stagnant guy. Girls want to date a guy who is at least striving for better and better. No one wants to be with someone who has no drive or ambition outside of being in a relationship. That's just the cold, hard truth, man. The sooner you face it, and do something positive about it, the better. And no, posting about how it's BS or how God dealt you a bad hand is not "something positive."

 

It's up to you, and you yourself, to shore up your weaknesses. Is it easy? Heck no. No one ever said it was. But if you continue to ignore it, the bigger an issue it becomes. Fortunately, at 33, there is still time left. But you want to get on it... now.

[Cristo]

So when would I be good enough to actually get a fu*king date?

 

Dude, you are 3 months away from graduating college. Did you create your resume yet? Have you been networking? Have you been applying for jobs?

 

Stop stressing over women and start stressing over these things!

[JuneJulySeptember]

This is a very good question.

 

SD, what have you been doing during all of that time?

 

When you start stacking up salary, accomplishments and gold stars and boy scout badges, that's when dating becomes a competition.

 

And it is TRUE that's how it is for almost everyone. But it is disgusting nonetheless.

 

If I met a 33 year old woman who was an undergrad?

 

I'd be intrigued. She has a different kind of story to tell, than the regular "Here is my degree, and salary, and here are my Facebook pictures of all my cool friends and countries I've been."

 

At the very least, I'd think she had some modesty in her, which is pretty much untrue for about 97% of society.

Edited October 18, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Cristo]

When you start stacking up salary, accomplishments and gold stars and boy scout badges, that's when dating becomes a competition.

 

And it is TRUE that's how it is for almost everyone.

 

If I met a 33 year old woman who was an undergrad?

 

I'd be intrigued. She has a different kind of story to tell, than the regular "Here is my degree, and salary, and here are my Facebook pictures of all my cool friends and countries I've been."

 

At the very least, I'd think she had some modesty in her, which is pretty much untrue for about 97% of society.

 

At least for me, dating feels like far less of a competition than when I was younger. Maybe it's because I'm way more selective now and don't feel like I'm competing against anyone in particular.

[JuneJulySeptember]

At least for me, dating feels like far less of a competition than when I was younger. Maybe it's because I'm way more selective now and don't feel like I'm competing against anyone in particular.

 

It's impossible to deny that it is a competition. And that's what the last couple of posts are basically saying. That OP cannot be in the game because he doesn't even have the minimum credentials to enter.

 

I know women who have married rich men and their week consists of going to the gym, cafe, and spending the rest of Monday through Thursday planning their weekend. All they needed to win the competition was a pretty face and a nice smile. Of course, they had a degree too, but their parents paid for it. They never needed ambition or drive or to be interesting.

 

I understand the advice that's being given and I don't necessarily disagree, but it just shows though how f@cked up dating is.

Edited October 18, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Cristo]

It's impossible to deny that it is a competition. And that's what the last couple of posts are basically saying. That OP cannot be in the game because he doesn't even have the minimum credentials to enter.

 

I know women who have married rich men and their week consists of going to the gym, cafe, and spending the rest of Monday through Thursday planning their weekend. All they needed to win the competition was a pretty face and a nice smile. Of course, they had a degree too, but their parents paid for it. They never needed ambition or drive or to be interesting.

 

I understand the advice that's being given and I don't necessarily disagree, but it just shows though how f@cked up dating is.

 

I disagree with you, man. I don't personally know any woman that you describe. I do know very attractive women that worked their way through school and make a lot of money. Some married men that make less than them.

 

The thing with SD is that he's extremely immature. This is evident in his posts. He would be immature for a 23 year old, no less a 33 year old. He needs some life experience. Then he'll realize that girls and dating isn't really all that hard or even important.

 

Also, the ability to support yourself is important. No one is telling SD to become a multi-millionaire. We're just saying that he actually needs a job to survive. Most women do not want to support a guy.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I disagree with you, man. I don't personally know any woman that you describe. I do know very attractive women that worked their way through school and make a lot of money. Some married men that make less than them.

 

The thing with SD is that he's extremely immature. This is evident in his posts. He would be immature for a 23 year old, no less a 33 year old. He needs some life experience. Then he'll realize that girls and dating isn't really all that hard or even important.

 

Also, the ability to support yourself is important. No one is telling SD to become a multi-millionaire. We're just saying that he actually needs a job to survive. Most women do not want to support a guy.

 

He has a job, right? I think he's putting himself through school.

 

That's more than a lot of people can say.

 

I also think you should never improve yourself for the goal of getting women because then your self worth hinges on your success with women.

 

Improve yourself for you, and then approach as many women as possible. In reality, they are connected but it's better to keep them separate if that makes sense.

 

You really don't want somebody who wants you for what you've accomplished. They won't support you when you're down in the dumps.

[somedude81]

So if I had a good job, I could be dating the girl I made this thread about?

 

Of course not.

 

And no since I'm going to graduate college in a couple of months I'm obviously not stagnant. Yes the progress I'm making is slow, but it's still progress.

 

But what pissed me off the most is that girls don't fu*king care about any of it. I'm trying to play this game where I don't know the rules at all.

 

Trying to date simply should not be this hard. I have no idea why it's been so difficult for me. Through my whole entire piece of sh*t life I've felt that I've never had a chance with women. There was also something that was fu*king things up that I have no control over. I feel like I'm just a pawn in someones sick joke of a game.

[irc333]

I'm running into a lot of "busy" 40-somethings that either missed out on college because they married young and popped out kids before the legal drinking age of 21 and after the kids move out to go to college, the single mother divorces and THEN goes to college the same time the grown kids do.

 

So we have a bunch of single empty-nesters deciding on college in their mid-40's...when I finished that goal LONG ago.

 

So they are in the "work full time, go to college full time" mode, nary enough time to date.

 

I dunno, there's just something about having finished college in your early 20's and you run into women who are just starting their freshmen year in college and likely the only 45 year old in the class.

 

Now, attending a non-college credit class in computer basics or writing vocational class one night a week is cool.

 

BUt, I dunno, being out of synch like that is a turn off.

[organizedchaos]

So if I had a good job, I could be dating the girl I made this thread about?

 

Of course not.

 

And no since I'm going to graduate college in a couple of months I'm obviously not stagnant. Yes the progress I'm making is slow, but it's still progress.

 

But what pissed me off the most is that girls don't fu*king care about any of it. I'm trying to play this game where I don't know the rules at all.

 

Trying to date simply should not be this hard. I have no idea why it's been so difficult for me. Through my whole entire piece of sh*t life I've felt that I've never had a chance with women. There was also something that was fu*king things up that I have no control over. I feel like I'm just a pawn in someones sick joke of a game.

 

A job may have not saved you here, but a job and friends to hang out with would give you more options than focusing on one girl who isn't interested in you. You'd have other things to occupy your time, other girls you're working on, or just plain enjoying life whatever may come.

[Teknoe]

Trying to date simply should not be this hard. I have no idea why it's been so difficult for me. Through my whole entire piece of sh*t life I've felt that I've never had a chance with women. There was also something that was fu*king things up that I have no control over. I feel like I'm just a pawn in someones sick joke of a game.

 

Are you currently seeing a counselor or therapist? These are issues you're going to have to hash out. They're a crippling block in your system right now that needs to be addressed. Women aren't attracted to a woe-is-me guy, much less a woe-is-me guy in his 30s still in college with no friends.

 

You can't make anyone like you.

 

All you can do is strive to be the best you and learn how to LOVE YOURSELF and find peace in who you are. Even though it doesn't guarantee a girlfriend or date, at least you'd be sane if no one bites the bait you're putting out there.

 

It is better to be single and content than single and angry/bitter/frustrated. Having a full time job that you're passionate about and having healthy platonic relationships will help you focus on other things.

 

Of course, all of this has been said 1,000 times over, yet you continue to bang your head against the wall.

 

And, you should really look to attend a speed dating event before 2015. A. The girls know you're looking to date so it eliminates the friend zone and B. You will meet a ton of girls in one evening, 1 on 1, for 5-10 minutes each.

 

If nothing else, it will allow you the opportunity to talk up 20 single girls (some of whom you will find attractive) and just meet some new people.

 

Why you haven't done this is baffling. For someone who claims to be desperate to do "anything" in order to land a date, it seems like you're sticking to your "ask out a young girl 20-22 at my college."

 

It's time to look beyond that because doing so will increase your chances by 1000%

 

Plus, with speed dating you will meet women closer to your age range.

[Teknoe]

And no since I'm going to graduate college in a couple of months I'm obviously not stagnant. Yes the progress I'm making is slow, but it's still progress.

 

1. Since you brought it up, how is college going, more specifically, what is your current grade in Calculus? How sure are you that you are going to graduate come December?

 

2. As has been stated before, graduating does not guarantee you a full time job by any means. There's applications, letters of recommendations, networking, making an awesome resume, landing interviews, nailing interviews, etc. etc. How far along are you in applications, networking and such? Do you have a resume currently written up?

[MidwestUSA]

Sent her a text a few hours ago asked if she was going out dancing tonight in a joking way.

 

No reply so far.

 

If she doesn't reply, then that's it completely for this girl.

 

 

Why did you think it would end any other way? When she said she was too busy to date, she meant it. In fact, it may have been her way of saying 'I'm too busy to date YOU'.

 

But you kept on poking around, setting yourself up for the eventual disappointment. And now 'that's it' for her? I'm sure she's shattered.

 

Why do you do this to yourself?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Trying to date simply should not be this hard. I have no idea why it's been so difficult for me. Through my whole entire piece of sh*t life I've felt that I've never had a chance with women. There was also something that was fu*king things up that I have no control over. I feel like I'm just a pawn in someones sick joke of a game.

 

I agree. It should not be that hard to date.

 

But you cannot put it on yourself.