Very concerned about a possible scenario...

[Inflikted]

Just over two years ago, I developed very strong feelings for a coworker. I almost never "like" someone (and I've never dated or been with a girl in any way, either), so it was a big deal to me. She rejected me, though, and our work relationship became very strained, and when she began dating others, it bugged me even more. I've never been able to truly get over her.

 

Early this year, she left. I said some sweet little parting words to her before she left, and she said she'd stay in touch with me, but she never did. I understood, and I never held it against her.

 

Now, though, there's a chance she could be returning to our workplace, and I'm getting kind of worked up, because I really don't want to see her again, let alone work with her. And I don't mean that in a "mean" way, it's just, I know I'd still have feelings for her and I know there's still no chance we might get together. I know I'm still not over her, but being apart from her has been good for me, because I haven't been stressing myself out like I was doing when we still worked together. If she comes back, that goes away...

 

I don't think I can deal working with her again. I don't want to just quit if she comes back, because I do need an income, but at the same time, it's not like I have some high end career level job that I can't walk away from.

 

I dunno. Nothing necessarily indicates she'll be coming back, but it's still a strong possibility, and my anxiety issues are kicking in just thinking about it. :/

[whichwayisup]

That sucks.

 

Can you ask for a transfer to another department so you won't have to work directly with her? Or just start looking for another job, see what else is out there.

 

Worrying is normal, but the mind is powerful and has made your worries worse than it probably will be. Tell yourself you are in control, not your emotions so you can be strong and face her professionally. Sure it'll be a bit awkward if she does come back but you can take control and don't let it affect you deeply.

[kjohn]

Worrying about what "might be" is a complete waste of time and energy.

 

I am guilty of this bad habit and it's something I work on daily. What I have

started doing to stop this worry from consuming me is to develop a plan.

 

When I feel myself starting to worry about a "what if" I just plan how I will react to the situation if it actually does happen. I plan what I will do or what I will say.

 

Once I know how I will react it helps me to feel more secure so I can stop worrying about. If it happens, I'm prepared. If it doesn't happen…all the better.

 

So just decide what you will do if she does come back and then stop worrying about it and just move on with your life.

 

"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."

[Haydn]

Did you have a RS with her or you approached her and got a rejection?

 

If it`s the former then it won`t be easy if feelings are still strong.

 

The latter then i understand how it can be to worship someone from afar.

 

You should try to get your head down and work on yourself a bit as regards to confidence. Maybe she will see a difference in you when she comes back?

[Inflikted]

That sucks.

 

Can you ask for a transfer to another department so you won't have to work directly with her?

 

Well, we work retail, at a fairly small store, so there's no getting away like that, unfortunately. We'd be seeing a lot of each other no matter what, and given that she chose to pursue a management position, that means we'd have to interact quite a bit.

 

Did you have a RS with her or you approached her and got a rejection?

 

If it`s the former then it won`t be easy if feelings are still strong.

 

The latter then i understand how it can be to worship someone from afar.

 

You should try to get your head down and work on yourself a bit as regards to confidence. Maybe she will see a difference in you when she comes back?

 

I asked her out, and she said no. For a time, I thought it was a "No for now", as she stayed kind of flirty with me, but she later proceeded to start dating other guys (one of which was a former coworker that I hated long before he dated her), and I had a super difficult time with that. Things got awkward between me and her, and I feel like she pretty much hated me after a certain point, but like I said, I tried to say some nice parting words to her when she left.

 

I know this is going to make me sound really bad and creepy, but I've never done anything bad with this; but I've always been keeping an eye on her social media page, and she's recently begun dating someone new. From what I can tell, he seems like a really great guy, and I don't think I've ever seen her as happy with someone as she is now. On some level, I am happy for her, but at the same time, that knowledge would only make me feel worse if I have to work with her again.

 

She was quite literally the girl of my dreams. How do you work and interact with your " dream girl " while having to deal with the fact that you'll never be with her, and that she's already found someone that makes her happy?

 

I don't know. I'm hoping she doesn't actually come back, but given my luck, I wouldn't be surprised if she does.

[Inflikted]

*Sigh* I've been unable to stop thinking about this whole scenario. I've never had a panic attack before, but I feel like I'm on the edge of having one. I feel physically ill, and try as I might, I just can't stop thinking about this.

 

Can't stop thinking about how I might have to be around my "dream girl" again without being able to do anything. About how she's happier than she's ever been, and I'm more miserable than I've ever been. About how she's found a guy that she'll most likely marry in another couple of years, and I can't find a girl I even want to go on a date with. About how she's got so many good things going on for her, and I'm still a loser, working a crummy job, unable to connect with people to have friends or date.

 

How can I possibly work with her again? I'm freaking out just thinking about the possibility. What the hell am I going to do with myself if she actually does come back?

 

I'm wary of quitting, because I can't afford to be without a job for very long, but I've been searching for work elsewhere for several months now (just because I want to get away from my current place of work), and I've had no luck. If I just up and quit, I could be without a job for several months, and I can't do that.

 

But then I think of the future; what if she and I are both still working there in another year or two? I'll have to deal with her getting engaged, and getting married, and having everything she wants from life, and I'll still be some loser that can't let go, can't find happiness...

 

God, I'm just freaking out so badly right now. I don't know what to do.