How can I stop be paranoid and jealous?

[Paranoi7]

Hi everyone this is my first post,

 

I'm not good at explaining but I'll try as best as I can.

 

I met a girl at the start of this year (feb) and we automatically got along and became really good friends pretty quick. We only saw eachother as friends, I had no attraction or sexual attraction to her whatsover. We became so close like best friends pretty easy and are literately comfortable to talk about anything, including personal sexual stuff. Anyway fast forward a couple months, I wanted her to meet my friends and get in our circle a little bit so she did and gets along with everyone pretty well. She's a very social person and naturally flirty. Fast forward a few months again and I started catching feelings for her and I dont know why because she's not my type in terms of looks. I really fell for her personality and who she is. A while after that I became sexual attracted to her.

 

Anyways I confessed my feelings for her because I felt it was weighing on my shoulders if I didnt. She doesn't feel the same, but that didnt bother me because at this point in my life I really cant get in any relationships and nor do i feel ready for one. I'm usually laid back and when someone doesnt like me back I dont care. I've told my friends how much I like her and they respect that.

 

Now the problem is, that I get jealous paranoid and insecure when it comes to her and my guy friends. All these thoughts run through my mind when there is no reason to think these negative thoughts. My friends dont want her and vice versa but I still get jealous. They have given me no reason to be jealous at all. When it comes to guys I dont know or arent my friends I honestly 100% do not feel jealousy and I'd rather her be with someone I dont know.

 

I'm thinking maybe I feel these things because I either like her a lot. Or maybe because I can't be with her, I dont want my friends to be with her in anyway either.

 

Her friendship means much more to me than my feelings. And I honestly wish I didn't have feelings for anyone at this time in my life. I'm 24 btw. Also I've never been the jealous type but for some reason it's so heightened and all my emotions are heightened with her.

 

Please help me

[lolablue17]

Her friendship means much more to me than my feelings.

 

You jealous about her and your friends because you see it. You prefer her to be with someone you don't know because it didn't happen yet.

 

I can assure you that when she finds someone else, you will be much more jealous about him. Much much more, because you will get to know him, and then what?

[giblesp]

Your friendship is more important than your own feelings?! Well that's really nice of you, but that's probably why the girl said no in the first place, you're a nice guy.

 

You have to look after your needs AND be considerate to others. You're saying that your needs aren't important. So why the jealousy? Because you have unrequited feelings for a girl that are being supressed, and that energy has to go somewhere.

 

Sometimes a girl isn't going to feel the same way, it happens. The best thing to do at that point is back off, go no contact and live your life. If she really is a friend, you'll be reunited months or years down the line. I speak from experience.

[Paranoi7]

@lolablue17

 

Knowing that she's with a guy that's not any of my friends would be more of a comfort level. I don't get jealous when she's on dates with guys I don't know. Maybe I will feel that if she's in a serious relationship down the track, I'm not sure.

 

 

@giblesp

 

I'm too much of a nice guy. So "why the jealousy?" because the thought of a friend with the girl I like would feel like betrayal. Even though she is not my girl and doesn't have those feeling for me. It's the paranoid thoughts that run through my head that are stressing me out a lot. Losing sleep over this

[Diezel]

This would all go away if you found someone else to go out with.

 

You don't need to be "ready" to be in a relationship. You can go out on dates with other women and just enjoy their company but you are so focused on this one girl that you can't even focus right on you.

 

How do you stop? She either finds a boyfriend or you find other women to date or you two just stop talking altogether and you kick her out of your social circle.

[lolablue17]

Knowing that she's with a guy that's not any of my friends would be more of a comfort level. I don't get jealous when she's on dates with guys I don't know. Maybe I will feel that if she's in a serious relationship down the track, I'm not sure.

 

So, maybe you jealous about her intimacy. When she's on dates you don't feel the other guys will take you place of "the most intimate friend".

 

Either way I think you're wrong. I think that if she finds a real boyfriend you'll feel rejected. This boyfriend might feel threatened by you. If i were you i would be taking care of that instead of just waiting to get hurt.

[giblesp]

@giblesp

 

I'm too much of a nice guy. So "why the jealousy?" because the thought of a friend with the girl I like would feel like betrayal. Even though she is not my girl and doesn't have those feeling for me. It's the paranoid thoughts that run through my head that are stressing me out a lot. Losing sleep over this

 

 

Look, just take some time apart until your feelings settle, otherwise it will affect your friendship and limit your chances of meeting someone else. Or, if you are taking time apart from relationship, her around is not going to help.

 

Check out the book, 'No more Mr Nice Guy.'

[Paranoi7]

@Diezel

 

Well that's going to be hard, I can't get girls easy either. Although a lot of girls say I'm attractive, and ive been called hot a few times. I just suck at getting girls interested in me

 

But I think you're right, if i were to find another woman it'll definitely help my case.

 

 

@lolablue17

 

Well we've never kissed or touched in any sexual way at all. But if intimacy also means her attention aswell, then yeah I guess you can say I want to be the most "intimate" friend/whatever.

 

As for her getting a boyfriend, I am the least person anyone needs to be threatened by. I value loyalty and respect

 

 

@giblesp

 

We are taking a bit of distance from each other at the moment. It kills me though

[smackie9]

You will be fine as you wean yourself off her, but of course this will take some time. It's killing you because you are grieving, and you need to heal that is all. I totally understand what it's like to be intensely emotionally attached to someone and how crazy it can make you feel. When that is taken away from you is very painful in a panic, anxious way. Time, distance and focusing on other things is key.