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Are relationships worth the time of day?


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As I continue on my path of personal evolution and self-actualization, I realize that some things are becoming less important. Around this time a year ago, I was really beating myself up for being a virgin and for not ever having a romantic interest. I put all of my self-worth on that concept. Now, I don't really feel as bad as I feel as if I'll be alright, even if I never experience sex. Yes, I feel bad that I'm missing out on things that people say are essential, but I think I might just be alright,

 

I've been practicing meditation frequently and I feel as if I am getting to the point where I am getting so good at it that I can just disappear into nothing. It's an odd feeling. In a way, I feel as if I can transcend to the point where a lot of these things don't bother me. Even so much that I was considering going to a monastery in the East and becoming a monk.

 

Besides all that, I just want to know if relationships and everything are worth all the hype. I just read an article on the SF Gate about "Backup Husbands" and how most women admit that they have a guy in mind just incase their current husband checks out. Then I've been reading the comments where people are saying that it takes sustained desire to keep a woman interested. Well, ****. I can't be always "on" all the time. What happens when I slip up or have a lapse in character? Will she lose attraction? I often ask how my parents kept married all these years. Maybe they didn't have as many stressors.

 

Is it really worth it to chase the ideal of relationships or is it better to be self-improved and attempt to transcend the desire for one? I need to know.

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Just out of curiosity, why do you think it is that you haven't experienced a romantic relationship thus far?

 

Personally, I could live without a romantic long term relationship. Having friends and family is more important to me. But, I could even live without them. I could live in the world, singularly. I would survive, physically and emotionally. I would probably even be on a much higher spiritual plane, such as you described. Relationships, romantic or not, are definitely distracting. But, in my opinion, they are unequivocally and without a doubt worth it. My relationships with my family make life worth living, but I could live the entire rest of my life with just those relationships, being single, and still die happy.

 

Romantic relationships are not a necessity for me. But if you find someone that you fall in love with and start one, then they are totally worth it.

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Just out of curiosity, why do you think it is that you haven't experienced a romantic relationship thus far?

 

Personally, I could live without a romantic long term relationship. Having friends and family is more important to me. But, I could even live without them. I could live in the world, singularly. I would survive, physically and emotionally. I would probably even be on a much higher spiritual plane, such as you described. Relationships, romantic or not, are definitely distracting. But, in my opinion, they are unequivocally and without a doubt worth it. My relationships with my family make life worth living, but I could live the entire rest of my life with just those relationships, being single, and still die happy.

 

Romantic relationships are not a necessity for me. But if you find someone that you fall in love with and start one, then they are totally worth it.

 

 

I haven't experienced one for a variety of reasons. Not enough confidence in myself, failure to provide value (as in why she should be with me, what do I give her), failure to be able to interact with women in a romantic way, being unattractive, failure to understand the female mind. The list goes on. All of these definitely combined together to create my current situation but altogether, I would say that being unattractive physically was/is my nail in the coffin. I started to work out about two years ago, before then I was immensely skinny. Mainly in part because of a guy called "Zyzz" (RIP).

 

I just don't feel like I have the desire or need to be "on" all the time. Being romantic isn't my natural state. I'm a pretty cut and dry, fact-driven guy. Very hard to appeal to a woman's emotional nature like that. But yes, I do believe that the less entanglements you have, the better. This may be one reason why it is good to forego a significant other.

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My relationships have always been a source of peace & strength for me. They are a kind of safety net, not that I can't stand on my own two feet but it's helpful to know the other person is there.

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For me.. what's the point in building a great life or having amazing experiences if you haven't got anyone to share it with.

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eye of the storm

Romance is what you and she find romantic. I have a girlfriend who melts when her H does the dishes and cleans the kitchen while she is bathing the kids and putting them to bed. To her that is romantic. (he does it every night but she still acts like it is the most amazing thing) My guy bought me a tech manual for a class I was taking. It showed he was taking an interest in my goals. Some women want moonlight and roses. Other woman want you to ck their tire pressure and oil level. I even know a guy who researched traditional romantic items and then programmed his calendar to have it remind him periodically. It depends on the woman.

 

And you don't have to be "on" all the time. If you do then she isn't worth it.

 

Your main issue is your self esteem issues. You really need to work on why you feel you have no value. If you don't think you are great, nobody else will either.

 

Good luck!

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I advise you to read on "platonic love". It's basically when you focus on things that were already mentioned here (like certain gestures), the sexual romance will loose value and give other factors more space.

 

The rest is just subjective. Any person who actually gets co-dependant to whatever person they are with will tell you that lives without love aren't worth living. Others - like me to be honest - are very content to live on their own. Happiness is a very dynamic feeling. It comes and goes, no matter whether you are single or in a relationship - although being happy on your own might be a bit easier because you don't have to think of your partners' preferences which might differ from yours.

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For me.. what's the point in building a great life or having amazing experiences if you haven't got anyone to share it with.

 

I agree with this too. That would be sort of the only reason I would have one, beyond having sexual experiences. A lot of women posted in this thread. I do appreciate the female perspective. However, I'd like to hear from more guys.

 

It seems that women whether biologically or socially value relationships more than guys and thus seek out relationships more. I've never had a significant other for so long and I'd wonder if anyone who hasn't had a significant other or someone who has been without for a long time can weigh in.

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You have to find the right woman for a relationship to be worth it.

 

To be honest, compared to the other guys who are in relationships with women they don't completely fancy, it has been a nightmare for them.

 

This is why I am content being single for now. Right now, I am very attracted to a foreign lady and she has shown her interest in me as well. If things progressed as we both expect, I can see me marrying her in less than 2 years from now.

 

Of course, I am getting ahead of myself but those are the only relationships that is worth fighting for. Outside of that, I rather be single instead.

 

Best of luck out there.

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I wonder,too, and I've been in relationships.

 

I'm happy on my own and discovering myself.Why ruin that?

 

Now that Im happy, prospects are coming out the wood works. :/

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Not with everyone. Hence why I've never had a boyfriend yet despite having been asked 3 times so far.

But I'm overall very selective who I hang out with. That goes for friendships, too.

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2.50 a gallon

After I separated from my Ex, I lived alone and thought I learned to love it. That all changed when I hooked up with my current lady. It is just totally different when you have someone to share your life with. For example when on vacation, when by myself I used to see lots of great sights, I would enjoy them, but have forgotten all of them. It is totally the opposite now that I have someone to share them with. Moon or sun rise over the Rockies, watching her feed the chipmunks and hearing a rock fall and turning around and watching a herd of big horn sheep work their way across a rock face. That was 17 years ago.

Now my life is full of memories. Us decorating for Halloween, start of stew season, baking cookies, her baking the turkey on Turkey day and Christmas.

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I just want to know if relationships and everything are worth all the hype. I just read an article on the SF Gate about "Backup Husbands" and how most women admit that they have a guy in mind just incase their current husband checks out.
Ha, funny that my best friend's wife inquired of her 'second husband' (me) if I had my will made out :D Yes, a woman must be practical too!
Then I've been reading the comments where people are saying that it takes sustained desire to keep a woman interested.
More important than always being attractive is to avoid being unattractive at all costs. Also, avoid women who aren't strongly attracted at the beginning. If they have to 'think about it', watch out. There's a strong likelihood they'll be 'thinking' the relationship and that's a tenuous place to be as a man.
Well, ****. I can't be always "on" all the time.
Again, don't have to be 'on' all the time but never trend to unattractive.
What happens when I slip up or have a lapse in character?
Think of attraction as savings in the bank. If you've built up sufficient savings, you can weather some withdrawals. If your account is empty, well there's bankruptcy court and debtor's prison.
Will she lose attraction?
It depends. Generally, yes, but that doesn't mean it's a deal-breaker, again with sufficient attraction balance in the account.
I often ask how my parents kept married all these years. Maybe they didn't have as many stressors.
Different generation, different social/political/religious era, different socialization; IMO, with social, political and religious freedom, things are the way they were always meant to be. This is the real. Adapt or die.

 

Is it really worth it to chase the ideal of relationships or is it better to be self-improved and attempt to transcend the desire for one?

 

Having had the programming of the old ways, and the example, yep the chase for the ideal was job #1 for many years. If it were my destiny, I'd be bouncing my grandson on my knee as I type this. Everyone's destiny is different and personal. Society certainly can decide what destiny it values and exert pressure on people to conform. People have autonomy and choices. It's up to us to decide. In that I wish you well.

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