willpower321 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I have been with my bf for two years now. He has a daughter that is 8. We were together for 1 year then moved in together. We recently separated in August, I moved out and back into my moms. The problems we encountered while living together were basically this - I lost my dad last year as well as a pregnancy and fell into a bit of a depression. I was also 45 mins away from my friends and family and knew no one where we moved. We were doing great for the first 5 months and then everything went really sour. We began arguing a lot. I was in school and working and he was working and both of us commuting - we were both stressed about money. And all of the responsibility of the house was left on my shoulders. I was doing all the cooking, cleaning taking card of his daugher eow, the two dogs and planning everything. He would try and help here and there but mostly everything was my job. He then started to ride his motorcycle once the summer hit. I got my license and learned too. However, his first priority became his buddies and his bike and thus again I was left to do everything at the house but now I was alone all the time. He got himself into trouble with the law - and they showed up at the house and took him away. I ended up moving out shortly after this incident. We did not talk for about a month, and then we hung out a few times and it was just like before, except without all the responsibility. Now he got into a bad motorcycle accident and I spent the night in the hospital with him...I took care of him last week because he cannot walk... Saturday night comes along and he says his friend is having a birthday party - I was supposed to work but they cancelled my shift. Then he says to me I just want to hang out with the boys and I can't go there basically which I didn't want to interfere as he hasn't seen anyone in a week etc but I was upset because he is acting like I have to be hidden, or I'm not welcome when all of his friends and their gfs and wives know me and we always have a great time... This opened up a huge talk for us the next day where he is now telling me that that he doesn't know what is wrong with him, he doesn't want to worry about anyone else or have me worry about him, he is now facing charges which he may serve time in a month from the summer, and he may not be able to do the physically demanding job he was doing because of all the accidents he has had. We both cried and talked and I told him I don't want to rush into living together again or fighting but that if he wasn't sure what he wants then I don't want to talk to him for a while until the feelings subside... He also said that he 'doesn't need anyone to help him and doesn't need anyone.' and that I am the only person he has... It was all very confusing... I was pretty stressed out and was going to take a nap and go home. Then his friend calls and he asked me if I wanted to go for dinner at their house and stop and see another couple we know... So we went. Everything went well... but I am just so confused on what to do at this point. He says he doesnt want a relationship where we were fighting like before but he wants to be friends and hang out?? Wth does that even mean? Oh and that he misses the way I was in the beginning - I have gained about 25 lbs and I became so miserable living with him due to all that was going on in my life. My question is basically besides how much I love him there is not much I am holding onto however, besides the fact that I know he doesn't really have anyone besides me. I think that keeps me around pity and guilt. Does anyone understand what the heck he is trying to say to me? And does anyone have any situations that were similar?? I really am not sure what to do, but I know if I decide to not be around anymore that I need no contact.. And also another sticky piece is that he owes me $2000 from before I moved. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 You need to put your thoughts about him aside. If you continue to worry yourself sick over him, it will make your life miserable. He needs to find his path in life, as misguided as it is, time will be his friend. You cannot change a man or woman with all the love and caring in the world. They must find it within themselves. No matter how weak they are, they are strong enough to drag you down with them if you allow them to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author willpower321 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you - its interesting how you know that I worry about him a lot from my post... I know its time to cut things off I guess being on here and listening to others thoughts may give me that push. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you - its interesting how you know that I worry about him a lot from my post... I know its time to cut things off I guess being on here and listening to others thoughts may give me that push. Well, there are times I am completely wrong. It seemed obvious because you told more about him than you. Meaning you care deeply, and in seeing him be lost, will make anyone worry themselves sick. I always show a side that may be not expected to allow one to think things though. Glad you found my reply helpful. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
idoltree Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It seems like you might be struggling with some co-dependent tendencies. Link to post Share on other sites
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