I want my ex back

[lanimi]

Hi I'm sorry it's gonna be long. I hope someone can talk to me on here. I'm so lost and sad!

 

So, my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago.

When he broke up with me he was gone overseas and it was 2 months into a long distance relationship, and then we only dated 2 months before that. So pretty much we only just started dating.

 

Soon after we started dating, he was so into me and was head over heels for me. He would come out to my work place spending an hour to come after his own work because I finish later. He would do absolutely everything for me. He even told me he loved me so quick like a month after and talked about marriage and kids and stuff. I was a little overwhelmed and since I saw a potential in him for our future together, I wanted to take it slow as I failed in the last relationship where I gave all of myself and got my heart broken. That worked BAD in this relationship though...I actually was taking more time to invest my feelings to him that he has to me, I admit it. But it's not true that I didn't love him as much or I felt any less. I was a looking forward to spending more and more time together as we get to know each other. I just didn't want to rush especially I wanted him to see my true me and still love me.

 

He took it as that I wasn't into him and I took him for granted It hurt me so bad to hear that because I do care for him and only reason I was taking it slow it because I thought we would have long time ahead together and I didn't feel the need to rush.

 

I also had fault in being jealous of her ex. She called him out of nowhere even though he blocked everything. And since then I got a little insecure and would have fights about it. I know I was immature. But I needed more time together to build trust to each other and go stronger. All I wanted was time to get to know each other and develop feelings towards each other. Because I know I will never cheat on anyone...He was pretty insecure too and he actually said that he felt insecure and couldn't take it anymore. I don't know what to do...He thinks I didn't love him and he didn't mean much to me but that's totally wrong!

 

When he broke up with me, I would tell him that but he just says I didn't feel loved when we were together. But I mean...what could i have done from the distance and in such a short time?!

 

He told me to move on and find someone else. He is coming back in 2 months. I begged for a few days and didn't work but after than for a week we kept talking and I would try to convince him but nothing worked. He would say something like pick the guy you most recently talked and go out. You are beautiful so there are plenty of guys who would want to date you blah blah blah and I'm one of the least handsome guy. and all that stuff. It just hurt me so much because the only person I want to be with is him and he can't see that. I blamed myself so much for not having shown enough affection to him. I can't g back now and show him what I feel for him and all this love I have in my heart. He just told me I should find someone else to share that feelings with.

 

After complicated conversations like him sounding a little jealous and upset that he couldn't get as much love from me as he expected, and him pushing me away after, he told me to stop talking to him (which sounded as though he wanted to keep it but to stop me from having any hope) SoI told him I respect that and stopped.

 

But after a week, I really missed him, I sent an email and he replied within an hour.

 

Him "Thanks for the email. What have you been up to? Why email me all of the sudden?"

 

Me "Tbh it wasn't sudden I wanted to send you emails everyday. I was forcing myself not to because I wanted to give the time you requested and by sticking around, didn't want you to hate me. Just wanted to let you know that you're taking the biggest part of my heart"

 

Him "Thanks for being honest. I've thought of you too. I'm glad you still love me and that I'm very big in your heart. Hopefully you are still attracted to me, and think of me when you're lonely and you need someone's touch ;)"

 

I replied with sweet message to that including some questions how his day is going and i haven't got a reply for two days....

I guess I did it wrong. I'm sure he lost all the feelings for me as he didn't say that he loves me or anything about what he's feeling about me.

 

I really really want him back. We are supposed to meet up when he comes back in 2 months. I need to give his key back which he gave me to check on him place while he's gone. He said I could come and give it back to him but in 2 months, nothing will be different and he won't change his mind and we will never get back together.

 

Do I have zero chance to get him back ? :'(

And the only thing now I can do is go no contact as he didn't reply to me anymore? It hurts so much. I Know I have made mistakes but I really did see a future with him. What can I do?! Please give me some thoughts...

Sorry it's kind mess I just let everything out on here.

Edited October 14, 2014 by lanimi