Mr Big

[Betsy_Beth]

Here is one maybe unusaul question for all of you who saw at least one episode of Sex and the City: How would you describe Carrie and Big's relationship? Would you say he is in love with her or just not that into her? What is his issue?

 

 

The reason I am asking this is I just saw few episodes when I realized my ex is like Big. Even his jokes are similar or even the same. The way he opens the doors ( with a drink is his hands), the way he talks and of course the relationship that is on and off.

 

Just being curios and would appreciate your opinions.

[d0nnivain]

I think he does love her but he will never be able to love her the way she wants him too.

 

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Even in the movie, she wants a grand wedding & he wants something more low key.

[Redhead14]

Mr. Big does love her. He is also a commitment-phobe and, as I recall, recovering from a divorce or at least long term relationship.

[preraph]

I think he loves her but he has so many other options that it doesn't bode well for any woman. I think Ms. Beige was all about how he felt he could be married to beige because beige would keep blinders on and overlook indiscretions and just do his bidding keeping the household going and making his life easier, like having a chauffeur; but then he was too restless to even stay in that for the amount of his time it would have taken to appease even the low-maintenance woman with blinders on. The only way to be with a man who will phase in and out is to have your own independent life going on and not put all your eggs in that basket and to keep him on his toes.

[Betsy_Beth]

Whydo you think he loves her.

I personally think he is not that into her and if he didn't feel she is the "one" in 5-6 years of dating he never will.

[d0nnivain]

Whydo you think he loves her.

I personally think he is not that into her and if he didn't feel she is the "one" in 5-6 years of dating he never will.

He found her in Paris, confessed his love, bought her a penthouse & eventually married her.

[writergal]

I think Mr Big loves Carrie for her non-conformity. Mr. Big has an edgy side to him too (he knows all the right people in pretty much all the big industries, even the people in Carrie's circles), so he's a bit of a non-conformist too, the way he does business. Also, the way he lives his life is very care-free but not Carrie-free.

 

Every time Mr. Big was married or with a model-girlfriend, Carrie was always there in the shadows...of his bedroom. They had an affair when he was married and she was with Haydn. Why? B/c they "get" each other, as much as they also irritate each other. I think they are addicted to each other. Plus, Carrie is the only woman who successfully turned Mr. Big from commitment-phobe to doting husband.

 

Disclaimer: I'm a huge Sex and the City fan.

[d0nnivain]

Also in the beginning, Samatha came on strong & Big turned her down. He also hung out at the hospital waiting for her when Charlotte had the baby.

 

writergal I thought it was Aiden not Hayden but it doesn't matter for purposes of this thread.

[writergal]

Also in the beginning, Samatha came on strong & Big turned her down. He also hung out at the hospital waiting for her when Charlotte had the baby.

 

writergal I thought it was Aiden not Hayden but it doesn't matter for purposes of this thread.

 

I always thought his name was Hayden. You mean it's Aiden? After all this time? I think I need to get my hearing checked. Christ. 43 years old and I'm going deaf.

 

Remember when Mr. Big had a heart attack and Carrie visited him in the hospital as a slutty candy striper, then broke down into tears?

[d0nnivain]

I do but then I hated him again for going to California without saying good bye & just leaving the record.

 

But then he didn't want to have sex after she & Samantha took the train to the book signing because he finally read all of her columns & realized what a jerk he had been about certain things.

[preraph]

I don't think he wants to love Carrie, so he can't love her as much as she deserves. I think his image and his narcissism require him to have more of a trophy wife, but he's restless even with that. I think Carrie is his girl next door and he aspires to more -- but she has high aspirations too and that eventually made him respect her more, at least to the point he didn't want to lose her. If he could have Carrie and someone else too, he would. She's his touchstone.

[Betsy_Beth]

So reading most of the replies here seems like it was a mistake to walk away from my "Mr Big".

Deep down I know it probably wasn't but cant stop thinking what if I didn't....

[preraph]

I can only console you by saying if he's really a Mr. Big, then he's got plenty of what it takes to come after someone if he thinks he wants her or wants her back. I'm sure you walked away for a reason. You have to consider your needs.

[writergal]

Betsy if you know deep down that you did the right thing walking away from your Mr. Big, then don't second guess yourself. Are preraph said, your Mr. Big will come looking for you if he wants you. He's a big boy. Carrie didn't chase Mr. Big, remember? She let him go multiple times, and he'd surprise her by coming back. But you have to consider your needs here too. Go on with your life as usual, and if your Mr. Big makes an appearance again, well, cross that bridge when you come to it. Right?

[rawrrxlaurr]

Carrie did the right thing by walking away from Mr. Big.

 

Only when a guy like that can't have what he thinks he doesn't want, does he realize that it's what he wants.

 

Guys like that can't be changed or forced to feel a certain way by a woman, they only come around when they're ready and usually that takes losing said woman.

[Betsy_Beth]

I can only console you by saying if he's really a Mr. Big, then he's got plenty of what it takes to come after someone if he thinks he wants her or wants her back. I'm sure you walked away for a reason. You have to consider your needs.

 

 

 

Thanks for all your replies.

 

I walked away from him more than once (just like Carrie did) and everytime he would chase me, call me and wait in front of my apartment or at my job (Big in his limo in front of Carries building).

But this time I have the feeling he isn't coming back. It's been three weeks and we only talked once ( after my phone accidentally called him).

 

Anyway, thanks for your support and I know that the best thing I can do now is not do anything.

[Gloria25]

He found her in Paris, confessed his love, bought her a penthouse & eventually married her.

 

Cuz, he was getting old and probably all those models he was banging started getting bored with him...(makes me think of George Clooney's reason for getting hitched recently).

 

I mean, remember in the movie, after they got married? He didn't wanna go out and run the streets like they used to when they first met. He just wanted to come home and watch TV.

[Gloria25]

Also in the beginning, Samatha came on strong & Big turned her down. He also hung out at the hospital waiting for her when Charlotte had the baby.

 

writergal I thought it was Aiden not Hayden but it doesn't matter for purposes of this thread.

 

Mr. Big couldn't handle a sexpot like Samantha (hence, him always dating young models and naive/weak chicks like Carrie - they were easy to impress)...

 

Carrie was "o'l faithful"...so, whenever he had time between models, he gave Carrie whatever crumbs he had.

 

Also, I think he just got a kick out of the chase and Carrie's quirky ways.

[kjohn]

I think Big really did love Carrie, in his own way, which was not the way that she wanted/needed to be loved.

 

I think their relationship was a perfect example of a very common problem in many relationships.

 

One partner goes into the relationship knowing exactly how he/she wants it to be, in this case that would be Big.

 

The other partner goes into the relationship trying to desperately to prove to him/herself that they are ok with what the other partner is offering, but deep down in their heart, knowing that they really want more, in this case that would be Carrie.

 

So the relationship progresses with one partner desperately trying to keep things the same and the other partner pretending to be ok with the relationship, all the while desperately trying to hide the fact that they are really wishing, hoping and praying that eventually the other partner will come around and be willing to offer more.

 

These two people may truly love each other, but if they are honest with themselves, they want different things. Love does not necessarily make you compatible.

 

This kind of a relationship is like walking on a mine field.

 

Eventually the whole thing is going to blow up.

[gaius]

Carrie was the girl he most cared about and connected with but she didn't meet all his needs. =/ She wasn't who a guy like him is supposed to date. Kind of like the guy who dates a really attractive woman but has a fat chick best friend he connects better with. A lot of men have conflicts like that.

 

I really enjoyed all the relationships on that show. They did a very good job of keeping it real but not making it depressing, which is a hard balance to achieve.

[Betsy_Beth]

Interesting

[preraph]

I almost threw up when Miranda ended up with that immature boyfriend of hers. That seemed all wrong to me.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks for all your replies.

 

I walked away from him more than once (just like Carrie did) and everytime he would chase me, call me and wait in front of my apartment or at my job (Big in his limo in front of Carries building).

But this time I have the feeling he isn't coming back. It's been three weeks and we only talked once ( after my phone accidentally called him).

 

Anyway, thanks for your support and I know that the best thing I can do now is not do anything.

 

You can't really compare your life to a TV show.

 

Men of means have certain expectations. They might not be politically correct but that class of men (multi millionaire power brokers) want super model looks, some (but not too many) brains at the very least she cannot compete with him & someone who will be at his beck & call. In exchange for the money (security?) certain women are perfectly happen to fit that bill so if a woman doesn't fit that mold, that kind of guy knows his money will always get him another one who does. This is especially true in places like NYC, Miami, LA, London & Dubai.

 

On again off again relationships make wonderful television but lousy real life examples. If you have already walked away from your Mr. Big several times, this time keep him in the rear view mirror.

[Betsy_Beth]

I almost threw up when Miranda ended up with that immature boyfriend of hers. That seemed all wrong to me.

 

Who are you having in mind? The only bf of hers I remember is Steve.

[Betsy_Beth]

You can't really compare your life to a TV show.

 

Men of means have certain expectations. They might not be politically correct but that class of men (multi millionaire power brokers) want super model looks, some (but not too many) brains at the very least she cannot compete with him & someone who will be at his beck & call. In exchange for the money (security?) certain women are perfectly happen to fit that bill so if a woman doesn't fit that mold, that kind of guy knows his money will always get him another one who does. This is especially true in places like NYC, Miami, LA, London & Dubai.

 

On again off again relationships make wonderful television but lousy real life examples. If you have already walked away from your Mr. Big several times, this time keep him in the rear view mirror.

 

I understand all this but hey my Mr Big is not a multimilionaire, even though he is much better off than I am, has a much better job while I am struggling (but I am at least more ambitious . Anyway, it is not a competition and right now I am focused on my life while trying to get over him.