PinkEagles Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I've been dating a girl for almost a year now. She has a somewhat full past as far as being with other men, whereas my history with women is significantly less so. When we first started dating she would talk about her previous sexual encounters really openly, but it made me very uncomfortable. I told her I was feeling insecure about it and she stopped. However, now I can't stop thinking about it. We watched a movie last night that showed a woman having really explicit sexual relations with a bunch of men and all I could see was my girlfriend Doing those things. It made me feel sick. She asked what was wrong and I told her and she got mad and said I was insulting her character and that was an extremely weird thing to think. I know that this insecurity I have is unhealthy and it's driving her away. I guess my question is does anybody have any tips for feeling more secure in a relationship? Possibly self talk ideas that would help me to stop imagining her with other men? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I've been dating a girl for almost a year now. She has a somewhat full past as far as being with other men, whereas my history with women is significantly less so. When we first started dating she would talk about her previous sexual encounters really openly, but it made me very uncomfortable. I told her I was feeling insecure about it and she stopped. However, now I can't stop thinking about it. We watched a movie last night that showed a woman having really explicit sexual relations with a bunch of men and all I could see was my girlfriend Doing those things. It made me feel sick. She asked what was wrong and I told her and she got mad and said I was insulting her character and that was an extremely weird thing to think. I know that this insecurity I have is unhealthy and it's driving her away. I guess my question is does anybody have any tips for feeling more secure in a relationship? Possibly self talk ideas that would help me to stop imagining her with other men? If you want to stop being insecure, stop being insecure. If you want to stop imagining her with other men, stop imagining her with other men. Also, focus on those things about her that make you comfortable with her. This is not about her doing things that should make you insecure. You asked her to stop talking about previous encounters and she did it. That is a sign of respect for you. Treasure that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Focus on the fact that she chose you & has been faithful to you for a year. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Few things can help... 1. Time, but that advice won't help you right now because it can take many years. 2. Go and talk to someone on regular bases (therapist or a close close friend, better a female). 3. Although it's not her fault because she didn't do anything wrong, she's the one who can help you the most. If i get the picture correctly, she thinks it's your and only your problem, she is very careful to stay an outsider about it, because she doesn't want to blamed for anything. But if she wants to help she can really really help and you can promise her that you will never think that there's something wrong with her past, and it's only your thing. Everytime you feel insecure she can hug you and tell you how much she loves you, and she wants only you, and that you are very sexy and she feel attracted to you ect... If she can do it real time, when you have one of those insecurity attacks - It will help you a lot. If she really loves you, she'll agree to do anything that will help you, wouldn't she? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 [quote name= Everytime you feel insecure she can hug you and tell you how much she loves you, [/quote] That will put a woman in the role of a mother, she wants a man not a child. He has to sort this out for himself if he wants the relationship to last. OP, look up retro active jealousy, it can be overcome. You're going to have to overcome it, or you'll lose her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Dude you keep this up she's going to run run run. She was being honest with you. To her it probably wasn't a big deal. If she's with you and you're banging then she's chosen you, has an emotional attachment to you. Now you're sort of throwing back what she said to you in her face. You saying you're hurt and she's getting peeved off.. not good. Have fun bro, that is what dating is. She was comfortable enough to tell you all these things in her past, but if you keep throwing it in her face and using it against her she won't in the future, and once that happens, communication stops, then the relationship heads for a slow death. Enjoy her, enjoy each other, stop getting hung up on her past. Focus and live in the present. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Pink Eagles, After I divorced my cheating exH husband my self-worth was at rock-bottom. I felt so devalued and such a failure and was sure no man would ever want me again. So I picked myself up and got to work on myself. I went into counselling/therapy. I learned who I was and what I wanted from life and where I wanted to go. I learned new skills and met new people. I got a fashion make-over. I spent my time doing things that made me feel good. When your self-esteem is high you can weather a lot of things better. Good luckx Link to post Share on other sites
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