Clockwork Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I haven't been with anyone other than my wife for almost 10 years. It's been a while. Definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade her in for anything. Period. That being said, I had a past before her, and obviously it didn't turn out great and to be honest I couldn't see the forest through the trees back then. I was in a bad relationship with a girl and it took me a while to get out. I ended it, and then we were on and off again and then I permanently ended it. It was hard to finally do. So I never keep contact with an ex, but none of my buddies or family liked my ex, I don't blame them either, but no one I know talks to her. However, I hear the odd thing here and there. The other day a buddy of mine said he saw her on plentyoffish.com. He sent me the link. Yeah, she's there. She's single, no children yet getting into her mid 30s. To be honest, I wasn't sure how to react. For starters, I know just how difficult she would be in a relationship let alone a marriage so I get why she's still single. And I never thought she was "parent" material either, so I guess that's good that she is childless in a way. I know though, that this was a girl who was depressed as it was and very much wanted a family someday. Now, I was smart enough to ensure it wasn't with me, but no one else wanted to do it either. In a way, it's sort of sad - for her. I'll be honest a number of years ago I would have been a little happier knowing she was probably still looking. Now, not so much. I guess I've matured, I realize she is someone who was going off on the deep end in her 20s let alone 30s. Anyway, how do you react when you hear how an ex is doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 OP- your ex may be single for many reasons. She could very well have just ended a relationship with someone herself, and may have reevaluated her life goals. I don't think it's fair to assume so much about her. When I hear about my ex- I'm mostly indifferent. But then again, none of them have married yet. I'm sure the indifference will wear off a bit when I find out about their marriages. But that would be the only time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Most of my ex'es I don't really care for. Most of my oast relationships have ended badly with few exceptions. I also try not to gauge things based off of gossip. Unless I talk to them directly I give the gossip little credit. You don't know how reliable the source is, even if it is reliable it's nothing but gossip. I have seen a few ex'es out and about. Most are married and seem happy, I'm typically happy for them. I should add I think for the most part I'm the one that they feel bad for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clockwork Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 No, it wasn't gossip, she does have a profile up there I saw it. Again, it isn't something I ever look for, it was brought up to me. And maybe I don't know her situation anymore, but I do know this was a girl who wanted to start a family by the time she was 25 with me. It was her dream. The problem was, she was very depressive and it is extremely hard to be around someone like that, let alone marry them and constantly have to deal with it. Her profile said she did not have children but wanted some. Her clock is ticking biologically. So I guess I am just guessing she hasn't found the thing that was very important for her to find. So yeah, I actually am surprised that I do feel sorry for her a bit. I wouldn't change anything from my past but when you hear about something from an ex I always thought I'd have a little smirk thinking to myself "yeah, no other guy wanted that drama either" but I haven't really. Time has a way of getting rid of any bitterness you had for them. This is a person I stopped from committing suicide more than one time. Anyway, just an observation I was bringing up here. Just thought if anyone else wanted to share about how they react when they see how an ex is doing they can. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I recently stumbled upon the FB profile of an old hs boyfriend. I never seriously dated him, but I did consider him to be an "awakening" of certain passions in my young life. OMG, I was not impressed with what I saw of his current life Basically, he's a pothead family man. I can respect the family man part, but the years have been rough for him...and his woman (although they do have very genuine smiles on their faces, and the kids look very happy). I have no ill feelings toward him, but any residual fascination I've carried about him has officially evaporated ::: poof:::: Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I'm very neutral when hearing about an ex. Everyone has their own destiny, whether it's good or bad. Any feelings I had for them are long gone, so I would have no concern for what is going on with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Personally, I'm just too curious. Not really the same, but when I saw an ex-bully of mine recently from the corner of my eye there was no way for me not to turn my head around a little bit more, look her up and down, and then turn my head away again. A minute later my thoughts turned from old memories back to the music I was listening to. I actually doubt it's going to be any different from that person to an ex, or any other person from my past. The line that always got me thinking was "Were we so different?" when seeing certain people going through bad times. They're like warning signs to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I have no reaction, because if I did it would probably mean I was still into the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 "Who?" ......... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Aww, I can totally understand how, knowing she wanted a family, you could feel a bit sad for her that she did not get that, and it shows some awesome maturity. All my exes did well after me. They all upgraded to better girlfriends, and moved on to be extremely happy, or got married. It always felt like a punch to the gut, to wonder why I was failing, when they were the ones who cheated or got abusive, then watch them move on and be quite happy, and the poor girl seemingly oblivious. And naturally, the blow to the ego when I see that they upgraded, that despite the awful things they did, they can still get a girl better than me. Makes me question my worth. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Aww, I can totally understand how, knowing she wanted a family, you could feel a bit sad for her that she did not get that, and it shows some awesome maturity. All my exes did well after me. They all upgraded to better girlfriends, and moved on to be extremely happy, or got married. It always felt like a punch to the gut, to wonder why I was failing, when they were the ones who cheated or got abusive, then watch them move on and be quite happy, and the poor girl seemingly oblivious. And naturally, the blow to the ego when I see that they upgraded, that despite the awful things they did, they can still get a girl better than me. Makes me question my worth. What do you mean that the girls are "better" than you? What specific thing/things are you referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 What do you mean that the girls are "better" than you? What specific thing/things are you referring to? Much prettier, perhaps more social, more academically or professionally succesful. Overall great quality girls. Link to post Share on other sites
AmeliePoulain Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 How convenient to come across this tonight. Tonight I stayed in and drank some wine. I don't have a Facebook. I had Facebook for 9 years until I got rid of it 2.5 years ago. I decidedly randomly tonight I wanted to look up some exes. Actually, it was kind of depressing. I didn't find anything bad or good, it was just sad thinking I once had a life with them. They seemed happy, but Facebook shows everyone's highlight reel. I was actually happy for one of them. Most exes I was unable to look at or find since I didn't have an account. But the ones I did find made me tear up just rehashing the memories in my mind. I would never be with any of them now, but it's crazy to remember how much you thought you once wanted to spend your life with them. I'm happy with my boyfriend of over two years now, but I'm going to be 29 next month, and I'm happy to know that I'm doing well and so are my exes. None of them got married, so I haven't had to go through that feeling. But I should have no feelings at this point. It was just sad to reminisce in my brain what it was like to be wtih them, but never in a million years would I go through it again. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I would never be with any of them now, but it's crazy to remember how much you thought you once wanted to spend your life with them. I'm happy with my boyfriend of over two years now, but I'm going to be 29 next month, and I'm happy to know that I'm doing well and so are my exes. None of them got married, so I haven't had to go through that feeling. But I should have no feelings at this point. It was just sad to reminisce in my brain what it was like to be wtih them, but never in a million years would I go through it again. I don't understand why people do this. Are you sure you have moved on? I've done this cyber stalking and reminiscing a few times before... I don't know what causes it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 If it's basic info: they're fine, I rarely have a reaction. When I learned an EX's father passed, I sympathized & mourned for him & his family. When I heard another EX got married I was a little jealous (I was still single at the time & he was the "one who got away.") It's a non event, sort of like celebrity gossip. It's interesting but not life changing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Whatsherface.... I have no reaction, because if I did it would probably mean I was still into the ex. "Who?" ......... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I guess if you are the dumpee and not the dumper, there would be feelings still there. Being the dumper, you are more able to quickly move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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