Should I switch schools for him?

[Guest]

I am at a crossroads in my life and I would really like some advice. I am 19 years old, freshman in college (in TN), with a boyfriend of 1 1/2 years who is a freshman as well at Georgia Tech (not far from my hometown). Before we got serious the idea of me going 4 hrs. away to college seemed like a fine idea...I had no idea we would last as long as we have! But now I am missing him terribly and am considering transferring to Georgia Tech to be with him. This is a scary move for me because I will be leaving my friends here, my classes, the life I know. We are unlike many LDR's--we had a strong connection before we were even separated, and the trust, intimacy, and communication between us has never faltered. We talk on the phone daily for at least 2 hrs. and, on average, see each other once a month. It's not the fact that I don't think we will be able to last through college apart, it just brings me to tears thinking that we will have to spend the next 4 years separated. Who wants to do that? Spend that long away from the person they love? Now, I know I am only 19 and I still have many years ahead of me, but the respect and love and companionship I get from him are like no other guy I've met in my life. And we talk about marriage on a regular basis. I look at the guys I see in college, and they can't even hold a candle to how wonderful my boyfriend is. I miss him SO much. I wouldn't consider myself absolutely MISERABLE to the point where I am crying every day, but it hits me quite frequently and I can't stand being without him. Considering all of these factors, do you think it would be a good choice of mine to transfer to his school? (FYI: he cannot transfer to mine because his family cannot afford out of state tuition). I love this man so much and he feels the same way. We want to be together, and I feel that living my life without him is living my life at 60%. I want to live at 100%!

[westernxer]

It's really up to you, but you have to consider all your options before deciding to transfer.

 

I had a roommate like that, and he took a leave of absence to be with his girlfriend (actually his fiancee) because he couldn't stand the distance (lengthy phone conversations, too). They eventually married a couple of months later and came back to enroll together. He looked much happier, like a typical newlywed.

 

Anyway, maybe you should take a temporary leave and see how things works out. That way, if anything goes wrong, you can always return without having to start all over again (and subjecting yourself to that lengthy application process).

[tiki]

Go for it!!!

 

You can always come back.

 

BTW, I'm a TN gal too!

[EC]

I'm in an LDR and my bf finally made the decision to switch school, so after this summer he's moving down. We've had this LDR for about a year now as well and I'm sooooooo happy.

 

Why are you switching? Is it easier? Can't he switch?

 

Anyways....I think You should go check it out and see the campus, and the people, and see how you like it there. Because you will be going to school there its not just about your bf..But your a smart girl I think you know that.

 

I always believe in follow your heart! If you want to go and you need to go then go. Like TIKI said you can always come back if it doesn't work out!

[RecordProducer]

Would switching to his school affect your degree/career choice? If your college gives you the best possible knowledge and educaton in what you study, you shouldn't just throw it away. Long-term decisions are usually more important than short-term choices. You go to college in order to obtain a degree and you will most likely (unless you switch to another occupation some day) need it for the rest of your life. Your parents sent you there to study and prepare yourself for life. You obviously had a reason to go to another state to college. In my opinion you're way too young to make big changes for love. You see him once a month and talk to him every day. You will be together all the time in the summer. After all, you're not sure about this decision anyway. Why do things you're not sure about?

You're still so young and don't understnad that feeling 60% happy is how most people feel through all their lives (if they are lucky!). It will never be perfect. Now you miss your b/f, tomorrow you'll be unhappy with your job, in 10 years you will have marriage problems, etc. I am not being pessimistic. Quite on the contrary, don't expect to be 100% happy cuz then you will never be happy at all. Understand that many things in your life you will just have to miss. It's good to say "don't settle for less", but sometimes you have to find peace in your heart and reconcile that life is sweet and bitter at the same time.

[College Student]

RecordProducer has given you good advice.

 

He (or she?) is right to point out that life is bittersweet, and that you would be naive to expect to be 100% happy all the time, or even most of the time.

 

That said, it is also true that one should celebrate those few times in one's life when we do get to be truly happy. It is courageous of you to consider leaving an environment that you have come to call home to be with the young man who makes you truly happy. Many people have arrived at such a crossroads in their lives and have opted to stay where they are not because it is better for them but because they were afraid to embrace happiness and the uncertainties that come with leaving the familiar and comfortable.

 

But RecordProducer is also right that you have to take into consideration seriously why you are at this particular school and if you can get what you need in terms of academics and career-prep at your boyfriend's school. Also, examine the other reasons that you had in mind when you chose your school. Perhaps you had a scholarship that you couldn't get at your boyfriend's school? Maybe you had other good friends at your school in TN? My advice would be that if you are at the TN school because of your social life there, you will probably be able to build a nice social life at any school. However, if you are there for academic or financial reasons, you have to do some serious research into whether or not you can find what you need at Georgia Tech or some other closer school.

 

Also worth thinking about-- are you so unhappy without your boyf that you think you won't be able to concentrate on your academic work? Or does the time you spend on the phone with your boyfriend take away seriously from your schoolwork?

 

Also, realize that you may have a third option. Instead of transfering to Georgia Tech if that school doesn't have what you need academically, maybe you could transfer to a school that is much closer to Georgia Tech than your school in TN but that does have whatever you are looking for academically. That way maybe you could make an arrangement with your boyf that you visit each other every two weekends or so.

 

You may also be able to work something out where you spend a semester at his school and then transfer the credit to your school, and/or he spends a semester at your school and then transfers the credit back to his school. If both of you do this, you will spend a whole year of college together! (Not to mention summers!) However, before you decide on this, check with your academic departments AND your Dean's office and make SURE that the credit will transfer as you need it to!

 

Also realize that even in long-term relationships in which the love really lasts, it is usually not the same after a while as it was in the beginning. You may still love each other dearly when you are seniors, but being away from him will stop hurting so much after a while.

 

Lastly, I would just like to tell you that you are really lucky, Girl. You're lucky to have found someone with whom you can have such a wonderful romantic relationship so early in your life. I'm 23, and haven't found it yet.

 

Good luck, Babe!!