Snooping, Spying and Zones of Privacy - Double Standard Between the Sexes?

[billybadass36]

Okay, I've been here for a while, and one of the things that tees me off is how when a woman snoops through her bf/fiance/husband's phone records, credit card bills, other semi-personal effects, and finds (a) porn; (b) unexplained charges at restaurants/bars; © female phone numbers or any other reference to a woman; or (d) any other so-called damning evidence, she's commended and encouraged to do it more. There's no screaming about how the woman has somehow violated the privacy of the guy. Ever.

 

On the other side of the coin, if the guy snoops through his gf/fiancee/wife's cell phone, phone records, credit card bills, and any other semi-personal items, he's deemed a snoop, a controller, or a borderline stalker with no self-confidence, etc??? This double standard just jumps out at me, and I'm curious to whether anyone else has noticed it or if I'm just pissed about it because I'm a guy who's snooped before? It just seems that guys are supposed to account for their whereabouts/doings/communications a lot more than women are, otherwise the guy is deemed "controlling". This, in my opinion, is stupid.

 

In my own relationship, I have no zones of privacy. I do not keep, nor do I think I should keep, anything from my fiancee. Period. She can snoop all she wants - I don't care.

[laRubiaBonita]

Welcome to the Wide World of Double Standards!

[CurlyIam]

Same thing with me. I have nothing to hide. He even had my password for my email once - said he wouldn't read anything, but of course he did . LOL, I had his email pass too.

 

HE checkes his bank account and I know the password to his account too. Never looked in.

 

I ocasionally read his messages on the cell, he does the same with me. We tell eachother what we've done. It did play against him once, but he never got upset, because he was guilty and admitted it to me.

[Adunaphel]

In my idea of ideal relationship both partners snoop, and with the other's blessing.

 

I agree 100%that there shouldn't be a double standard (even if I admit I never noticed it).

 

There's no screaming about how the woman has somehow violated the privacy of the guy. Ever.

 

Things must have changed a lot in the last months hare at Loveshack.

Last time I posted here for a few days in a row there was a lot of such screaming and it was expecially girls that were "bashed" because they admitted they had been snooping through their bf's stuff.

[tanbark813]

I don't know. I've admitted to snooping on here and didn't really get flamed for it. Snooping with permission is retarded, though. It's a false sense of security. Anybody can start up any number of email accounts. Just because you have a password for one does not mean you have passwords for them all.

[billybadass36]

Just most recently a woman found some phone number in her husband's cell phone records where he called and spoke with someone for an hour. This woman called that number and the machine or voice mail or whatever was a woman. Husband confirmed that it was a work friend. Everyone in that thread was pretty much encouraging her to keep snooping, even going so far as to find out if there's an address to match the number and stake the place out. That, in my opinion, is encouraging snooping and may even be encouraging stalkerish behavior. A guy placed in the similar circumstance would be called insecure, controlling, and other more colorful things. That's all.

[tiki]

I'm in an open snoop relationship...lol...he can snoop through my sh*t anytime he wants. He can sniff my panties, floss with my hair, whatever....I could care less. There's nothing to hide and with marriage to him, I was willing to give up pretty much all my privacy.

[Pocky]

Okay, I've been here for a while, and one of the things that tees me off is how when a woman snoops through her bf/fiance/husband's phone records, credit card bills, other semi-personal effects, and finds (a) porn; (b) unexplained charges at restaurants/bars; © female phone numbers or any other reference to a woman; or (d) any other so-called damning evidence, she's commended and encouraged to do it more. There's no screaming about how the woman has somehow violated the privacy of the guy. Ever.

 

That's not true. I've often posted that I found the lack of personal privacy women allowed their significant other/husband was distasteful. I've often posted that I felt that each person has a right to a certain amount of privacy regardless of whether or not there is cause for distrust.

 

 

Each person regardless of gender and relationship status has a right to privacy and that does not change when they put a ring on their finger. I've held this stance for quite some time. Maybe you're only looking for the comments that support your theory.

[tiki]

Pocky's right. I've heard her give her stance before.

[billybadass36]

Maybe you're right and any perceived bias I'm reading into this particular subject on LS is simply because I'm a guy. Ho hum.

 

March 10 and it's snowing like CRAZY out. No end in sight. Fricking groundhog.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Pocky

That's not true. I've often posted that I found the lack of personal privacy women allowed their significant other/husband was distasteful. I've often posted that I felt that each person has a right to a certain amount of privacy regardless of whether or not there is cause for distrust.

 

 

Each person regardless of gender and relationship status has a right to privacy and that does not change when they put a ring on their finger. I've held this stance for quite some time. Maybe you're only looking for the comments that support your theory.

 

i am with pocky.

 

there are many things i have no problem sharing with my boyfriend, but some things i am very private about. it doesn't mean i have anything to hide...i don't.

 

maybe it's because even though i love him, i am still my own person, and i will still be my own person when i am married to him...sounds crazy, i know.

 

 

i haven't noticed guys getting bashed more often for snooping, but maybe it's because i see far less posts from men saying they snooped or from women saying their men have snooped.

[tiki]

My husband is the nosiest little f*cker...let him snoop. He can do it all day long...lol. If it calms his insecurities, hey, I'm all for it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

There's no screaming about how the woman has somehow violated the privacy of the guy.

 

I don't scream about it, but I do make it clear that a violation of privacy is wrong and should be apologized for (even if something damning is found) - regardless of gender.

[Cecelius]

I do actually tend to agree with the original poster but the bias is something that men encourage.

 

Men will permit a little more insecurity on a woman's part than they will (willingly) admit to themselves. I just think men snooping comes off as weaker simply because men are supposed to be stronger, at least among their peers

[CurlyIam]

I think it depends a lot on the individual. Like tan suggested, if someone wants to keep something private, they will find a way to do so.

 

 

I do allow my future ex bf to snoop all he wants, yet he does not go through my stuff, my books or my bank account. I do the same with him. IT's a certain confidence: I trust him enough to let him do whatever he wants whenever he wants to and he repsects me enough not to use this liberty every day and to the whole extent.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by tiki

My husband is the nosiest little f*cker...let him snoop. He can do it all day long...lol. If it calms his insecurities, hey, I'm all for it.

 

see, and i almost feel the same way about MOST things...

 

but i also feel that if he is snooping, there is a reason he doesn't trust me, and that's more of an issue than his actual snooping. he could just ask me if he's curious about something, and that's at least a little more respectful.

 

i guess that's why i keep some things private.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by GirlDown

he could just ask me if he's curious about something, and that's at least a little more respectful.

 

It may be more respectful but it rarely works with most people.

[whichwayisup]

My husband is the nosiest little f*cker...let him snoop. He can do it all day long...lol. If it calms his insecurities, hey, I'm all for it.

 

Hey, how is Mr. Wonderful doing anyway??

 

My hubby knows he can go into my purse whenever he wants to. OR anywhere else for that matter. (Though I am not too sure he wants to read what I say on LS... )

[GirlDown]

it only doesn't work with the ones who have something to hide...

 

and if it seems like there is something to hide, then, yeah, maybe snooping is the only way to really find out.

 

otherwise, it is disrepespectful.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by GirlDown

it only doesn't work with the ones who have something to hide...

 

and if it seems like there is something to hide, then, yeah, maybe snooping is the only way to really find out.

 

Right. Or you might be lucky enough to have a third party contact you.

[Naive]

Thank God for double standards!!!!

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by tanbark813

Right. Or you might be lucky enough to have a third party contact you.

 

 

hahahahaha, yeah, and that.

 

[Owl]

Huh....

 

My wife and I had an agreement with each other from the time we started dating...I wouldn't go into her purse without permission, and she would ask before she went into my wallet. I was the one who'd suggested it...I'd seen too many marriages where they spent the whole time stealing money from each other, and I wanted to have a wife I could trust. And vice versa. This philosophy expanded over the years, and we let each other have pretty much any privacy that the other person felt they needed. After all, we trusted each other, so what was the issue?

 

This lasted right up until about this time last year, when my wife began an online emotional affair. Guess that taught me!! LOL She used all that privacy to get away with the affair a lot longer than she would have if I would have been a nosy 'er like Tiki's man!

 

Guess what...we (I) have a new philosophy now....take it from Dr. Phil..."those who have nothing to hide..."

 

We've got a keylogger installed on all of our computers. She has access to all of my emails, IM's etc....and I have the same with hers. No more secrets. And we both wish that we would have done this a long time ago.

[CurlyIam]

OWl, soooo true!!!

 

The secret to not cheating is not being put in a situation where you might be tempted to. That implies that you don't want to cheat, of course.

[moimeme]

This is an interesting topic. LS has had discussions on privacy before and people run the gamut from 'we both see everything' to 'we each have LOTS of private space'. I guess the problem starts when one from column A gets together with one from column B.