ridinbikes247 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 (edited) I met this girl 4 months ago. I'm 29 she's 27. She was a waitress and we started talking about our kids. We exchanged numbers and did a few dates. the first few weeks I took her jealousy and insecurities as maybe a joke "example. When I'd take my son back to his mothers. She would say "don't be taking your ex back and leaving me " she would then put "lol with a wink face" in her text. Well 4 months into relationship. she is dead serious. It has got so bad she will start cussing me out and threaten to leave me. I actually let her leave me once and she didn't contact me for 8 days. I gave in and contacted her. Now I regret it because its the same ole crap. I can't even take my son to the park without getting accused of meeting new women. She has to be by my side 24/7. I know I need to RUN but its hard watching her be so rude and jealous and when we fight amd argue she can just go out with friends like nothing has happened. Is she fixable ? How can I keep her off my mind of I do choose to do no contact. She makes me out to be the bad guy because her issues.. drives me crazy !!! Edited October 17, 2014 by ridinbikes247 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 The fact she was 'joking' about it in the beginning should have been a huge red flag... Anyhow she is fixable but it will take a lot of work on her part and a lot of patience on yours. And b a lot I mean a lot. It will not be easy. I will leave it up to you to decide if this woman is worth it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ridinbikes247 Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 How would I go about it ? Should I let her keep leaving me and maybe she will contact me ? Or be worth her 24/7. I've tried both and neither seem to work Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I met this girl 4 months ago. I'm 29 she's 27. She was a waitress and we started talking about our kids. We exchanged numbers and did a few dates. the first few weeks I took her jealousy and insecurities as maybe a joke "example. When I'd take my son back to his mothers. She would say "don't be taking your ex back and leaving me " she would then put "lol with a wink face" in her text. Well 4 months into relationship. she is dead serious. It has got so bad she will start cussing me out and threaten to leave me. I actually let her leave me once and she didn't contact me for 8 days. I gave in and contacted her. Now I regret it because its the same ole crap. I can't even take my son to the park without getting accused of meeting new women. She has to be by my side 24/7. I know I need to RUN but its hard watching her be so rude and jealous and when we fight amd argue she can just go out with friends like nothing has happened. Is she fixable ? How can I keep her off my mind of I do choose to do no contact. She makes me out to be the bad guy because her issues.. drives me crazy !!! At least you see her issues... she has to find trust in you. It can be as easy as reafimation and letting her know what you are doing while doing it. Seems like having to deal with mom, but that is the only way. Plus you need to have talks time to time on how she sees you as being trusting and caring. It took a year for me, but i was not in a hurry. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 No you can't cure her insecurities. The fact that in 4 months you already have so much drama including her not talking to you for 8 days is reason enough for me to tell you to never talk to her again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 How would I go about it ? Should I let her keep leaving me and maybe she will contact me ? Or be worth her 24/7. I've tried both and neither seem to work Well there is nothing you can do. It's her problem. She will possibly need help from a professional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Sorry but there is nothing in your power to make her change. Gaining her trust isn't the key, she lacks proper coping skills and doesn't have the tools to deal with those feelings. This is long ago learned behavior. She suffers from separation anxiety, which plays a huge part in having insecurities, and trust issues. She uses manipulation and passive/aggressive behavior in order to get reassurance. This is a form of abuse and since you have only 4 months invested, and kids are involved, I recommend you no longer pursue this relationship. I feel children deserve a stable environment. When in a drama driven unhealthy relationship, the kids do feel the tension and dysfunction it brings. I agree with the other poster or posters, she is in need of therapy with a professional. She is not 18, she is an adult with responsibilities. She needs to get herself mentally healthy, but this is not your problem to solve. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 No, you cannot cure them. Either you stay with crazy, or you leave her. And, no. I highly doubt this is fixable. At least not as long as she doesn't want to fix it out of her own effort and most certainly not without a counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 She doesn't sound fixable. Constantly saying things like "don't take your ex back". Cussing at you for taking your kid to the park. Did you actually do anything to her to warrant such mistrust? If not, dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Bikes, I agree with the other respondents urging you to run. The behaviors you describe -- verbal abuse, low self esteem, clinginess (needing to be by your side 24/7), temper tantrums, inability to trust, controlling behavior, need for drama, and lack of impulse control -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which my exW has. If your GF has moderate to strong traits of that disorder, it would be prudent to learn to spot the red flags because you may be at risk of leaving her only to run right into the arms of another woman just like her. She makes me out to be the bad guy because her issues.. drives me crazy !!!Of the 157 disorders listed in the APA's diagnostic manual, BPD is the one most notorious for making the abused partners feel like they may be going crazy. Therapists see far more of those partners -- coming in to find out if they are losing their minds -- than they ever see of the BPDers themselves. A BPDer is frequently seeking "validation" of her false self image of always being "The Victim." This is why, when the infatuation period ends after a few months, the BPDer creates that validation by subconsciously projecting all her bad thoughts and feelings onto her partner. Hence, if your GF really is a BPDer, she will start perceiving of you as "The Perpetrator," i.e., the cause of her every misfortune. I therefore suggest you read about BPD red flags so you know what to look for. An easy place to start reading is my list of 18 Warning Signs. If most of them sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Bikes. Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 You cannot do anything to cure her. This is her issue and hers alone. I had a GF when I was younger who was insanely jealous to the point she was starting to get violent towards me and I was doing nothing at all wrong. Everything was in her head. It took my 2.5 years to realise she was never going to change. I suggest you don't make the same mistake, get out and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 No amount of reassurance from you will "cure" her insecurities. She has to work on this herself, or be willing to work on this from within. You need to ask yourself if this is the environment you would like your child to continue to be exposed to. But getting upset at you for taking your child to the park? This is serious, its not just the potential of you meeting other women in the park, its your child as well, serious red flags! Link to post Share on other sites
jack20 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 No, you can't cure a person like this. She has to want to change and get counseling herself! I dealt with someone like this for about a year. I noticed red flags but ignored them as I wanted to "make it work" but it never did! We broke up and then got back together and it was the same crap plus more so it ended for good. Don't waste your time, you're only 29! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 No. That's for HER to do, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 bunny boiler......... Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I dont even need to read the post to tell you from the title you can never cure someone's insecurities only the person themselves can. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Put your kids first, if a relationship isn't helping you be the best father you can be, then end the relationship. You need a woman, not another kid. Link to post Share on other sites
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