liove Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Hello everyone, Here I am now in my life at 26 and 7 months years old single and incapable of getting too atached or showing vulnerability in front of a man. I have extrem low esteem and I am very depressed. Nevertheless I am very attractive, smart, hardworking, loyal and funny. Everytime I get out with a man, after several dates he gets sick of me because i am "too cold" and "too shy" not showing any emotions. I am suffering a lot because this is who I am. I do not deserve to be single and unhappy. I am a kind person and I am working on the personal growth each day and trying to be the best version of my self all time. But I am sick of looking happy in front of others when inside me I am slowly dying. I do not want to live anymore. I can even be joyful for what i've got in the rest because I want to have a partner and be loveed because I deserve it. Do not know what to do I really want to get through this but I cant. I am stuck and I tell myself that maybe life is not for everyone... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Call A suicide hotline & get into therapy. Do not kill yourself. You will devastate your family. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Suicide should never be an option. A thought maybe, but never an option. Everyone in life has felt suicidal at least once, for whatever reason. Life can be very difficult at times. Some people suffer from mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression (I do) and they have to be counseled and medicated. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Have you talked to a professional or tried medication? I suggest going to therapy for at least 3 months or so before trying out any sort of medication. You have all those good qualities about yourself. You should own them. Don't worry about what guys think. Don't worry if you're ever going to find someone who you love and who loves you back. You certainly will. I recommend you talking to a counselor so that you can be guided towards the root of the problem. Knowing what the issue really is, is half the battle. RSs aren't everything. People abandoned me and it hurts like nothing else but there is no sense whatsoever in me torturing myself with bad/self pitying thoughts for the rest of my life. I made mistakes but no one's perfect. You need to take care of yourself. Spend time with close friends and family. Learn to let people in. It's not all that hard to do when it's with someone who truly cares for you. Such as a close friend or family member. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Christophe Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 From what you have described you sound like a truly beautiful, smart, amazing woman who definitely deserves to be happy. You know it is not such a bad thing to be a bit shy. I think it is pretty cute and is what really attracted me to my ex when I met her earlier this year. Please don't do anything stupid because one day you will meet a guy like me who is waiting to meet someone special like you. I have been hurt really bad this year by my ex-girlfriend but I like you am working on making myself the best version of myself possible without her. It is still hard sometimes and my self-confidence comes and goes. I think me and you are in a very similar situation. This is where I hope I have helped. To let you know that there are people like me who feel just like you and know exactly how bad it can be. Trust me. You sound like EXACTLY the type of girl I want to meet and fall in love with again someday. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Call A suicide hotline & get into therapy. Do not kill yourself. You will devastate your family. this is the only reason i dont do anything ...yet Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Suicide should never be an option. A thought maybe, but never an option. Everyone in life has felt suicidal at least once, for whatever reason. Life can be very difficult at times. Some people suffer from mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression (I do) and they have to be counseled and medicated. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Have you talked to a professional or tried medication? I suggest going to therapy for at least 3 months or so before trying out any sort of medication. You have all those good qualities about yourself. You should own them. Don't worry about what guys think. Don't worry if you're ever going to find someone who you love and who loves you back. You certainly will. I recommend you talking to a counselor so that you can be guided towards the root of the problem. Knowing what the issue really is, is half the battle. RSs aren't everything. People abandoned me and it hurts like nothing else but there is no sense whatsoever in me torturing myself with bad/self pitying thoughts for the rest of my life. I made mistakes but no one's perfect. You need to take care of yourself. Spend time with close friends and family. Learn to let people in. It's not all that hard to do when it's with someone who truly cares for you. Such as a close friend or family member. i know no one should do stupid things, but i am honestly tired and sick of fighting. mly family is far away from me (in another country), my best friends are in another conutry and my best best friend is a ****ty long term relationship and i see her once two weeks. i feel lonely and extremely unloved there are only 2 things that keep me alive: cooking and family (i dont have any brothers or sisters) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/475952-suicide-hotlines Accept the thoughts and that you can change your mind at any time. The folks who staff the phones care and want to help. No one is alone. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 From what you have described you sound like a truly beautiful, smart, amazing woman who definitely deserves to be happy. You know it is not such a bad thing to be a bit shy. I think it is pretty cute and is what really attracted me to my ex when I met her earlier this year. Please don't do anything stupid because one day you will meet a guy like me who is waiting to meet someone special like you. I have been hurt really bad this year by my ex-girlfriend but I like you am working on making myself the best version of myself possible without her. It is still hard sometimes and my self-confidence comes and goes. I think me and you are in a very similar situation. This is where I hope I have helped. To let you know that there are people like me who feel just like you and know exactly how bad it can be. Trust me. You sound like EXACTLY the type of girl I want to meet and fall in love with again someday. christophe...ça c'est un nom français. serait-il votre cas? Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 (edited) Liove, I have no one. But I'm certainly not going to kill myself. Suicide is the saddest yet the most selfish thing a person can do. Are you close with coworkers? Look into your work benefits to see if counseling is included with your insurance. If you don't have insurance, it's still fairly easy to find centers who base what they charge you on your income. Feelings come and go but if you feel this way 50% of the time (or more) then you should talk to a therapist. You said nothing about wanting to get help. You're wanting to kill yourself because you don't feel loved. But you have to love yourself. That's all the love you need in this life. Are you at all religious? Edited October 17, 2014 by me85 Link to post Share on other sites
Christophe Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 christophe...ça c'est un nom français. serait-il votre cas? Hey Liove. My full name is Christopher actually but I kind of use Christophe as a nickname. I am English. Where are you from? You speak French as well as English? I would love to get to know you better I think we could really help each other. Believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Father'sGentleFlower Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I know that life can seem unfair when we don't get what we want, but just remember that you are in control of getting what you want. If you feel like you need to grow, then work your hardest at it. Perhaps you can discuss how you feel with a male friend and they can help you work towards showing more affection. And life is for who ever is in it, living is what you know now, after that no one knows what it'd be like, better or worse. The best thing you can do is talk to some one and ask for help. Link to post Share on other sites
MagicRat09 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Don't give up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Dont let all those wonderful qualities go to waste just ring your Dr & have a totally open & honest conversation u will be amazed at what they can do for u & how understanding they are.: trust me, I've been there & it's good that u can still see your good qualities so go & talk before u lose sight of them, u will be back to your best before u know it so please don't let this beat u xx Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I may get flamed for this but perhaps a change in perspective would help you. What we get in life and what we think we deserve aren't necessarily the same thing. I knew a guy, late 20's, attractive, failed out of college, unemployed, very depressed, former high school football player with dreams of glory that amounted to nothing. He used to angrily say "I want what life owes me!" He refused to change so how was life supposed to deliver the money and prestige owed to him? Email? FedEx? So I ask you: how is life supposed to deliver what you "deserve"? Unfortunately, the entitlement of thinking we deserve something has led to much disappointment when it fails to materialize. We're all in charge of our own happiness and it's our responsibility to get what we want through action. I've seen women who don't get this. They angrily bash men for not sweeping them off their feet. They post quotes stating that it shouldn't matter how awful they are, men should put up with it. And they stay single and increasingly resentful. What can you do to try to change things? Maybe a counselor would help. Try out a different kind of guy if you always go for the same type. Promise yourself you'll smile 10 times during the date. Find fulfillment in a hobby, take up something interesting so you'll have stories to tell when you meet people. I grew up privileged, with unreal expectations of life and people and got several rude shocks which did cause self esteem issues at times. It's amazing how much shifting your attitude can help things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I find that when you cant find or give joy to yourself, find joy in giving to others....lose yourself in service to others.....and one day.......that joy you have given comes back to you maybe in a big slab of joy or maybe in little slices....... this is how i go on...i owuldnt necessarily tell anyone not even on here if i was suicidal.i would try my hardest on my own and reach otu when i had no chance fo making it.....previous times.........i actually did soemthng before i reached otu and said ok i have overdosed i need to go to hospital.so i was lucky to make it.......other times close friends have noticed how flat i am(no passion whatsoever which isnt me) and report me and get em court ordered and committed... .my family...my friends....my church peoples.....strangers on the street..ill try to do things for others however small....when you look in the mirror and you cant see anything beautiful smart or attractive you are in trouble....call a suicide hotline.....when you cant or dont feel your family pulling you to live......you are in trouble........seek counselling professional caring compassionate groups or counsellors......theres always love shack if you dont feel you can talk......which is often the case you dont want others to worry or stop you from completing your plans theres always soemone who wants you to stay here on earth...remember that.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
yorkie Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 oh no i have to tell you my experience here. firstly im 34 now and its been a year and a couple of months since i split up with my ex gf, she left me for another man we were together for nearly 13 years and had two kids, i to have been where you are! i even made a noose and was prepared to do the deed but stop and think its not the right way to go. life is a life and pain screws us up but you know what you need to find an outlet someone to talk to whether its a friend or a stranger just someone to listen. but you know what, just with the title beautiful intelligent girl! yes thats you! and yes your feeling down and you want that pain to go away but you need to fight it. feel free to private message me and i am here to listen and help advise if i can help. i have been there and come out the other side, hope your ok today anyway x Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Have you ever stopped to think that these men who give up on you so soon aren't worthy of you anyway? It takes time to get to know someone, if you are having difficulty opening up and connecting with the opposite sex, perhaps you have been on dates with the wrong guys? There is nothing wrong with shynes, with the right person I'm sure you would open up and feel more drawn in and as a result you wouldn't be giving off the slightly cold exterior. Never give up on yourself, you obviously aren't going to as you have recognised your own qualities. If you were beyond fighting you wouldn't even see the good things anymore. You're stronger than this, it's a slump. Beleive in Yourself and never stop fighting for who you are and what you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hey Guys, thanks a lot for your encouragements really. It's not about the guy himself, i (think) i can get any guy, is just that after sometime, its me who screw things up and then I regret. I am not happy when i am single, I am not happy when i am in couple either I am the kind of person who says to herself "if he likes you, then he must be an idiot or something wrong with him" and then he dumps because iam too cold and then i regret and realize he actually wasnt that bad. and i do that all over again... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 You sound like Grouch Marx: I would never be a member of a club that would have me as a member. You can work through your issues but you have to be here to do that. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hey Guys, thanks a lot for your encouragements really. It's not about the guy himself, i (think) i can get any guy, is just that after sometime, its me who screw things up and then I regret. I am not happy when i am single, I am not happy when i am in couple either I am the kind of person who says to herself "if he likes you, then he must be an idiot or something wrong with him" and then he dumps because iam too cold and then i regret and realize he actually wasnt that bad. and i do that all over again... Hi liove, have you ever looked into your attachment style? Attachment Styles and Close Relationships Don't do stupid things, you are much better than this! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts