SusiePie Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 (edited) I'm having some interest in a man I am acquainted with but we are getting friendlier and more personal and he asked what my plans were for the weekend. I realized I don't know if he is married or not. He has never been straightforward about that - BUT - I never mention my status in passing, so... Although I am attracted to this guy - NEVER AGAIN. Would any of you knowingly be the OM/OW again? Mostly for me I can never get past how selfish my MM is and how I read here over and over again it always about them - never us. Just whoever is available, cake eaters. I just will never be disrespected like that again. Edited October 18, 2014 by SusiePie Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I'm having some interest in a man I am acquainted with but we are getting friendlier and more personal and he asked what my plans were for the weekend. I realized I don't know if he is married or not. He has never been straightforward about that - BUT - I never mention my status in passing, so... Although I am attracted to this guy - NEVER AGAIN. Would any of you knowingly be the OM/OW again? Mostly for me I can never get past how selfish my MM is and how I read here over and over again it always about them - never us. Just whoever is available, cake eaters. I just will never be disrespected like that again. Do you mean would we repeat our affairs, or would we have another affair? I know I'd never have another affair, neither would my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I'm having some interest in a man I am acquainted with but we are getting friendlier and more personal and he asked what my plans were for the weekend. I realized I don't know if he is married or not. He has never been straightforward about that - BUT - I never mention my status in passing, so... Although I am attracted to this guy - NEVER AGAIN. Would any of you knowingly be the OM/OW again? Mostly for me I can never get past how selfish my MM is and how I read here over and over again it always about them - never us. Just whoever is available, cake eaters. I just will never be disrespected like that again. Ask him ASAP his status before you proceed further. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SusiePie Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Do you mean would we repeat our affairs, or would we have another affair? I know I'd never have another affair, neither would my husband. I meant be the OW again for a new affair. Thank you for clarifying. Yes, I will ask. It is funny, before my MM it never occurred to me to ask the status since I lived in a world where men don't cheat/lie about their wives and I don't sleep with them. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 No way in hell. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Again? May all the gods help me and protect me from going down that path again. Would I have my A again if i could go back in time? I don't know, I've been thinking about that. Maybe I'd end it much sooner and wouldn't put up with the loads of bs and playing therapist. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I was the other woman in an EA, never went physical, but no, if I could go back, I would never let myself fall like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I would never disrespect myself , or share in being decietful towards the wife, again. As a matter of fact I don't think that I could endure what being in an A caused me emotionally and physically. It took a toll on me and my soul felt it suffered as well.It changed me and not for the better. Now I am healed and in a wonderful relationship with an available man. Thank you GOD. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Never again. And if I could go back, I would run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I'm having some interest in a man I am acquainted with but we are getting friendlier and more personal and he asked what my plans were for the weekend. I realized I don't know if he is married or not. He has never been straightforward about that - BUT - I never mention my status in passing, so... Although I am attracted to this guy - NEVER AGAIN. Would any of you knowingly be the OM/OW again? Mostly for me I can never get past how selfish my MM is and how I read here over and over again it always about them - never us. Just whoever is available, cake eaters. I just will never be disrespected like that again. No, I would never do it again but I'm concerned about you. Why are you playing some cutesy game with this? If you're interested, why haven't you asked if he's married. It reads to me like you're setting yourself up for plausible deniability. I just hope you aren't posting in a few weeks about falling for this guy but "i didn't know he was married." You said you will never be disrespected like that again. You knowingly had sex with a MM (per your Sept. post). You disrespected yourself. Please don't do it again by not getting the facts on the new guy. You are getting "friendly" and "personal" and discussing weekend plans with someone of the opposite sex and you don't know if he's married. Doesn't that sound problematic to you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I meant be the OW again for a new affair. Thank you for clarifying. Then no, I'd never have another affair ever. If I had it to do over again, I'm not sure what I'd do. I'm happy now, happier than before, but I would have liked to have the same result, just without the affair. What's tricky is I don't think we would have the same result without the affair... So I don't know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 MThen no, I'd never have another affair ever. If I had it to do over again, I'm not sure what I'd do. I'm happy now, happier than before, but I would have liked to have the same result, just without the affair. What's tricky is I don't think we would have the same result without the affair... So I don't know. I feel this way too. I wish we had waited to date until he was single. I love where we are now but i wish we had used a different road to get here. On the other hand, i honestly do not know if he would have had the.courage to leave without me waiting. As for having another affair? Not a snowball's chance in hell. Link to post Share on other sites
C00kie Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Not in a billion years. Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I had two back to back affairs. Don't know what was wrong with me. The first one BLEW UP with a major awful Dday and all kinds of fallout. So what did I do? Oh well, started another affair. Never again. This one hurts my heart too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I'm with my MM now, in an out in the open relationship and hes had a D. But hell no, my emotional health is worth more than any man. I would do anything to erase the horrible memories... and I would never encourage myself or someone else to get into an A... it hurts to many people. My heart goes out to all the other women out there, and I wish they could all just make the decision to walk away and if there MM comes running with D papers then great... but if not, then F them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SusiePie Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 No, I would never do it again but I'm concerned about you. Why are you playing some cutesy game with this? If you're interested, why haven't you asked if he's married. It reads to me like you're setting yourself up for plausible deniability. I just hope you aren't posting in a few weeks about falling for this guy but "i didn't know he was married." You said you will never be disrespected like that again. You knowingly had sex with a MM (per your Sept. post). You disrespected yourself. Please don't do it again by not getting the facts on the new guy. You are getting "friendly" and "personal" and discussing weekend plans with someone of the opposite sex and you don't know if he's married. Doesn't that sound problematic to you? I'm not being cutesy on purpose. We met in a professional capacity and get along, as I do with many many people at work. Single or not I rarely think any are interested in me. This one I don't know. I didn't think the details were interesting to include AND it made me think of this topic more than anything. He didn't follow through on anything so it is moot. It is more it made me think hard that I would not walk that path again no matter how charming they might be. He doesn't wear a wedding band but I know that doesn't mean anything necessarily. And for the record, if it is important since you mentioned it: I had sex with MM when he was physically separated from his wife, living in a different house, etc. He said he wasn't going back and it was a legal agreement. He is full of lies I found out later but regardless it wasn't right nor the part before. I accepted his maltreatment for a bunch of reasons I wasn't aware of at the time and I regret being a part of this for many reasons and especially with HIM. I think I came clean about that in postings here and there. I don't excuse my behavior. At least I learned from it. His wife forgave me immediately and we both are moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I would never disrespect myself , or share in being decietful towards the wife, again. As a matter of fact I don't think that I could endure what being in an A caused me emotionally and physically. It took a toll on me and my soul felt it suffered as well.It changed me and not for the better. Now I am healed and in a wonderful relationship with an available man. Thank you GOD. I agree, although I will say that the A has permanently damaged me. I have this fabulous single man all in right now and I cannot trust anyone. That's not fair to him! I keep thinking he's playing games or not being honest. If I made a list of all the qualities I want in a man, he fulfills them all and then some. And I'm fairly sure I'm going to screw it up because my head and heart are SO messed up from everything that being in an A did to me. *sigh* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I still get sucked back in. I guess I would Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I agree, although I will say that the A has permanently damaged me. I have this fabulous single man all in right now and I cannot trust anyone. That's not fair to him! I keep thinking he's playing games or not being honest. If I made a list of all the qualities I want in a man, he fulfills them all and then some. And I'm fairly sure I'm going to screw it up because my head and heart are SO messed up from everything that being in an A did to me. *sigh* Can I just say that the fact that you are aware of this is probably a gigantic good sign that you will be able to make it work? Awareness is key. It's when we subconsciously sabotage ourselves that the real trouble starts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I agree, although I will say that the A has permanently damaged me. I have this fabulous single man all in right now and I cannot trust anyone. That's not fair to him! I keep thinking he's playing games or not being honest. If I made a list of all the qualities I want in a man, he fulfills them all and then some. And I'm fairly sure I'm going to screw it up because my head and heart are SO messed up from everything that being in an A did to me. *sigh* Bentley, Sorry for the thread jack, but I'm really rooting for you! You've got a great head on your shoulders and you are going to make it through this time in your life. Maybe you need to screw up with this guy so that you can learn the lessons for the next guy? Maybe you won't and it'll be okay. But, I really think that you're smart enough to do what will move you along the path to healing. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveless77 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Had I know he was married, I would have RAN far far away and not looked back. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Can I just say that the fact that you are aware of this is probably a gigantic good sign that you will be able to make it work? Awareness is key. It's when we subconsciously sabotage ourselves that the real trouble starts. Bentley, Sorry for the thread jack, but I'm really rooting for you! You've got a great head on your shoulders and you are going to make it through this time in your life. Maybe you need to screw up with this guy so that you can learn the lessons for the next guy? Maybe you won't and it'll be okay. But, I really think that you're smart enough to do what will move you along the path to healing. Good luck! Thank you. I wish I felt smart and like I knew what I was doing, but I do not at all. This guy is seriously pretty close to as good as it gets, as far as I can tell so far, but I'm so totally not close to where I would "normally" be at. I've told him I'm taking it slow and guarding my heart and trying to use my head (I realize a lot of this is due to the A, too) and he says he understands and is totally willing to wait and put in the effort to make it work. I'm just not sure I'm ready for what he seems to be ready for and the last thing I want to do is hurt him in the process of trying to get my own $hit together. In hindsight, I should have waited longer to start dating, but coulda shoulda, right? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 (edited) I'm having some interest in a man I am acquainted with but we are getting friendlier and more personal and he asked what my plans were for the weekend. I realized I don't know if he is married or not. He has never been straightforward about that - BUT - I never mention my status in passing, so... Although I am attracted to this guy - NEVER AGAIN. Would any of you knowingly be the OM/OW again? Mostly for me I can never get past how selfish my MM is and how I read here over and over again it always about them - never us. Just whoever is available, cake eaters. I just will never be disrespected like that again. I couldn't. Especially not at this point in my life. Even when I was the OW I didn't go into it with knowledge that that was the case. He and I were acquaintances who spoke sporadically and in one of those conversations he mentioned he had a gf, however, it was a casual friendly conversation that took place months before we became close. I didn't speak to him for months and when we did speak again I didn't even remember anything about that and especially since he approached me like a single man who is into someone, I simply assumed he was single...until I found out otherwise later. Had I been told straight up...would I have? I don't think so...but I was also young with little to lose so might have said whatever and did it anyway. Nowadays though, I don't have the time for it. I am careful to inquire about a man's status and not assume anything and if I am told he is not single or his answer sounds shady, I walk. At this point in my life I'm looking for a real, sustainable, drama-free, open and honest relationship and I don't see how an affair could provide any of that. Edited October 20, 2014 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Would I have another affair? No. I was in the affair for him, not to be in an affair so since I don't see a situation where we would need to be in an affair again, it is a resounding no. Would I do it all over again . . . . that is a hard question. I would like to say no, that we could have gotten to this spot without the affair, that when we were at the crossroads we could have said no and we both would have still come together. I know my divorcing would have never changed. I can't see ever rethinking that decision. But I am not sure if there wouldn't have been some slid down the slippery slope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I'm having some interest in a man I am acquainted with but we are getting friendlier and more personal and he asked what my plans were for the weekend. I realized I don't know if he is married or not. He has never been straightforward about that - BUT - I never mention my status in passing, so... Although I am attracted to this guy - NEVER AGAIN. Would any of you knowingly be the OM/OW again? Mostly for me I can never get past how selfish my MM is and how I read here over and over again it always about them - never us. Just whoever is available, cake eaters. I just will never be disrespected like that again. NO WAY NO HOW......I will never lose myself or my dignity or self respect for a narcissistic cake eater who just had to have it all! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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