Paranoi7 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hi everyone, Im really lacking in self confidence and finding it hard to love myself at the moment and Im seeking any articles I can read or books I could buy that actually helps... I've read dozens of articles online but can't seem to find one that just "does" it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Nothing you read will really just "do" it for you - and there are so many options, that even if there was one single read that would get the job done, you may never come across it. I would recommend that you practice - go the 'fake it till you make it' route. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
most_distant_galaxy Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 No one is pefect and no one should be faking anything. But I do believe in accepting and respecting one's identity. Self-knowledge comes first, self-respect comes after. And self confidence comes in the end. So work your way up Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Self-confidence is developed through the "doing" part of the brain, not the "thinking" part. It's an experiential endeavour that intellect can reflect on, analyze and evaluate, but never replicate on its own. Want confidence? Go out and do something. Preferably something that you've always wanted to do but felt held back from. Confidence will follow. It's really that simple. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I would find it extremely hard to imagine someone being able to read an article/book and distill self confidence from thoughts alone. Yes you can change your mindset but it really helps to be able to anchor it to some other change in your life. thats why I agree with eyeball. I suffered from low confidence and it pretty much stemmed from my skrawny build. I was only able to get confidence from building my self up at the gym. Once I was happy with myself it then flowed on to other aspects of my life - getting more proactive with girls & engaging in other adventure activities. I did do adventure activities while skinny but I went along with my friends rather then seek them out for the sheer joy of taking chances. Chatting up girls month after month when I was skinny & had low confidence did not really pump up my confidence to a great extent as there was lots of rejections and compromise to get a result. I had to anchor my increased self confidence on the change in my appearance, then it did not seem so fragile as a mind trick ....but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan R. Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Confidence is usually born from repeated results and from going out of your comfort zone and achieving successes. Confidence usually stems from self-esteem and having a realistic view of what you can and cannot achieve. Step outside your comfort zone and try some new hobbies. You might become really good at them! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) I still have this problem, though I've improved a lot. I found it helpful to pursue several methods at once. Finding my spiritual path was probably the most helpful thing for me, as it made me realize I am never alone. Look at yourself and figure out who you really are and accept yourself, even the parts you may not like so much. Read empowering books. If you have a flaw you dislike, look for a role model who has that same flaw who is still successful. You may discover that some of your flaws are actually strengths or maybe aren't that bad after all. Write a list of things you are too afraid to do, then start doing them. Edited October 25, 2014 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 The 'More to Life' workshops founded by K. Bradford Brown and W. Roy Whitten might be of help to you because they go more into why there is a lack of confidence in the first place. I have found one very helpful as it gives you tools to work with when other challenges arise. They seem to have local contacts around the UK and presumably the same in the US as the founders are from there. This is the one in the UK: More To Life United Kingdom | More To Life courses help you to be more of who you are, see more of what is possible, and offer more of what you have to give. and one in the US: More To Life United States | Home Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Challenge yourself. I am a great advocate of people talking to other people and being nice. As you gain practice you will see that those you treat nicely will respond in a positive way towards you. Its very rare that they will be negative. As more people are positive towards you you will start to feel more positive about yourself... I don't know if you are in the UK but we have small chocolate treats for children called Freddo's... I am known as the Freddo lady because I will pick up a freddo and give it to whoever serves me in the shop or I will make a "bomb" of Freddo's and post them through someones letter box at home if its home life struggling or at work if work sucks... Costs next to nothing and makes a lot of people smile... While getting horse food this weekend I did it again. The girl on the counter was shocked, her colleague laughed and asked if I was feeding them again and then told the customer she was serving what was happening, customer smiled and laughed... All those smiles and some laughter for the sake of 20p... Yep, most of the shops I go in the people working there know my name/ recognise my face. They talk to me and interact with me. Its nice and it does make me feel more confident and happy within myself. Find your own "thing" that pushes you a bit and makes you interact. The more you interact the better you will feel as people will finally be able to see "you" and not just another body taking up oxygen... Self help books are great but they are generic and we all have our own little quirks... Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Confidence is usually born from repeated results and from going out of your comfort zone and achieving successes. Confidence usually stems from self-esteem and having a realistic view of what you can and cannot achieve. Step outside your comfort zone and try some new hobbies. You might become really good at them! This is very true. I screen capped this so I can remind myself of this everyday. OP, remember that building confidence comes from taking action, it takes time and is a ride of ups and downs. Link to post Share on other sites
carly75 Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Do it on your own if you want to gain self confidence you don't have to it with an article or book. You have to help yourself Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Get into shape. Exorcise is my drug of choice these days...Six days a week 1-2 hours daily! Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 What worked wonders for me is finding something that allows me to push myself and always break my own Personal Records. I broke a pretty huge personal record yesterday and still have my wooooYEAH! face on and everyone at work tells me how great I look today - which adds to my wooooYEAH! state of mind. I agree with those who say reading books won't help. You have to do stuff that make you proud of yourself. It takes a few tries. Earlier in the Fall I had one of those moments (was voted MVP at a game) and instead of being super psyched, I started wondering which other team member might have deserved it more than me... good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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