This is soooooo hard to deal with!!!!!

[search4what]

My ex of 3.5 yrs and I have been apart for over 2.5 months. It has been the most difficult time of my life. Everytime I start to feel alittle better the pain comes right back for one reason or another.

 

Last night the ex called me. She had called me for my b-day last wkd and I spoke to her while I was drunk, obviously the conversation did not go well. I called her the next day and left a message appologizing and asking her to call me so we could have an actual conversation. When she didnt call I convinced myself I did not want to hear from her.

 

When she called last night all the pain came right back. We spoke for about a half hr and nothing good came of it. I explained to her that I did not think it was fair how she called me on valentines day and told me how much she missed me and loved me. I told her how it gave me false hope and since that conversation I have really been down since nothing came of it. she appologized admitting it was selfish. She told me she was having a hard time with the breakup but refused to see me saying she couldnt take the chance of getting hurt again. I tried to explain to her how much the pain of this break up has opened my eyes but she just didnt want to trust me.

 

Unfortunelty she had admitted to me during a conversation a while ago that she had gone out on a few dates with someone. well, last night I asked her to be honest with me and tell me if she had a new bf. she said she wouldnt consider him a bf but she is "kinda" seeing someone. I wanted to vomit right at that second.

 

I told her I love her and she said it right back to me, which wasnt my intention. I then told her I couldnt talk to her anymore because this is too hard for me. She accepted that but said she didnt know how she was going to do that. I told her good luck with the new relationship and got off the phone.

 

I have been a mess all day. Last night I basically cried myself to sleep. I really thought this would get better but it hasnt for me. The worst thing is she lives only a few blocks from me and there is a good chance I may run into her a bar or just on the street. I just want to be done with this. Why is she making this so hard for me? I want to be able to see other people and not think of her. I dont know how she is doing it.

 

I just needed to get this off my chest.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by search4what

Why is she making this so hard for me?

 

Well it's not all on her man. Nobody forced you to pick up the phone. If it causes you so much pain to speak with her--and that's totally understandable--then don't talk to her anymore. Avoid places you think she may be at, at least until you get over her.

 

You can't just turn off the pain 100%, but there is some degree of control you have that you don't seem to be exercising.

[beatjunkies]

im going through the same thing you are right now man !! only my ex does have a b/f.. she broke up with me when i moved out of state this past sept. we were together for 7 years though and im young (21).. so anyways I dont know i guess it took a toll on her.. but i poured my heart out to her and this and that and i even tried NC and i dont know.. she calls me here and there, but until yesterday it went a while since she called me and i was a mess and still am.. basically i asked her if she was happy with this guy instead of working on us..blah blah.. I said i know we coulda worked things out but i guess you didnt want to.. i admitted to her that ive been depressed since she broke up with me (oct) and that i dont call her because its too hard to be friends, but i also dont want her out of my life completely, so i dont know what to do.. i asked her if she thinks we should even talk still and she was like "i dont know" this was after i said that i didnt want to talk to her and be just friends so who knows.. It honestly sucks because i thought that this was the girl for me and i was excited about being with her.. it sucks when you know who you want to spend your life with finally and now it seems like they dont want to.. i dont know.. we grew up together though, i mean since junior high school i have known her and we have been through a lot. this is the first time SHE has broken up with me... the other times it was me, but i was younger and thought that i wanted to be with someone else, only to find out that i didnt and that she was the one for me... so yeah im sure you feel the same way as i do.. So i left it on her so who knows if she will call or what.. I think NC is the only option we have left bro !! im sure we both have said and done all we can.. Our ex's are going to have to be the ones to get us back IF they want us back.. its soo hard to get over though !! some days are ok but it seems like since V day ive been feeling down about it all .. well at least you know your not alone.. i would just stick with NC and see what happens.. thats about all you can really do..

 

take care..

 

peace

[search4what]

I know I contribute to the pain by answering the phone, but I couldnt let things just leave off the way they did. At least now I can put hope behind me and try to move on.

 

beatjunkies, thanks for the words of encouragement. You are still young and trust me, you should live it up! Im 27, i know its not old, but looking back I know I could not have settled down at that point. While I was together with my ex, I never really thought about the future, just kinda took it for granted I guess. Now I feel like I let "the one" so to say, get away. It has just been so hard to let this go, but now knowing she is with someone else i have no choice.

 

I know there are going to be more rough days to come and you are right NC is the only thing to do. I hope I am able to avoid her because the only thing that would be worse than hearing from her would be to see her.

 

Good luck with your situation, sounds like you guys just need a little time apart, but I dont really know what happened with you guys so I may be way off.

 

I just got back from the gym so I am feeling a little better but I am sure sadness will come knocking again. Good to hear I am not alone and thanks bro!