Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Do you ever feel like you have something the wife doesn't? Like I don't consider myself the "other woman" because we only had sex once and just kind of sext and expose ourselves on FaceTime now. Anyways he said that he was going to see me this weekend maybe, so I am like texting him all day and nothing.. Come to find out he and his fiancee are getting their engagement photos done. I personally know there is no connection between he and I. He uses me for sex and I allow it to happen. At the same time I can't help but kind of have a "haha" moment because I still get him kind of. I don't feel better than her but it makes me feel good like she is sharing her SO with me and yeah. I feel validated. Like once he marries her will he still call me? Once she's pregnant will he call me? It is like flattering kind of.

[anika99]

I can't see how that would be flattering. To me I would find it much more flattering to have a man who only has eyes for me, a man who is completely devoted and committed to me and who doesn't want to go even 1 day without me in his life.

 

 

A married man who sneaks around to have sex with me and keeps me hidden like a shameful secret? So not flattering.

[jellybean89]

Flattering to "get off" a man who has a fiancé who gets him off too?

 

Uhh..I would feel disrespected and used, why don't you?

[Hope Shimmers]

Do you ever feel like you have something the wife doesn't? Like I don't consider myself the "other woman" because we only had sex once and just kind of sext and expose ourselves on FaceTime now. Anyways he said that he was going to see me this weekend maybe, so I am like texting him all day and nothing.. Come to find out he and his fiancee are getting their engagement photos done. I personally know there is no connection between he and I. He uses me for sex and I allow it to happen. At the same time I can't help but kind of have a "haha" moment because I still get him kind of. I don't feel better than her but it makes me feel good like she is sharing her SO with me and yeah. I feel validated. Like once he marries her will he still call me? Once she's pregnant will he call me? It is like flattering kind of.

 

Are you for real?

 

How old are you?

 

Just ... sad. It makes you feel good about yourself that this man loves his fiance but uses you for sex? That makes you feel "validated"? Because you have a vagina? And you think that is "flattering, kind of"?

 

Gross. Sorry.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I think that you could find plenty of men willing to flatter you! There are websites just for that. You could keep yourself quite busy being "flattered" I would think! Take on another 5 or 10! How special will you feel!

[Donesharing]

Do you ever feel like you have something the wife doesn't? Like I don't consider myself the "other woman" because we only had sex once and just kind of sext and expose ourselves on FaceTime now. Anyways he said that he was going to see me this weekend maybe, so I am like texting him all day and nothing.. Come to find out he and his fiancee are getting their engagement photos done. I personally know there is no connection between he and I. He uses me for sex and I allow it to happen. At the same time I can't help but kind of have a "haha" moment because I still get him kind of. I don't feel better than her but it makes me feel good like she is sharing her SO with me and yeah. I feel validated. Like once he marries her will he still call me? Once she's pregnant will he call me? It is like flattering kind of.

 

I think you are a little confused. You need to value yourself more. Don't confuse being used with being important. Think about this. Don't waste your time, because at some point the thrill will not be thrilling, and you will feel used and hurt. You need to value what you are able to give a man. This guy is using you. He can find a hooker for that, but he doesn't have to pay you.

[endingpage]

You need some deep introspection to figure out why you even feel flattered or validated by something as demeaning as somone using you for sex. No one is ever, ever going to respect you or take you seriously as a life partner until you respect yourself.

 

You know that, right?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You need some deep introspection to figure out why you even feel flattered or validated by something as demeaning as somone using you for sex. No one is ever, ever going to respect you or take you seriously as a life partner until you respect yourself.

 

You know that, right?

 

I hope that's not true because lately I've been trying to go on a ton of dates because I really want to be in a serious relationship soon that leads to marriage.

 

 

I just like how he gives me attention I feel like I get some of his attention and it's cool to me. It makes me feel good

[purplesorrow]

You do have something she doesn't, a lack of self respect. Do you realize she doesn't know about you because he knows she wouldn't feel flattered at the thought of sharing him? This kind of cheap validation is fleeting. I'm sure deep down you know you are worth a lot more than being some selfish, morally bankrupt WS' trist. You are! Do you know his fiancé? Why would you find any pleasure in knowing she is being deceived? Will you still feel flattered once people know?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You do have something she doesn't, a lack of self respect. Do you realize she doesn't know about you because he knows she wouldn't feel flattered at the thought of sharing him? This kind of cheap validation is fleeting. I'm sure deep down you know you are worth a lot more than being some selfish, morally bankrupt WS' trist. You are! Do you know his fiancé? Why would you find any pleasure in knowing she is being deceived? Will you still feel flattered once people know?

 

I don't know her. I have seen pictures of her. Idk I just feel like I don't like her already. I don't like anyone whose close to my age and married or has a family. It sounds weird and bad but I feel like those people need to be knocked down a few pegs. I don't think anyone would know. We are not in the same circles.

[purplesorrow]

I don't know her. I have seen pictures of her. Idk I just feel like I don't like her already. I don't like anyone whose close to my age and married or has a family. It sounds weird and bad but I feel like those people need to be knocked down a few pegs. I don't think anyone would know. We are not in the same circles.

 

This very confusing ànd concerning! How old are you? Why do you dislike people that have what you aspire to have? They worked and guided their lives to get what they wanted. Disliking a group of people because you are jealous screams a need for self love and therapy. These things are often found out, I caught my WS. I could have made her life hell as you can sue the ow in my state. In the end I just thought it was so very sad that she was flattered as you to be his secret. The longer you spend being an extra in someone else's love story just continues to delay you being the star of your own.

[goodyblue]

Uhh... this is about the scariest post I have seen in a long, long while. You do realize that soon he will dump you for either fidelity or for some other jumbo and you will be left in the dust with even lower self esteem than before this affair, right?

 

Hell, I was OW, I am pretty bold about my feelings on the matter and this entire thread makes even me turn my face away and cringe.

 

Better go buy your self help books and start reading now.

[goodyblue]

I don't know her. I have seen pictures of her. Idk I just feel like I don't like her already. I don't like anyone whose close to my age and married or has a family. It sounds weird and bad but I feel like those people need to be knocked down a few pegs. I don't think anyone would know. We are not in the same circles.

 

It doesn't sound weird and bad. It sounds like you are brimming with jealousy.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

This very confusing ànd concerning! How old are you? Why do you dislike people that have what you aspire to have? They worked and guided their lives to get what they wanted. Disliking a group of people because you are jealous screams a need for self love and therapy. These things are often found out, I caught my WS. I could have made her life hell as you can sue the ow in my state. In the end I just thought it was so very sad that she was flattered as you to be his secret. The longer you spend being an extra in someone else's love story just continues to delay you being the star of your own.

But you make it sound like I haven't worked or guided my life to try to find someone.. My entire life pretty much everyday is trying to find someone to date. That's the motivation for every single thing I have done with my life so far. I met him trying to meet someone to date...

 

I have been waiting for my starring role in my love story for forever. It's still not happened so if this guy wants me why should I say no? Yes he is using me and I know it but if it's not him then it will probably be some other guy using me and not dating me, or stringing me along to keep getting sex. At least with him I know what I'm getting. He doesn't try to hide it as if he wants to date me or something. He tells me to get on FaceTime and I do it.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

It doesn't sound weird and bad. It sounds like you are brimming with jealousy.

 

I am. I avoid my married/in relationship friends and classmates.

[purplesorrow]

But you make it sound like I haven't worked or guided my life to try to find someone.. My entire life pretty much everyday is trying to find someone to date. That's the motivation for every single thing I have done with my life so far. I met him trying to meet someone to date...

 

I have been waiting for my starring role in my love story for forever. It's still not happened so if this guy wants me why should I say no? Yes he is using me and I know it but if it's not him then it will probably be some other guy using me and not dating me, or stringing me along to keep getting sex. At least with him I know what I'm getting. He doesn't try to hide it as if he wants to date me or something. He tells me to get on FaceTime and I do it.

 

You've been working on the wrong things. You need to work on you! If you're ok with being used, you're not ready for a starring role. You appear to have low self esteem and no self worth. Picking between which guy would use you should never be a viable option. Pick yourself up, love yourself, realize you deserve so much better. And since this relationship works based on demands, Tell him to kiss your a$$.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You've been working on the wrong things. You need to work on you! If you're ok with being used, you're not ready for a starring role. You appear to have low self esteem and no self worth. Picking between which guy would use you should never be a viable option. Pick yourself up, love yourself, realize you deserve so much better. And since this relationship works based on demands, Tell him to kiss your a$$.

 

It's so time consuming to work on myself. Can I still date and work on myself? I don't even know what working on myself would look like.

[purplesorrow]

It's so time consuming to work on myself. Can I still date and work on myself? I don't even know what working on myself would look like.

 

How can you love and deal with someone else's issues if you can't do that for yourself? Therapy sounds like a great place to start. You are your greatest investment. If you don't have interest or desire to put in the work, why would any one else? People can spot weakness, if all you run into is men wanting to use you, you should ask yourself why they see that in you.

[HermioneG]

I don't know her. I have seen pictures of her. Idk I just feel like I don't like her already. I don't like anyone whose close to my age and married or has a family. It sounds weird and bad but I feel like those people need to be knocked down a few pegs. I don't think anyone would know. We are not in the same circles.

 

This is a troublesome thought pattern. You should probably seek individual counseling. This is more troubling than your original post.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

How can you love and deal with someone else's issues if you can't do that for yourself? Therapy sounds like a great place to start. You are your greatest investment. If you don't have interest or desire to put in the work, why would any one else? People can spot weakness, if all you run into is men wanting to use you, you should ask yourself why they see that in you.

 

I've been in therapy for over a year. Msybe I just meet douchey men? Or maybe I just need to not rush into sex? Idk I just know that at 2 months shy of 24 I don't have the time to waste. I wanted to be married by 25 and at this point that looks impossible unless I meet someone who will rush into marriage after a few months. Which is unlikely.

[goodyblue]

This is a troublesome thought pattern. You should probably seek individual counseling. This is more troubling than your original post.

 

Omg. I so agree.

[goodyblue]

I've been in therapy for over a year. Msybe I just meet douchey men? Or maybe I just need to not rush into sex? Idk I just know that at 2 months shy of 24 I don't have the time to waste. I wanted to be married by 25 and at this point that looks impossible unless I meet someone who will rush into marriage after a few months. Which is unlikely.

 

Wow. Slow down speed racer. You do not have to set time tables. And I guarantee the course you are taking will set you back YEARS from your goal.

[purplesorrow]

I've been in therapy for over a year. Msybe I just meet douchey men? Or maybe I just need to not rush into sex? Idk I just know that at 2 months shy of 24 I don't have the time to waste. I wanted to be married by 25 and at this point that looks impossible unless I meet someone who will rush into marriage after a few months. Which is unlikely.

 

Don't put such a time constraint on a decision that could affect the rest of your life. You have plenty of time. I didn't marry until 30. You need a new therapist. And just because you meet douchey men doesn't mean you have to give them the time of day. Not rushing into sex sounds healthy for you. Forget about that age 25 deadline. If you don't, you will take the first thing that comes along, you could still be paying for such a decision when you're 60, save yourself the heartache. You aren't making wise decisions about the men you choose to engage with. You need to learn who you are first and be secure in that.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Wow. Slow down speed racer. You do not have to set time tables. And I guarantee the course you are taking will set you back YEARS from your goal.

 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point. I just want to meet someone and get married and have babies as quickly as possible.

[purplesorrow]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point. I just want to meet someone and get married and have babies as quickly as possible.

 

What is the rush?