Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[Ruffian1]

It shouldn't be this hard I just want to be one of those women who met their SO at 16 got married at 18 and pregnant at 20

Ok, take this with tongue-in-cheek.

 

Yes, life shouldn’t be this hard, I should be financially well off, healthy, beautiful, and not have to want for anything.

That is not how it is so I can go do things with other people that hurt myself and other innocent people and then all will be ok, because at least I get an ego boost from it.

 

Grow up. Life does not work that way. No one is going to hand you anything. You have to work for anything good in this world. Yes sometime it does seem to go just great for some people, but will not always be that way.

 

Things happen down the road to that perfectly planned life. **** happens, spouses D you, they die, they get sick and can’t work, kids grow into teenagers, they disappear. You want a good man to start a family with. What is that good man who wants the same thing you do looking for in a woman?

Not someone who is jealous and insecure and screws MM to get an ego stroke.

 

What is he looking for in the potential mother of his children?

 

Loyalty, integrity, hardworking, intelligent, faithful, realistic (does not expect everything to go perfect), someone who accepts the realities of life in a healthy coping way. Some one who respects others and is kind-hearted.

This is what you need to accept. This is what the posters here are talking about when they say you need to work on yourself.

 

Yeah, life sucks sometimes, but that does not give anyone the right to hurt innocent people. (his fiance')

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Keep Calm, you've never had any traditional relationship with a guy? Never? Why do you think that is? (just wondering your honest thoughts why)

 

What prompted you to be in therapy for the last year?

 

I have been in a relationship, it was short though. Three months.

 

I have been in and out of therapy for relationship issues. Being sad about not having a relationship.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Oh my goodness. How awful you feel this way. One point for honesty but oh noooo.

Heres the SAD answer...my eap used me for sexting and flattery and ego strokes for 14 years, through pre marriage, through marriage, through his w pregnancy and well after too.

Then he woke up and faced his morals, his (our) guilt, and I was left with confusion, hurt, low self esteem and more guilt. I had all of it coming...as for you...you have it coming a big slap of reality...You are doing this eyes wide open.

Mine weren't opened until too late but no excuses on my end.

This will be life changing and so harmful and sad for you.

And lastly if you avoid friends and classmates who are married why not avoid this user who is about to be married.

I avoid other women who are married. Not men. Not that I go out and seek married men, it just doesn't bother me as much of a guy is married compared to a woman.

Edited October 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for in-fighting

[georgia girl]

This really is my final (I promise this time!) post giving you advice.

 

 

THERE IS NO EQUITY CLAUSE IN LIFE.

 

 

There, I said it. While you will author your own success and script your own disasters in life, there is no equity clause. Many people will have it way easier than you and many will have it way tougher. Ask the mother whose son is diagnosed at 16 with schizophrenia if that was fair? The wife who buried her 30-something husband who lived one of the healthiest lives I've ever seen but still got a freak cancer. They didn't get the long end of the stick. Yet, both women appear to be happier to me than you.

 

 

Get over the equity thing and also get yourself over the idea that you can't control how you feel. We all can. If we were all such slaves to our emotions than this world would be a whole lot more messed up than it is.

 

 

Choose to be happy and you will be happy. Accept that you don't get everything you want and you'll be grateful for the things you do get. Don't expect that someone will somehow even it out in the end, and you can start to write a lifestory that you can enjoy and be proud of.

 

 

Like one other poster said, the guy you would be attracted to and want to be the father of your children and your husband. What kind of woman is he attracted to? You need to work on you. I seriously think you need to take years off from dating and figure you out first. Sorry, but if given the loving, kind advice you're getting here hasn't woken you up, I'm not sure what will.

 

 

As one poster suggested, print out this thread and take it to your therapist. It may be enlightening for both of you.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Ok, take this with tongue-in-cheek.

 

Yes, life shouldn’t be this hard, I should be financially well off, healthy, beautiful, and not have to want for anything.

That is not how it is so I can go do things with other people that hurt myself and other innocent people and then all will be ok, because at least I get an ego boost from it.

 

Grow up. Life does not work that way. No one is going to hand you anything. You have to work for anything good in this world. Yes sometime it does seem to go just great for some people, but will not always be that way.

 

Things happen down the road to that perfectly planned life. **** happens, spouses D you, they die, they get sick and can’t work, kids grow into teenagers, they disappear. You want a good man to start a family with. What is that good man who wants the same thing you do looking for in a woman?

Not someone who is jealous and insecure and screws MM to get an ego stroke.

 

What is he looking for in the potential mother of his children?

 

Loyalty, integrity, hardworking, intelligent, faithful, realistic (does not expect everything to go perfect), someone who accepts the realities of life in a healthy coping way. Some one who respects others and is kind-hearted.

This is what you need to accept. This is what the posters here are talking about when they say you need to work on yourself.

 

Yeah, life sucks sometimes, but that does not give anyone the right to hurt innocent people. (his fiance')

 

I get that, I just don't see how I'm hurting her. I mean I do, if she found out I'm sure that would be devastating. But right now she gets to be happy and he's so careful that I doubt she would ever find out (not that I want to keep this going). I know life isn't fair, believe me I know, but dsting specifically shouldn't be this hard.

[Ruffian1]

The only thing I can say is you may a have self-esteem problem.

 

 

Be proud of yourself. Don't screw MM as that will just be a short lived ego boost but then your esteem will fall even lower in the end.

 

 

Do only things that are healthy for you (physically and mentally).

 

 

Get fit, develop good friendships, keep integrity to yourself and others a goal, look around you, there are people that have very little in life but they still keep their values and trudge on through life making the best of it.

 

 

Go after what you want, but accept the fact that it won't just happen. You have to work for it.

 

 

And don't just have kids with any guy just to have kids. That will not work out well in the end.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

This really is my final (I promise this time!) post giving you advice.

 

 

THERE IS NO EQUITY CLAUSE IN LIFE.

 

 

There, I said it. While you will author your own success and script your own disasters in life, there is no equity clause. Many people will have it way easier than you and many will have it way tougher. Ask the mother whose son is diagnosed at 16 with schizophrenia if that was fair? The wife who buried her 30-something husband who lived one of the healthiest lives I've ever seen but still got a freak cancer. They didn't get the long end of the stick. Yet, both women appear to be happier to me than you.

 

 

Get over the equity thing and also get yourself over the idea that you can't control how you feel. We all can. If we were all such slaves to our emotions than this world would be a whole lot more messed up than it is.

 

 

Choose to be happy and you will be happy. Accept that you don't get everything you want and you'll be grateful for the things you do get. Don't expect that someone will somehow even it out in the end, and you can start to write a lifestory that you can enjoy and be proud of.

 

 

Like one other poster said, the guy you would be attracted to and want to be the father of your children and your husband. What kind of woman is he attracted to? You need to work on you. I seriously think you need to take years off from dating and figure you out first. Sorry, but if given the loving, kind advice you're getting here hasn't woken you up, I'm not sure what will.

 

 

As one poster suggested, print out this thread and take it to your therapist. It may be enlightening for both of you.

 

I feel like I can do all of what you're saying it's just the time limits that you set are tough. Like taking years off of dating, I don't see myself being able to do that. YEARS will put me at like 26 and probably single. That's devastating. I mean do gou mean like fully not dating at all? Like no dating sites? What if I already have dates lined up do I have to cancel? It just seems like so many missed opportunities. I know I'm looking at it from the wrong perspective. I mean I am in school I am busy, I don't have a ton of time to date anyways. I am just worried that even in that down time I'm not going to experience anytgimg, just school and boredom. Then the years will pass I will graduate and still be single. School is supposed to be a time of meeting people, unfortunately I am in a program that's majority women.

[georgia girl]

Let me put it to you like this: it's like going shopping without any money. You made a choice. You could have gone to work and earned some money and eventually, once you accumulated enough, you could go shopping. Or, you can go shopping without any money.

 

 

So that's what you do. You go to the store and you spend hours. You watch other people check out with glorious things. You try on and you pick out fabulous things you'd really like. But eventually, you have to leave empty handed. The store is closing and you have no money to buy. That's a lot like your relationships to date.

 

 

The next day, you're faced with the same choice: shop or go to work. You choose to shop again. Again, at the end of the day, you go home empty-handed and a little more bitter. Why does everyone else get to check out?

 

 

Instead, do the work. You can see how while it may seem like a long time now that if you do the work, you eventually get what you desire. But, if you continue to do what you're doing - what you've been doing for the last few years - you're going to continually end up in the same place.

 

 

For God's sake, 26 isn't old. Neither is 28, 30 or 32. My sister had three babies after age 36.

 

 

You are your own problem. You deliberately sabotage your dreams. Your deadline is strangling you. Either you make a healthy, successful choice and put you first, or you come back in a few years and start posting about how you're 26, 28 or 30 and still single.

 

 

My last random thought... When I married my husband, we wrote part of our vows. One promise we made: "I promise to put us first, but to never lose my sense of self." When you make a marriage, the family does come first. But if you lose your sense of self, then the other person is just married to a shell. That marriage won't survive. Right now, you only have a shell to offer. Fill out the rest of you. I truly bet she's amazing.

 

 

Or keep window shopping.

[whichwayisup]

Do you ever feel like you have something the wife doesn't? Like I don't consider myself the "other woman" because we only had sex once and just kind of sext and expose ourselves on FaceTime now. Anyways he said that he was going to see me this weekend maybe, so I am like texting him all day and nothing.. Come to find out he and his fiancee are getting their engagement photos done. I personally know there is no connection between he and I. He uses me for sex and I allow it to happen. At the same time I can't help but kind of have a "haha" moment because I still get him kind of. I don't feel better than her but it makes me feel good like she is sharing her SO with me and yeah. I feel validated. Like once he marries her will he still call me? Once she's pregnant will he call me? It is like flattering kind of.

 

Aim higher than this. Find a single and available man. Respect yourself then others will respect you as well.

[whichwayisup]

I get that, I just don't see how I'm hurting her. I mean I do, if she found out I'm sure that would be devastating. But right now she gets to be happy and he's so careful that I doubt she would ever find out (not that I want to keep this going). I know life isn't fair, believe me I know, but dsting specifically shouldn't be this hard.

 

Imagine your dad doing this behind your mom's back. Or one day your husband doing this behind your back. Just because this MM's wife isn't aware of what he's doing, doesn't mean damage isn't being done. I hope one day in the future you're never on the receiving end of finding out the one person you love and trust most, betrays you in the worst possible way.

 

You're making harder by making some really bad choices and one day it'll bite you in the butt.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Let me put it to you like this: it's like going shopping without any money. You made a choice. You could have gone to work and earned some money and eventually, once you accumulated enough, you could go shopping. Or, you can go shopping without any money.

 

 

So that's what you do. You go to the store and you spend hours. You watch other people check out with glorious things. You try on and you pick out fabulous things you'd really like. But eventually, you have to leave empty handed. The store is closing and you have no money to buy. That's a lot like your relationships to date.

 

 

The next day, you're faced with the same choice: shop or go to work. You choose to shop again. Again, at the end of the day, you go home empty-handed and a little more bitter. Why does everyone else get to check out?

 

 

Instead, do the work. You can see how while it may seem like a long time now that if you do the work, you eventually get what you desire. But, if you continue to do what you're doing - what you've been doing for the last few years - you're going to continually end up in the same place.

 

 

For God's sake, 26 isn't old. Neither is 28, 30 or 32. My sister had three babies after age 36.

 

 

You are your own problem. You deliberately sabotage your dreams. Your deadline is strangling you. Either you make a healthy, successful choice and put you first, or you come back in a few years and start posting about how you're 26, 28 or 30 and still single.

 

 

My last random thought... When I married my husband, we wrote part of our vows. One promise we made: "I promise to put us first, but to never lose my sense of self." When you make a marriage, the family does come first. But if you lose your sense of self, then the other person is just married to a shell. That marriage won't survive. Right now, you only have a shell to offer. Fill out the rest of you. I truly bet she's amazing.

 

 

Or keep window shopping.

 

So you're telling me that EVERYONE does this work? What about my friend who met her now husband at 15 and has dated him since 16 and just got married last month? Did she do work on herself? Because I don't know how at 16 you have the ability to work on yourself and really know what you want. I know I have a ton of self work to do and I should probably be in therapy for a while but I just don't think everyone has to really be a whole person. At 16 you're not a whole person. Some people are well put together at that age but I doubt it. I just don't get why my situation is different. Why am I stuck having to do all this work and self improvement when other people just fall into relationships. I have known some of the most idiotic people who are now married or have kids. Take this engaged man for example, he was in the military and got out went to grad school met his fiancee, he is getting married how is he well put together? How does he have his life together? He calls me pretty much once a week to dirty talk. That's not being a well put together person, and life isn't punishing him.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Imagine your dad doing this behind your mom's back. Or one day your husband doing this behind your back. Just because this MM's wife isn't aware of what he's doing, doesn't mean damage isn't being done. I hope one day in the future you're never on the receiving end of finding out the one person you love and trust most, betrays you in the worst possible way.

 

You're making harder by making some really bad choices and one day it'll bite you in the butt.

 

I also hope that never happens to me. That would just be unfair.

[whichwayisup]

So you're telling me that EVERYONE does this work? What about my friend who met her now husband at 15 and has dated him since 16 and just got married last month? Did she do work on herself? Because I don't know how at 16 you have the ability to work on yourself and really know what you want. I know I have a ton of self work to do and I should probably be in therapy for a while but I just don't think everyone has to really be a whole person. At 16 you're not a whole person. Some people are well put together at that age but I doubt it. I just don't get why my situation is different. Why am I stuck having to do all this work and self improvement when other people just fall into relationships. I have known some of the most idiotic people who are now married or have kids. Take this engaged man for example, he was in the military and got out went to grad school met his fiancee, he is getting married how is he well put together? How does he have his life together? He calls me pretty much once a week to dirty talk. That's not being a well put together person, and life isn't punishing him.

 

STOP comparing your friends lives to your own life. Things will happen as they should in good time. You cannot force it or it'll run away...Timing is everything!! As you mature and get older, you'll understand this. All I know is, reading your threads I see a young woman desperate for something she's sooo not ready for. You need to grow, mature and be independent, self efficient before a husband and a child. By having an affair with MM just shows you're no where ready for commitment and understanding marital vows and living a life with someone you truly care for and have that unselfish love.

 

I also hope that never happens to me. That would just be unfair.

 

Then STOP helping this MM cheat on his wife!!! Karma ... Remember that! What you are doing now, you know is wrong. It's selfish and damaging. I mean, are you proud of the fact you can 'get' this MM in bed? Is it something you'll announce to your friends and family? Are you really happy about this or is it all about your ego and making you feel good.... Don't have to answer that here, just give it some thought.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I think the thing is that you're in a conquest affair, where the thrill is in simply having the affair, which explains why you think it's a boost that he's chosen you over his future wife... The thing is though, that choice is only short-term. Ultimately, he's choosing you for a few hours, but he's choosing her for his life and the life that you wish you were having.

 

I had an affair that eventually resulted in us leaving our spouses for each other. I would be lying if I said that at the early part of the affair, after we knew this wasn't a fling but we wanted a future together, I wasn't waiting for that "I win" moment. The moment where I could say we were together, had the life we wanted, and that was it. But I figured out quickly that moment is an illusion, it never happens. Even when we finally got to where he said "I'm leaving her, this is it this time, it's you and me now," I didn't have the satisfaction of being chosen over her or some "we won!" epiphany. It is an illusion that I see so many people hanging on for... But the fact is, no matter how it ends... They leave and go with the OW/OM, they stay with the BS, everybody breaks up and moves on apart... There's nobody who wins in an affair, just degrees of losing.

 

If having a relationship, getting married, and having a family is what you want, the first step you have to take is to get control of your own life. Trust me, you can't be a wife, a mother, and do both successfully if you don't like yourself, your life, or who you are by yourself. It's a huge amount of work to be a wife and mother and you lose yourself in it, it can be very... I don't know how to describe it... It can be very... Empty... To feel like all you are is what you are to somebody else. Without developing who you are for yourself by yourself, you'll drown.

 

I'd put off your goals of marriage, kids, and all of it for just doing what makes you fulfilled without being negative. Be productive in your life. Forget the timelines. I got married at your age... It was a mistake. I got married to my AP when I was in my 30s and then got around to having kids... You don't lose out. In fact, it was the best decision I made. Instead of slamming myself into a relationship to meet expectations (like my first marriage), I ended up where I was happy and healthy the second time around.

[georgia girl]

So you're telling me that EVERYONE does this work? What about my friend who met her now husband at 15 and has dated him since 16 and just got married last month? Did she do work on herself? Because I don't know how at 16 you have the ability to work on yourself and really know what you want. I know I have a ton of self work to do and I should probably be in therapy for a while but I just don't think everyone has to really be a whole person. At 16 you're not a whole person. Some people are well put together at that age but I doubt it. I just don't get why my situation is different. Why am I stuck having to do all this work and self improvement when other people just fall into relationships. I have known some of the most idiotic people who are now married or have kids. Take this engaged man for example, he was in the military and got out went to grad school met his fiancee, he is getting married how is he well put together? How does he have his life together? He calls me pretty much once a week to dirty talk. That's not being a well put together person, and life isn't punishing him.

 

 

 

Not everyone, no. Reread what I said about the equity clause. Also, remember that the marriage you want to make is going to be fantastic. This kind of work - this introspection - is necessary for that.

 

 

Oh, and by the way, while I wished for more for her, I have a 19-year-old niece who met her boyfriend at 15. They're likely going to get married and they are a fantastic couple. It breaks my heart that she won't go out and live life a little bit more, but I anticipate that the day they both graduate from college, she'll have a ring on her finger. And guess what? At 15 when she met this kid, she knew an awful lot about herself. She was confident, sweet, smart and caring. She knew who she was. I think they're going to have a great life.

 

 

She had at 15 what you don't have. I'm sorry, but the writer here comes across as insecure and with too much emotion and little introspection.

 

 

Meanwhile her sister? She's spending next year abroad and then after graduation intends to go to grad school abroad. She claims she'll never get married. She will some day, but it's going to take one heckuva man to sweep her off her feet.

 

 

Life is what you make it. You are choosing to make yours miserable.

[snowflakes88]

Did you used to post here under another name? The substance of your posts seems extremely familiar.

[jellybean89]

Working on you is your journey. You're the only one who can make it and the only one who gets to enjoy and learn from all points along the way. There is no timeline. No date certain. It can take months, years or decades. Denying that it has to happen only extends that time.

 

 

Get on board. This is the trip of YOUR lifetime.

 

Great post(s) GG.

 

OP, you are way too obsessed over finding a man. Way too obsessed. I do not believe any healthy man will want to become involved with you because you have no idea who you are or what you want. You are 23! Far from mature enough to be a wife and mother. You are all about YOU - what YOU deserve. What do you give back? What do you do for other - and sex and dirty talk don't count. Stop being jealous of other people. Stop trying to find a man to complete you. People grow their most during their 20's...couples who got married at 18-23 may very well be divorced by 30. Raising a child alone is a very hard and lonely life. Being married to the wrong person is a very hard and lonely life.

 

Be grateful for what you have. Like GG said, count your blessings instead of complaining that you aren't a wife and mother right now. Embrace your life. You won't miss an opportunity to meet someone if you take time off from the relentless pursuit of some dude just because you think you must have a man in your life. Become comfortable with yourself and your life. Until you figure out who you are, and stop being so "the world owes me a man and children" focused, you will continue to be unhappy. You act like you are 60 years old and have lived a long lonely life when in reality, you aren't even really "grown up" yet. Being an adult is more than an age. Being mature is not at any set age. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter..I guarantee you will be grateful for what you have instead of wishing for more.

[HermioneG]

I also hope that never happens to me. That would just be unfair.

 

It would be unfair for what you are doing to be done to you?

 

Then that is all you need to know. Stop doing it.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

It would be unfair for what you are doing to be done to you?

 

Then that is all you need to know. Stop doing it.

 

 

I looked at her FB and saw their engagement pics. I just get so mad! I see them all happy and getting married next year. She isn't even pretty. He shouldn't marry her.

 

It wouldn't be fair if it happened to me because my life has already been dealt a ****ty hand, I don't deserve more awful stuff to happen to me.

[anika99]

I looked at her FB and saw their engagement pics. I just get so mad! I see them all happy and getting married next year. She isn't even pretty. He shouldn't marry her.

 

It wouldn't be fair if it happened to me because my life has already been dealt a ****ty hand, I don't deserve more awful stuff to happen to me.

 

 

 

You don't think his gf is pretty enough to deserve marriage? I'm sorry but you are far to immature to be anyone's wife or mother.

 

 

And how has life dealt you a ****ty hand? You are young, healthy and enjoying the privilege of attending college.

[MissBee]

Do you ever feel like you have something the wife doesn't? Like I don't consider myself the "other woman" because we only had sex once and just kind of sext and expose ourselves on FaceTime now. Anyways he said that he was going to see me this weekend maybe, so I am like texting him all day and nothing.. Come to find out he and his fiancee are getting their engagement photos done. I personally know there is no connection between he and I. He uses me for sex and I allow it to happen. At the same time I can't help but kind of have a "haha" moment because I still get him kind of. I don't feel better than her but it makes me feel good like she is sharing her SO with me and yeah. I feel validated. Like once he marries her will he still call me? Once she's pregnant will he call me? It is like flattering kind of.

 

What flatters you says a lot about you.

 

But then again flattery is not the same as genuine compliment. I think I said this to you before. Flattery is often disingenuous and is usually used as a means to further the other person's ends....so in terms of him using you for sex and you feel flattered, it makes sense, because it is not a genuine compliment at all and all it says about you is that your standards are low. I don't mean to be rude by this. I have been in situations where my self-worth was not that great and was predicated on meaningless attention from men where any attention was good attention. Now? I can distinguish between genuine compliments and meaningless flattery. Certain things that had the power to impress me or bother me don't anymore.

 

In my own A no I never felt that way. If anything I felt jealous that she got to be his public SO while I did not. I saw her as getting a lot more than I did if anything rather than feeling like I had anything over her.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You don't think his gf is pretty enough to deserve marriage? I'm sorry but you are far to immature to be anyone's wife or mother.

 

 

And how has life dealt you a ****ty hand? You are young, healthy and enjoying the privilege of attending college.

 

There is so much more to it than that.

 

I didn't say she didn't deserve marriage, just not to him.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

What flatters you says a lot about you.

 

But then again flattery is not the same as genuine compliment. I think I said this to you before. Flattery is often disingenuous and is usually used as a means to further the other person's ends....so in terms of him using you for sex and you feel flattered, it makes sense, because it is not a genuine compliment at all and all it says about you is that your standards are low. I don't mean to be rude by this. I have been in situations where my self-worth was not that great and was predicated on meaningless attention from men where any attention was good attention. Now? I can distinguish between genuine compliments and meaningless flattery. Certain things that had the power to impress me or bother me don't anymore.

 

In my own A no I never felt that way. If anything I felt jealous that she got to be his public SO while I did not. I saw her as getting a lot more than I did if anything rather than feeling like I had anything over her.

I mean I know kind of when a guy isn't being genuine. I know this guy isn't. He doesn't tell me I'm pretty or care about anything that is going on in my life or anything like that. He just cares about me showing stuff on FT. If you saw him though you would get it. He is like the tall, former military guy, with blonde hair and the cutest country accent ever in life. That type of guy being interested in me is like "yay!!!" that's awesome

[MissBee]

It's so time consuming to work on myself. Can I still date and work on myself? I don't even know what working on myself would look like.

 

Look, I know you've been here before and people would spend tens of pages trying to help you to no avail. Now you're back again asking the same questions, getting similar feedback and still your one obsession in life is finding a man even though people have explained again and again and again ad nauseum that based on your mentality you'll never attract a decent man or keep him and working on yourself needs to come first. Yet, instead of asking questions about how to work on yourself maybe, you keep asking about how to get a man or if you can date while working on yourself or you're the booty call of an engaged man or you're spending all your time jealous of everyone else....it's completely unhealthy and this kind of attitude must show.

 

If you do date I can imagine your absolute obsession with getting married or tying down a man would send a sane man screaming as it would be so clingy and suffocating and you can't pretend for that long. Even if somehow you managed to act normal eventually your real thoughts and feelings and obsessions would shine through. That's the point. There is no finding a man then working on yourself later...that's putting the cart before the horse. Working on yourself is what will help you to find a decent relationship. Then again it seems you want ANY kind of man....and if so you'll be able to land any man alright. But if you think that will make you happy....good luck! However, if you want a genuinely meaningful relationship and shyt, if you just want to be a happy person, you need to work on yourself.

 

It seems you have these strange idealizations about relationships where it seems you don't value anything else in life besides that and all you live for is to be in a relationship so are constantly unhappy and can never find happiness in your education, friends, anything else besides obsessively worrying about a man, and you're just 23 or so, which is crazy! You think once you get married or find a man and have a baby life will be rainbows and sunshine and you'll have worth and a purpose and be loved....sorry it doesn't work like that. Look around, when people get a bf or a husband, life still happens. The rain still falls, sun still shines, people still die, sometimes people get cheated on, sometimes people lost their jobs, sometimes they divorce or breakup, sometimes you have a child and the child has a disability...the list goes on. That said, marrying or having a child is not a quick fix to your problems but can compound them! If you are wanting a child only for the kid to love you or for you to have someone else to obsess over...that child will resent you for it. Likewise if you have a bf/husband and have NOTHING else you live for besides him he will feel smothered and grow to resent you too or worse take advantage and abuse you because he knows you worship him.

 

Being a WELL-BALANCED person who is happy with herself and can be happy for other people and who has other stuff going...there is no substitute for that and I hope you don't wait until you're 50 to figure this out. Get self-help books, see a therapist, do stuff to work on YOU! The amount of threads you make on finding a man or this loser guy if you invest the same amount of time in just worrying about being a better you, you'd reap a lot more rewards IMO.

[MissBee]

I mean I know kind of when a guy isn't being genuine. I know this guy isn't. He doesn't tell me I'm pretty or care about anything that is going on in my life or anything like that. He just cares about me showing stuff on FT. If you saw him though you would get it. He is like the tall, former military guy, with blonde hair and the cutest country accent ever in life. That type of guy being interested in me is like "yay!!!" that's awesome

 

Sorry, I wouldn't get it.

 

I don't like country accents or blond men and I don't fall over myself just because a man looks good. It takes A LOT more to impress me.

 

I look good too and I value myself so have no need to feel flattered because some man wants to show me his penis. Eww. That's your problem OP, clearly you don't feel all that great about yourself and feel that this guy is somehow above you so you should lap up any attention from him.

 

Nope. I'm definitely not the one for that. I have NO issues telling a wealthy, good looking or famous man where to eff off to in a heart beat if I feel he is disrespecting me, because I don't go around with the belief that I am less than so should just be glad for any man's attention. That's the difference.