Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[Ruffian1]

On thing you should think about. Guys talk, this guy may be telling other guys about you and what you did/are doing with him.

 

 

Those guys are going to form an opinion about you. Perhaps they won't consider you marriage/dating material based on the rumors they hear.

 

 

Don't do that to yourself.

[Miss Clavel]

I mean I know kind of when a guy isn't being genuine. I know this guy isn't. He doesn't tell me I'm pretty or care about anything that is going on in my life or anything like that. He just cares about me showing stuff on FT. If you saw him though you would get it. He is like the tall, former military guy, with blonde hair and the cutest country accent ever in life. That type of guy being interested in me is like "yay!!!" that's awesome

 

yes, he is interested in you. he is interested in screwing you when ever he has time and before he marries someone else. you are not in his league, you are not the type he wants to marry, not the type he wants to carry his child.

 

you.are.not.good.enough.for.him.

 

that said, your life goal is to marry and have children and by a certain age. i get that. i have a college student co-worker and all she wants is a relationship. she wants to be a wife and mother. and i've told her that there is no shame in wanting someone to hold hands with as she goes thru her life of grad school and travel.

 

however. she has to be honest with the men she dates and she has to make sure she doesn't waste time on the drunk ass frat boys that are attracted to her. and many many men are attracted to her because she's got a smokin bod and killer green eyes. many men have tried to buy her drinks, get her number and then start texting/sexting her late at night. and there is nothing wrong with college boys tryin to get some booty, it's college. but that's not what she wants.

 

last spring she met a college boy at a friends wedding. he approached her and asked her for her number. he called her number. he asked her out. he took her on dates that he paid for. he asked her for monogamy and exclusivity. he asked her if she would be his girlfriend. she agreed.

 

she was honest, he's honest. they're young, they're together, they're having the time of their lives.

 

go out and get what you want, which should not include gloating over an engaged couples FB photos, that's a waste of time.

 

and if you feel like you're alone and 25 is breathing down your neck because you don't have near what you want from life, just think how you're going to feel at 35 when you realize that you wasted all your time f*i8ng unavailable MM.

[Miss Clavel]

I just don't have the self control to not answer a text if he sends it. .

 

 

go into your contacts and change his name to PAIN. that's what i did. alto mine wasn't married, he caused me PAIN. and after i ended it, in a text Hahahaha, he kept on find excuses to communicate. once the name PAIN popped up on my phone, it gave me that few seconds i needed to realize that i don't need anymore PAIN.

[purplesorrow]

I feel like if it was just random and he met some girl online and hooked up with her once I would stay but if it was long term and emotionally involved then that would be a problem. In the end if I was her and he was... Him lol I wouldn't ever leave him. She's lucky to get him. So so lucky. He obviously does love her despite this, he is marrying her next year! He asked her to marry him like obviously he loves her. Maybe she just sucks at sex or wanted somethkng new? Idk. I know I would hate if this happened to me but at the same time I can't make myself feel bad for her. She still gets him. I still get no one. She'll be married next summer, I probably won't. I don't feel bad for her.

 

You don't feel bad for her because you are jealous of her and you feel like you're getting over by messing with him. Maybe he just sucks at being an adult in a relationship. Ask yourself why you know about her but you are a deep dark secret. He is about to let her commit to a life with a known liar and cheat, I don't see anything loving about that.

Edited October 23, 2014 by purplesorrow

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

yes, he is interested in you. he is interested in screwing you when ever he has time and before he marries someone else. you are not in his league, you are not the type he wants to marry, not the type he wants to carry his child.

 

you.are.not.good.enough.for.him.

 

that said, your life goal is to marry and have children and by a certain age. i get that. i have a college student co-worker and all she wants is a relationship. she wants to be a wife and mother. and i've told her that there is no shame in wanting someone to hold hands with as she goes thru her life of grad school and travel.

 

however. she has to be honest with the men she dates and she has to make sure she doesn't waste time on the drunk ass frat boys that are attracted to her. and many many men are attracted to her because she's got a smokin bod and killer green eyes. many men have tried to buy her drinks, get her number and then start texting/sexting her late at night. and there is nothing wrong with college boys tryin to get some booty, it's college. but that's not what she wants.

 

last spring she met a college boy at a friends wedding. he approached her and asked her for her number. he called her number. he asked her out. he took her on dates that he paid for. he asked her for monogamy and exclusivity. he asked her if she would be his girlfriend. she agreed.

 

she was honest, he's honest. they're young, they're together, they're having the time of their lives.

 

go out and get what you want, which should not include gloating over an engaged couples FB photos, that's a waste of time.

 

and if you feel like you're alone and 25 is breathing down your neck because you don't have near what you want from life, just think how you're going to feel at 35 when you realize that you wasted all your time f*i8ng unavailable MM.

 

I feel like no one is understanding that it isn't that easy. It's not just me going to wherever and a guy getting my number THAT DOESNT HAPPEN! It isn't like I'm totally devoted to him I still date. If I found someone who actually wanted a relationship I would drop the engaged guy in a milisecond. But for the time being he makes me feel good. He's a super attractive guy who makes time to talk to me (even though there's an ulterior motive) Im not saying I don't want to stop, because I do! I just don't know what to do to fill my time of not dating, not talking to him. Just going through the motions. I mean I cannot stay single all this time like I can't I can't go into 24 single that's so embarrassing.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You don't feel bad for her because you are jealous of her and you feel like you're getting over by messing with him. Maybe he just sucks at being an adult in a relationship. Ask yourself why you know about her but you are a deep dark secret. He is about to let her commit to a life with a known liar and cheat, I don't see anything loving about that.

 

I guess because he doesn't show her that. She gets the best of him so she doesn't know any different. It's like the whole "ignorance is bliss". She thinks she has his best and it would be devastating to find out that you don't. I just don't see why she needs to know? I mean she is happy he is happy, maybe he's a sex addict? If so he can't help it? Idk. He seemed like he felt guilty when we did it the first time, but then like 10 mins later he was like "ok do it again" so idk he's hard to read. He isn't mine so there's no reason for me to read him

[purplesorrow]

I guess because he doesn't show her that. She gets the best of him so she doesn't know any different. It's like the whole "ignorance is bliss". She thinks she has his best and it would be devastating to find out that you don't. I just don't see why she needs to know? I mean she is happy he is happy, maybe he's a sex addict? If so he can't help it? Idk. He seemed like he felt guilty when we did it the first time, but then like 10 mins later he was like "ok do it again" so idk he's hard to read. He isn't mine so there's no reason for me to read him

 

So if she's getting the best, what are you getting. Why shouldn't she know what is really happening in her life. She might not want to marry a cheater. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is a time bomb just waiting to go off and destroys everything when it does. Ask me how I know!

[purplesorrow]

....and he doesn't really sound that great. I guess one woman's douchey fiance is another woman's Prince Charming.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

So if she's getting the best, what are you getting. Why shouldn't she know what is really happening in her life. She might not want to marry a cheater. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is a time bomb just waiting to go off and destroys everything when it does. Ask me how I know!

 

I couldn't ever tell her but maybe she will find out some other way? I feel like it's not my place and at the same time I feel a weird loyalty to him like I would be wrong to tell her. I wouldn't even know how

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

....and he doesn't really sound that great. I guess one woman's douchey fiance is another woman's Prince Charming.

 

He is kind of meanish at least he was to me. It is an odd situation because when we met he was so rude and a little drunk and then we went to his house and he was still kind of rude then we had sex and he was nice and then he was means again. She probably doesn't get his mean side. I am superficial a little because I just like how attractive he is.

[purplesorrow]

He is kind of meanish at least he was to me. It is an odd situation because when we met he was so rude and a little drunk and then we went to his house and he was still kind of rude then we had sex and he was nice and then he was means again. She probably doesn't get his mean side. I am superficial a little because I just like how attractive he is.

 

This makes my head hurt. Please seek a new therapist and go as much as they allow.

[Miss Clavel]

I feel like no one is understanding that it isn't that easy. It's not just me going to wherever and a guy getting my number THAT DOESNT HAPPEN! It isn't like I'm totally devoted to him I still date. If I found someone who actually wanted a relationship I would drop the engaged guy in a milisecond. But for the time being he makes me feel good. He's a super attractive guy who makes time to talk to me (even though there's an ulterior motive) Im not saying I don't want to stop, because I do! I just don't know what to do to fill my time of not dating, not talking to him. Just going through the motions. I mean I cannot stay single all this time like I can't I can't go into 24 single that's so embarrassing.

 

keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you got. read it again. and again.

 

you have become, at the ripe age of 23, a sperm repository. you let a engaged man "get it in" and then leave to go plan his wedding to a woman that, in your opinion, is "less" than you.

 

who you are, what you have become is radiating off you. you're a stinking cheater that doesn't give a damn about anyone, least off all yourself.

 

find something else to do. i wanted to meet a wealthy man so i started going to mega wealthy country club swimming pool on a guest pass. i went to high end car dealerships like i could afford a jag. i went to clubs that sponsored high stakes backgammon tournaments. i got my teeth fixed. i changed jobs. i read books about travel and fine wine. i learned to play poker and went to the casions so often i now get a free room, like a high roller.

 

what you want, to be in a relationship and to have a family is NOTHING to be ashamed of. what you should be ashamed of is how you are wasting so much time and going after someone that another woman already has her hooks in.

 

he got it in with you BUT she got the ring!

 

hello, i thought you were of at least average intelligence if a bit emotionally stunted. so let me put it in words you might understand:

 

they don't buy the cow when the milk is free.

 

stop giving it away and stop wasting time on men that are not available and even if they were, he doesn't even like you.

 

good luck sweetie.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you got. read it again. and again.

 

you have become, at the ripe age of 23, a sperm repository. you let a engaged man "get it in" and then leave to go plan his wedding to a woman that, in your opinion, is "less" than you.

 

who you are, what you have become is radiating off you. you're a stinking cheater that doesn't give a damn about anyone, least off all yourself.

 

find something else to do. i wanted to meet a wealthy man so i started going to mega wealthy country club swimming pool on a guest pass. i went to high end car dealerships like i could afford a jag. i went to clubs that sponsored high stakes backgammon tournaments. i got my teeth fixed. i changed jobs. i read books about travel and fine wine. i learned to play poker and went to the casions so often i now get a free room, like a high roller.

 

what you want, to be in a relationship and to have a family is NOTHING to be ashamed of. what you should be ashamed of is how you are wasting so much time and going after someone that another woman already has her hooks in.

 

he got it in with you BUT she got the ring!

 

hello, i thought you were of at least average intelligence if a bit emotionally stunted. so let me put it in words you might understand:

 

they don't buy the cow when the milk is free.

 

stop giving it away and stop wasting time on men that are not available and even if they were, he doesn't even like you.

 

good luck sweetie.

Ok so what am I supposed to do? What is your advice about finding a husband?! Because I am not going to country clubs, I am a student I can't afford it. I'm also not going to wait until 30 to find someone.

[Owl]

I ideally don't want to adopt, I want to be pregnant and cute and fat with a baby bump and all that awesome stuff. I do want to be a SAHM that's so important to me. Not for forever but while my kids are like small until they are at least 10. I also do want a huge family like 5 kids I doubt I will have that many because I'm already 23 and manless.

 

This whole affair thing is stressful he never even texts me anymore. Ughhh in just so mad and annoyed I just want him. I feel really attached lately to like anyone.

 

I'm going to be honest.

 

There's soooooo much self-focus here, I would be concerned for your children if you were to become a mother at this point in your life.

 

You don't want to mother children, you don't want to be a loving wife for a man who deserves it...you want the title of mom, the mantle of 'wife'....but it doesn't seem to me that you've given much thought to the actual 'doing' of it all.

 

You want to be cute with a baby bump...you want the attention that being pregnant gets some people.

 

Your posts SCREAM that you're begging for attention...which doesn't bode well for others in your life, IMHO.

 

I want to reiterate my previous advice to you, which you clearly seemed to have overlooked.

 

I'm going to tell you a secret, as an old man.

 

You're doing this all wrong.

 

You've been 'husband hunting' since you were 16...fruitlessly.

 

Stop husband hunting. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Learn to love yourself, to be self-sufficient with yourself and within yourself.

 

Learn to be happy with yourself, by yourself.

 

Not only will you become a much better person, but you'll be much more satsified with your life as it is.

 

And here's the secret...this same process will create the most attractive 'you' possible. You'll be the kind of woman that men want.

 

You're unhappy because your goals are wrong. You're seeking the wrong things, for the wrong reasons...and that's highly unattractive to men seeking a long-term partner.

 

Stop looking for a husband...start working to being a happy, whole person...and the rest falls into place.

[purplesorrow]

Ok so what am I supposed to do? What is your advice about finding a husband?! Because I am not going to country clubs, I am a student I can't afford it. I'm also not going to wait until 30 to find someone.

 

Oh good grief (in my best Charlie brown voice) you have 10 pages of great advice.

[Owl]

Oh good grief (in my best Charlie brown voice) you have 10 pages of great advice.

 

(that you've completely ignored)

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Ok so what am I supposed to do? What is your advice about finding a husband?! Because I am not going to country clubs, I am a student I can't afford it. I'm also not going to wait until 30 to find someone.

 

Why do you keep asking these kinds of questions? You don't want to wait until you're more emotionally secure/financially stable so then just take what you can get. Open up an OLD profile and state that you're looking to settle down ASAP. As crazy as it seems, you'll get more offers than you might think.

 

Your trouble is, you want a hot guy who's popular with a lot going for him and with money in the bank but don't bring anything to the table except your desperation and desire for immediate marriage. You want guys who have options and plenty of them but those guys who are so 'called "great" catches don't want you.

 

I'm sorry but unless you're smoking hot and are very social/sociable - and your inability to attract decent men in the real world that actually want to date you points to the fact that this probably isn't the case with you - it is unlikely you're going to meet Prince Charming tomorrow and be married by the end of the week. Few good-looking guys living in America in their 20s are looking to get married. And I'm not even going to touch on the fact that you're a young black girl.

 

You want some advice about finding a husband? The solution is to lower your expectations in terms of looks, status and age. Take what you can get right now, it's the only way you'll get what you think you want in the short term.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Oh good grief (in my best Charlie brown voice) you have 10 pages of great advice.

 

(that you've completely ignored)

 

 

THANK YOU. I mean come on now! How much more advice is needed?

[Owl]

And here's my advice from yet another one of your threads that I think is still relevent.

 

Men around your age are still living their lives, having fun, etc...

 

You already want to settle down, start a family, etc...

 

Your goals are what's causing you to fail.

 

Best advice I can give you:

 

Go out and find things you enjoy doing. Yoga is a start. Are you an indoors or outdoors type? Indoors, look at various crafts you can get into, look at taking up martial arts if that interests you, take up music if you like, online games...all kinds of things. Outdoors type...camping, hiking, cycling, backpacking, birdwatching, geocaching, etc...

 

THAT is where you're going to meet people. Doing something in common. THAT is how you start to find a connection with someone.

 

Your posts here on LS do indeed sound desperate, and your self-imposed timeline is bound to scare off damn near any man who meets you. You're looking for a mate...men need to find a woman that they share common ground with before they CONSIDER her as a possible mate. Otherwise she's just fun for a romp.

 

Get that common ground first. Don't scare them off with your agenda and focus on your timeline. Learn to enjoy who you are first...that'll attract the kind of man you're looking for.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Why do you keep asking these kinds of questions? You don't want to wait until you're more emotionally secure/financially stable so then just take what you can get. Open up an OLD profile and state that you're looking to settle down ASAP. As crazy as it seems, you'll get more offers than you might think.

 

Your trouble is, you want a hot guy who's popular with a lot going for him and with money in the bank but don't bring anything to the table except your desperation and desire for immediate marriage. You want guys who have options and plenty of them but those guys who are so 'called "great" catches don't want you.

 

I'm sorry but unless you're smoking hot and are very social/sociable - and your inability to attract decent men in the real world that actually want to date you points to the fact that this probably isn't the case with you - it is unlikely you're going to meet Prince Charming tomorrow and be married by the end of the week. Few good-looking guys living in America in their 20s are looking to get married. And I'm not even going to touch on the fact that you're a young black girl.

 

You want some advice about finding a husband? The solution is to lower your expectations in terms of looks, status and age. Take what you can get right now, it's the only way you'll get what you think you want in the short term.

I just want a decent guy? Why is that bad or impossible? I'm pretty, I'm smart, I am getting a Masters that should count for something right?

[purplesorrow]

THANK YOU. I mean come on now! How much more advice is needed?

 

I feel like we're being punked. Just waiting for Ashton to log on.

[Miss Clavel]

Ok so what am I supposed to do? What is your advice about finding a husband?! Because I am not going to country clubs, I am a student I can't afford it. I'm also not going to wait until 30 to find someone.

 

google. you found this website. you can find other websites. can you find the library? a bookstore? the starbucks? join a human rights campaign, join a political campaign, go to your schools sporting events, go to a "kegger".

 

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

 

p.s. when i want jewelry, i go to the place that has an entire array for me to chose from. something of my own to cherish, not something i had to pry off another woman's hand.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I feel like we're being punked. Just waiting for Ashton to log on.

 

No I am super serious I mean I get the advice and it is great it is just harder to implement it in my life. Some times I want to just delete his number and never talk to him again other times I am begging him to just come over because I want sex so much. It is all so up and down.

 

I honestly do believe I would be a good mother though I am so loving. I just want to love a baby and kiss it a ton and just be a mommy. I want to be a wife so I can have someone to love me and do stuff with and be special to.

[Miss Clavel]

I feel like we're being punked. Just waiting for Ashton to log on.

 

begs the question, what school let her in and what are her grades like?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

google. you found this website. you can find other websites. can you find the library? a bookstore? the starbucks? join a human rights campaign, join a political campaign, go to your schools sporting events, go to a "kegger".

 

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

 

p.s. when i want jewelry, i go to the place that has an entire array for me to chose from. something of my own to cherish, not something i had to pry off another woman's hand.

 

You're making it too simplistic. If it was that easy I would have done it. I have been OLD since I was 19