Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Most people are in relationships because they want each other! You just want a relationship! How's that going to work out? Seriously, did you have a difficult childhood? Do you have problems keeping friends?

 

I could make someone want me.

 

I didn't have a difficult childhood and I have friends that I have had for forever. I have a problem making friends now though like I don't trust people enough and I just get annoyed with people quickly

[pink_sugar]

I met my husband at work when I was 16. I wasn't even THINKING about being in a relationship yet...it just happened. So you never know...

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I met my husband at work when I was 16. I wasn't even THINKING about being in a relationship yet...it just happened. So you never know...

 

Yeah but you were 16 you didn't have to worry about it. I'm not that young anymore realistically I need to find someone in the next 2-3 years

[pink_sugar]

Yeah but you were 16 you didn't have to worry about it. I'm not that young anymore realistically I need to find someone in the next 2-3 years

 

Yeah, but it's entirely possible I could be single now at 25 if I didn't meet my husband. Until I met him, I was a loner and didn't have any interest in dating like many of the other highschoolers I knew. Also, sometimes you have to date many people before finding "the one". You don't want to start a family with the wrong one.

[anika99]

Why would he do that?

I feel like as much as everyone is coming down on me with regard to karma and stuff he deserves bad karma too, but he isn't getting it. He is going to get married and have cute babies with country accents. How do people like that get so lucky?! Like even her, I mean I was in their house, she's messy as hell she doesn't clean, they didn't have any cooked meals, she doesn't cook. She will be a bad wife, she isn't skillful. She sucks too. I hate her

 

 

Oh my God! You are just talking in circles. Why do keep ignoring everything everyone has already told you?

 

 

It has already been said that his finance is not lucky to be getting a cheater for a husband. He is going to rip her heart out one day when she finds out what a douche he really is. And you are not God, you don't know what the consequences of his behaviour are going to be or when they are going to happen.

 

 

Please just stop saying the same silly things over and over and over again. Many people have already addressed these absurd arguments of yours.

[georgia girl]

I just need to know that it will happen. The longer I wait the more likely it isn't going to. I also just feel like now in school is the time to do it. I don't know what my day to day life will be like after graduation. I just don't see a ton of opportunities so it is now or never in my opinion. Being on this site also has kind of freaked me out, there are a lot of old single people who seem miserable... Maybe not even miserable they are just single and old and that has to be sad. I had a substitute professor today and she was saying how she is 40, she had no wedding ring, she talked about dating around a little, she had no kids and she was really bigger. I feel like being single is embarrassing. Something has to be wrong with people who are older and single, something has to be wrong with people my age and single. I don't want to be lumped into that embarrassing group. I want to be "one of the cool kids" thats what a relationship seems like to me.

 

 

This is so painfully immature that I threw up a little in my mouth. You want to be one of the "cool kids" in a relationship? Single people are pathetic?

 

 

Keep Calm, do you not get that YOU are the one who looks pathetic and desperate? I can only hope that you have enough self control (which doesn't seem likely to me) that you don't let others see this side of you. You've done this before with a committed guy? And now - now? - you're concerned that it may look trampy????

 

 

Get it together, girl. You come across as a jealous, desperate, shallow woman who would do anything dirty with anyone else's intended spouse just so you could get one up on them. Guys have a certain radar - and if any small slice of how you come across to us is coming across to them - they will run a mile! It doesn't matter how "hot" you are, how "easy" you are, and what a great mom you think you're gonna be. You come off as the crazy girl who just wants to get married, but hey, string her along and she'll have sex with you.

 

 

Value yourself. Value your life. Make it one you can be proud of. Then, if you meet someone, great. If you don't, that's great, too.

 

 

I never met my husband until my late 30's. I certainly didn't feel pathetic. By then, I too was an adjunct professor and a CEO. I owned my own home, which I had remodeled from top to bottom, and I had travelled extensively with both friends and family. I just wasn't all that concerned about getting married. I had broken someone's heart when I was 22 because I fell out of love. Having done that to another human being, I didn't trust myself to feel lasting love.

 

 

I met my husband because we had shared interests - we were both marathon runners, loved the outdoors, enjoyed learning, enjoyed wine and good food, and football. He was fun and I just enjoyed being with him. There was no end goal. When he nearly died in a freak accident, I realized I loved him like crazy. We were married about a year after that.

 

 

I didn't plan on meeting "HIM." I just met him.

 

 

To be totally honest, you are wasting your time right now. Your desperation comes off of you in waves and you could try harder, do more things and sleep with more guys. If you stopped trying so hard, starting enjoying and living your life, then I think the magic may happen. But you have to calm down, slow down and ratchet it down.

 

 

Sorry for the tough love, but I just can't take it anymore.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Oh my God! You are just talking in circles. Why do keep ignoring everything everyone has already told you?

 

 

It has already been said that his finance is not lucky to be getting a cheater for a husband. He is going to rip her heart out one day when she finds out what a douche he really is. And you are not God, you don't know what the consequences of his behaviour are going to be or when they are going to happen.

 

 

Please just stop saying the same silly things over and over and over again. Many people have already addressed these absurd arguments of yours.

 

You are right. One question though, what if she never finds out?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

This is so painfully immature that I threw up a little in my mouth. You want to be one of the "cool kids" in a relationship? Single people are pathetic?

 

 

Keep Calm, do you not get that YOU are the one who looks pathetic and desperate? I can only hope that you have enough self control (which doesn't seem likely to me) that you don't let others see this side of you. You've done this before with a committed guy? And now - now? - you're concerned that it may look trampy????

 

 

Get it together, girl. You come across as a jealous, desperate, shallow woman who would do anything dirty with anyone else's intended spouse just so you could get one up on them. Guys have a certain radar - and if any small slice of how you come across to us is coming across to them - they will run a mile! It doesn't matter how "hot" you are, how "easy" you are, and what a great mom you think you're gonna be. You come off as the crazy girl who just wants to get married, but hey, string her along and she'll have sex with you.

 

 

Value yourself. Value your life. Make it one you can be proud of. Then, if you meet someone, great. If you don't, that's great, too.

 

 

I never met my husband until my late 30's. I certainly didn't feel pathetic. By then, I too was an adjunct professor and a CEO. I owned my own home, which I had remodeled from top to bottom, and I had travelled extensively with both friends and family. I just wasn't all that concerned about getting married. I had broken someone's heart when I was 22 because I fell out of love. Having done that to another human being, I didn't trust myself to feel lasting love.

 

 

I met my husband because we had shared interests - we were both marathon runners, loved the outdoors, enjoyed learning, enjoyed wine and good food, and football. He was fun and I just enjoyed being with him. There was no end goal. When he nearly died in a freak accident, I realized I loved him like crazy. We were married about a year after that.

 

 

I didn't plan on meeting "HIM." I just met him.

 

 

To be totally honest, you are wasting your time right now. Your desperation comes off of you in waves and you could try harder, do more things and sleep with more guys. If you stopped trying so hard, starting enjoying and living your life, then I think the magic may happen. But you have to calm down, slow down and ratchet it down.

 

 

Sorry for the tough love, but I just can't take it anymore.

 

My time is just wasting. Even doing the work on myself is no guarantee that could prove to be a waste. It just needs to happen now. I just need to do whatever I can to make it happen. I was thinking, a lot of people keep taking about how I might find Mr. Wrong if I keep looking so hard but I think if I can get passed superficial things there is no such thing as a Mr. Wrong. You can grow to love anyone.

 

I need to just get my mood together I usually wouldn't ever even care about this guy. I don't know why I got so attached recently

Edited October 23, 2014 by KeepCalmCarryOn

[GreySkyMorning]

I got married at 18 and had three kids by the time I was 30. Then at 32, I got divorced. I stayed single then and raised my kids for the next 12 years. At 44, I have finally met the love of my life. I really hope you mature one day and hopefully, its before you ruin yours or someone else's life.

[Sub]

I'm convinced this entire thread is a performance art piece, as part of this "Masters" degree the OP is attempting to get.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I'm convinced this entire thread is a performance art piece, as part of this "Masters" degree the OP is attempting to get.

 

I hate when people use the fact that I am getting a Masters as a way to call me stupid or something. It is very possible to be immature in one aspect of life and very well put together in other. I excel in school because I like order. I like routine and schedules and planning. Knowing everyday what my day entails is good for me. Not having control over things is where I have problems, hence this. I don't have control over this guy, or when he calls or texts, I don't have control over when I will meet a man, I don't have control over those majorly huge and important aspects in my life and not being able to just make it happen or have control over it is hard for me. I am a great student. I got my undergrad degree and graduated with Honors. I got into the top Masters program in my state for my program. I excel in school. I am not stupid. Don't try to discredit me for getting a Masters just because I cannot handle other aspects of my life.

[Nattie]

I'm convinced this entire thread is a performance art piece, as part of this "Masters" degree the OP is attempting to get.

 

I was convinced that it was a troll situation, but I actually know someone like this in person. I'm at a loss for words.

[Lurkeraspect]

I hate when people use the fact that I am getting a Masters as a way to call me stupid or something. It is very possible to be immature in one aspect of life and very well put together in other. I excel in school because I like order. I like routine and schedules and planning. Knowing everyday what my day entails is good for me. Not having control over things is where I have problems, hence this. I don't have control over this guy, or when he calls or texts, I don't have control over when I will meet a man, I don't have control over those majorly huge and important aspects in my life and not being able to just make it happen or have control over it is hard for me. I am a great student. I got my undergrad degree and graduated with Honors. I got into the top Masters program in my state for my program. I excel in school. I am not stupid. Don't try to discredit me for getting a Masters just because I cannot handle other aspects of my life.

 

 

Re the bold: if you think marriage and especially having kids will give you this...it doesn't. It can be very chaotic.

 

I don't think you're stupid, btw, and I didn't read where anyone said you are. Your thinking though, is very flawed, which I think you get. All the things you say you want, you're chasing in the wrong ways. Men (people) can smell desperation, and you exude desperation. I don't doubt you're pretty and can get dates, but they likely don't stick around long, because after a few interactions with you, they know exactly what you're after, namely their sperm and a marriage proposal. So they run, you get depressed, and the cycle continues.

 

I think you need a life coach. Someone to help you get the things you want, because clearly the way you're doing things now, aren't working.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I agree with most of what you said here but what does her being a young black girl have to do with anything?

 

I'm curious about that statement too.

 

 

Its statistically proven that black women have a harder time finding husbands/getting married. I know this from personal experience but the evidence is everywhere. A little research into the topic will yield all the answers you need. Couple that with the fact that she's also only 23 and dates men at around the same age and it's like a double-whammy.

[Sub]

I hate when people use the fact that I am getting a Masters as a way to call me stupid or something. It is very possible to be immature in one aspect of life and very well put together in other.

I guess. I taught for years at the undergrad level. I've never seen such lack of perspective. I just find it hard to believe you've been able to navigate the social aspects of college life with such a glaring deficiency.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

You don't know that. I hate those kind of statements. I am funny and smart and pretty guys like me. I am sure that I could find someone who would date me. I know what I said was harsh and I know that indicates immaturity and all that but dating cannot be this hard. There HAS to be someone who would date me like now. I have gone out on a ton of dates, I mean something has to come together soon. It just has to.

 

 

I could make someone want me.

 

Yet you're still single so clearly this is not true.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I guess. I taught for years at the undergrad level. I've never seen such lack of perspective. I just find it hard to believe you've been able to navigate the social aspects of college life with such a glaring deficiency.

 

It's called faking it. I joined social groups... I am not anti social I just can't find someone to date.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Yet you're still single so clearly this is not true.

 

You're just being mean so whatever.

[purplesorrow]

OP, do you have any strong females in your life? I think a mentor would serve you well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the dream of wanting a family. But failing to do the necessary work to lay the foundation for the best outcome will make that dream a nightmare. Being a good partner and mother is a lot of hard work. I can't tell you how many times I was up in the middle of the night with a crying baby, crying right a long with her! Even at the age of 37 and thinking I was ready for her, she changed everything. You are not enjoying life. You are letting so much pass you by because you have tunnel vision for a husband. There are things on my bucket list that I had to put to the side because I did get married and have a kid. Some things I can now focus on again. But some are forever gone, alas I will never be a Barker beauty on the price is right because Bob is gone! ? silly I know, but at 23 the world was mine.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Yet you're still single so clearly this is not true.

 

Also it isn't necessarily harder for black women to find husbands in general. It is harder for black women to find black husbands because a lot of black men aren't necessarily "the marrying kind". If more black women interracially dated they would have higher marriage rates. I personally only interracially date:)

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

OP, do you have any strong females in your life? I think a mentor would serve you well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the dream of wanting a family. But failing to do the necessary work to lay the foundation for the best outcome will make that dream a nightmare. Being a good partner and mother is a lot of hard work. I can't tell you how many times I was up in the middle of the night with a crying baby, crying right a long with her! Even at the age of 37 and thinking I was ready for her, she changed everything. You are not enjoying life. You are letting so much pass you by because you have tunnel vision for a husband. There are things on my bucket list that I had to put to the side because I did get married and have a kid. Some things I can now focus on again. But some are forever gone, alas I will never be a Barker beauty on the price is right because Bob is gone! silly I know, but at 23 the world was mine.

 

My mom, and my friends. One friend just had a baby though and that's kind of a bummer for me. My other friend is like loving single life but she has a "**** buddy" so that doesn't count. Idk I have a difficult time with relationships with other women. For obvious reasons Lol

 

If you don't mind, how old were you when you got married?

[Timshel]

KeepCalmCarryOn-

 

Deep relationships like marriage Do Not Work this way. Your method will not get you to your goal. People keep telling you this but you refuse to listen.

Is this working for you?? NO, then you have to change your method. You refuse because it will change your time frame? Then keep doing what your doing and continue to fail.

 

There isn't anything else to say. Your way will not work. Also, life is going to be very hard for you if you insist everything is on a schedule and plan. Life is going to freak you out girl.

 

Bring this thread to your psychologist to read. Increase your sessions or get a better one. Think, would I want someone to do this to me? when you are trying to decide how to act.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I deleted one of my dating profiles so that's good right?! Now I can focus on school more... And be bored to death and miserable because I am not meeting any men... Yay! But oh well.

[Sub]

Grad school's not cheap. I find it hard to believe you're dropping Master's-level coin JUST to meet guys. If so, I would add sitting down with a financial advisor to your list.

[letmoc]

Its statistically proven that black women have a harder time finding husbands/getting married. I know this from personal experience but the evidence is everywhere. A little research into the topic will yield all the answers you need. Couple that with the fact that she's also only 23 and dates men at around the same age and it's like a double-whammy.

 

OK fair enough I was just curious. I don't find that it's harder for me than any of my non-black friends, but I am not married yet either, so maybe it is:). But seriously at this point, that is the least of her problems.