Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

No one can make you worry but have it your way.

 

Everyone does, you're basically wishing singleness on me which is really awful

[Lernaean_Hydra]

If that makes you feel good then ok. You were cheated on werent you? So you feel the need to take it out on otgers who get involved in these situations right?

 

It doesn't make me feel good to see a woman my age struggling so profoundly and desperately searching for love. It's heartbreaking to see someone so young flounder and fail like this. And yes, my ex boyfriend did cheat on me (you'll notice I said ex because I left him) but I'm not taking anything out on you. I'm not bitter about it and am currently dating new people. How many relationships do you have?

Edited October 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

 

 

 

It doesn't make me feel good to see a woman my age struggling so profoundly and desperately searching for love. It's heartbreaking to see someone so young flounder and fail like this. And yes, my ex boyfriend did cheat on me (you'll notice I said ex because I left him) but I'm not taking anything out on you. I'm not bitter about it and am currently dating new people. How many relationships do you have?

 

No boyfriends but several dates lined up:)

Actually I'm going out with a guy this week and we have been out 5 times and I met his friends.. I'm sure that I'm interested in him that's why he isn't my bf:) if it was up to him we would be dating. So thanks

Edited October 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[whichwayisup]

Everyone does, you're basically wishing singleness on me which is really awful

 

Nobody is wishing you to be single forever.

 

When the timing is right, a great guy will come into your life. You won't be searching and chasing, working so hard to find 'the guy'. Things have a way of working out when the timing is right and KeepC, right now, the timing is wrong.

 

I believe if you focus on other aspects of your life, try ONE month of no dates, no guys and focus on yourself, your friends and being 'just happy'. Go shopping, pamper yourself. Live for 'you' not for the unknown guy you think is around the corner.

[Miss Clavel]

No boyfriends but several dates lined up:)

Actually I'm going out with a guy this week and we have been out 5 times and I met his friends.. I'm sure that I'm interested in him that's why he isn't my bf:) if it was up to him we would be dating. So thanks

 

Thank you for your kind response! I only have an okc account that I barely use so I can delete it. I don't have a lot of time for dates and on all honesty I'm tired of the same crap from different guys

 

in all honesty, i think you have some kind of brain disorder having to do with numbers. is it called "savant"..? 25, 30. 25 30. 4 years 6 years, you're always counting. maybe gets some meds? google OCD.

 

and you're greedy, "i want, i want i want". BABIES want. and what BABIES want, is every fing thing you've got. and more.

 

sounds like you should change your major. maybe get a certificate to own a daycare. lotta single dads driving the drop off.

 

good luck.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Nobody is wishing you to be single forever.

 

When the timing is right, a great guy will come into your life. You won't be searching and chasing, working so hard to find 'the guy'. Things have a way of working out when the timing is right and KeepC, right now, the timing is wrong.

 

I believe if you focus on other aspects of your life, try ONE month of no dates, no guys and focus on yourself, your friends and being 'just happy'. Go shopping, pamper yourself. Live for 'you' not for the unknown guy you think is around the corner.

 

I did finally delete both profiles that's good right?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

in all honesty, i think you have some kind of brain disorder having to do with numbers. is it called "savant"..? 25, 30. 25 30. 4 years 6 years, you're always counting. maybe gets some meds? google OCD.

 

and you're greedy, "i want, i want i want". BABIES want. and what BABIES want, is every fing thing you've got. and more.

 

sounds like you should change your major. maybe get a certificate to own a daycare. lotta single dads driving the drop off.

 

good luck.

 

I am pretty sure I'm not ocd. I am not constantly counting I just measure life by what happens at 25 and before 30. To me turning 30 and being single would be the most Godawful thing that could happen to me. And yes I know worse things could happen than being single but to me it is right up there with those awful things. It's like a disease to me, that is just slowly eating away at me. That's what being single is as far as I'm concerned.

 

I work in a school setting now, no attractive dads that I want. Also I have dated single dads one of the guys I'm talking to is "separated" and has 3 small children (4, 2, 2 months) and he's always busy he takes forever to text it's just an unfun situation.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I am pretty sure I'm not ocd. I am not constantly counting I just measure life by what happens at 25 and before 30. To me turning 30 and being single would be the most Godawful thing that could happen to me. And yes I know worse things could happen than being single but to me it is right up there with those awful things. It's like a disease to me, that is just slowly eating away at me. That's what being single is as far as I'm concerned.

 

I work in a school setting now, no attractive dads that I want. Also I have dated single dads one of the guys I'm talking to is "separated" and has 3 small children (4, 2, 2 months) and he's always busy he takes forever to text it's just an unfun situation.

 

You need to stop dating. You are in no way ready for any sort of relationship. At all. Especially any relationship that has children already in it. You could not be any less ready or prepared to be a parent, full or part time.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You need to stop dating. You are in no way ready for any sort of relationship. At all. Especially any relationship that has children already in it. You could not be any less ready or prepared to be a parent, full or part time.

 

I kind of agree about the parenting part ONLY BECAUSE I don't have the time or money to be a parent right now. Which is why I need a husband (or boyfriend who would be super committed) because that helps the finance issues and it would be shared time.

 

I obviously disagree about the relationship part though. I'm ready for that times a million

[Got it]

Keep Calm - while I share different desire in life from you I respect your desire to have a specific future.

 

Why do you think you would be an awesome wife and mother? What do you think those roles define for you?

 

We all have future projections, especially at your age, but life doesn't always work out like that. What else are you focusing on in your life to further develop you? To attract a mate, we need to have our own interests and desires, what defines you?

 

If you are very serious about wanting this specific life soon, I would suggest start living that future. Drop the engaged guy, so you are open to someone new, and there are many matchmaking services, It's Just Lunch, is one, that is geared towards people who are actively looking for a serious relationship.

 

But I would also highly suggest therapy as well to work on yourself and continue developing your core.

 

Please remember that life is not always what we think it is going to be but just because it is different doesn't mean that it isn't better.

 

And because I love this quote from Up in the Air. Seems very germane to this thread:

 

Natalie Keener: I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.

Alex Goran: Well, life can underwhelm you that way.

Natalie Keener: Where did you think you'd be by err...?

Alex Goran: It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the dead lines. It can be a little counter productive.

Natalie Keener: I don't want to say anything that is anti feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.

Alex Goran: It was our pleasure.

Natalie Keener: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?

Alex Goran: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an ******* would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.

Natalie Keener: Wow. That was depressing.

[Got it]

I just don't want to settle.

 

 

You're young. Right now you see

settling as some sort of a failure.

 

 

It is...by definition.

 

 

Yeah, but by the time someone is right

for you, it won't feel like settling.

 

 

And the only person left to judge you

 

 

will be the 23-year-old girl

with a target on your back.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I kind of agree about the parenting part ONLY BECAUSE I don't have the time or money to be a parent right now. Which is why I need a husband (or boyfriend who would be super committed) because that helps the finance issues and it would be shared time.

 

A husband doesn't cure financial issues, nor does it promise "shared time." I have a husband, we have the shared income, but finances are still an issue. And guess what? When you're a SAHM, even if you're a WAHM like I am, a huuuuuuuge chunk of taking care of the kids falls on me, and he'll be the first to tell you.

 

To be a parent requires a level of emotional commitment and sacrifice that you just don't have yet. Seeing your comments about the man (who you imply you don't think is truly separated, by the way) with the kids and how it's "unfun" because he's always busy and takes forever to get back to you just shows... You're not at a stage where you can handle being a parent.

 

Guess what? That level of "unfun" is your everyday life when you're married with kids. If you think it's "unfun" now, and you're only doing it what wouldn't even be considered part-part-part-part time, when that's what your full time reality is, you'll be miserable. You're just at a part of your life where you're too self centered to be a parent. Which is fine, we were all there, but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Is being a parent so important to you simply because you want to be a SAHM and not work because you think it's easier? That's the impression I'm getting... You don't want to take care of yourself, you want somebody else to take care of you. You don't want to work, you want to stay home, have what you think is an easier time of it, and that will "cure" your problems, insecurity, self-esteem issues.

 

I obviously disagree about the relationship part though. I'm ready for that times a million

 

You want it times a million, but you're not ready for it by any leap of the imagination. You're just not a good relationship partner right now. Seeing the number of first dates you're having but none have turned into relationships, that's obviously the impression you're giving others too.

Edited October 27, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Keep Calm - while I share different desire in life from you I respect your desire to have a specific future.

 

Why do you think you would be an awesome wife and mother? What do you think those roles define for you?

 

We all have future projections, especially at your age, but life doesn't always work out like that. What else are you focusing on in your life to further develop you? To attract a mate, we need to have our own interests and desires, what defines you?

 

If you are very serious about wanting this specific life soon, I would suggest start living that future. Drop the engaged guy, so you are open to someone new, and there are many matchmaking services, It's Just Lunch, is one, that is geared towards people who are actively looking for a serious relationship.

 

But I would also highly suggest therapy as well to work on yourself and continue developing your core.

 

Please remember that life is not always what we think it is going to be but just because it is different doesn't mean that it isn't better.

 

I really like that quote, maybe once I get a little older I will care less about looks. I feel like that is a major hinderance for me also and I do need to cut the timeline but I just feel afraid and like if I go on being single anymore I will be looked at as so unaccomplished. Like what have I accomplished that is worth anything if I am not in a relationship?

 

Anyways to your questions:

I think being a wife would be awesome because I belong to someone, I have one person to spend time with and do everything with and have regular sex and just be with and love and they love me and we are happy. Maybe not happy all the time but a lot. I think being a mom would be awesome because I have a little person who is so adorable and loves me and I love him or her and I just want baby cuddles. It sounds stupid but I want this little person who adores me. I would love my kids so much and be such a good mother. I am not as ****ty of a person as everyone on here thinks. I am capable of being caring, compassionate and loving. What do those roles define for me? It just makes me important, it would give me purpose. I am someones wife, that is who I am I am someones mom that is who I am. That is me "Mrs. _____" and "_____'s mom" that is important. It means I am important and someone picked me.

 

What else am I focusing on in my life? I mean I go to school. I do like my program a lot. I know everyone is insanely tired of hearing me say "well I am getting a Masters" lol but it is true. That is what I am focusing on. Besides that... nothing? I am honestly just trying to keep my head above water and manage school, and assignments and dates, and cleaning my apartment. At this point I really don't do fun things. I am exhausted every single day. I know that really makes me a ****ty wife candidate but I have no real hobbies. I like to crochet (which isn't bringing me a man), I like to play the Sims (I'm a loser, which isn't bringing me a man). I have interests kind of but nothing I would pursue because it costs money. I want to take yoga (private lessons I can't keep up in a regular class), I like cooking (I made crockpot spinach lasagna for the first time last week!!), I like shooting (I don't own guns, I went out shooting with a guy I was dating), I like wine (but I would never go to a bar alone thats awkward), I like country concerts and movies (both of which I would never go to alone because thats weird and awkward).

 

I am in therapy, I have been with this specific therapist for over a year and I like her a lot but I moved and she is an hour away from my new apartment. I go to her once a month but it is hard because it is a 1 hour session and I have to get 1 month worth of stuff out. I want to find someone closer but opening up to someone new is hard. I had a hard time opening up to her, she kind of had to drag it out of me, so now doing it all over again is going to be so hard.

 

As far as the engaged man, it is complicated. He and I don't talk a ton, he messages when he wants to... get off. Then he might send a few texts after and he's like "oh ok gotta go I will text you later" but he never does. Recently (last week) I have texted him and he hasn't responded. He has spurts sometimes he will text everyday for a week and sometimes I barely hear from him. We had sex last year and texted for about 2 weeks straight then "his gf found out" (which I don't believe she did I think he wanted to have an easy out) and we stopped talking fully. 2 months ago he randomly texted me from a new number and asked how I was and what was up and then went into the sex talk. So yeah he has spurts. I don't just sit and wait on him. I should definitely just block the number and stop looking at his twitter! It is so hard. I just want him. I know I can't have him though. :/

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

A husband doesn't cure financial issues, nor does it promise "shared time." I have a husband, we have the shared income, but finances are still an issue. And guess what? When you're a SAHM, even if you're a WAHM like I am, a huuuuuuuge chunk of taking care of the kids falls on me, and he'll be the first to tell you.

 

To be a parent requires a level of emotional commitment and sacrifice that you just don't have yet. Seeing your comments about the man (who you imply you don't think is truly separated, by the way) with the kids and how it's "unfun" because he's always busy and takes forever to get back to you just shows... You're not at a stage where you can handle being a parent.

 

Guess what? That level of "unfun" is your everyday life when you're married with kids. If you think it's "unfun" now, and you're only doing it what wouldn't even be considered part-part-part-part time, when that's what your full time reality is, you'll be miserable. You're just at a part of your life where you're too self centered to be a parent. Which is fine, we were all there, but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Is being a parent so important to you simply because you want to be a SAHM and not work because you think it's easier? That's the impression I'm getting... You don't want to take care of yourself, you want somebody else to take care of you. You don't want to work, you want to stay home, have what you think is an easier time of it, and that will "cure" your problems, insecurity, self-esteem issues.

 

 

 

You want it times a million, but you're not ready for it by any leap of the imagination. You're just not a good relationship partner right now. Seeing the number of first dates you're having but none have turned into relationships, that's obviously the impression you're giving others too.

 

Some of those guys I could have dated and just didn't want to. I am picky too. I am not going to lie I do get scared though like if I meet someone and it goes super well I get scared like "maybe this isn't the person" or I find things that bother me. I have only had like 2 guys where I found things that bothered me but I liked them so much that it didn't matter.

 

I do want to be taken care of, I think men should be the breadwinners in households and I think they should take care of their families. I don't have an issue with working and I would like to maybe but I would rather be at home with kids and taking care of them not out working.

 

The "separated man" he is legally separated and he said their divorce is just taking a long time. I don't know anything about that. I know they still live together and have a 2 month old which is so young for someone going through a divorce?? I am not really involved with him, he texts me occasionally and I answer, we haven't even met yet. I am not in too deep with that one.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I think being a wife would be awesome because I belong to someone, I have one person to spend time with and do everything with and have regular sex and just be with and love and they love me and we are happy. Maybe not happy all the time but a lot.

 

Reality check:

 

That makes up a fraction of your marriage.

 

When you're at the part of the marriage that doesn't include that, if you're in a lull, or if those things aren't going well, then what?

 

I think being a mom would be awesome because I have a little person who is so adorable and loves me and I love him or her and I just want baby cuddles. It sounds stupid but I want this little person who adores me. I would love my kids so much and be such a good mother.

 

And if you instead have the child with a disability, who doesn't look "cute and adorable"? What if you get the child that hates to cuddle, like all of our children did? Or the child who doesn't sleep through the night until he's a year old? The colicky child who cries all night, the kid with acid reflux who pukes all the time and so they're never "cute," but always puke covered? The kid who screams at the store, who hates their carseat and cries when you go out, the child who hates to dress up in "cute clothes." What do you do if you get a gender you don't want?

 

Or what do you do when you have that baby and you realize that kids don't demonstrate anything you'd consider a tangible sign of love or affection until they're older? The only way kids express love as babies is crying and screaming for your attention, not "baby cuddles."

 

 

I am not as ****ty of a person as everyone on here thinks. I am capable of being caring, compassionate and loving. What do those roles define for me? It just makes me important, it would give me purpose. I am someones wife, that is who I am I am someones mom that is who I am. That is me "Mrs. _____" and "_____'s mom" that is important. It means I am important and someone picked me.

 

This forum is full of women who have the title of Mrs. so and so and blank's mom, who also have husbands who're spending their time with sidepieces like you're being. Ask them if they feel all of that now gives them purpose or is now just a huge liability.

 

Nobody here thinks you're a crappy person, I think just people are alarmed at your behavior which is almost sociopathic at times. You have a really distorted world view and for a lot of us, it's like seeing somebody who is actively trying to crash their car.

 

I know that really makes me a ****ty wife candidate but I have no real hobbies.

 

And those responsibilites which leave you exhausted are really a fraction of the effort it takes to be a wife and mother. If you're tired now just going to school and cleaning your apartment, the life of being a wife and mother will be way too overwhelming.

 

I like to crochet (which isn't bringing me a man), I like to play the Sims (I'm a loser, which isn't bringing me a man).

 

Hobbies are about you, not "bringing you a man."

 

I have interests kind of but nothing I would pursue because it costs money. I want to take yoga (private lessons I can't keep up in a regular class), I like cooking (I made crockpot spinach lasagna for the first time last week!!), I like shooting (I don't own guns, I went out shooting with a guy I was dating),

 

If you like yoga, do a video or buy a game that allows you to do it. Cooking costs you no money above what you have to spend already, and shooting is something you can do without having a gun... Just go to a range.

 

I like wine (but I would never go to a bar alone thats awkward), I like country concerts and movies (both of which I would never go to alone because thats weird and awkward).

 

Going to a bar, movie, or concert alone isn't awkward unless you're uncomfortable with yourself. I used to do it all the time. I'm married and I still do it on occasion.

 

I am in therapy, I have been with this specific therapist for over a year and I like her a lot but I moved and she is an hour away from my new apartment. I go to her once a month but it is hard because it is a 1 hour session and I have to get 1 month worth of stuff out. I want to find someone closer but opening up to someone new is hard. I had a hard time opening up to her, she kind of had to drag it out of me, so now doing it all over again is going to be so hard.

 

You really, really need to invest in your therapy. The fact that you do what you do now, but only begrudgingly says a lot.

 

As far as the engaged man, it is complicated. He and I don't talk a ton, he messages when he wants to... get off. Then he might send a few texts after and he's like "oh ok gotta go I will text you later" but he never does. Recently (last week) I have texted him and he hasn't responded. He has spurts sometimes he will text everyday for a week and sometimes I barely hear from him. We had sex last year and texted for about 2 weeks straight then "his gf found out" (which I don't believe she did I think he wanted to have an easy out) and we stopped talking fully. 2 months ago he randomly texted me from a new number and asked how I was and what was up and then went into the sex talk. So yeah he has spurts. I don't just sit and wait on him. I should definitely just block the number and stop looking at his twitter! It is so hard. I just want him. I know I can't have him though. :/

 

On the other thread, you said you ended it. Apparently not so.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Some of those guys I could have dated and just didn't want to. I am picky too. I am not going to lie I do get scared though like if I meet someone and it goes super well I get scared like "maybe this isn't the person" or I find things that bother me. I have only had like 2 guys where I found things that bothered me but I liked them so much that it didn't matter.

 

And I say again, the fact you have so many first dates and no relationships, but several "sex in the hopes of it being more" situations means you're putting out there that you're not in a place for anything but a frivolous relationship.

 

I do want to be taken care of, I think men should be the breadwinners in households and I think they should take care of their families. I don't have an issue with working and I would like to maybe but I would rather be at home with kids and taking care of them not out working.

 

If you are at home with kids, you are working more and harder than you would at a job. And, truth be told, in today's dating world, coming out with "I don't really want to work, I want to stay home and have you take care of me" is more of a liability than an asset. To lots of men, they don't see "partner," they see "person who can't care for herself and only needs me because she needs somebody to care for her."

 

The "separated man" he is legally separated and he said their divorce is just taking a long time. I don't know anything about that. I know they still live together and have a 2 month old which is so young for someone going through a divorce?? I am not really involved with him, he texts me occasionally and I answer, we haven't even met yet. I am not in too deep with that one.

 

And yet you still say it's "unfun" despite little contact. When the reality of it is the relationship would be very close to what you could expect once you get married and have kids.

 

And it also defies your "wouldn't have an affair" claim you made before (despite having one)... You suspect he's lying to you and that he's not separated, yet you're leaving the door open.

 

Just so much of what you say and want conflicts with common sense, with what you've said before, with your actions... It's alarming.

[gettingstronger]

This is a long thread so I am not sure if this was asked and answered-

But how does this relationship or really any relationship with a married man not interested in leaving his family help move you towards your goal of marriage and family?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Reality check:

 

That makes up a fraction of your marriage.

 

When you're at the part of the marriage that doesn't include that, if you're in a lull, or if those things aren't going well, then what?

 

 

 

And if you instead have the child with a disability, who doesn't look "cute and adorable"? What if you get the child that hates to cuddle, like all of our children did? Or the child who doesn't sleep through the night until he's a year old? The colicky child who cries all night, the kid with acid reflux who pukes all the time and so they're never "cute," but always puke covered? The kid who screams at the store, who hates their carseat and cries when you go out, the child who hates to dress up in "cute clothes." What do you do if you get a gender you don't want?

 

Or what do you do when you have that baby and you realize that kids don't demonstrate anything you'd consider a tangible sign of love or affection until they're older? The only way kids express love as babies is crying and screaming for your attention, not "baby cuddles."

 

 

 

 

This forum is full of women who have the title of Mrs. so and so and blank's mom, who also have husbands who're spending their time with sidepieces like you're being. Ask them if they feel all of that now gives them purpose or is now just a huge liability.

 

Nobody here thinks you're a crappy person, I think just people are alarmed at your behavior which is almost sociopathic at times. You have a really distorted world view and for a lot of us, it's like seeing somebody who is actively trying to crash their car.

 

 

 

And those responsibilites which leave you exhausted are really a fraction of the effort it takes to be a wife and mother. If you're tired now just going to school and cleaning your apartment, the life of being a wife and mother will be way too overwhelming.

 

 

 

Hobbies are about you, not "bringing you a man."

 

 

 

If you like yoga, do a video or buy a game that allows you to do it. Cooking costs you no money above what you have to spend already, and shooting is something you can do without having a gun... Just go to a range.

 

 

 

Going to a bar, movie, or concert alone isn't awkward unless you're uncomfortable with yourself. I used to do it all the time. I'm married and I still do it on occasion.

 

 

 

You really, really need to invest in your therapy. The fact that you do what you do now, but only begrudgingly says a lot.

 

As far as the engaged man, it is complicated. He and I don't talk a ton, he messages when he wants to... get off. Then he might send a few texts after and he's like "oh ok gotta go I will text you later" but he never does. Recently (last week) I have texted him and he hasn't responded. He has spurts sometimes he will text everyday for a week and sometimes I barely hear from him. We had sex last year and texted for about 2 weeks straight then "his gf found out" (which I don't believe she did I think he wanted to have an easy out) and we stopped talking fully. 2 months ago he randomly texted me from a new number and asked how I was and what was up and then went into the sex talk. So yeah he has spurts. I don't just sit and wait on him. I should definitely just block the number and stop looking at his twitter! It is so hard. I just want him. I know I can't have him though. :/

 

 

On the other thread, you said you ended it. Apparently not so.

 

Well I haven't texted him in a week so to me that is kind of like ending it. Indirectly.

 

Hobbies, you said (it may have been someone else actually) that having hobbies will bring me closer to a spouse because we could have some common interest. I doubt that playing sims in my house is going to make a man show up. I doubt crocheting (no matter where I am) will bring a guy to me. I mean ok I get it I should be doing all this stuff for me but I need to do stuff that will bring a man around too.

 

I feel like you are trying to make children and marriage seem scary but you are married, you have kids it obviously isn't as bad as you make it out to be. I wouldn't care about gender, I want a baby. I wouldn't care if they had a disability. I mean I would but I wouldn't love them less it would just be more hard. Having babies while you're still young lowers the risk of disabled children... just saying

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

And I say again, the fact you have so many first dates and no relationships, but several "sex in the hopes of it being more" situations means you're putting out there that you're not in a place for anything but a frivolous relationship.

 

 

 

If you are at home with kids, you are working more and harder than you would at a job. And, truth be told, in today's dating world, coming out with "I don't really want to work, I want to stay home and have you take care of me" is more of a liability than an asset. To lots of men, they don't see "partner," they see "person who can't care for herself and only needs me because she needs somebody to care for her."

 

 

 

And yet you still say it's "unfun" despite little contact. When the reality of it is the relationship would be very close to what you could expect once you get married and have kids.

 

And it also defies your "wouldn't have an affair" claim you made before (despite having one)... You suspect he's lying to you and that he's not separated, yet you're leaving the door open.

 

Just so much of what you say and want conflicts with common sense, with what you've said before, with your actions... It's alarming.

 

I don't know what you want me to say? You obviously know everything since you had an affair with a married man. What do you want from me. I still want a relationship, I am still going to try to find someone before I'm old as ****. I don't know what you want.

 

I have known guys who said they wanted their wives to stay home, I used to talk to this guy in the military/police officer, who said "I just want a woman to hold my household down" guys like women who don't suck in life and can take care of a house. I can take care of a house. I would be a good housewife and a good mother and if I meet a guy who doesn't value that then hey I also have an education so I could work if they wanted that too. I am flexible.

 

I am not having an affair, he is separated it is just weird because separated is still legally married. He still lives with her they still share cute family pics on Facebook. I am not 100% devoted to him though, nothing about the way we talk has been sexual so in all honesty it is nothing. You are the last person to judge a person for having an affair. Maybe he and I are just "so in love and he will leave his family for me".

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

This is a long thread so I am not sure if this was asked and answered-

But how does this relationship or really any relationship with a married man not interested in leaving his family help move you towards your goal of marriage and family?

 

It isn't like this guy is my only focus though. I still date and if I met someone who was committed to dating me I would just stop talking to him. Right now he is like my confidence boost, and he texts me (well at one point he did) and that was that I like someone paying attention to me. He does.

[Got it]

I don't know what you want me to say? You obviously know everything since you had an affair with a married man. What do you want from me. I still want a relationship, I am still going to try to find someone before I'm old as ****. I don't know what you want.

 

I have known guys who said they wanted their wives to stay home, I used to talk to this guy in the military/police officer, who said "I just want a woman to hold my household down" guys like women who don't suck in life and can take care of a house. I can take care of a house. I would be a good housewife and a good mother and if I meet a guy who doesn't value that then hey I also have an education so I could work if they wanted that too. I am flexible.

 

I am not having an affair, he is separated it is just weird because separated is still legally married. He still lives with her they still share cute family pics on Facebook. I am not 100% devoted to him though, nothing about the way we talk has been sexual so in all honesty it is nothing. You are the last person to judge a person for having an affair. Maybe he and I are just "so in love and he will leave his family for me".

 

Oh honey.

 

Don't you want to be more than a woman who holds a man's household down? That isn't a wife, that is a maid or a personal assistant.

 

Guys, the guys you WANT to marry, want women who are their equal, a true partner, that challenges them and loves them and is their right hand in all of life's ups and downs. They want a woman that has a sense of human, that has a self identity, that knows what she wants and goes for it. A real man wants a strong woman that stands for what she believes in and is passionate about different areas in her life.

 

Why is it about whether a man will choose you. A man will decide your life's direction? Your purpose. Why are you waiting for a man to start your life.

 

I never looked at it like that. I looked at as finding a man who was worthy of my time, my heart, my resources.

 

What is your identity outside of a role for others? Taking out "mother" and "wife" what defines you?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Oh honey.

 

Don't you want to be more than a woman who holds a man's household down? That isn't a wife, that is a maid or a personal assistant.

 

Guys, the guys you WANT to marry, want women who are their equal, a true partner, that challenges them and loves them and is their right hand in all of life's ups and downs. They want a woman that has a sense of human, that has a self identity, that knows what she wants and goes for it. A real man wants a strong woman that stands for what she believes in and is passionate about different areas in her life.

 

Why is it about whether a man will choose you. A man will decide your life's direction? Your purpose. Why are you waiting for a man to start your life.

 

I never looked at it like that. I looked at as finding a man who was worthy of my time, my heart, my resources.

 

What is your identity outside of a role for others? Taking out "mother" and "wife" what defines you?

 

I have no idea. I don't really know what you mean? I know this sounds stupid but can you give an example? What defines me? I am good in school, I work hard, I am determined sometimes. Stuff like that?

[Got it]

I have no idea. I don't really know what you mean? I know this sounds stupid but can you give an example? What defines me? I am good in school, I work hard, I am determined sometimes. Stuff like that?

 

Okay, I will tell you what defines me. I am the head of a department in a global company. I have built it from scratch, so had a hand in major business initiatives. Including my newest project which is a women's initiative actions. I am very involved in the horse community and used to ride competitively as well as getting back into it. I have owned my own business though no longer do in the horse world. I have promoted upper level riders and helped run their business. I am very passionate about all my animals. I am addicted to reading. I enjoy traveling and seeing new places. I am funny, smart and witty. I have a big heart and a fiery temper. I love hard but won't tolerate fools. Family is important and try and stay very involved with them. I am a liberal and involved in local political initiatives and grassroots concerns. I am addicted to Big Bang Theory and watch it obsessively. I detest mushrooms (and yes that definitely defines me! ). I am a vegetarian and have been since I was 14 years old. I learned after my divorce how much I enjoyed my alone time and being with myself. I really relished quiet and being accountable for my days. I am shy in general public settings but am aggressive and outspoken on topics that I am passionate about and work related.

 

So, outside of role of wife or mother, what defines you? What makes you interesting? Why should a man or woman want to be friends/partner with you?

[Owl]

Hobbies, you said (it may have been someone else actually) that having hobbies will bring me closer to a spouse because we could have some common interest. I doubt that playing sims in my house is going to make a man show up. I doubt crocheting (no matter where I am) will bring a guy to me. I mean ok I get it I should be doing all this stuff for me but I need to do stuff that will bring a man around too.

 

It was me. And you don't get it because you don't want to get it.

 

Take playing The Sims. No...playing that in itself won't 'get you a man' But, if you go online and join game forums around that game and others, you might get the chance to get to know some folks online that you share that interest with.

 

Same with crocheting. You could use online resources (like the Ravelry page, for example) that could actually let you meet other people, and even attend some "sit and knit' type groups where you'll meet other women in a public setting...which can also help you eventually to meet someone. Or, crochet a number of items and take them to a craft fair or similar to sell.

 

There are always ways to turn your interests into a means to meet other people.

 

 

Sitting at home daydreaming about meeting someone isn't going to do it. Online dating sites are highly unlikely to attract the kind of man that you appear to seek.

 

 

I feel like you are trying to make children and marriage seem scary but you are married, you have kids it obviously isn't as bad as you make it out to be. I wouldn't care about gender, I want a baby. I wouldn't care if they had a disability. I mean I would but I wouldn't love them less it would just be more hard. Having babies while you're still young lowers the risk of disabled children... just saying

 

The way you've described how you envision motherhood leads a lot of us to suspect you don't have a clear/realistic picture of what it's like.

 

You make light of the idea of dealing with a child with a disability...one of my children was born with one, and you have no idea how difficult that can be. Both raising the child, and the strain it can put on your marriage as well.

 

You really need to just focus on being happy with yourself...which makes you more attractive to the kind of men you hope to meet. Slow down/abandon this insane timeline you've got. It will scare the hell out of any potential 'mates' you meet.

 

Let it happen when it happens.

 

If you can't do that...resign yourself to either getting a less ideal man, or no man at all.

[Got it]

You had me at "The Big Bang Theory" Bazinga.

 

:laugh:

 

Seriously between TBS, TNT and the other channels I can watch BBT every single day all evening. There is no need for any other television. Maybe Modern Family. Definitely need some MF time as well. Okay, MF and BBT and that is it. My TV time is now taken done.