Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

If you keep going on this path, you won't find somebody that's worth having.

 

 

 

And when he said that, he said he meant he wanted somebody who works as hard as he does at work at home, so he has less on his plate. It means you're working more than full time. Imagine getting a 100 hour a week job, then never leaving the workplace, even when you're not working. That's what he's thinking.

 

The "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" setup where the husbands work and the wives relax and putter around with shopping, spas, and gyms is not what he means.

 

 

 

Actually, I was referring to the affair with the engaged guy.

 

Not the apparent affair you're looking to get into now, save for the "unfun" factor of how busy he is with kids.

 

Am I judging you for an affair? No. I'm pointing out how hypocritical it is to go on one thread and play the Saint who'd never have an affair ever, who tries to shame me unsuccessfully over mine, who attacks another woman for hers, who pulls the "I'd never EVER do the awful, terrible, disgusting things that you people do," while on this thread you have one situation where you're an OW and having an affair and you don't feel bad about it, and another one who may or may not be on the string who you are increasingly admitting may not actually be divorcing, and seeing nothing wrong with that, acting like it's no big deal, and adopting the "oh well, I need a man and she needs to be knocked down a peg or two for having what I want."

 

He isn't married yet so it's not an affair to me. The other guy,he said he's getting a divorce Im going to believe what he says. He pursues me so I go with it

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

And I think at this point, you're doing what you admit you do with the men you try to hook... You say and do things you know are disruptive because you thrive on the attention. Right now, I think you are enjoying the attention and therefore will say whatever it takes to get it... That's why the stories and viewpoints you share change from thread to thread. You adopt the attitude, viewpoint, and opinion that gets you the most attention. So I'm going to step back, since I think half of what I'm saying is falling on deaf ears, the other half is related to stuff that is stuff you said to get a rise out of people for attention.

 

No I just don't care what you have to say. You stole someone's husband. You're not the gold star standard for how to get a husband and since I want a husband advice like yours is pointless. My story never changed I said I ended it and IMO not texting him for a whole week is ending it. Like I said before what do you really know?

[Sub]

Redheaded Mistress, I hope you're breathing and counting to ten after that one. It's not worth it.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You might wanna invest in some cats, because with your attitude, you're definitely gonna end up alone.

 

.... Ew I hate cats and whatever. I am tired of people attacking me on here. Specifically Redheaded Mistress, she doesn't know it all she got her husband doing exactly what I am doing.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Mistress, I'll try not to be judgmental. I was involved in an affair with someone as well. But KeepCalm is being extremely hostile towards you.

 

You may have been involved in an affair, but it doesn't make you conniving, cunning, or evil. It's not the most honorable thing to do but we've all done bad things.

 

But you're open to change and feedback. That's maturity. KeepCalm is blocking out everything because she is so afraid of being alone.

 

She refuses to accept that there are some things you just can not control. She seems beyond our help at this point. Thanks for trying, though.

Oh again I am so glad you are a therapist Natsy

Why do you have another account??

 

Anyways, I am not against advice. I listened to the advice from people telling me to delete my dating websites and now I am sitting in my apartment bored because I don't have any guys to text... Umm I even listened to the book suggestions for self improvement. One thing I will NOT listen to, is a woman who got her husband doing exactly what I am doing condemn me and lecture me. DO. NOT. NEED.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You might wanna invest in some cats, because with your attitude, you're definitely gonna end up alone.

 

And what do you really know? YOU ARE ALONE TOO and sleeping with 2 married women so yeah you are really doing so much better for yourself.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I don't understand this question? What does anyone do in their life to "deserve" marriage and/or kids? Then what don't others do to be so rewarded?

 

It's fairly simple. OP herself intimated that if people got what they deserved she'd be married with kids by now. So I'd like to know what exactly it is she feels makes her the person who should be justly awarded a family. That question was meant more to gauge what the OP feels it is about herself that makes her entitled to marriage and kids.

Sounds like a very slippery slope question to say that we are rewarded or punished based on things that may frankly be outside of someone's control.

 

I have been married twice. I can't recall what I have done to feel that this was a reward. I know what I have done to sustain the relationships and what I have brought to the table. But nothing that the marriage was some sort of reward like a doggie biscuit.

 

That's because YOU don't feel like marriage is a reward for good behavior (because it isn't) however OP does.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

It's fairly simple. OP herself intimated that if people got what they deserved she'd be married with kids by now. So I'd like to know what exactly it is she feels makes her the person who should be justly awarded a family. That question was meant more to gauge what the OP feels it is about herself that makes her entitled to marriage and kids.

 

 

That's because YOU don't feel like marriage is a reward for good behavior (because it isn't) however OP does.

 

I don't think marriage is necessarily a reward but I am having a hard time understand why some people "deserve" it and get it and others have to suffer and not get it, or not get it as soon. I just feel like it should happen. I know other peoples lives don't go at the same pace but what makes one group of people meet their SO at 18 and get married young and others have to go into their 30s single? I don't get that.

 

Answering your question why do I deserve it? The best question is why do I not? What did I do to not get to meet someone and be in a relationship now? I am a good gf. I was someone gf once and it was amazing. It was the absolute best thing ever in life. I don't know how I could answer your question beyond that.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

And I think at this point, you're doing what you admit you do with the men you try to hook... You say and do things you know are disruptive because you thrive on the attention. Right now, I think you are enjoying the attention and therefore will say whatever it takes to get it... That's why the stories and viewpoints you share change from thread to thread. You adopt the attitude, viewpoint, and opinion that gets you the most attention. So I'm going to step back, since I think half of what I'm saying is falling on deaf ears, the other half is related to stuff that is stuff you said to get a rise out of people for attention.

 

Oh Redhead, she tried to throw my boyfriend's affair in my face so think nothing of it. The more I read, the clearer the picture becomes. She has some sort of physical disability (which she won't disclose) that has made people run/recoil from her in general (her words) and therefore has major issues with insecurity and attention-seeking.

 

I put that together earlier today. I think she's desperate for marriage and babies because she hopes it will distract people from her obvious disability. I see now this is not about a woman reaching out and looking for genuine guidnace but someone looking for the attention they're not able to attain in real life. It's sad really and my heart goes out to her. I can't imagine having to go to such extremes.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Oh Redhead, she tried to throw my boyfriend's affair in my face so think nothing of it. The more I read, the clearer the picture becomes. She has some sort of physical disability (which she won't disclose) that has made people run/recoil from her in general (her words) and therefore has major issues with insecurity and attention-seeking.

 

I put that together earlier today. I think she's desperate for marriage and babies because she hopes it will distract people from her obvious disability. I see now this is not about a woman reaching out and looking for genuine guidnace but someone looking for the attention they're not able to attain in real life. It's sad really and my heart goes out to her. I can't imagine having to go to such extremes.

 

I don't need attention on here, I thought I would get good advice. I did from some people and I didn't from others. Don't try to throw my handicap in my face.. wtf is wrong with you? I'm sorry your bf cheated on you, and the point that I was making (I didn't even know you had been cheated on when I asked) was that you are bullying me because you obviously have ill feelings towards "the other woman". Especially "OW" who don't feel super regretful, as if I should be begging for your forgiveness or something. I am not rushing into a relationship/marriage/babies because I want attention. I want it because I want it. I don't want to be old and wait for my body to possibly give out on me because then NO guy will want me. Right now I am young, I can function, I am attractive and so I need to find someone while i still have that. As much as people are like "oh someone will love you for you despite all that" but no, attractive guys that I would like to date aren't running to have a handicap gf (not that some won't I mean I have had guys who didn't care but still)

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Answering your question why do I deserve it? The best question is why do I not? What did I do to not get to meet someone and be in a relationship now? I am a good gf. I was someone gf once and it was amazing. It was the absolute best thing ever in life. I don't know how I could answer your question beyond that.

 

Why do you not? Really? This is your standard answer to that question and it speaks volumes. The reason you can't adequately answer that question beyond "well why don't I?" is because you have no answer. Because there isn't one. The last few pages of this thread and how you've acted towards others should be answer enough.

 

You sound increadily selfish, temperamental and narcissistic. The reason you're still single (beyond your disability) is probably because you're too difficult to deal with for long periods of time and don't bring a whole lot to the table. Not only were you rude, hostile and bitchy towards others but you had the unmitigated gall to try to shame someone for having an affair. And the sad thing is, at least the woman who had the affair had one with a guy that actually wanted to be with her for more than a FaceTime hookup.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Why do you not? Really? This is your standard answer to that question and it speaks volumes. The reason you can't adequately answer that question beyond "well why don't I?" is because you have no answer. Because there isn't one. The last few pages of this thread and how you've acted towards others should be answer enough.

 

You sound increadily selfish, temperamental and narcissistic. The reason you're still single (beyond your disability) is probably because you're too difficult to deal with for long periods of time and don't bring a whole lot to the table. Not only were you rude, hostile and bitchy towards others but you had the unmitigated gall to try to shame someone for having an affair. And the sad thing is, at least the woman who had the affair had one with a guy that actually wanted to be with her for more than a FaceTime hookup.

 

So my disability is why I am single?? Gee thanks.

 

Anyways I am not difficult in relationships, I am so easy going I am so incredibly flexible in relationships. The point is she got her husband doing what I did, he just chose to leave his family for her. If I could get this guy to leave his fiancee for me I would because he is perfect. In the end she isn't one to tell me how to get a husband, she got her husband in a bad way. If I am living up to her standard I could just go out and **** all hot married men and hope one falls in love with me and marries me.

 

Oh no excuse me, I can go make friends with a ton of married men, make them "fall in love" and then **** them... and hope they married me! Oh Redheaded Mistress did it! I should totally try!! She totally has it all!

Edited October 27, 2014 by KeepCalmCarryOn

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

So my disability is why I am single?? Gee thanks.

 

Anyways I am not difficult in relationships, I am so easy going I am so incredibly flexible in relationships. The point is she got her husband doing what I did, he just chose to leave his family for her. If I could get this guy to leave his fiancee for me I would because he is perfect. In the end she isn't one to tell me how to get a husband, she got her husband in a bad way. If I am living up to her standard I could just go out and **** all hot married men and hope one falls in love with me and marries me.

 

Oh no excuse me, I can go make friends with a ton of married men, make them "fall in love" and then **** them... and hope they married me! Oh Redheaded Mistress did it! I should totally try!! She totally has it all!

 

You didn't "do what she did". I've never had an affair, but just reading this forum I've learned people have affairs for many reasons. It's not a matter of "leaving someone for someone else", either; people don't walk out of happy relationships just because they found someone else. People have affairs out of unhappiness, stress, confusion, uncertainty, poor coping skills, self-doubt, sex addiction, anger, whatever. All affairs are not the same.

 

I think this is part of your problem. You don't understand why some people are married at 18 and some are married at 30. You don't understand why two relationship situations are completely different. You are completely unable to grasp the slightest nuance; everything is black and white to you. The world is not black and white. Until you learn how to appreciate complexity and accept differences in life you're just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You didn't "do what she did". I've never had an affair, but just reading this forum I've learned people have affairs for many reasons. It's not a matter of "leaving someone for someone else", either; people don't walk out of happy relationships just because they found someone else. People have affairs out of unhappiness, stress, confusion, uncertainty, poor coping skills, self-doubt, sex addiction, anger, whatever. All affairs are not the same.

 

I think this is part of your problem. You don't understand why some people are married at 18 and some are married at 30. You don't understand why two relationship situations are completely different. You are completely unable to grasp the slightest nuance; everything is black and white to you. The world is not black and white. Until you learn how to appreciate complexity and accept differences in life you're just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

I really don't want to make the same mistakes but why isn't it so black and white in life? I mean you have the winners (people who get married young) and the losers (the people who don't). I just don't get it. I mean I do but I don't. I don't understand why I got put into the ****ty category. How does one determine what category someone is in? Does that make sense?

[Dontfindme]

I really don't want to make the same mistakes but why isn't it so black and white in life? I mean you have the winners (people who get married young) and the losers (the people who don't). I just don't get it. I mean I do but I don't. I don't understand why I got put into the ****ty category. How does one determine what category someone is in? Does that make sense?

 

These questions can't be answered, unless you want me to tell you that it is what it is.

 

If you change your mindset, you'll eliminate these self-imposed categories.

[Timshel]

Sweetie, you said you deleted a dating profile. YEAH!! Good, delete all of them for now. You have friends, school, the social clubs you said you belong to. You have so much on your plate now, be the best at these things.

 

Focus on your career. Don't think about getting married or even dating. Men will respect you for this and with respect will come sincere interest in you.

 

It is very important that you maintain or get counseling from a licensed therapist. I am not putting you down. This is what you should do to get what you want.

 

Do charity work if you are bored. You will see how much you will learn from this and it will benefit you.

 

Posters: Likely P.D. emotional language not interpreted.

 

Page 14 and what feels like weeks ago.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

[/b]

 

Page 14 and what feels like weeks ago.

 

I never understood that last part what is P.D?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

These questions can't be answered, unless you want me to tell you that it is what it is.

 

If you change your mindset, you'll eliminate these self-imposed categories.

My therapist has talked about redirection, is that what you mean?

[WhatIsLove2014]

She didn't say your disability is the reason why you are single.

 

1. You have an ugly personality and you put yourself on a pedestal yet have very low self esteem, which men probably notice pretty soon within meeting you.

 

2. You reek of desperation and from your other post, you go clingy crazy. Guys dont like that...women don't like that.

 

3. You are a "good person"... But you are happy about being the OW, helping a man cheat on his fiancé. To him, he dives into you, leaves and goes back home to her. You are nothing but a useless toy for him. If you get pregnqnt by him...what happens then? Will he disappear or do you think he will dump her and be with you? Why should you be rewarded for that?

 

4. Marriage isn't a reward for good people. As many people have told you before, would you rather be married and pregnant right now and divorced by 30? Be careful what you wish for.

 

I think you are completely deluded. You are still single for a reason. Maybe you just haven't found the right person since you are such a good person and would be a good gf and wife. Or there's something about yourself.

 

Karma...........

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

She didn't say your disability is the reason why you are single.

 

1. You have an ugly personality and you put yourself on a pedestal yet have very low self esteem, which men probably notice pretty soon within meeting you.

 

2. You reek of desperation and from your other post, you go clingy crazy. Guys dont like that...women don't like that.

 

3. You are a "good person"... But you are happy about being the OW, helping a man cheat on his fiancé. To him, he dives into you, leaves and goes back home to her. You are nothing but a useless toy for him. If you get pregnqnt by him...what happens then? Will he disappear or do you think he will dump her and be with you? Why should you be rewarded for that?

 

4. Marriage isn't a reward for good people. As many people have told you before, would you rather be married and pregnant right now and divorced by 30? Be careful what you wish for.

 

I think you are completely deluded. You are still single for a reason. Maybe you just haven't found the right person since you are such a good person and would be a good gf and wife. Or there's something about yourself.

 

Karma...........

 

1. In person I don't come off like that. I feel like what no one is getting is that it is a cycle. I am a bitch because I am miserable, a relationship will make me happy. I am the most best person ever when I am in a relationship (it all comes down to a relations)

 

2. Ok that situation is crazy, I do go text crazy I admit but people should text back in a timely manner, it is rude to not. I am desperate I admit it.

 

3. I am not happy, I do feel flattered that someone like him wants me. I do feel like I am getting one over on his gf which is bad. I don't think it makes me a bad person but it definitely is wrong of me to feel like that.

 

4. I honestly feel like if I got married I would do anything to make it work. To me divorce isn't an option and I would hope the person I marry feels the same.

 

Karma... I don't know that I believe in karma. I feel like yes I have done bad things, yes I have not made good decisions but (and I am going to get a little religious) I believe in God, and I believe God knows your heart so I think he knows how much I am suffering right now. It doesn't excuse what I have done but I just feel like I did what I did for a reason not just out of being a mean, bad person. Karma making me suffer more than I am already suffering is just not.. I don't believe God would do that.