Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[cocorico]

I've been in therapy for over a year. Msybe I just meet douchey men? Or maybe I just need to not rush into sex? Idk I just know that at 2 months shy of 24 I don't have the time to waste. I wanted to be married by 25 and at this point that looks impossible unless I meet someone who will rush into marriage after a few months. Which is unlikely.

 

I was divorced by 25. Marrying that young, and having kids that young, doesn't mean you've won any kind of prize. It just means that (unless you keep having more and more kids) you'll be empty nesting when you hit your 40s.

 

I know at your age 25 feels like some kind of milestone, but honestly, there's no rush. Yes, your body recovers more quickly from childbirth when you're younger, but if you're too young emotionally, the recovery is a lot longer. Swings and roundabouts.

 

You also need to consider others - the child/ren, the child/ren's father, and others who may be impacted by your decisions. This should not be all about you wanting to play house. If it is, become a "big sister" and spend weekends with a kid in care. Then you'll both benefit.

 

Single parents can raise awesome kids, and can be awesome parents, but it's a great deal easier if you have someone to share the load with - someone you can trust, someone who shares your values. Rushing into a relationship with the first guy who's willing to put a ring on it doesn't guarantee you that.

 

It seems to me from your posts that you're lonely, and afraid of being lonely - especially over the coming holidays. Being in the wrong relationship will just make it lonelier, and even harder, and being someone's sex toy likewise. Instead of wasting time on dating sites, why not hang out doing stuff you really enjoy, meeting new people that will at least share your interests. If you meet someone you fancy, all the better, but if not, you might make some new friends, and good friends are the perfect antidote to loneliness.

[purplesorrow]

Do you think I can make it an enjoyable time? My big thing is I feel like I am going to be miserable the whole time. What if I do it and work on myself and all that and still don't find anyone?

 

Would you really regret investing in yourself if a husband isn't the outcome? Come on girl! For all you know, doing the real work on yourself could put you on a completely different path. The things I would have done differently at your age had i gotten all this great insight and wisdom these kind people on this forum are giving you. What do you have to lose by investing in yourself?

[Redheaded Mistress]

I think I can stop talking to him. I could just block the number. There's a few reasons I haven't, the first being that I like the attention (we talked about that) but the second is that if I sleep with him then my number doesn't get higher. I don't want to be slutty because guys REALLY won't date me you know?

 

Most guys would be more turned off by the woman who had three sexual partners that she didn't care about because she was looking for conquest than the girl who slept with 10 guys she was in a serious relationship with. One shows a fickle woman who's having sex for all the wrong reasons, who has issues with boundaries and self respect. The other woman is at least trying and not falling into bed with whomever. She's looking for a future and doing what normal women who're looking for a future do.

 

I know I need to just wait for someone but you don't understand, the waiting is killing me. I am tired of waiting. I mean I talk to other guys it's not like my focus is just him. Idk working on myself is possible I can totally do it. I just don't want to stop dating while I do it. I feel like I am going to be wasting my life.

 

If you define yourself and your life by being in a relationship and being married, then yeah, not dating somebody means you're wasting your life. But it's a life that's not making you happy. It's making you frustrated, impulsive, and unsatisfied. So clearly, to feel better about yourself, some change has to happen. What you're doing now hasn't worked for you and there's no reason to expect that it will suddenly start working for you. If it hasn't worked ever, it won't start working later.

 

So wouldn't it make sense to take a break from it, find a new way to define yourself, a way that makes you happy and fulfilled, that leaves yourself open to finding who you're truly looking for out of life?

 

So here is my idea and I need an opinion about it, maybe for the rest of the semester (my semester ends in early Dec) I can get off the dating websites. I can't cancel the dates I already have because that would be rude. But I can get off the sites and just focus on school but then once Christmas break starts Im going full force on every site lol like paid and free. I mean it's better than nothing.

 

No... It's just exactly nothing. Going on your dates now means you're not stopping the dating and returning in early December (just over a month) doesn't show a serious effort to change yourself. So realistically, you're giving yourself about a month (from your last date to when you hammer the dating sites) to do a total 180 on your life and attitude.

 

That's not a life-change. That's a self-inflicted, wishy-washy time out. It's like saying you're trying to pound a square peg in a round hole, so if you just stop for now and try again in 30 days, that square peg will magically fit.

 

A life change is saying "no more dating sites, no more chasing men. I'm going to therapy more often and I'm developing an interest in X, Y, and Z. Every day, I'm going to actively work to change thoughts A, B, C, and D. I'll know it has worked because I'll feel better, and if I don't feel better, I need to re-examine X, Y, and Z, then work on changing thought E. When others see a difference, when I feel a difference, then I know I'm making strides." Are you religious or are you exploring religion? Because if you are, this is a great time of year for most major religions that can help you lead to personal growth and awareness through the guidance of church.

 

I don't know how I will increase the "self love" during that time. I have a self esteem activity book I can read I guess. This process just seems so hard. I feel like this skill should have just come. Idk I just know going another major holiday alone is not worth it to me. I think I only really have the best 2 years while I am in school, school is the perfect place to meet someone (unfortunately not in my program) but once I get out in the working world then what? I won't have time for bars, all my friends will be settled. It gives me anxiety thinking about it. I also don't want to rush and then be in a bad situation especially with kids. So it's lose lose, I could rush get married pop out munchkins and be divorced and single, or wait for someone who could possibly never come and be miserable. I know someone on here said we have control over our own happiness but I don't. I can't help my physical reaction and anger when someone my age gets married. It's just getting worse I just need to at least get into a relationship. I think I can make any relationship good. I would try so hard. I swear.

 

You know the most life-changing holiday I ever had was Christmas Eve several years ago where I sat alone around my Christmas tree and just prayed. I was unhappy, lonely, hurting. I cried my eyes out, I prayed, I read my religious texts, I read inspirational texts, I started a journal, and I pledged that I was going to do all I could to make my life happy and to stop trying to define by life's happiness and worth by something I had no personal control over. I got the "Me" book and worked on it every damn day. I spent so much willpower changing my thoughts and internal monologue that every day I was exhausted. But I pulled through and I built a life I was proud of, which ultimately lead to the life I wanted and was hoping for. Some faiths call it "tending your garden."

 

It wasn't easy, but what I got as a result was worth the wait and it ultimately made me a better person.

 

By the way, you know where a lot of people find their partners? Work and college. Activities through work and college. Networking. I met my husbands, both of them, at work. My sister met hers at college. My father met my mother in college. My closest family friend met his wife in college. Our other friends met through work. My second husband met his first wife at work, my first husband met his second wife at work. A cousin met his wife on a dating site, but they had work in common. Another cousin met his wife through a hobby, and then two more met their spouses through work. My best female friend met her husband at church, my best male friend met his wife at first at the gym, but got to know her through work.

 

Come to think of it, I'm not sure I can think of anybody who said they met a future spouse because they locked eyes across a bar. And even if you work, you'll have plenty of time to socialize if you want. I work 50-60 hours a week, so does my husband. If we can find time to go to the gym, catch the odd movie, go out to dinner, anybody can.

 

All isn't lost, only your motivation and your optimism. Change both of those, the world isn't as hopeless as it looks.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Realistically though would you leave someone you were with for like 5 years? That's a huge chunk of your life wasted. I mean she has a lot going for her but she's like 27 or 28 and getting a PhD Im sure it would be rough to find someone at that point. I personally know if he was mine I would NEVER EVER leave him. But he's not so it doesn't matter I guess.

 

Good Lord, she's 28 and is on her PhD? I don't even know the woman, know what she looks like, or have any sense of attraction to her fiancee and I'm jealous of what she's got going for herself. She sounds like a hard-working, ambitious woman.

 

And if I was with somebody 5, 10, 15 years and they did something or we fell apart enough to start talking about a breakup, yeah, I'd leave. 5 years isn't a huge chunk of your life at all. It's nothing in the grand scheme of the whole of your life. I was with my first husband from first date to divorce about 8 or 9 years, but honestly, it was a drop in the bucket.

 

And I don't know what you think happens in your late 20's or early 30's, but it's not any harder to find a man then than it is any other time. I'm not in my 20's anymore, haven't been for a few years now, and if I were dating I'd still have no problem finding somebody. In many ways, it's almost easier now than it was when I was your age.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Do you think I can make it an enjoyable time? My big thing is I feel like I am going to be miserable the whole time.

 

The whole time? If you're doing it right, no.

 

For awhile? Yes.

 

That's what change is about. Pushing yourself until you're uncomfortable.

 

What if I do it and work on myself and all that and still don't find anyone?

 

Then you're not done working.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Would you really regret investing in yourself if a husband isn't the outcome? Come on girl! For all you know, doing the real work on yourself could put you on a completely different path. The things I would have done differently at your age had i gotten all this great insight and wisdom these kind people on this forum are giving you. What do you have to lose by investing in yourself?

 

True, it would probably make me happier and I might careless about a relationship and I might be less jealous

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

The whole time? If you're doing it right, no.

 

For awhile? Yes.

 

That's what change is about. Pushing yourself until you're uncomfortable.

 

 

 

Then you're not done working.

 

I could be working at this for forever.

 

As far as the school and work thing, I went back to school because I thought I would meet someone. I did work before going back and met no one, except a coworker that I worked with who flirted with me and had a gf. Lol so yeah. I hope after graduation I can work at the VA or in a hospital but how many unmarried people, attractive, people will be there. I mean if I was a waitress I would have a higher chance of meeting someone... But I can't be a waitress lol I just feel like online dating is the only real Option. Guys see me and think I'm pretty and want to talk to me. Guys in a grocery store aren't going to just randomly come up to me.

 

What's the Me book?

[Redheaded Mistress]

I could be working at this for forever.

 

That's the idea.

 

As far as the school and work thing, I went back to school because I thought I would meet someone. I did work before going back and met no one, except a coworker that I worked with who flirted with me and had a gf. Lol so yeah. I hope after graduation I can work at the VA or in a hospital but how many unmarried people, attractive, people will be there. I mean if I was a waitress I would have a higher chance of meeting someone... But I can't be a waitress lol I just feel like online dating is the only real Option. Guys see me and think I'm pretty and want to talk to me. Guys in a grocery store aren't going to just randomly come up to me.

 

You're what, 23? So that means you could have only really "husband hunting" at work for about 5 years... And that's an optimistic rounding up. That's not really enough time to know if it does or doesn't work

 

What's the Me book?

 

Llene Segalove, though now I guess it's called the "List Your Self" book. She also has a book called "40 Days, 40 Nights" that looks like a lot of work, but really good.

 

Or just go to Pinterest and follow the ideas above using prompts from Pinterest... There are tons of them.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

That's the idea.

 

 

 

You're what, 23? So that means you could have only really "husband hunting" at work for about 5 years... And that's an optimistic rounding up. That's not really enough time to know if it does or doesn't work

 

 

 

Llene Segalove, though now I guess it's called the "List Your Self" book. She also has a book called "40 Days, 40 Nights" that looks like a lot of work, but really good.

 

Or just go to Pinterest and follow the ideas above using prompts from Pinterest... There are tons of them.

 

I can get the book.

I actually only worked for 3 months. I have been husband hunting since I was like 16

 

You said that it is supposed to take forever? So then how will I find someone? I thought the point of the self improvement was to make myself a better potential partner?

 

Also something you said earlier that kind of made me feel bad, about the sex stuff. I have had sex with 8 people, I was in a relationship with one and dating a few of the others, hoping that the sex would propel it into a relationship. That doesn't make me a bad, moral less person. I know sleeping with an engaged man makes me kind of bad, or my morals questionable but idk I don't think I am a bad person.

Edited October 21, 2014 by KeepCalmCarryOn

[Owl]

I'm going to tell you a secret, as an old man.

 

You're doing this all wrong.

 

You've been 'husband hunting' since you were 16...fruitlessly.

 

Stop husband hunting. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Learn to love yourself, to be self-sufficient with yourself and within yourself.

 

Learn to be happy with yourself, by yourself.

 

Not only will you become a much better person, but you'll be much more satsified with your life as it is.

 

And here's the secret...this same process will create the most attractive 'you' possible. You'll be the kind of woman that men want.

 

You're unhappy because your goals are wrong. You're seeking the wrong things, for the wrong reasons...and that's highly unattractive to men seeking a long-term partner.

 

Stop looking for a husband...start working to being a happy, whole person...and the rest falls into place.

[anika99]

I can get the book.

I actually only worked for 3 months. I have been husband hunting since I was like 16

 

KeepCalm, you don't have be a perfect person before you can meet someone and get married, you really just have to mature a bit more and you have to lose this idea that marriage and babies are the key to happiness. They are not. They can be rewarding experiences but not if it happens too soon or for the wrong reasons.

 

 

When I was a young mom in my early twenties I felt so lonely and isolated. None of my friends had babies, they were always off socializing, pursuing their interests, bettering themselves while I could do none of those things. My friends would stop by my place from time to time and I'd be so happy to see them but they wouldn't stay long because my place wasn't any fun, Or they would invite me out to lunch from time to time and I would have to bring my kids and inevitably my kids would become fussy and annoying at some point and I would have to leave and my friends would merrily wave me off saying "we'll do this again soon" while trying to hide their relief that I was leaving because my kids were being annoying and putting a damper on things.

 

 

I loved my kids and I don't regret them for 1 second but for about the first 5-7 years of motherhood I could at times feel so jealous of my carefree single friends. Eventually all of those carefree single friends also got married or common law husbands and also had babies, but they did it smarter than I did. They were more mature, were better off financially and were able to provide better for their kids, both emotionally and financially. My best friend didn't have her first baby until she was 30 and then she had another at another 33. Her relationship with the dad ended and she spent some time being a single mom. Then when she was 40 she met the love of her life and they had a baby just a few years ago when she was 43. Another friend waited until she was 35 for her first child. She chose single parent hood because she just never wanted to marry any of the guys she became involved with. At 25 she had had an abortion because she felt too young and unprepared but at 35 she was financially and emotionally secure and ready to be a great single parent.

 

 

KC, you really have your whole life ahead of you. I don't know how you got this mindset that life ends at 25 and you have to achieve everything by then or it's too late. The idea that your affair partner's gf would never leave him because she's 28 and too old to find anyone else is really funny. I left the father of my kids after 8 years, then I dated for a couple of years and then had another long term relationship of 8 years. Then I left that guy because he because of alcohol problems and shortly after met my next long term partner which lasted 10 years. I don't know what you think happens to people at the age of 25 that makes them suddenly unworthy of marriage and parenthood but whatever it is, it's all in your head and not one bit true.

 

 

How did you pick your username? I like it and I think you should apply it to your life. Keep calm and carry on. That sounds like a great mindset and one you need to embrace.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I can get the book.

I actually only worked for 3 months. I have been husband hunting since I was like 16

 

But if you'd found a husband at 16, you'd have not been able to do anything about it. So seriously hunting for 5 years. And saying it's a wash to find somebody at work after only trying 3 months is a bit unrealistic.

 

You said that it is supposed to take forever? So then how will I find someone? I thought the point of the self improvement was to make myself a better potential partner?

 

The point of self-improvement is to make you a better version of your self. You don't do it for others, you do it for you. It will attract people to you, but it's not the sole reason you do it.

 

Also something you said earlier that kind of made me feel bad, about the sex stuff. I have had sex with 8 people, I was in a relationship with one and dating a few of the others, hoping that the sex would propel it into a relationship. That doesn't make me a bad, moral less person. I know sleeping with an engaged man makes me kind of bad, or my morals questionable but idk I don't think I am a bad person.

 

I didn't say you were a bad, moral-less person and I'd never say that to anybody. I said when you enter into these types of relationships where you use sex to "propel it into a relationship" or have sex for validation, you're selling yourself short. You're asking to be used and disposed of, which goes long way to explain why you're unhappy.

[Timshel]

I don't think she really understands what a relationship/marriage is. BeCalmCarryON talks about it in a very robotic, shallow way. As if anyone will do as long as she has what she wants.

BeCalmCarryON- What is the point in being married and having children if your relationship with your husband is shallow and superficial. Marriage is hard work even if you deeply love and respect each other. Children are tremendously hard work. Unless there is friendship, respect and love, your marriage will fail and your children will suffer.

Marriage is not a trophy or prize. It's not like belonging to a club or a name tag for your life. Marriage is one of the deepest most important decisions you will ever make and noooo not just "anyone" will do. This is not a one size fits all situation. I hope you understand what I am saying. I think you don't understand the magnitude and seriousness of what you want. Maybe you did not have role models in your life for loving honest relationships?

[letmoc]

Also something you said earlier that kind of made me feel bad, about the sex stuff. I have had sex with 8 people, I was in a relationship with one and dating a few of the others, hoping that the sex would propel it into a relationship. That doesn't make me a bad, moral less person. I know sleeping with an engaged man makes me kind of bad, or my morals questionable but idk I don't think I am a bad person.

 

I would'nt say you're a bad person because I don't believe any person is "bad", but you are very selfish and self-centered. Maybe you should volunteer, and help others. That might give you something to do when you're bored instead of the sexting with that guy.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I do want to self improve, because it sucks feeling so crappy all the time lol

[sunburned]

You've had the best of the best advice here from women who've been there and done that and men who've been there and don't want that. You're using sex to propel a relationship forward? Seems like common sense that that is a bad idea. If it's not common sense, it should at least be obvious it hasn't worked. Try the opposite. Hold out until you feel the relationship is solid. I'm talking about a future relationship with a single guy, not your current CM sitch.

 

Also, just FYI, I had my first baby about 30, my last after 40. Man plans, God laughs. Feel free to substitute Woman for Man in previous sentence. My H and I were solid as people and partners. We were financially secure. A baby will not complete you. A husband will not complete you. Both are a tremendous amount of work : )

[Anela]

I can get the book.

 

 

You said that it is supposed to take forever? So then how will I find someone? I thought the point of the self improvement was to make myself a better potential partner?

 

 

I don't think that anyone reaches the state of perfection. We all have our good and bad times. Self-improvement should help you to have healthier relationships in general.

 

You're looking for a husband, but what happens if you do, and then that marriage fails? How would you feel if he cheated on you, just like this man who is cheating on his fiance with you? What both of you are getting from him, is blatant disrespect.

[loveboid]

Are you wanting a baby or are you wanting to stay home? You can adopt right now and be done with it. You can also adopt into your forties and have a huge family with a man or not. Is the idea to have a huge family so that you can stay home for a lot of your life?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Are you wanting a baby or are you wanting to stay home? You can adopt right now and be done with it. You can also adopt into your forties and have a huge family with a man or not. Is the idea to have a huge family so that you can stay home for a lot of your life?

 

I ideally don't want to adopt, I want to be pregnant and cute and fat with a baby bump and all that awesome stuff. I do want to be a SAHM that's so important to me. Not for forever but while my kids are like small until they are at least 10. I also do want a huge family like 5 kids I doubt I will have that many because I'm already 23 and manless.

 

This whole affair thing is stressful he never even texts me anymore. Ughhh in just so mad and annoyed I just want him. I feel really attached lately to like anyone.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I don't think that anyone reaches the state of perfection. We all have our good and bad times. Self-improvement should help you to have healthier relationships in general.

 

You're looking for a husband, but what happens if you do, and then that marriage fails? How would you feel if he cheated on you, just like this man who is cheating on his fiance with you? What both of you are getting from him, is blatant disrespect.

 

If I was in this woman's position I wouldn't leave. I would be sad and hurt but I wouldn't leave because I wouldn't want to start over. Also he and I only had actual sex once, we have just texted and facetimed since the initial sex a year ago. Does it even count as cheating still? I mean he says he's going to come see me but I doubt he will. I just feel like if it was a minor situation like this I wouldn't leave. It's not an emotional connection, he just talks to me for sexual purposes. She's planning a wedding I wouldn't cancel a wedding over this.

[Ruffian1]

"Does it even count as cheating still?"

 

 

Dr. Phil’s definition in regards to this issue, he's deadright: if you can't tell your spouse, or have him/her right there and you have to do it, whatever "it" is, behind his or her back, it's cheating.

 

It's really that simple.

 

 

Maybe you wouldn’t leave him, maybe she would. But then she hasn’t been given that option,HE hasn’t given her that option that is why he deceives her, he doesn’t wanther to have that option. Why is that?

 

 

Why wouldn't you leave?

You would be willing to accept blatant disrespect so you don't have to start over? (cheating is abuse you know) You could still stay with a man that is doing that to you and it doesn't mean he would stay with you . . . .forever.

 

 

Then you are starting over again anyway.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

"Does it even count as cheating still?"

 

 

Dr. Phil’s definition in regards to this issue, he's deadright: if you can't tell your spouse, or have him/her right there and you have to do it, whatever "it" is, behind his or her back, it's cheating.

 

It's really that simple.

 

 

Maybe you wouldn’t leave him, maybe she would. But then she hasn’t been given that option,HE hasn’t given her that option that is why he deceives her, he doesn’t wanther to have that option. Why is that?

 

 

Why wouldn't you leave?

You would be willing to accept blatant disrespect so you don't have to start over? (cheating is abuse you know) You could still stay with a man that is doing that to you and it doesn't mean he would stay with you . . . .forever.

 

 

Then you are starting over again anyway.

 

I feel like if it was just random and he met some girl online and hooked up with her once I would stay but if it was long term and emotionally involved then that would be a problem. In the end if I was her and he was... Him lol I wouldn't ever leave him. She's lucky to get him. So so lucky. He obviously does love her despite this, he is marrying her next year! He asked her to marry him like obviously he loves her. Maybe she just sucks at sex or wanted somethkng new? Idk. I know I would hate if this happened to me but at the same time I can't make myself feel bad for her. She still gets him. I still get no one. She'll be married next summer, I probably won't. I don't feel bad for her.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Reading your posts I vacillate between feeling annoyed, sympathetic and frustrated toward you. Based on what you've written here and elsewhere, you sound like a very lost little girl. Your maturity level seems to drift from that of moderately rational thinking young adult woman to spoiled, petulant child. I mean, you recognize that you are very broken and that your behavior is harmful to others and destructive toward yourself but at times seem to brush it off and ignore constructive advice- repeatedly.

 

You've started thread after thread including this one, racking up hundreds of posts and yet I still have the faintest idea what it is you want or are looking for. I don't know if you come here because you are lonely, or are just looking for a place to vent the (sometimes irrational, unkind or nonsensical) thoughts you are having that you can't share with people in real life or what but I'm not seeing a woman truly looking for help.

 

You talk about being jealous of other women and feeling justified in taking part in an affair in one breath while in the next breath yo talk about being fat and pregnant and cute and having cuddles with your hubby and fun family game nights and what a great life you deserve. And all without a shred of irony.

 

What you lack is self-awareness. I fully believe in karma and I believe it is an active force. The more time you spend harboring mean thoughts toward other women you are jealous of and being sexually inappropriate with married/taken men, the more time you will inevitably spend lonely and alone. Each time you degrade yourself sexually you are chipping away at your value, both in terms of how valuable others see you and how valuable you view yourself to be.

 

You talk about turning 24 and being old and worrying about each day that passes that you aren't married and knocked up and honestly it scares me. It scares me that someone with your mentality might very well be bringing a child into this world - and soon at that - because mentally, realistically, you are woefully unprepared.

 

So, again I'll ask, what is it you really hope to get out of posting here? I'm not saying that to get you to stop posting, I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious and confused as to what you hope to gain?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I wish I just never got into this situation

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Reading your posts I vacillate between feeling annoyed, sympathetic and frustrated toward you. Based on what you've written here and elsewhere, you sound like a very lost little girl. Your maturity level seems to drift from that of moderately rational thinking young adult woman to spoiled, petulant child. I mean, you recognize that you are very broken and that your behavior is harmful to others and destructive toward yourself but at times seem to brush it off and ignore constructive advice- repeatedly.

 

You've started thread after thread including this one, racking up hundreds of posts and yet I still have the faintest idea what it is you want or are looking for. I don't know if you come here because you are lonely, or are just looking for a place to vent the (sometimes irrational, unkind or nonsensical) thoughts you are having that you can't share with people in real life or what but I'm not seeing a woman truly looking for help.

 

You talk about being jealous of other women and feeling justified in taking part in an affair in one breath while in the next breath yo talk about being fat and pregnant and cute and having cuddles with your hubby and fun family game nights and what a great life you deserve. And all without a shred of irony.

 

What you lack is self-awareness. I fully believe in karma and I believe it is an active force. The more time you spend harboring mean thoughts toward other women you are jealous of and being sexually inappropriate with married/taken men, the more time you will inevitably spend lonely and alone. Each time you degrade yourself sexually you are chipping away at your value, both in terms of how valuable others see you and how valuable you view yourself to be.

 

You talk about turning 24 and being old and worrying about each day that passes that you aren't married and knocked up and honestly it scares me. It scares me that someone with your mentality might very well be bringing a child into this world - and soon at that - because mentally, realistically, you are woefully unprepared.

 

So, again I'll ask, what is it you really hope to get out of posting here? I'm not saying that to get you to stop posting, I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious and confused as to what you hope to gain?

 

I really want to vent and get advice. I understand what you mean I am all over the place emotionally. I know that this situation makes me feel bAd. I just don't have the self control to not answer a text if he sends it. I try to see both sides. As far as karma, I feel like I was born with the short end of the stick so it's just wrong for me to have more bad karma. I don't try to have mean thoughts towards other women but I can't help it. The tgoifgts happen. I can't just push them out. I did this to myself with this guy and his fiancée because I intentionally looked her up on fb to see their engagement pics. I know I did that to myself but other situations where I'm talking to someone and they bring up engagement or marriage I can't help that.

Edited October 23, 2014 by KeepCalmCarryOn