blind_otter Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by haywood okay spock, taken that in consideration. as of the moment she's still upset. should i just wait it out and do some nc till she contacts me and then work explain it to her? here's the deal. i just don't know how to confront her with this behavior because she may take it bad and she'll get more upset. understanding that should give me my answer to just leave her but like i said before, i want to try to work it out. i still have the patience right now. But you really do have to be able to walk away and say, fine, beyotch, if you don't want this sh*t someone better, will. That's confidence. Confidence is sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by haywood okay spock, taken that in consideration. as of the moment she's still upset. should i just wait it out and do some nc till she contacts me and then work explain it to her? here's the deal. i just don't know how to confront her with this behavior because she may take it bad and she'll get more upset. understanding that should give me my answer to just leave her but like i said before, i want to try to work it out. i still have the patience right now. If you're in a situation where you don't feel you can bring up topic for discussion in a relationship because she'll dump you and never speak to you again then you aren't really in a real relationship. It doesn't matter what you say you're screwed IMHO. In terms of this relationship lasting. BO is right. You have to be ready to stick by what you say. You need to be prepared for a bad reaction, and you need to be prepared to say "F*ck you then" and the end of the relationship. What your SO is doing is holding you as an emotional hostage. Put an end to it either way. Confidence IS sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author haywood Posted March 12, 2005 Author Share Posted March 12, 2005 yeah. i mean i know i can do that but it's sad cuz i just thought there was so much more. i've gotten attached to her and really felt loved by her. this is most likely what i'm gonna be doing. i'm gonna just wait till she has something to say. why should i keep trying to want to work it out while she says she doesn't know what to say. wish me luck. just hoping for the best. otter, as crazy as she is, i want to be with her. you can understand that. just want to be one of those relationships that actually do work. i have faith in her that she can be so much more but my patience is wearing down. thanks for you words of encouragement. we'll see how the weekend goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author haywood Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 lets just say things didn't go too well. it's pretty much over. i can understand that and realize i have to move on. otter, if you can help me out here. being a "crazy" girl, what do you expect out of the guy after it's over? do you want him to reach out and try or is that more detrimental? i can do nc. i can accept loss. but since she's crazy, do you think she'd want me to try to get her back? i've tried explaining how i felt about her but she just won't get it through her thick skull. it's not like i've acted like a baby, pleading for her to give me another try. i tried explaining why i thought it would work and why it's been hard on me but honestly, i tried. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I'm sorry to hear that, haywood. Sometimes things just won't work no matter how much you want them too. And I wouldn't call her "crazy" - there are just vastly different dynamics in play here. The important thing is that you tried, and that's all anyone could ask for. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by haywood lets just say things didn't go too well. it's pretty much over. i can understand that and realize i have to move on. otter, if you can help me out here. being a "crazy" girl, what do you expect out of the guy after it's over? do you want him to reach out and try or is that more detrimental? i can do nc. i can accept loss. but since she's crazy, do you think she'd want me to try to get her back? i've tried explaining how i felt about her but she just won't get it through her thick skull. it's not like i've acted like a baby, pleading for her to give me another try. i tried explaining why i thought it would work and why it's been hard on me but honestly, i tried. For me, with the last guy I kinda dated (for as long as I would let myself, har har har) - I broke with him because I said it wouldn't work out, we wanted different things blah blah blah, and then we didn't talk for a week and then I called him to let him know I still was thinking about him and I thought he was a cool person. It turned out OK in the end.... I would say, let her contact you if she really wants to. Again, you have to make it obvious that you are confident enough in yourself, your sexiness and attractiveness, then you CAN walk away from her. So you tried explaining to her why you guys would work - that probably looked a bit desperate in and of itself...in the same way she has no say over who you are attracted to, and who you choose to spend your time with - you have no say over whether she chooses you or not. So, onwards and upwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author haywood Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 otter, thanks again. soo, what should i do? does the fact that she says i don't show her how much i care mean that she wants me to show her, for example giving her flowers? i thought that i'd just give her some flowers when i'd go pick up my stuff. i wasn't gonna say anything but, sorry it didn't work out, and then just go. thinking that she'd have more to think about whenever she saw the flowers. i know it sounds dumb but i feel like with her the weirdest stuff might actually help. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Dude what is it with guys on this forum and their creepy obsessive gestures? Leave it alone, man. Be cool. Did no one else see Grease? Be cool! Don't you remember high school, that bizarre microcosom of weirdness that it was, was a model for how to behave in relationships. Be cool! Stop acting all desperate or cutesy! You don't need that ho! Go on with your life, hopefully she will find what she is looking for, be friends later on after a period of NC for a while, if you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
michaeljones Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I was severly emotionaly abused growing up and I have to admit it makes relationships a million times harder simply because I have no template or structure to work on due to the face I have only been raised around excessively unloving and screwed up relationships. But its true that abuse makes love so much harder, for me personally being male it sometimes seems even worse because society deems it as standard that a guy does all the chasing and makes all the moves, and soemtimes insecurity {Which im sure everyone gets} creeps up on me but for anyone abused it hits you a lot harder because u understand the pain or rejection and being hurt. Anyway I eventually ended up pursuing a girl with a serious depressive disorder, started off great but after a month or so she became a total bitch towards me, so i kept trying and trying for around 6-8 months because i decided it wouldnt be fair to judge somebody based on mental illness. In the end I got ****ed, i ended up with nothing. So the way i see it if i can be a decent person coming from my own ****ed up past, these people could at least be friendly and reciprocate. By the way, the whole notion that all men are cheaters and all women are victims... that is total bollocks. Link to post Share on other sites
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