lovelylady17 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I just wanted to let everyone know that cheating is not the way to go. I cheated on my husband a while back so I know how it feels to hurt someone who loves you so much. To this day I feel like a bad person, because although he knows about it he still loves me. We were having problems at the time and I swore he was cheating on me. I have been cheated on before by an ex boyfriend and I know how much it hurts. So me being a dumb ass I went ahead and cheated. Not only did I hurt him, but I hurt myself, and another man. I was reading some posts on here so I guess I just figured that I would warn those cheaters or people thinking of cheating that this isn't the way to go. In the long run there is only going to be pain and regret. I love my husband with all my heart and I will forever regret what I did to him. I had never seen him cry or had him pour his heart out to me before. I feel like such a freakin dummy for putting him through this. When I look in the mirror I see someone I am disgusted with. Marriage vows are meet to be kept. Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Thank you for your post.... there is nothing I can say to help your situation, but i am glad that things are working out for you. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
Rick5478 Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I admire your honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 To come on this forum and say what you did must have been pretty hard. Not many people would have the courage to do it.You made a mistake, we all do, its says a lot about you being able to admit it.The best thing for your husband and you is for you to look in the mirror and forgive yourself and move on to better things. I really wish the best for you, in time you should be able to stop beating yourself up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetz Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Best to you in your recovery with your husband. I am there with you. It's a long road but well worth the travel. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelylady1 Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Thanks so much for all the nice replies, but now I need a bit of advice. My husband keeps bringing this in my face, so how do we ever get over it?? I was prepared to leave the day he found out, but he doesn't want me to go. Also as bad as I feel about the whole thing what I had was an emotional affair I guess you would call it. (never had sex) Well I have made know contact with the other man and I even changed my number. Its been a while know and I still think of him and kinda miss him. I know that is so wrong, and I am disgusted with myself. So how do I completely get over him or will I ever?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovelylady17 Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Thanks so much for all the nice replies, but now I need a bit of advice. My husband keeps bringing this in my face, so how do we ever get over it?? I was prepared to leave the day he found out, but he doesn't want me to go. Also as bad as I feel about the whole thing what I had was an emotional affair I guess you would call it. (never had sex) Well I have made know contact with the other man and I even changed my number. Its been a while know and I still think of him and kinda miss him. I know that is so wrong, and I am disgusted with myself. So how do I completely get over him or will I ever?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Have the two of you gone for marriage counseling? What are you doing to actively repair the relationship? If you read some of the thread's from betrayed husbands, you'll notice that the triggers that make them remember the affair continue for quite awhile after the affair ends. Women have "triggers" too, but in men....they just seem to be a little more devastating for some reason. Could be that men are more prone to express strong emotions through anger...not that women don't, but I think we're more willing to have a good cry and recognise our sadness as well as our anger. My theory, anyway. I don't think that ANYONE should live in the doghouse for the rest of their days though. But I think we'll need a little more info from you about what it is that y'all are actually doing in your efforts to reconcile. Give us some VERBS, dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovelylady17 Posted March 18, 2005 Author Share Posted March 18, 2005 Originally posted by Ladyjane14 But I think we'll need a little more info from you about what it is that y'all are actually doing in your efforts to reconcile. Give us some VERBS, dear. Well he said that we would just put this behind us, because he understood that he pushed me away. He use to be very mean to me yelling and cussing at me in front of company for any lil. thing. He would spen more time with his friends than he did me, and there was a time he went out and didn't come home until 11 the next day. I thought he could forgive me, but it seems he can't and he keeps saying little things. I mean one of his friends told me that he has cheated on me, but I believe him over his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 hi lady i feel almost like i am no one to give advise. i am knee deep in choices that i made i wish i hadnt. but, i will say this, it was emotional and you didnt cross the lines where most men really couldnt cope. you have owned up to what you have done. you have put a stop to it. he's entitled to feel what he does , but its not healthy to beat yourself up too much. apparently you had access to some form of compassion with someone when you needed it. much hurt and losses were cause all around, because you had to give up one of them. its understandable your husband will vent. but personally it is real destructive of him to look to this as an outlet or solution to his fears and frustration. that in turn WILL make you miss the other guy more. this really shouldnt and doesnt have to be a life sentence for either of you. as far as the two of you are concerned) he needs to know that although you understand how he feels (because you have been there on the receiving end once in life) verbally lashing out the same rhetoric (sp?) about what you did, will eventually cause you both doom as a couple. even if there were a one day a week 1 hour vent day its better than throwing digs at you all the time. or venting all the time. if you really love your husband just keep showing him you love him and understand but that you are helpless to go back in time. you can only remember not to take that route again. because you have learned just how hard that route was and how sorry you are. i always say pray in your own way and ask God to guild you. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Well, the reality of it is that you CAN'T just put it behind you. Let me suggest that you read the threads here by myself, ThumbingMyWay, and Dazedandconfused. All three of us have been where your husband is at...perhaps myself the closest because my wife's affair was an emotional one as well. He may WANT to put it behind him and forget about it, but he can't. What you did is the singly most devestating thing you can do to your spouse...bar NOTHING. You would not have traumatized him any worse if you had gone after him with a gun. The pain, the betrayal, all of that adds up. He learned a lot from what you've done. That your relationship between the two of you is NOT something magical, that there is nothing truly preventing your marriage from suffering from something like this. He's learned that you can and will lie to him to get what you want or think you want, totally irregardless of how you make him feel. He's learned that he is NOT the only man who could make you happy...and that learning hurts like hell. If you want to deal with this, then counseling with a professional who understands the dynamics of infidelity is a must. Individual counseling is also something I'd seriously suggest. What you need to do is to work with the counselor and your husband to find out WHY you did what you did...and take steps to prevent it from happening again. You need to help HIM to heal...because you are the one who wounded him. I'm not saying that he's a saint...you make that clear in your posts. He contributed to your unhappiness...but it was YOUR decision to turn to someone else. He needs to see you take responsibility for the affair. He needs to see that you regret it, and that you're working hard to ensure it will never happen again. He needs to be reassured that you do love him, and that the changes that HE is making in your relationship are the ones you need to make things work out between the two of you. It's not going to 'just go away'...that's like trying to hide an elephant on a city bus....it's just to big and obvious. Talk with a counselor...and talk with your husband about what he's feeling, and what you can do to reassure him. Don't expect it to go away...instead, start working with him to DEAL with it...and the things that lead to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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