Stonewalling

[diverdileo]

I believe stonewalling is a cop out. Dr gottman says it is destructive. But when my partner stonewalks , she says it is no stonewalling, it is silence. She says I don't respect her silence. But I believe she can have her space without insisting on a 100% shut out. I tell her dhe only needs to tell me she needs time, but her shutout includes not answering my calls for more than half a day. She will text me with her phone but only to complain. And she won't acknowledge my feelings when texting. She has promised to never stonewall me again because 99% of the time the reason for her stonewalling was irrational which sheadmits. For the first week we meet I told her stonewalking is the worst thing someone can do to me. She used to apologize for stonewslling because it hurt me, but now she tries to change what the definition is. We have been together over a year and she has never stonewalled me for a 24 hour period. But recently she ignored me for 24 hours. We are talking again, but she says it wasn't stonnewalling and she wont acknowledge she hurt me. I believe there should never be a day without talking. I am not perfect, but I am a good man and I always do evertything I can for her. She gets made over things we hich I think are small problemas, but I always show empathy and try to please her. I believe there is never an excuse to go 24 horas without talking and she is defensive and now says I don't accept her oersonality. I dont want another day of stonewalking in the relationship that last 24 hours, but when I try to talk about it, she is defensive. Advice and thoughts please?

[amakgf]

I sympathize. My stbx always shuts down and shuts me out. When we do discuss issues, he's quick to blame anyone else or twists what is said or, most annoyingly, fixates on one particular part of the conversation and will not move past it.

The best thing to do is not letting it get to you. It's something they do take control and make you take all of the responsibly. Even when it does get to you, you can't show it. Call them out on the behavior right away and don't get sucked into playing the part they want you to.

Good luck, I hope you find some relief from the problem.