woocky Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I am always told the longer you are with someone the more unexciting it becomes. I was wondering the longer you are with someone should you also become more unattracted to them. I guess what I am asking is, is in normal to not me attracted to someone the longer you are with them. Or should you always find them attractive. Your opinions would be great Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 IMHO no attraction doesn't fade, things just change. That crazy excitement that has you ripping eachothers' clothes off before the door even closes goes away. In its place is something deeper and more meaningful. Hope that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I'd have to disagree. I think attraction can fade over time, just like anything else. My last ex and I were deeply and madly in love with each other, not to mention very attracted to other. As time went by, we fell out love, and consequently, neither found the other as attractive anymore - physically or otherwise. It's sad to see this kind of thing happen, but I believe it does. Spirits Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Attention does fade. But, I think its possible for deeper emotional connections to fill in and deepen where 'animal attraction' recedes and fades - and that is what will keep the relationship alive and growing. To me, attraction in a relationship is like fertilization in the process of birth. Not every fertilized egg makes it to an adult, just like every hot wild animal passion sex session makes it to a long-term relationship. If attraction is the only thing you have in your relationship that keeps it going, then it would do well to start building a foundation of friendship and companionship for when that attraction does fluctuate or fade. Link to post Share on other sites
Girly Girl Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I'd say that if the attraction fades, that's a sign that there is something wrong. However, that being said, there is a change, and sometimes people confuse that deeper connection and not strictly physical stuff with "losing attraction". Don't make that mistake and enjoy the change as it progresses, and you'll see the relationship deepen, instead of bailing out when it's different. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia If attraction is the only thing you have in your relationship that keeps it going, then it would do well to start building a foundation of friendship and companionship for when that attraction does fluctuate or fade. Had I done this with my ex, maybe it might have worked between us. I think most of our relationship was built on sex and physical attraction. We never built that friendship and trust. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Had I done this with my ex, maybe it might have worked between us. I think most of our relationship was built on sex and physical attraction. We never built that friendship and trust. What if you realize this some years after youv'e been dating, or even a year after, is it possible to start building it? I have found that it wasn't, because attraction, whether it is physical or emotional, has to be there for me to want to work things out. So in effect, it would probably be better to start a new relationship where the attraction IS there and you can build the friendship and trust from the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Not necessarily Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Surely I can't be the only human for whom love creates attraction ? Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 merry, thank god you're here Surely I can't be the only human for whom love creates attraction ? no, there are at least two of us. when i love someone's heart and mind i am deeply attracted to them, whatever package they come in. anything else is unworthy of the name of love, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 merry, thank god you're here Ditto when i love someone's heart and mind i am deeply attracted to them, whatever package they come in. anything else is unworthy of the name of love, IMO. I couldn't agree more. There's 'attraction' to some people that comes of pheremones or whatever you want to call the purely physical appeal, but that in comparison with the attraction that comes from love is like comparing dime store fake jewellery with the finest of gems. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia I think its possible for deeper emotional connections to fill in and deepen where 'animal attraction' recedes and fades - and that is what will keep the relationship alive and growing. If attraction is the only thing you have in your relationship that keeps it going, then it would do well to start building a foundation of friendship and companionship for when that attraction does fluctuate or fade. I agree, to a point. If the only thing one has when one starts a relationship with someone is the physical attraction, then it may or may not go anywhere depending on what you do with that attraction. You've got to have the basis eventually too: friendship. Sure, many relationships start with physical attraction, but if you don't become friends with that person too, then it's probably not going to go anywhere. If, as you get to know the person, you don't like what you're seeing in that person's head and heart, then it's time to go. I've had friends become so much more attractive to me after knowing them for a while, and I've had guys that I've dated become less attractive to me as I've gotten to know them. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Keep making deposits in each other's "Love Banks", and you will continue to be crazy about each other, indefinitely. The main reason that "love fades" is that people get lazy or distracted, and stop taking care of their partners in the way that originally created the attraction! Lots of people think that once you're married, you can "relax" and stop making your partner feel terrific on a daily basis. That's an expensive mistake. You will always love the person who makes you feel fantastic whenever you are together. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by SoleMate You will always love the person who makes you feel fantastic whenever you are together. I agree 110% Love IMO is the way someone makes you feel about yourself... when you're with someone that makes you feel so good about who you are... there is nothing better than that:) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Here goes Moi the contrarian again LOL. Love IMO is the way someone makes you feel about yourself... People say that, but that's not my experience. Clearly, it's unhealthy to 'love' someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself, but I think you need to feel good about yourself on your own. It is wonderful if someone you love, admire, and respect thinks well of you and it does add icing to the cake, but if I love someone, it's because of the person he is. After all, nobody 'makes' you feel any way so if you credit your feelings about yourself to others, when you feel down on yourself you may end up blaming them when it's your own internal workings that have you feeling bad. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Sure does fade away... now if there's love behind it, you'll be able to rebuid it. If not, too bad, you're alone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Here goes Moi the contrarian again LOL. People say that, but that's not my experience. Clearly, it's unhealthy to 'love' someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself, but I think you need to feel good about yourself on your own. It is wonderful if someone you love, admire, and respect thinks well of you and it does add icing to the cake, but if I love someone, it's because of the person he is. After all, nobody 'makes' you feel any way so if you credit your feelings about yourself to others, when you feel down on yourself you may end up blaming them when it's your own internal workings that have you feeling bad. Actually I don't think it's possible to really Love someone that makes you feel sh*tty about who you are... I'm not saying that a person should expect thier SO to be thier everything... AND I also do believe that yes people can *Make* you feel a certain way regardless if it's happy, pissed off, sad... beautiful ect... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Actually I don't think it's possible to really Love someone that makes you feel sh*tty about who you are... I believe I said that. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by woocky I am always told the longer you are with someone the more unexciting it becomes. I was wondering the longer you are with someone should you also become more unattracted to them. I guess what I am asking is, is in normal to not me attracted to someone the longer you are with them. Or should you always find them attractive. Your opinions would be great What we find attractive changes as we grow older. It's natural to not find the same things attractive when you are 40 as when you were 18. There are times when I've looked at hubby and wondered what the heck I ever saw in him! And he says the same about me! That said, there are also times when I'll look at him and think him adorable and that generates all the same warm fuzzy feelings that I had at the beginning of the relationship when I was attracted by other things. He's also said that about me. After 20+ years together I'll still look over at him sometimes and see him watching me and smiling and he'll say "you're so cute" He can't "make" me feel something, but his actions & words can stimulate those feelings and bring them to the surface and in that respect I credit him for those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme I believe I said that. ::Merin gives up:: My point wasn't and isn't that it's anyone else's responsibility to be another persons everything.. and No I wasn't saying that you didn't agree that it would be impossible to have good feelings about someone who made you feel badly... My point is that YES people can effect you.. regardless if it's happiness or anger or sadness... whatever. Love is again IMO ONLY a feeling... an emotion. So finding someone who makes you feel great about yourself (and again this is not saying that it is only that other persons responsibility to make me or anyone else feel good about who they are but to ADD to an over all feeling of well being) then yes I do believe it is more likely to stay attracted to someone you love being with who is adding to your life and well being then it would be to stay with someone who just wasn't doing it for you... not feeling it so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 I think attraction or spark can fade after be with someone for awhile. I think it just changes into something different. I've only been in one long relationship which this happened and we are now exs so it's not the best example. The problem was the spark wasn't that much in the first place - we just became really good friends with each other so I stayed. We eventually felt that to go to the next level - marriage - there still had to be some sort of spark. There was for him in the beginning but not for me and we couldn't work it out - it just never reappeared. If you had a good spark at the beginning - I think that you could work through it and reinite it - but it might feel different - like a great love for each other that is past lust - you know what I'm saying. It's definitely important though. If it's a problem you are having - try to work on it - and if it is still a problem after awhile don't wait too long like I did and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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