Men: Sad we have to worry about being creepy?

[irc333]

I got confused by the first post and the title of the thread. So is "creepy" now ok? I didn't read the thread, to be honest.

 

But still. ARE you a stalker? Did you stalk her? If so, own it. The bottom line is if she liked you and your actions she wouldn't have used any hurtful words. She didn't like you. It's at that point you are permitted to stop caring what else she says. And she could only make herself look foolish if she uses that as an excuse to say stupid things. A woman with a more mature mentality wouldn't do that.

 

Nope, since you didn't read it, it was a brief few minute conversation I had with her as the other members of group went to buy drinks and we weren't thirsty and there was a band playing. That's when I introduced myself and we talked a bit.

 

Later, the woman who referred to me as a stalker, whom I was a bit more familiar with and actually worked with to co-organize events when the MAIN Organizer asked me to help take over an event as there was a death in her family.

 

Anyhow, the woman I was talking to was just a guest at our event, but all went to the same church. She just wasn't a Meetup member...her friend and I were Meetup members.

 

I asked the "Meetup member" female friend about her availability. That's when she chimed in with, "She's just there looking for friendships not a stalker"

 

And I was like, "How the heck did she pull THAT out of her arse??"

[xxoo]

 

I asked the "Meetup member" female friend about her availability. That's when she chimed in with, "She's just there looking for friendships not a stalker"

 

And I was like, "How the heck did she pull THAT out of her arse??"

 

Instead of asking her friend about her availability, why not deal with the woman of interest directly? It puts the friend in an awkward position, because she may know that her friend isn't interested.

[irc333]

Instead of asking her friend about her availability, why not deal with the woman of interest directly? It puts the friend in an awkward position, because she may know that her friend isn't interested.

 

Didn't get a chance to ask actually. *Shrug* Hindsight 20/20.

[gaius]

Instead of asking her friend about her availability, why not deal with the woman of interest directly? It puts the friend in an awkward position, because she may know that her friend isn't interested.

I was thinking that too. You're dealing with the friend IRC so you have no real idea what her motivations are. She could have even been annoyed and spiteful you weren't trying to hit on her instead.

[jay1983]

"

 

Or maybe it's just the term "creep" that is problematic. Would you feel better if that word never existed, even though women might still feel a bit weirded out by you? As long as they just don't use that word, it doesn't matter. How they feel isn't a concern. Some other word for that feeling would just take its place, and then what? Should we start scanning the dictionary marking out words that might trigger your sensitivity?

 

I have a hard time understanding how sensitive guys seem to have become. It's hurt feelings at pretty much every turn. Those big, bad, brutes of women seem to never let up.

 

When I think creepy, I think of something like this.

 

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/004/c/9/gaius__s_creepy_face_by_hiru_ma_enjiru-d5qfw4l.jpg

 

Damn! That's the feeling I gave her? If a regular gets labeled creepy for simply try to make conversation, I can see how he might get his feelings hurt.

[JuneJulySeptember]

It's not exactly that thin a line you know. Or maybe I'm just a smooth guy with swag, I couldn't possibly have to approach a woman with respect......

 

I've done creepy sh*t like 2 times before, except now I know I was being creepy and I know how to know to not be creepy. It's not that hard, that's why the whole "creepy" thing isn't really an argument that affects me much. Given my condition, I'd say there's a lot of guys out there who don't have much excuse. I do get that it's hard to find that balance, but it's not THAT hard.

 

Again, you're coming at it like you're the hero and I'm the villain.

 

It's not like that. Do you really think women in real life that I work with and know think I'm a disrespectful piece of trash?

 

Women are different. What one woman finds creepy, another woman finds an attractive approach.

 

That is all I was saying.

[jay1983]

I don't worry about this sort of thing in the slightest. I will not walk on eggshells around women, nor do I care if one of them finds me creepy. I will do, say, and be who I please. If someone finds me creepy, then I obviously don't need her in my life.

 

Here's the best comment on here.

[xxoo]

Didn't get a chance to ask actually. *Shrug* Hindsight 20/20.

 

Ok, but maybe take the option of asking the friend off the table. Unless the woman adores you, we hate that question and feel put in an awkward spot.

[JuneJulySeptember]

in your scenario why didn't the woman say hello ? all she had to do was say hello.

 

It's an exaggeration. I'm just saying. You may do something, and one woman finds it creepy or unattractive, but another finds it cute or attractive.

 

Can anybody see a woman being enamored with a handsome stranger approaching her in an elevator? Because I can.

 

It's just an example. Hyperbole.

[Teknoe]

Creepy is a newer term I feel that has exploded in usage and popularity in like the last 10 years or so. I'm sure it's been around, but pre-internet, people used creepy for horrific images or movies or such. Now I hear it applied to guys who, particularly, are single and perhaps try a bit too hard.

 

Then again, pre-internet I was a kid so I wasn't in the dating world. Who knows, maybe it was a popular term women used even back in 1992.

 

At any rate, here's my theory.

 

As a guy, it obviously sucks to hear someone even suggest that you are creepy. It's a label NOBODY wants, because it suggests that you are somehow abnormal. It could be that you have no friends/social skills, are pushing too hard or whatever else.

 

I honestly feel if someone considers you creepy, then maybe there's something there to it. People don't use the word creepy just to use it. Where there's smoke, there's usually fire not far behind. Having said that, you can't take everyone's opinion of you as gospel. Sometimes, we just have a bad day. We could be creepy at that moment maybe, but on the whole not be creepy. You know what I mean?

 

Just because someone calls you creepy doesn't automatically equate to you being creepy in general. Maybe examine your behavior and why it's causing someone to label you as creepy.

 

Anyway, people will say and think what they will.

The only thing you can do is do your best to be a good and fair person, and know when to back off when warranted. If you're a good guy, your true colors will show and people will think of you as such.

[irc333]

I was thinking that too. You're dealing with the friend IRC so you have no real idea what her motivations are. She could have even been annoyed and spiteful you weren't trying to hit on her instead.

 

Now we're kind of getting into another conversation here and we're getting and this is just speculation. We're addressing the issue of her referring to me as a stalker and how seriously messed up that is.

 

Stay on topic, please.

[irc333]

Creepy is a newer term I feel that has exploded in usage and popularity in like the last 10 years or so. I'm sure it's been around, but pre-internet, people used creepy for horrific images or movies or such. Now I hear it applied to guys who, particularly, are single and perhaps try a bit too hard.

 

Then again, pre-internet I was a kid so I wasn't in the dating world. Who knows, maybe it was a popular term women used even back in 1992.

 

At any rate, here's my theory.

 

As a guy, it obviously sucks to hear someone even suggest that you are creepy. It's a label NOBODY wants, because it suggests that you are somehow abnormal. It could be that you have no friends/social skills, are pushing too hard or whatever else.

 

I honestly feel if someone considers you creepy, then maybe there's something there to it. People don't use the word creepy just to use it. Where there's smoke, there's usually fire not far behind. Having said that, you can't take everyone's opinion of you as gospel. Sometimes, we just have a bad day. We could be creepy at that moment maybe, but on the whole not be creepy. You know what I mean?

 

Just because someone calls you creepy doesn't automatically equate to you being creepy in general. Maybe examine your behavior and why it's causing someone to label you as creepy.

 

Anyway, people will say and think what they will.

The only thing you can do is do your best to be a good and fair person, and know when to back off when warranted. If you're a good guy, your true colors will show and people will think of you as such.

 

Well, the action I took to resolve this is quitting the group. I don't like being around people who refer to me as stalker (worse than creepy).

 

Believe me, I have good friends that can vouche for my character.

[jay1983]

It's only because of the sexual tension.

 

If you are in the elevator and a 65 year old woman gets in and gives you a smile, it's not the same situation.

 

My question is, when does the silly sexual tension end?

 

At age 40, 48, 56 and 4 months? Does it end when you go join AARP?

 

Let me know. Because I'm getting there and I want to know when.

 

This is true and I'll explain. If walk into an elevator 65 year old woman or often a woman who maybe a little overweight and smile, they smile back. "Hi, how are you, you look like a nice young man ect" If it's a remotely attractive woman somewhere around my age, I can tell she doesn't want to be spoken to, so I mind my own.

 

FYI you guys need to learn how read body language.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Creepy is a newer term I feel that has exploded in usage and popularity in like the last 10 years or so. I'm sure it's been around, but pre-internet, people used creepy for horrific images or movies or such. Now I hear it applied to guys who, particularly, are single and perhaps try a bit too hard.

 

Then again, pre-internet I was a kid so I wasn't in the dating world. Who knows, maybe it was a popular term women used even back in 1992.

 

At any rate, here's my theory.

 

As a guy, it obviously sucks to hear someone even suggest that you are creepy. It's a label NOBODY wants, because it suggests that you are somehow abnormal. It could be that you have no friends/social skills, are pushing too hard or whatever else.

 

I honestly feel if someone considers you creepy, then maybe there's something there to it. People don't use the word creepy just to use it. Where there's smoke, there's usually fire not far behind. Having said that, you can't take everyone's opinion of you as gospel. Sometimes, we just have a bad day. We could be creepy at that moment maybe, but on the whole not be creepy. You know what I mean?

 

Just because someone calls you creepy doesn't automatically equate to you being creepy in general. Maybe examine your behavior and why it's causing someone to label you as creepy.

 

Anyway, people will say and think what they will.

The only thing you can do is do your best to be a good and fair person, and know when to back off when warranted. If you're a good guy, your true colors will show and people will think of you as such.

 

Right. Good post.

 

And I was just thinking as I was driving home from work.

 

Even if you are respectful of women who are strangers and never cold approach, there's still the line.

 

You meet a woman at a party. You have some good conversation, but she has to rush away. Do you ask for her number? Do you wait and hope to meet her again? Maybe it is too soon and she thinks you come off as too aggressive.

 

There's no singular path of virtue and enlightenment. And it really ties into the creepy thing. There's already several stories of guys being called creepy for doing very normal things and even trying to help women.

 

You cannot put it all on your back.

[irc333]

Right. Good post.

 

And I was just thinking as I was driving home from work.

 

Even if you are respectful of women who are strangers and never cold approach, there's still the line.

 

You meet a woman at a party. You have some good conversation, but she has to rush away. Do you ask for her number? Do you wait and hope to meet her again? Maybe it is too soon and she thinks you come off as too aggressive.

 

There's no singular path of virtue and enlightenment. And it really ties into the creepy thing. There's already several stories of guys being called creepy for doing very normal things and even trying to help women.

 

You cannot put it all on your back.

 

Well, if you think about it, regardless of gender, we sadly live in a society that's over saturated with political correctness and people who now offend easily more so than ever.

[ThaWholigan]

Again, you're coming at it like you're the hero and I'm the villain.

 

It's not about being a hero or villain, mate. That you feel that way is kinda funny and I'll elaborate in a second.

 

It's not like that. Do you really think women in real life that I work with and know think I'm a disrespectful piece of trash?

 

I'd imagine they don't, but that's not the point.

 

Women are different. What one woman finds creepy, another woman finds an attractive approach.

 

That is all I was saying.

 

Were you? I remember seeing a few words about hot guys with swag, and an awkward guy having some slightly screwy moments with some women you knew, but I didn't see you allude to individual choices all that much. You don't seem like a bad guy or anything like that, but you seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder when it comes to these topics. What I'm trying to convey is that as hard as it can be, you guys make it seem like it's some inhumane slog just to engage with a woman - in this thread making it seem like its hard not to be creepy if you're not hot.

 

Making myself an example is meant to be of help - I'm an autistic, socially awkward man myself. I may be quite tall but I'm no model. Yet I don't have problems with being seen as creepy - and I doubt you personally face those problems either. So how many of us really have to worry about being creepy?

[serial muse]

The Organizer of the Meetup said NO such thing. You misread it. I don't even go to their church, the organizer happened to invite single women FROM the church as +5 to the SINGLES Meetup in the area. A street party/concert.

 

 

You're right; I misread. It wasn't your church.

 

But on the actual relevant part - that you're developing a reputation - well, you're kind of just quibbling (bolded emphasis mine):

 

Seems they were in man-hating mode as the Organizer inferred that most of the single women she knows from her church group were already frustrated with me, so they were likely in "man-hating" mode at the time and took it out on me.

Edited October 21, 2014 by serial muse

[JuneJulySeptember]

Were you? I remember seeing a few words about hot guys with swag, and an awkward guy having some slightly screwy moments with some women you knew, but I didn't see you allude to individual choices all that much. You don't seem like a bad guy or anything like that, but you seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder when it comes to these topics. What I'm trying to convey is that as hard as it can be, you guys make it seem like it's some inhumane slog just to engage with a woman - in this thread making it seem like its hard not to be creepy if you're not hot.

 

Nothing extreme was said in this thread.

 

I have actually agreed with a few posters in this thread that I don't always agree with. I think posters just see posters names and just automatically default to arguing against them. To be honest, it gets a little old, always taking the same side.

 

P.S. You don't think girls like hot guys?

Edited October 21, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[fortyninethousand322]

Here's the thing: 99% of guys who care about coming off creepy, aren't actually creepy. So if you're one of those guys, don't sweat it. Act as you normally would without being self conscious about it.

 

It's one of those great ironies of life. The guys who are the least creepy are the ones who alter their behavior out of fear that they are actually creepy.

[johan]

What I'm trying to convey is that as hard as it can be, you guys make it seem like it's some inhumane slog just to engage with a woman - in this thread making it seem like its hard not to be creepy if you're not hot.

 

I agree with all this. And I'd go to the next level and ask why. Assuming it's deliberate and a distortion, what is there to gain from it? Being pitied never fixes anything.

 

So how many of us really have to worry about being creepy?

 

Probably only the ones who are truly creepy. There might be some, but it's hard for me to say. Like you, I wonder more about the guys who seem fine except they like to wear the cloak of victimhood. I've known guys who were with great women and still were terminally focused on the things they didn't have. Some of these guys don't realize that even if the cutest girl threw herself at them, dropping to her knees at first sight, they wouldn't feel better. They would feel worse. When you spend so long thinking you can't get a woman, it's even harder to believe you can keep one.

[ThaWholigan]

Nothing extreme was said in this thread.

 

I have actually agreed with a few posters in this thread that I don't always agree with. I think posters just see posters names and just automatically default to arguing against them. To be honest, it gets a little old, always taking the same side.

 

This entire topic of debate is old.

P.S. You don't think girls like hot guys?

 

Girls like a lot of guys. Sure they like hot guys.

[rester]

irc, as I asked you before, as you are apparently getting a kind of reputation in your circle, don't you think that's worth a little introspection? I see you expend an awful lot of energy here starting threads that express your dissatisfaction with just about everything women do. But after a while that starts to paint a very different picture. This Organizer at that recent event told you something - that the women in your church circle are getting fed up with you. You interpreted that as the women being in a "man-hating" mood. That isn't the most likely explanation, though. Don't you see a disconnect there?

 

I agree with this. The OP never takes responsibility for his strange behavior. He always blames women or a particular woman. He's absolutely displayed some creepy behavior based on his previous threads. The one that immediately comes to mind is the thread about posting people's pictures on the internet even though they didn't want him to. I'm a guy and I consider that to be incredibly creepy. And instead of understanding that he was creeping people out, he blamed them for being too uptight or something.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This entire topic of debate is old.

.

 

Then why are we arguing?

[Imported]

It's an exaggeration. I'm just saying. You may do something, and one woman finds it creepy or unattractive, but another finds it cute or attractive.

 

Can anybody see a woman being enamored with a handsome stranger approaching her in an elevator? Because I can.

 

It's just an example. Hyperbole.

 

Everyone is different, even other guys. There are dudes I don't trash talk with (for fun), because they'd take offense. There are dudes I throw a lot of 'insults' at and we all just laugh. You need to know who you're dealing with and adjust accordingly. This is nothing new.

 

I can see women thinking a handsome stranger as being creepy after a while. Like, she is attracted to him and seemingly he is attracted to her, but he is too inept to actually go up to her and their being around each other just disintergrates into awkwardness....but still he is seemingly attracted to her. Eventually she will resent him not doing anything and well, it's just all bad after that.

[fortyninethousand322]

Everyone is different, even other guys. There are dudes I don't trash talk with (for fun), because they'd take offense. There are dudes I throw a lot of 'insults' at and we all just laugh. You need to know who you're dealing with and adjust accordingly. This is nothing new.

 

I can see women thinking a handsome stranger as being creepy after a while. Like, she is attracted to him and seemingly he is attracted to her, but he is too inept to actually go up to her and their being around each other just disintergrates into awkwardness....but still he is seemingly attracted to her. Eventually she will resent him not doing anything and well, it's just all bad after that.

 

That's sad. I was kind of hoping for a happy ending to that scenario...