is she really done with me?

[wags02jw]

hey i just want an outside oppinion. ok so me and me ex were dating for almost 2 years. she finally called it quits on everything 2 days ago. up until about a week and a half ago things were going good, we werent together but we sure acted like it, i thought we were honostly. so yea she got a second job and has been working A LOT! i brought to her attention a week and a half ago that things were different. she asked how and i explained to her that whenever she was home and not working that she was kinda short with me, i mean we were still sleeping in the same bed an all (not having sex), but like she wouldnt wake me up when she got off work anymore, no more kisses goodnight, kisses started turning into hugs and so on. she said the reason was she was working so much and she was overwelmed from it. i took that into consideration and nothing else was said until 3 days ago. when she said she had to work a double from 2pm-4am. so i call her just to say hello and see how her day is going (i called at 9pm) and shes in mexico with 2 'hommies' from work. i was kinda upset only because she left the house KNOWING she wasnt working a double and didnt tell me. i played it cool and slept on the couch that night.. of course she didnt wake me up when she got home but i heard her and stayed 'sleeping'. next morning i have a talk with her about whats REALLY been going on the past 2 weeks. i forgot to add that i was looking for something in her room and bumpt over her old purse and found a piece of paper with a heart and an arrow thru it with her first initial and a 'D'. once i found that i continued looking in that purse and found another note but with a name on it that began with 'D'. i found those like 3 weeks ago and never said anything, BECAUSE how could she have given them to him if she had them right? well the next morning after she got up i sat her down and we talked about it. i questioned both notes and wanted an answer. she told me strait up 'yes i am interested in someone else but i still love you.' this someone else is supposedly her manager at work and hes like 3-5 years older than her(shes 19). she then stated to me that she wanted us to go back to 'how we used to be as friends' BUT when were were 'just friends' there were feelings there on both sides, so its not that easy. 2 days before this happend we were kissing in her room and shes wearing nothing but her panties and ****... this is why i think we are together cuz 'friends' dont do that ****. well at least not in my book. so yea i asked her why she had been leading me on, and she said she wasnt. i explained to her that she was kissing me, telling me she loved me, letting me sleep in HER bed, and i also stated to her that 'in the house you play the girlfriend role and its like your ok with it.' she said im sorry if you think i was leading you on but that wasnt my intention, i do love you i just think we need to go back to how we were as friends and date other people." i then stated to her that i have no interest what so ever in ANYONE else and that my heart belongs to her. she said well i am going to date other people, we need some time apart. so i respected her wishes, but heres the thing, we are roommates. i cant leave lol. that day was really weird while we were in the same room but i managed. next day when i woke up i wrote her a letter and left it in her door. the letter pretty much said i dont agree with your decision but i will be behind you 100% in whatever decision you make, theres where the friend factor comes in. and i also stated in the letter that i love her with all my heart and i wish nothing but for her to be happy. after she read the letter she came out and gave me a HUGE hug for like a minute and a half (pretty long hug for just friends). then we went out and smoked a cig and she came and sat on my lap and started playing with the back of my neck/hair and gave me a kiss on the forehead. i didnt say anything, i kinda just looked away. that night when she got off work she gave me another HUGE hug before she went to bed. that was all that night. yesturday she really didnt show me much attention at all... REALLY short with me, got ready for work (took her like an hour and a half) then bounced to work and then got home from work at like 1ish and really didnt say more than like 20 words to me. im sorry this is so long but im so confused. i really truely love this girl more than anything but i dont know what to do to make her see that love this strong is truely hard to find. any suggestions on what the deal with her is? i forgot to add that for the past year and some change we have seen eachother EVERY day so im thinking that maybe, just maybe she just needs some time away from me and this is the easiest way to do it for her? i dunno please someone help me im broken hearted.

[LucreziaBorgia]

any suggestions on what the deal with her is?

 

Its that old saying: She loves you but she's not "in love" with you.

 

What does that mean? It means she enjoys your company, and likes being around you, loves having the benefit of your support, gets off on knowing you are still attracted to her, and lets her play with you sexually, but... she doesn't love you enough to want to be in a monogamous committed relationship with you.

 

She fell out of love with you over a period of time and she didn't let you see it happening until it reached the point where she was able to make enough of a break to put you at a distance where you were far enough so that you wouldn't expect commitment or monogamy - but close enough so that you won't leave. It is stabalized, since you agreed to this 'friends' arrangement, but it is continuing to happen - and every effort you make to try to bring her back to the relationship (even efforts that aren't there, but she perceives), the process will escalate. That's why her behavior is so hot and cold. She still has love for you, but as it fades for you and grows for other people - you will see less of the girl you fell in love with, and more of the girl who fell out of love with you. Once her love for you fades to dimness, you'll see a very different person: you'll see who she is in the context of no love or affection for you and that will be an icy woman indeed. It doesn't matter how much love was there: what matter is how much love is now lost and whether there was anything to support that love, like true friendship and companionship.

 

She is going to continue to date other people, and as long as you allow the boundaries to be blurred she'll take advantage of them. If you want to be friends - and I mean 'friends' in the truest sense, then don't let her do anything physical to you that you wouldn't let a guy buddy do. She wants to be 'friends' and for your sanity and the protection of your heart, you'll need to force her into 'friend' parameters. If she isn't ok with you refusing to let her treat you like a 'boyfriend' under these unfair parameters, then you'll know that she was never your friend to begin with.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

...and...she's too young to be tied down.