Oberfeldwebel Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I believe that most relationships can be saved, if both parties work hard to fix the problem. I agree with Betrayed that you did a good thing in confessing. While burying the truth seems like you are doing a noble thing, it makes your spouse a second class citizen and not a partner. I also believe that you would have eventually confessed, regardless of whether you got pregnant or not. There are two things you need to concentrate on right now. First is your health and that of your baby. This situation can be very stressful and therefore can be of concern to your health. I recommend a health exercise program that is approved by your physician. You may also want to consider individual counseling, to help you through this time. Secondly is repairing your relationship with your husband. You ran this relationship in the ditch, so you need to be the one getting it out. If he asks you a question, answer it honestly. Do not sugar coat, or play it down to save his feelings, he is not a 3 year old, he deserves the truth. When you lie, half truth or trickle truth, it is merely a continuation of the affair. This behavior is extremely disrespectful of your husband and will not serve to lessen the blow. Don't give him gritty detail, unless he asks for them. He is going to go through a roller coaster of emotions and will have doubts. Don't let it overwhelm you, just understand it will happen. If he wants to test your child after the birth, let him, it will not harm your child and you know he is the father. Keep DNA results in a save place, as they may be useful for health, geneology, etc in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I think that Elvis has left the building. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I think that Elvis has left the building. The fat lady is singing. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) I Don't like some of the more aggressive responses on here. The OP is a pregnant woman. perhaps before making very judgmental responses posters could consider if attacking a pregnant woman is such a good thing to be doing either. OP knows she's messed up big time and seems to be genuinely looking for some help in repairing the damage she's caused. First step is to get a paternity test done. Second step is then to tell the whole truth to her BH. Third step is to tell the OMW/GF and lackings either of those the OM's parents. Fourth step is to move far away from the scene of the crime, AKA where the affair took place and the OM. Edited October 23, 2014 by road Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Third step is to tell the OMW/GF and lackings either of those the OM's parents. They're adults. I don't think there's any benefit to telling his mom and dad, nor do I think if she did would it have any effect. It's not like they can ground him or not give him his allowance for a month. Link to post Share on other sites
annabeth Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 There are many challenges that a couple face during their course of relationship or marriage. Sometimes, the couple itself will mange to solve the problem. In you case you people need counseling to overcome your problems. The greatest challenge "facing infidelity and breaking the trust" is what happened in your case. You say your husband has more love on you and now its been not shown because of breaking the trust.. But please don't worry. Try to look out for the best infidelity counseling Therapist so that you can overcome the infidelity and trust on you Link to post Share on other sites
newnameforthis Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 After reading through her thread, she seems like a woman that thinks alot OF her husband, but very little ABOUT him, if you follow. She talks about how wonderful he is, how much she loves him, what a great father he'll make -- but her actions show that her time is actually consumed with thinking of herself. She may identify her husband as a wonderful man, but she neglected to think of him when it mattered. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 After reading through her thread, she seems like a woman that thinks alot OF her husband, but very little ABOUT him, if you follow. She talks about how wonderful he is, how much she loves him, what a great father he'll make -- but her actions show that her time is actually consumed with thinking of herself. She may identify her husband as a wonderful man, but she neglected to think of him when it mattered. I more just think she tells herself she loves him and finds him wonderful, but her actions reveal neither of those things are true. The amount of people who post here about huge betrayals and still maintain they love their partner just..can be disturbing because we have two options: either a whole lot of people do not understand what love is..or a lot of people DO understand it and just don't care when it counts. People never realize that true colors are always shown when a relationship is bad. It's easy to be nice and faithful when things are good. This is why things like "oh we had a fight" or something are never good excuses for cheating, these are actually your time to shine and show how much of a cheater you are not. Times of trouble are when you show how committed you really are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 The affair was over, I wanted to put it behind me, I had decided to live with my own guilt and not confess to my husband to spare our marriage and him any pain. Utter bollocks Don't insult our intelligence. You decided to lie (by omission) not because you wanted "to spare our marriage and him any pain" but because you wanted to spare yourself the pain and shame of having to face your husband's anger, sadness, disappointment 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) I find it appalling when people bully and insult someone who is pregnant and in pain, self inflicted or not and then heap their unhelpful judgements ontop. Do you know what I find appalling? Having sex with a mutual friend as your spouse sleeps upstairs. OP has done disgusting things. She deserves to be judged. I'm appalled when people who've done disgusting things can't even handle a bit of criticism. You don't want to be judged? Don't do disgusting, immoral things. That said, 100% honesty and proactive-ness is the only moral route for OP to take. I don't want to have children with a cheater. If I were a husband, I'd be pretty pissed off that my cheating wife conveniently chose to confess after getting pregnant. Maybe her husband is more forgiving...he sounds like the typical weak-willed nice guy. Edited October 29, 2014 by BeholdtheMan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I think that Elvis has left the building. With good reason. Some people are just here to take out their frustration on others. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Moderation is closing this thread, if the OP would like it re-opened, please contact us to re-open or start a new thread. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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