I think this is the End of it.. Very depressed..(Updated)

[whichwayisup]

I think the answers to this post will be beneficial to many of the MW out there trying to get over their (ex) MM.

 

So what was that one trigger, that one breaking point (if any) that made u un attracted to and turned OFF by MM and started to help u forget about him and get over him?

Was it an instant change of character u saw in him after, maybe say, his wife found out? Was it the way he treated you after awhile of having fun and then getting bored? Was he a traitor? So what was that disgusting image of MM that u portrayed in ur mind that helped u get through the affair and over him?

 

I constantly everyday find myself continuously being attracted to MM, in the way he talks, his confidence, his soft character..I thought like, OK, I am instead going to turn to my husband and see the good qualities in him, but of course our husbands we see at home all the time, and not always the "charming" or attractive side of them.. we see them sitting in their underwear in front of the TV...So its harddddd!! am trying to find that one "trigger" that will help me switch off my feelings and attraction for MM... It happened before with Ex BFs where as time went by I realize I do not desire them as much as I used to.. not sure if it was time that did it.. Ugh.. I am just frustrated... Thoughts?

 

It would help if you stopped thinking and comparing him to your husband.

 

Try to remember why you married your husband. Hey, I'm sure you're not the same as you once were either. Your H can be himself with you, just like you can be yourself with him. Would you ever throw up in front of MM? Not shave your legs for a week? Bet you do with your husband.

[herself]

I'm sure he has an ego - he just doesn't care about being respected in your eyes.

 

Ok but if you were really serious you would block him...then you can show you don't have an ego that needs stroked. You win. So ok, be over him now. He blocked you, unblocked you...sigh...maybe he will pass you a note in this highschool relationship.

[MissBee]

I think the answers to this post will be beneficial to many of the MW out there trying to get over their (ex) MM.

 

So what was that one trigger, that one breaking point (if any) that made u un attracted to and turned OFF by MM and started to help u forget about him and get over him?

Was it an instant change of character u saw in him after, maybe say, his wife found out? Was it the way he treated you after awhile of having fun and then getting bored? Was he a traitor? So what was that disgusting image of MM that u portrayed in ur mind that helped u get through the affair and over him?

 

I constantly everyday find myself continuously being attracted to MM, in the way he talks, his confidence, his soft character..I thought like, OK, I am instead going to turn to my husband and see the good qualities in him, but of course our husbands we see at home all the time, and not always the "charming" or attractive side of them.. we see them sitting in their underwear in front of the TV...So its harddddd!! am trying to find that one "trigger" that will help me switch off my feelings and attraction for MM... It happened before with Ex BFs where as time went by I realize I do not desire them as much as I used to.. not sure if it was time that did it.. Ugh.. I am just frustrated... Thoughts?

 

It takes time. Hasn't it just been days/a week?

 

This will not happen overnight. There is no switch. With time you get over it. Most people struggle for a while and then it gets better.

 

Are you looking into marriage counseling or individual counseling? It's been suggested by several folks, and maybe I missed your response earlier, but did you decide that was something useful for you?

[Owl]

I constantly everyday find myself continuously being attracted to MM, in the way he talks, his confidence, his soft character..I thought like, OK, I am instead going to turn to my husband and see the good qualities in him, but of course our husbands we see at home all the time, and not always the "charming" or attractive side of them.. we see them sitting in their underwear in front of the TV...So its harddddd!! am trying to find that one "trigger" that will help me switch off my feelings and attraction for MM... It happened before with Ex BFs where as time went by I realize I do not desire them as much as I used to.. not sure if it was time that did it.. Ugh.. I am just frustrated... Thoughts?

 

I've told you what that trigger is...many times now.

 

Tell your husband the full and complete truth of the situation. See his response. See what it does to him.

 

Then work through the damage you created by cheating on him (not by telling him...don't confuse the two). Work to rebuild the marriage...or end it.

 

That will be your trigger to end the OM situation once and for all.

[hello234]

YES, its me again... I know there have been millions of threads around my MM story. I finally initiated NC but MM does not GET IT!!

 

He doesnt understand when i say this affair is a stress.. he just says why cant we continue to be friends and just have fun and also embrace love at the same time.. UGH.. I am so frustrated, I don know what else to do..

 

What can i tell him to END this and not make myself look like i am careless?(cuz iam not.. i wont lie that i didnt like or love him.. I did. SO i dont wanna say get lost, i dont like u). But if i say this is stressful, he says well for me it wasnt, and u saw it as stresss cuz u cant handle love.. UGH.. he doesnt GET ITTTT...

 

what reason can i say to him for why im ending it??

I want GOOD closure, so yes, what he thinks abt me is important to me..i am sorry.

[beyond]

You SAY nothing.

 

What you DO is walk away and never contact him again. That says everything very clearly.

 

I don't know why you care so much what he thinks about you when his actions show he obviously doesn't care one iota about you as a person.

 

Ironically though, by walking away he may, for the first time, actually have some respect for you.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Honestly lady, are you 12? This is ridiculous. This drama has gone on for ages with no real purpose or resolution. What's the point? Do you actually want OUT of this affair or do you merely crave the drama and attention your twisted tale brings?

 

First of all, you're not actually in NC if you can still see/receive his messages. Anyway, since you seem to feel you must say SOMETHING to him rather than just walking away, remember that there are certain circumstances where honesty IS NOT, in fact, THE BEST policy. If you really want to end things and are well and truly done then WHY NOT say you never liked/loved him and don't care for him now? If an icy "I don't want you anymore" is what it takes to achieve peace then why not say that? You act as if saying those things is on par with denying Christ.

 

It isn't.

[evanescentworld]

YES, its me again... I know there have been millions of threads around my MM story. I finally initiated NC but MM does not GET IT!!

 

He doesnt understand when i say this affair is a stress.. he just says why cant we continue to be friends and just have fun and also embrace love at the same time.. UGH.. I am so frustrated, I don know what else to do..

 

What can i tell him to END this and not make myself look like i am careless?(cuz iam not.. i wont lie that i didnt like or love him.. I did. SO i dont wanna say get lost, i dont like u). But if i say this is stressful, he says well for me it wasnt, and u saw it as stresss cuz u cant handle love.. UGH.. he doesnt GET ITTTT...

 

what reason can i say to him for why im ending it??

I want GOOD closure, so yes, what he thinks abt me is important to me..i am sorry.

 

Oh he gets it all right. He knows that one little nod, a click of his finger, a single syllable in your direction, and you're there, like some attentive drooling puppy, hanging on to any vestige of contact.

 

no, he gets it perfectly.

 

It's You.

YOU don't get it.

 

 

You completely and utterly fail, at every twist, turn and bend of this ridiculous self-inflicted drama, to get it.

 

No - means negative, none, zero, nothing, absent, void, blank.

 

Contact - means connection, listening, responding, seeing, hearing, speaking, engaging.

 

So NO CONTACT means:

 

Negative connection, negative listening, negative responding, negative seeing, negative hearing, negative speaking, negative engaging.

 

None of the above.

Zero, of the above.

Nothing, of the above.

Absence from the above.

Voiding all of the above.

Blanking everything, of the above.

 

- from YOUR END.

 

YOU go NO CONTACT.

 

It doesn't matter a fig's whistle what HE does, says, tries, mentions, argues....

It should all be to thin air, because you should be out of there.

you delete his number off your 'phone.

You change your number (Really easy, I have done it 3 times, once for business purposes, so don't give me the old "oh, I can't possibly change my number, because...." excuse!)

You blank his emails,

you cut off every possible avenue that he may use to contact you.

 

Ok, NOW do you get it?

 

Somehow, I really doubt it....

[jellybean89]

You are making this much harder than it should be.

 

You say "tI is over". And that's it. You STOP responding to him. Just STOP.

 

Seriously, you are way over thinking this. I feel as if you want him to chase you, to give you that high, yet you want us to believe you are done. You are not and your actions show that.

[Realist3]

YES, its me again... I know there have been millions of threads around my MM story. I finally initiated NC but MM does not GET IT!!

 

He doesnt understand when i say this affair is a stress.. he just says why cant we continue to be friends and just have fun and also embrace love at the same time.. UGH.. I am so frustrated, I don know what else to do..

 

What can i tell him to END this and not make myself look like i am careless?(cuz iam not.. i wont lie that i didnt like or love him.. I did. SO i dont wanna say get lost, i dont like u). But if i say this is stressful, he says well for me it wasnt, and u saw it as stresss cuz u cant handle love.. UGH.. he doesnt GET ITTTT...

 

what reason can i say to him for why im ending it??

I want GOOD closure, so yes, what he thinks abt me is important to me..i am sorry.

 

As I said before, you aren't done. You are trying to convince yourself you are done, but you aren't.

 

When someone is done they don't care about reasons, or how the other person feels. They walk away, and don't look back. As someone else said it is not him that doesn't get it, it is YOU that doesn't get it. He knows you do not want to leave. Until you get it, and are convinced that it is done you will continue on this merry go round.

[whichwayisup]

YES, its me again... I know there have been millions of threads around my MM story. I finally initiated NC but MM does not GET IT!!

 

He doesnt understand when i say this affair is a stress.. he just says why cant we continue to be friends and just have fun and also embrace love at the same time.. UGH.. I am so frustrated, I don know what else to do..

 

What can i tell him to END this and not make myself look like i am careless?(cuz iam not.. i wont lie that i didnt like or love him.. I did. SO i dont wanna say get lost, i dont like u). But if i say this is stressful, he says well for me it wasnt, and u saw it as stresss cuz u cant handle love.. UGH.. he doesnt GET ITTTT...

 

what reason can i say to him for why im ending it??

I want GOOD closure, so yes, what he thinks abt me is important to me..i am sorry.

 

He doesn't care how it affects you, he's selfish and disrespecting YOUR decision to end things and walk away.

 

Cut him off. No more explaining. Just stop! IGNORE HIM, you owe him nothing. Change your email, cell, whatever, block him so he can't contact you.

[GirlStillStrong]

Just wanna give you some gentle feedback, not judging you or anything, but I have been in your position before and the way I understand it is this is a matter of emotional maturity. Neither one of you is emotionally mature enough to do the right thing here. This is your opportunity to grow. But it sounds like you are not going to choose growth but continue down this path instead. When you are ready to grow, you will seek your way out, which is to say nothing at all, turn around, and walk away. You owe no one an explanation.

[Artie Lang]

pardon me for saying, but it seems like you like the drama. you remain the focus of his attention.

 

 

 

 

if you really want to get rid of him, why don't you get a RO on him?

 

 

have you informed your husband of this constant harassment, because that's what he's doing- harrassing you.

Edited November 23, 2014 by Artie Lang

[anika99]

YES, its me again... I know there have been millions of threads around my MM story. I finally initiated NC but MM does not GET IT!!

 

He doesnt understand when i say this affair is a stress.. he just says why cant we continue to be friends and just have fun and also embrace love at the same time.. UGH.. I am so frustrated, I don know what else to do..

 

What can i tell him to END this and not make myself look like i am careless?(cuz iam not.. i wont lie that i didnt like or love him.. I did. SO i dont wanna say get lost, i dont like u). But if i say this is stressful, he says well for me it wasnt, and u saw it as stresss cuz u cant handle love.. UGH.. he doesnt GET ITTTT...

 

what reason can i say to him for why im ending it??

I want GOOD closure, so yes, what he thinks abt me is important to me..i am sorry.

 

First of all you can't control what somebody thinks or feels about you. You want to end the relationship but you also want to make sure that the MM is left thinking you are kind loving wonderful person. LOL..that is just silly. You don't get to break up with somebody and at the same time demand that they still have warm fuzzy feelings and memories where you are concerned. Girl how big is your ego? It sounds almost narcissistic that you even have that expectation.

 

 

Secondly, what people say isn't necessarily what they believe. If somebody is trying to manipulate you or guilt you they will say whatever seems to work, even if they know what they are saying isn't true. He will say whatever pushes your buttons and gets your attention, it doesn't mean he believes what he's saying. So stop trying to orchestrate this harlequin romance tragedy where he says "goodbye forever my sweet love. I know you are the most wonderful person on the face of the earth and I will go to my grave wishing I could have spent my life with someone as caring and loving and perfect as you" then a single tear will roll down his cheek as he walks away forever. Haha. Seriously, if he wants to be pissed and blame you and say it's all because you can't handle love, then he can. He doesn't have stroke your ego while you are dumping him. Get over yourself already. If you want to end it then do it and accept that you have no power to make people think what you want them to think.

[FusionCutter]

YES, its me again... I know there have been millions of threads around my MM story. I finally initiated NC but MM does not GET IT!!

 

He doesnt understand when i say this affair is a stress.. he just says why cant we continue to be friends and just have fun and also embrace love at the same time.. UGH.. I am so frustrated, I don know what else to do..

 

What can i tell him to END this and not make myself look like i am careless?(cuz iam not.. i wont lie that i didnt like or love him.. I did. SO i dont wanna say get lost, i dont like u). But if i say this is stressful, he says well for me it wasnt, and u saw it as stresss cuz u cant handle love.. UGH.. he doesnt GET ITTTT...

 

what reason can i say to him for why im ending it??

I want GOOD closure, so yes, what he thinks abt me is important to me..i am sorry.

 

 

There is no such thing as "good closure" in an affair unless the truth is revealed to everyone.

 

Take the hit and walk away.