I just don't Know Anymore......

[Heavinlyn]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 6 years(when we were 16 yrs old), and I love him very much. He proposed to me without a ring or telling anyone about 3 yrs ago. Since then there has been no other signs of commitment. I want to marry him and have a family with him. He's a wonderful person and he makes me very happy. Here's the problem with my picture perfect relationship. Last year I fell in love with another man who started out to be a very close friend. We had sex and I have been having a relationship with him ever since. People tell me you can't be in love with 2 men at the same time, but I really truly am. And no I am not a slut, these are the only two men I have ever slept with. I told my lover that when I received a ring the sex would have to stop, but I know that I will always be in love with him, everything feels so right and perfect when we're together.(which is usually a weekend or more)I literally spend all my time thinking about my lover. I've really messed up, and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings but it's inevitable. I cry myself to sleep every night because of what I'm doing. How do I decide which one is the one for me?

[Tony T]

Nothing at all wrong with being in love with two men at a time. You can't be judged for having sex with both at the same time if you have made certain that both are disease free.

 

You are certainly not ready for marriage with anybody. When two people are engaged, that is the beginning of a very serious committment...one that you do not have. You are not in a committed relationship and right now you are incapable of being in one.

 

You could even fall in love again and again and again. You could fall in love continuously throughout your lifetime if you want to.

 

When you are ready to settle down with one man, you won't want to be with any other.

 

Your situation is complicated right now. It is not a fun thing for you. You are crying yourself to sleep every night. That's a sign you need to make some changes.

 

The very best solution I can think of in a case like this is to break your engagement and free your guy to see other people...just like you're secretly doing. I think that's fair.

 

One day in the future...maybe a year...maybe ten years...you will eventually decide that one of these men is someone you cannot live without. Maybe it will be another man you haven't even met you.

 

There is no good reason to make yourself miserable now just because you love two guys. Clean this situation up and start being happy with your life. Give up this getting serious idea for a while. You are in no way ready for that.

[David]

hey, that is really messed up. If you love your boyfriend, then do not sleep with other men, and if you do, then it is not fair to your boyfriend. How would you feel if your boyfriend was in love with another woman, and slept with both of you.

 

You really can not love 2 people at a time. You you are probably confused, and whatever you are doing is not very nice.

 

Nothing at all wrong with being in love with two men at a time. You can't be judged for having sex with both at the same time if you have made certain that both are disease free. You are certainly not ready for marriage with anybody. When two people are engaged, that is the beginning of a very serious committment...one that you do not have. You are not in a committed relationship and right now you are incapable of being in one. You could even fall in love again and again and again. You could fall in love continuously throughout your lifetime if you want to. When you are ready to settle down with one man, you won't want to be with any other. Your situation is complicated right now. It is not a fun thing for you. You are crying yourself to sleep every night. That's a sign you need to make some changes. The very best solution I can think of in a case like this is to break your engagement and free your guy to see other people...just like you're secretly doing. I think that's fair. One day in the future...maybe a year...maybe ten years...you will eventually decide that one of these men is someone you cannot live without. Maybe it will be another man you haven't even met you. There is no good reason to make yourself miserable now just because you love two guys. Clean this situation up and start being happy with your life. Give up this getting serious idea for a while. You are in no way ready for that.

 

[Miss Mojo]

to be in love with 2 different people can be, as you are finding out, very confusing and emtionally draining.

 

it's virtually impossible to divide your loyalties between two people who you love. i have never been in this situation myself, but i know someone who has and i can honestly say the best thing she did was to leave them both. she loved them both dearly, but could not decide between the two. she was torn about making a decision and the guilt she was feeling was ripping her apart. when she couldn't make a decision between either one, she left them both. it broke her heart, but it was the right thing to do because it wasn't fair on anyone.

 

it is inevitable you are going to hurt someone's feelings, but to continue this, will cause you a lot of hurt in the long run. it already is. no one likes to hurt another person's feelings, no one wants to hurt another person's feelings. you're only human to feel that.

 

my suggestion is to take some time out on your own, away from both of these men. perhaps this way, you will discover what you really want and who you really want without further complicating things. if you still can't decide, don't go back to either of them. but you never know. being by yourself, you might find some clarity and some peace of mind and be better equipped to decide what is the best thing for you.

 

i wish you luck.