Is the universe trying to tell me something?

[Sweett]

So I got back in therapy as I suffer with mild to moderate depression and have been for the past 3 years due to a bad breakup with an ex who cheated and got me fired from my job. Discussed some issues with her...she asked about my childhood and my relationship with my parents. I told her my parents are still married and I was more of a daddy's girl growing up. She asked why and about my mother and I said that growing up she seemed to have 2 sides: she would buy me anything I wanted took me shopping and was ok when she wanted to be but the other side was really mean to me at times, she was emotionless, rude,(very rude to people in public and still is) and she would say mean things to me...she was also like this with my dad. One thing that still stands out is she told me once that she wished she had another little girl (saying to me that she wished she had someone else in my place). so my therapist was really appalled (naturally) and I can tell it bothered her that my mom would say this to her young child and she said that I remembered it because it hurt badly but she then asked about my relationship with my ex and I told her he started out great buying me things, taking me to nice places, etc. I was spoiled in a sense (kinda like my mom did when I was younger) but some how things changed with him. We started disagreeing more and he never listened to me and talked and yelled over me. Disagreements can't be resolved this way so I found myself blaming myself and this would make me feel powerless and I would cry a lot, asking myself what I did to deserve this. My therapist said that the relationship with my mom and my ex were both situations where I felt powerless and that maybe the "universe" is trying to tell me something or its something I need to learn but i cannot figure this out? In a sense I felt that my ex and my mom hated me at times but there is no reason why. maybe these are unhappy people and I need to stop blaming myself for there unhappiness...can anyone give any input? I think I beat myself up a lot since the failed relationship which is why I'm deeply sad and depressed.

[me85]

I'm really sorry to hear you've been through such a hard time with people you were very close to and who were supposed to cherish you the most.

 

You're doing great by going to therapy. Keep going and let your therapist keep guiding you towards the root of the problem.

 

You're insecure, just as most people would be after going through something similar to what you've gone through. It's perfectly ok to feel sadness but try your very best to overcome the sadness by being happy and positive. I know that's much easier said than done but you have to try. I know you're trying, just keep at it.

 

You have zero control over anyone but yourself. It's clear that your mother is ultimately the one who has made you feel insecure. Then what your ex did to you made you more insecure.

 

If you keep doing the hard work (facing your emotional problems) you'll be on the top of the world before you know it. I promise.

 

Best Wishes,

J