SoThatHappened Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Man, reading those first posts were brutal. Only got through it because I had 2 drinks with dinner tonight and the World Series is over. BrokenSam, This is my advice, and you're asking for it if you're posting here. She doesn't want you. She wants to know you still want her. That's why she texts and strings you along. You're playing into it so well, it's like you wrote the script yourself. What you are doing by keeping this up is showing her that she can get rid of you while keeping you on a chain at the same time. Comes in handy for her if she ever needs something. You have to, have to, tell her that you can't do this anymore. That you have to cease contact to heal and move on, because it's obvious she doesn't want to be with you. You can even paraphrase what I said. Then, you have to cut the cord and move on. If she comes back, she comes back. but you have to stop this. As a side note, I was guilty of texting and sending flowers to a girl who dumped me for another guy. Lasted for 2 months. She was keeping me in the wings. We got back together only for her to hurt me again 7 months later. Don't be me. Don't be awkward Rob Lowe. Get DirecTV. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I think you just need to be honest and direct. Simply tell her that you need time to heal. You understand the difficulty of the situation as you both care for each other but just as she had to take the selfish stance and break things off because she felt it was the best thing for her, you need to take the selfish stance and focus on your own healing. It isn't that you do not care, it is simply the right next step for you now. If you want to be more direct you can say that at the moment, unless the conversation focuses on her wanting to get back together it isn't really constructive for either of you. And to be honest, even if she came back right now it would still be much better if you each went to your own corners to chill, get emotions in check and work on yourselves. I am not a big NC promoter but I think it has it's place in the near term. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenSam Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Ok ok couldn't help this one. She texts me again Her: Happy Halloween! What are you up to tonight? Me: Going to blanks party Her: Oh yeah. What are you gonna be? Me: Single Her: K Lol I'll give her the NC text next time she contacts me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You shouldn't have answered, but I found the "single" text to be pretty well done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenSam Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm in an decent place right now. I chased at the beginning to save the old relationship but the old relationship is now dead as far as I'm concerned. It wasn't just her. I've lost 80% of my social life and have to rebuild. I've been talking to a few women online to stay occupied. Now that I'm back hanging out in my own town again I've got 4 former hookups chasing me which is nice. One is trying to get me to come to a new restaurant she's working at right now but again not feeling it. We had a crazy Halloween 6 years ago so she probably wants to relive it. She needs another girl though I needsomething new. Went to visit another ex last weekend. We were in bed when I realized I'd just be doing to her something like what's being done to me so I eased out of that one smoothly. She just text me to come to some Halloween thing tonight but I have to work tomorrow. I've also lost 15lbs from not taking my current ex out to dinner every other night for the past 3 months which is even better. Dinner and drinks were her thing and I should save for a house too lol. As far as NC goes. I believe it's 95% for yourself. Out of the 4 heartbreaks in my life here's how they went. The first being the one texting me to come to the party. High school sweetheart. Dumped me second year of college and I stayed in contact long distance but same hometown. I didn't know when we were together or not. Horrible. Got over her and became who I am. She's been chasing me nonstop for 15 years since. I care about her and have tried a few times but I'm not interested. 2nd one was 10 years ago. Thought she was the one. She cheated on me with my married best friend. Went full on NC right away and curled into a ball. She called me 3 weeks in. I answered. She said she had a lot of my stuff at her place. Told her to throw it all out. Then she asked me if I had been looking in her windows at night. I assume when she was sleeping with my friend. That was devastating. Turned out to be landlords brother and he got caught. She apologized years later. NC had no effect at all. I healed by sleeping around. My friend left his wife and kids and they got married. I went to their bachelor/bachelorette party but I told her I couldn't go to the wedding because my remaining friends would beat the crap out of me. Recently rushed to their house because best friend called me. Caught her cheating again and he wanted to apologize for being a ****ty friend and just swallowed a bunch of pills. He survived and I'm now giving him advice on saving his marriage. 3rd one was 4.5 years ago. Met her online. She was amazing. And she was straight up from the get go. Getting divorced. Same guy for 14 years. Wants to live life etc. We had an exclusive FWB thing for about 6 months but I wanted more. I ended it with her nicely and went full NC and that was that. I actually ran into her the night I met my current ex. And the 4th is my current situation. I feel i'll see her again. And when I do, I know i'll look better than I did when she met me. Probably already do. If she's solo maybe i'll offer her some really good meaningless sex as well lol Link to post Share on other sites
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