one54ton Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Newbie here. My wife and I have been together for over 8 yrs. Married for 6. 4 and a 2 yr for kids. My wife told me a few months ago she wasn't in love anymore and is going to seek help which she did. A few days ago she came to me and said she is thinking divorce. Yesterday she changed her tone a bit and said she needs more help before she is through. I love her dearly. We both work full time and have conflicting schedules. She claims I am the best father, super hard working and attracted to me still. We both make good money and own a brand new house. I asked her to go on dates but she isn't ready. Any suggestions on how to wow her? I miss her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I think she is grown out of the deep love she had... her love now is from years of knowing and being with you. In a way, being married allows both of you to rely on each other, so trust is still there between you. She is discovering that she needs something more in life, beyond a husband, a provider and father to her children. The only way to know is to sit down and ask, as already she has shown she trusts you in her feelings about separating, and not. Maybe she feels her life has been shortened greatly by how the children are the center of her life. Many women don't mind giving up their life for their children, while others feel there must be more, yet feel guilty in saying so. I have a feeling you will have to be super man to allow her to feel she is more than just a mom. It is not about what you do with her, it is what she needs from you, even if she is wanting some freedom away from you. Maybe it is all about feeling confined, as work responsibility, life at home, and your feelings towards her make her feel suffocated. All I can say is each type of relationship has a different set of needs and freedoms. Not many think how much marriage, let alone children effect ones relationship. After time things tend to feel weighted down, as if stuck in an endless loop. Not that excitement is lacking, just is this all that I will ever have, even when things are better than most. Sorry I made this seem like a daunting task, but until she opens up to what she needs, all you can do is guess at the reasons why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 I think she wants more too but she has no idea what. I've asked. She claims she will never be the wife I want. I told her she is all I will ever need. I'm just confused on how to feel. I can't imagine living without her. The past three years have been a challenge but now our lives are finally playing out until she dropped the bomb on me. I don't want my kids to grow up in two households. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 So it looks like she does not think you'll accept her changes, as she is hiding her true self. Mabe she had an affair and is thinking about it. Since you said you noticed change for the last 3 years... maybe after her last child she developed a psychological disorder from pregnancy. It is known to happen, though many issues from that are generalized as being a greatly depressed state. She may be depressed and not know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 I highly doubt the affair part due to her actions and that she is a horrible liar. But you never know. She says she just wants to be happy again like we used to be. She doesn't think the passion will come back. She isnt willing to try my solutions because she feels forced. I scheduled counsiling today for me to get my head right. I told her about it and she seemed to like the decision. Maybe a step in the right direction? Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I highly doubt the affair part due to her actions and that she is a horrible liar. But you never know. She says she just wants to be happy again like we used to be. She doesn't think the passion will come back. She isnt willing to try my solutions because she feels forced. I scheduled counsiling today for me to get my head right. I told her about it and she seemed to like the decision. Maybe a step in the right direction? It will give insight, but she still needs to open up more on what issues haunt her with you. At least she sees some good in counciling, and hopefully can do a sit in when requested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 It's her birthday on monday and I already bought her a massage. I was going to get a nice arrangement of flowers and maybe some wine. Am I going overboard? I want her to feel special. Link to post Share on other sites
ohiosportsguy Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Something isn't right with her. This needs to be on her shoulders too and she has to be willing to work at it since it is HER feelings that have changed. I would be very suspicious about her comings and goings. If her feelings suddenly change like that, tells me something else may be going on. Sorry man, but I've seen it before and you need to find that out before you make all the effort when it may be over already. Link to post Share on other sites
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