What is she implying????

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Actually i think i am headed in the right direction. Last night over the phone i guess she felt really bad. She went with her current BF to a place where we went and it brought back memories for her. She says that she misses me and its really not the same with him. And she goes on and on about how life is difficult and wishes to get back with me. That came directly from her mouth last night and this morning she actually wants to start talking thru IM at work because she wants to hear from me.

 

 

From what i can tell so far, i am pretty confident that by the end of this month we will get back together. As far as if we will have any issues going forward is another question. I mean i did alot of things that i wasn't suppose to, but it looks like it might pay off. I don't want to speak ahead of myself because she is still with her current BF but from the sounds of it, it seems like i might be getting back with my ex GF very soon.

 

 

Hopefully if everything falls into places i will get what i wished for and at the very least show her that i am a totally different person and that i will respect her as a GF and treat her right. We also talked about how we are going to take it slowly in the beginning for like 6-8 months and then step on the gas pedal from there since we were together for so long already.

 

 

I guess she wants to get married probably by the end of next year and i think if it works out by then i will do my part of this. And probably have a baby sometime next year as well. I really see a future between us, but i may be stepping over the boundary line to get this far. But nothing is written in stones yet but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Get ready to be disappointed.

[whatdoido123]

Do you remember that I wrote this?

 

Why won't she do it again? And again and again and ...

 

 

Well if i would have treated her better from the beginning this wouldn't have happened...

[whatdoido123]

Dude, do you really enjoy getting used like this? You're an emotional tampon. She's using you to get her emotional needs met and getting her physical needs met by her current boyfriend. That's why she refuses to meet at your apartment. Too much of an opportunity for things to turn physical. But, she has no problem talking to you for 2 hours outside a supermarket. Once she got her emotional needs met by you and had you tell her everything she wanted to hear, she went to her boyfriends place and spent the night with him.

 

 

Now, how is that fair to you?

 

 

Its not fair to be at all to be honest. But i can't change the situation anymore. It is what it is and the only thing i can do is to chase her back. Yeah i know that at the end of the day this looks very bad on me, but i just don't want to regret it.

 

I actually told myself that if she is still with him by the end of this month, then i am PROBABLY going to cut off contact and MOVE on. IT really hurts me to know that after work everyday they go and grab dinner together. Like i know i am like the last resort to her and its painful to endure time after time.

 

Just like today! I asked her what she is doing and she replies "im going out, i will talk to u later ok?"

 

Like hearing that makes me sick to my stomach. I mean i can only take so much of this and then i am going to have to let go completely. What i really want is for her to break up with her BOYFRIEND and then go from there. Shes not willing to do that as of today so i guess this is just a STUPID WAITING GAME.

[Dopefish333]

Dude she is CHEATING on her current boyfriend. Even if you get her back you can never trust her. Please respond to this, I want to see what you have to say about that.

[Herpderp]

So she hugs u for 20 mins and bangs him the whole night and you're happy. Lol

[Herpderp]

Please have some self respect.

[Trimmer]

Actually i think i am headed in the right direction....

 

From what i can tell so far, i am pretty confident that by the end of this month we will get back together.

...and you think that is the "right direction?" Yes, you do, because you see that as the ONLY direction. I get it. I don't agree with it, but I get it.

 

Its not fair to be at all to be honest. But i can't change the situation anymore. It is what it is and the only thing i can do is to chase her back.

Actually, no. This is not the only thing you can do. It's the only thing you WILL do, because the ONLY possible outcome you see is getting back together.

 

i really don't GET IT. TROLLING????? are u serious?? I am on here because i want advice from other people who have been in the same problem as me.

I will point out that you have received a great deal of such advice, and you have seemed to understand none of it.

 

I mean the only advice i keep hearing is NC. I don't personally think that helped me and if everyone on this forum says to go NC then what is the point of this thread? I mean yeah i know about NC, but there has to be other ways to get your EX GF back.

Here's the clever bit that you aren't getting: NC is not a tool to manipulate your ex into coming back. Anyone who says that is doing it wrong.

 

NC is a tool to use for yourself, to move on when you have realized that you shouldn't be with your ex. That's why people are recommending it, and that's also why you can't imagine doing it: you aren't at a point of realizing you shouldn't be with her. In my opinion, that's the fundamental issue that you are not getting.

 

You keep apologizing and beating yourself up for certain of your behaviors - and you may well be culpable and indeed, it may well serve you to do a good deal of introspection as to how you can become a better partner.

 

Separate from that, however, you need to see (but you probably won't) that your ex-girlfriend's behaviors reveal a side of her character that is not at all pleasant, and you should be factoring these elements into any decision you make about making a long-term future with her.

 

If she really left you because of your behaviors, and was a reasonable and honorable girlfriend - the partner you would want to be with for the rest of your life - would she have started up with a new boyfriend the day after she left you? I can't recall if you addressed this directly, and if you did, I suspect you blew past it with some amount of denial and some blaming yourself for your behaviors, but you need to ask yourself: what does this say about your ex-girlfriend's character? Is this how an honorable girlfriend would have left a relationship?

 

Then, look at how she is treating her current boyfriend. I believe you are denying her behaviors here because you think of yourself as her "actual" boyfriend, and therefore you don't consider him a legitimate boyfriend, but in doing this, you are denying that she is lying and cheating on him - with you. Sound familiar? These are not the actions of an honorable partner.

 

But you won't see that - yet - because as long as things lean in the direction of her coming back to you, then everything is right with the world, and you will overlook her probable cheating on you, and her obvious cheating on her current boyfriend, and you will bow down and take all the blame, and make it your responsibility to make her happy and keep her in the relationship, which means that regardless of how perfect you make yourself (you think you're going to instantly become a "totally different person" for her, right?) when her character flaws ultimately come to the surface again, you will again deny her part in that, and take the responsibility on yourself, and it will crush you once again.

 

I don't wish ill upon you. I don't want you to be crushed just to prove me right. I'm not going to do a victory dance in 3 months or years if you get back together and things come apart. I would love it if you both learn from this and become wonderful partners to each other.

 

But given they dynamic that exists now as you potentially re-enter this relationship (you, surrendering your dignity and your side of the power balance and presenting yourself as weak in order to appease her, and her, learning that she can take whatever outrageous steps she feels like, even to the point of cheating, and you will do back-flips to please her and get her back), I don't have a very high opinion of it.

 

Just to say it clearly, so there's no misunderstanding: the advice to do NC is because we think you should leave her, and move on, because she is an unworthy partner. Just because you believe that you were an unworthy partner in some ways should not blind you from a clear view of her shortcomings.

[Trimmer]

IT really hurts me to know that after work everyday they go and grab dinner together.

You do know that "grabbing dinner together" isn't all they are doing, right? It may make you feel a little better to deny it, but please tell me that you understand this...

 

I mean i can only take so much of this and then i am going to have to let go completely.

Actually, you have proven to us (and most importantly, to her) that you can really take quite a lot of it.

 

But I am interested, since this is one of the few times you have mentioned leaving her completely as even being a possibility. Can you explore this a little bit? What would be "too much" for you; how long would be "too long" to wait? What behavior on her part would be so unacceptable that you would walk away (obviously cheating is acceptable, right, or are you still in denial and not really dealing with that issue?)

[PegNosePete]

i want advice from other people who have been in the same problem as me.

No you don't. You've received 15 pages of such advice now, and ignored every word of it.

 

You just want someone to tell you that you're doing the right thing.

 

Well I want a Porsche, a million pounds and a villa in the Caribbean. I guess we're both going to be disappointed.

[Zahara]

I mean the only advice i keep hearing is NC. I don't personally think that helped me and if everyone on this forum says to go NC then what is the point of this thread? I mean yeah i know about NC, but there has to be other ways to get your EX GF back.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/501209-ex-wants-me-back-but-not-sure#post5993767

 

Maybe this thread can give you perspective, specifically Knight's post. Understand that you're not the exception, but rather the rule.

[xUnknown]

Here's the deal...

 

If you chase her ... You'll push her away.

 

Heed this advice.

[xUnknown]

I just went back to read some posts of the last 3 pages..

 

Yes, please stop talking to her. You say that she is being "cold", you can't take much more of it, had enough of it.....

 

SO ACT ON IT.

 

You don't even respect yourself right now. Do you realize that??? She doesn't give two shts about you because you don't even give one about yourself.

 

She's walking all over you. How old are you? First relationship woes??

 

Get a grip man and go after some other girl who will actually care about you.

[SoThatHappened]

What's the point of hammering home advice that isn't going to be heeded?

 

Collectively, we're just beating a dead horse.

 

OP, you broke all the rules, took no advice whatsoever, and you will likely, very likely, get hurt even more by this girl.

 

I wish (and actually hope) this isn't the case, but the writing is on the wall.

 

You're adamant about working things out with her, even while she still has a boyfriend. You are getting played big time. A trait that girls use for manipulation, but not the guy they want to actually be with.

 

Nothing else to see here though, really. Good luck!

[mtnbiker3000]

There's none so blind....

[whatdoido123]

It's not though. She's getting comfort and an ego boost. She cuddles with you, has sex with him. She has everything she wants because you are too weak to make her make a choice. I mean, look how excited you are about a cuddle. There's no reason for her to give you what you want because you don't have the strength to not tolerate being played with. Right now you are the dude who thinks the stripper is in love with him. It's pretty sad.

 

 

Well it has to start somewhere right? I guess this was the very first step to rekindling HOPEFULLY

[whatdoido123]

Dude she is CHEATING on her current boyfriend. Even if you get her back you can never trust her. Please respond to this, I want to see what you have to say about that.

 

I mean yeah she is, but she doesn't love her as much as she loves me. At least that is what she has told me. I mean she even admitted that she doesn't like to be lonely so i guess that was her excuse to get another BF right away. And i guess u are correct, she can easily cheat on me IF we got back together, but knowing her and being with her for so long i can almost assure myself that it won't happen because i will treat her better and i learned alot from the past experience with her. She wasn't happy so she broke it off. Its understandable because i did not treat her like a GF.

 

 

You cannot be this blind can you?!?!?!

 

I guess you are. You will learn the hard way.

 

I mean i guess, since this is my first long term relationship disaster. Previous before this 4 year, i was in a 6 month relationship so this is SO MUCH longer than my previous, but i learned so much after what has happened during this break up.

 

 

So she hugs u for 20 mins and bangs him the whole night and you're happy. Lol

 

 

Actually she drives home last night and we talked on the phone for like 40-50 minutes before she passed out. I mean ya they could have had sex already, but i will never know. I don't think she is the type of girl to **** just anybody.

 

 

Please have some self respect.

 

 

I do, i actually learned alot from you guys. The main concern for me is somehow to get my ex GF back ASAP. I know it takes time so hopefully by the end of this month. HOPEFULLY!!!!!

[whatdoido123]

@TRIMMER

 

 

I understand now that NC is to help myself. But at the end of the day i am not trying to move on unless she has moved on and has lost COMPLETE feelings for me.

 

Her character flaws i guess aint really the best, but there is no human being that is 100% perfect. Everyone has their flaws, its how you deal with them. I mean she mentioned to me about the goods and the bads about me, but i took forever to improve and i guess she got sick of it.

 

I haven't been sleeping well lately because of this DRAMA. I mean i am getting like 5 hours a night. Its really bad for my health, but i can't stop thinking how life would be without her. I mean yesterday was the first step where she stopped at my apartment and we snuggled on my bed for like 20-30 minutes before she had to go home since she works at 6 am the next day.

 

Of course if it turns out bad i will be CRUSHED. But i think giving this another RIDE would be in my best interest. I want to see that i gave my EVERYTHING and if it doesn't work out then i can at least say i TRIED.

 

People give up too easily in relationships and they should fight for it especially if they are the dumpee. It never hurts to try and that is what i am doing even though it can backfire and hurt even more at the end.

[whatdoido123]

You do know that "grabbing dinner together" isn't all they are doing, right? It may make you feel a little better to deny it, but please tell me that you understand this...

 

 

Actually, you have proven to us (and most importantly, to her) that you can really take quite a lot of it.

 

But I am interested, since this is one of the few times you have mentioned leaving her completely as even being a possibility. Can you explore this a little bit? What would be "too much" for you; how long would be "too long" to wait? What behavior on her part would be so unacceptable that you would walk away (obviously cheating is acceptable, right, or are you still in denial and not really dealing with that issue?)

 

 

Yes, i understand that grabbing dinner isn't all they do. She told me they watched a REDBOX together "SEXTAPE" LOL and they went to a fair together. Her current BF is always ALL TALK and never buys ticket to any event or shows. They have been dating for over 2 month, but he hasn't taken her to a theater to watch a movie either...

 

 

And yeah i doubt they had sex already. I mean if u saw the guy u would be like WTF because he is completely opposite of me.

 

 

I mean leaving her would mean if she got preg or she doesn't want to be with me and lost complete feeling for me. Or like if she is still stalling and doesn't break up with him soon i would probably let it go too. I really haven't thought about it too far yet, because i feel like the puzzle is getting put together now and it takes steps to finally rekindle the relationship that you once had with that significant other.

[whatdoido123]

I just went back to read some posts of the last 3 pages..

 

Yes, please stop talking to her. You say that she is being "cold", you can't take much more of it, had enough of it.....

 

SO ACT ON IT.

 

You don't even respect yourself right now. Do you realize that??? She doesn't give two shts about you because you don't even give one about yourself.

 

She's walking all over you. How old are you? First relationship woes??

 

Get a grip man and go after some other girl who will actually care about you.

 

 

I do realize what i am doing may be COMPLETELY WRONG. I mean today i reached out to her, but once she text me a one Liner i realize that i should step away and if she wants to reach me she can. I know that she has feeling for me and just tonight she calls me to check up on me and wants to talk over the phone tonight. Isn't that showing some kind of Commitment?

 

What's the point of hammering home advice that isn't going to be heeded?

 

Collectively, we're just beating a dead horse.

 

OP, you broke all the rules, took no advice whatsoever, and you will likely, very likely, get hurt even more by this girl.

 

I wish (and actually hope) this isn't the case, but the writing is on the wall.

 

You're adamant about working things out with her, even while she still has a boyfriend. You are getting played big time. A trait that girls use for manipulation, but not the guy they want to actually be with.

 

Nothing else to see here though, really. Good luck!

 

 

There is, WHAT IF we got back together and everything was good and we lived happily ever after....

 

 

That is a possiblity.......

[Simon Phoenix]

Well it has to start somewhere right? I guess this was the very first step to rekindling HOPEFULLY

 

[SoThatHappened]

There is, WHAT IF we got back together and everything was good and we lived happily ever after....

 

 

That is a possiblity.......

Jeez I need a life... instead I'm responding...

 

Alright whatdoido... yes, there is a chance you get back together and live happily ever after. But it's a slim chance. As slim as me being the starting linebacker for the Chicago Bears, as slim as Michael Jackson making a comeback, as slim as Stevie Wonder using Google Glass...

 

Sure, it's a possibility. But, getting back together now, after she's absolutely used you and you've been as much of an emotional tampon as a guy can be... it wouldn't last (nor would it be genuine).

 

She has no respect for you whatsoever. You're her little puppy that gives her fuzzy kisses while she bangs the actual guy she's innately attracted to. How you can't get that at this point is actually sad. I'm sad for you.

 

Again, if you truly want her back, the best way is NC and improving yourself. And I'm not talking 1 month of NC, or even 6. Make it year and see where you end up.

 

I know I'm just talking to a wall, though. I don't mean to be a jerk, it's just THAT frustrating. #facepalm

[whatdoido123]

Jeez I need a life... instead I'm responding...

 

Alright whatdoido... yes, there is a chance you get back together and live happily ever after. But it's a slim chance. As slim as me being the starting linebacker for the Chicago Bears, as slim as Michael Jackson making a comeback, as slim as Stevie Wonder using Google Glass...

 

Sure, it's a possibility. But, getting back together now, after she's absolutely used you and you've been as much of an emotional tampon as a guy can be... it wouldn't last (nor would it be genuine).

 

She has no respect for you whatsoever. You're her little puppy that gives her fuzzy kisses while she bangs the actual guy she's innately attracted to. How you can't get that at this point is actually sad. I'm sad for you.

 

Again, if you truly want her back, the best way is NC and improving yourself. And I'm not talking 1 month of NC, or even 6. Make it year and see where you end up.

 

I know I'm just talking to a wall, though. I don't mean to be a jerk, it's just THAT frustrating. #facepalm

 

 

Don't get me wrong, i understand everything you are saying. I really do!!!! The thing that you don't understand is this wasn't no 1 or 2 year relationship. This was a 4 year serious and committed relationship. We moved in together after 1 month of dating and we were attached together pretty much 24/7. If you don't mind me asking, have u ever been in a long term relationship like mine?

 

I mean i read other peoples threads, but most of them are short and i understand NC is the best way to go. But i feel my situation is more UNIQUE than most other people where i feel NC is a bad way to go around this. And most people on this site give the SAME exact reasoning where you should go NC.

 

Think about it!!! Do you really think the best advice would be to go and do NC for 6 month or 1 year? Do you really think that will get your EX GF back???? I mean yeah it will help you move on, but lets say you do get married with someone else and have kids. IF you looked back, do you think you will regret it???

 

 

That is where my problem is. I see myself regretting the possiblity of never getting her back or at LEAST TRYING to get her back.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't get me wrong, i understand everything you are saying. I really do!!!! The thing that you don't understand is this wasn't no 1 or 2 year relationship. This was a 4 year serious and committed relationship. We moved in together after 1 month of dating and we were attached together pretty much 24/7. If you don't mind me asking, have u ever been in a long term relationship like mine?

 

I mean i read other peoples threads, but most of them are short and i understand NC is the best way to go. But i feel my situation is more UNIQUE than most other people where i feel NC is a bad way to go around this. And most people on this site give the SAME exact reasoning where you should go NC.

 

Think about it!!! Do you really think the best advice would be to go and do NC for 6 month or 1 year? Do you really think that will get your EX GF back???? I mean yeah it will help you move on, but lets say you do get married with someone else and have kids. IF you looked back, do you think you will regret it???

 

 

That is where my problem is. I see myself regretting the possiblity of never getting her back or at LEAST TRYING to get her back.

 

My sister got married to a man she went No Contact on for six months to a year. He dumped her, tried to use her as an ego boost, she refused to allow it and told him to pound sand. And for nearly a year, she stayed away from him because she wasn't going to allow herself to be disrespected, used, friendzoned. He broke it, he was the one who had to fix it. Finally, he begged her to hear him out and came clean on everything. She took him back gradually, making him display to her that he changed. He did change, and their relationship was so much better than it was the first time. I also have another friend who got married after an another extended NC.

 

What you are doing is awful, it's wrong, it's unattractive, and it's based solely on fear. You are acting this way because you are afraid, pure and simple. That's why you are acting like a bitch (no offense meant). And that's why this will never work for you. You haven't worked on yourself because you are so afraid of losing a person that has treated you like crap, therefore nothing has changed. You are a weak person, and weakness is unattractive. The only reason she's talking to you right now is because you are an easy mark. She doesn't love you, because you can't love something that you don't respect. I'm sure on some level she thinks to herself "What is his deal? Why is he begging for me when I'm the one who screwed him over?"

 

There is no way she will ever love you. Because you don't love yourself. And if you ever do decide to love yourself, you'll be rid of this girl because you'll realize you can do so much better. But you are in such a weak, pathetic state right now that you think it's your duty to win someone back who stabbed you in the back. I don't know what this woman has done to you to make you so spineless and weak, but you are so deep in the rabbit hole that everything you say is just absurd. It's like you are a cult member that's been brainwashed. That's how stupid and crazy you sound right now.

 

Honestly, your situation is very common. That's why everyone wants to beat you with a baseball bat right now.

[SoThatHappened]

We moved in together after 1 month of dating and we were attached together pretty much 24/7.

First MAJOR red flag.

Anyone moving that fast is delusional because they're still in the "infatuation" stage. Not in love, infatuated.

 

If you don't mind me asking, have u ever been in a long term relationship like mine?

Does 18 years count? On and off since high school and moving away to college, then together for 8 years, her having a miscarriage, and her living with me the last 3 years. Yes, I loved this girl, always will. And my experience regarding reconciliation with her is where my knowledge comes from. Begging, pleading, being a p*ssy doesn't work. Believe me.

 

But i feel my situation is more UNIQUE than most other people

So does everyone else. It's like when prisoners maintain that they're innocent, when, in fact, probably 95%+ are guilty.

 

Think about it!!! Do you really think the best advice would be to go and do NC for 6 month or 1 year? Do you really think that will get your EX GF back????

Absolutely 100% know, think, and believe that. Every time I got my ex back it was after NC.

 

It's also after NC that my latest ex has reached out, multiple times.

[martaldn]

@TRIMMER

 

 

 

People give up too easily in relationships and they should fight for it especially if they are the dumpee. It never hurts to try and that is what i am doing even though it can backfire and hurt even more at the end.

 

this is absolutely BS sorry.

if you are the dumpee you are the one that fight more to make the relationship work because you are not the one who decided to end it!

what are you talking about?

give this relationship another go if you think this is the way you want to play it but please stop say that people dont fight enough because this forum is actually the live example of how much people are ready to fight if they are in love.

unfortunately sometime we fight for people that doesnt deserve to be fought for.

good luck