What is she implying????

[whatdoido123]

OP, I'm curious. Why are you still posting here even though you aren't really looking to heed our advice? [/Quote]

 

 

The reason i am posting here is because i want to get feedback from others. Letting someone go isn't easy. I actually doubt that they been having sex already, but who knows? She keeps denying it and there is nothing to prove my point anyways.

 

The only good thing for today is she is coming by for 2 hours just to hang out during my lunch since i live like 3 minutes away from work. Again she is buying me lunch, but i guess that doesn't mean anything either. What ever i do doesn't mean anything because i am not doing NC at the moment. But if we had MAKEUP sex does that mean anything? Getting intimate with the one you love has to say something i would i assume

 

Not saying it will happen, but i guess that would make me feel better.

Edited November 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Keeping it ON TOPIC

[whatdoido123]

this is absolutely BS sorry.

if you are the dumpee you are the one that fight more to make the relationship work because you are not the one who decided to end it!

what are you talking about?

give this relationship another go if you think this is the way you want to play it but please stop say that people dont fight enough because this forum is actually the live example of how much people are ready to fight if they are in love.

unfortunately sometime we fight for people that doesnt deserve to be fought for.

good luck

 

 

Okay, i mean i read new storys on here everyday, it just seems NC is the way to go. Is that considered fighting for your freedom? Maybe its to let you heal and thats the most important part i guess that i DO NOT understand still. Maybe if she bangs him and gets preg i would let go easier. IDK something is wrong with me too because i am afraid i will never find someone like my ex GF.

[martaldn]

Okay, i mean i read new storys on here everyday, it just seems NC is the way to go. Is that considered fighting for your freedom? Maybe its to let you heal and thats the most important part i guess that i DO NOT understand still. Maybe if she bangs him and gets preg i would let go easier. IDK something is wrong with me too because i am afraid i will never find someone like my ex GF.

 

letting go is the most difficult things to do. I am not for the NC all the way and i am always ( or almost always ) for reconciliation if there is a strong base but here?

there will be probably someone even better than your ex out there for you but how can you find her if you are stuck in this hole and not willing to give yourself a chance?

[frigginlost]

Maybe if she bangs him and gets preg i would let go easier.

 

Let me take you into the future 1 year if that happens:

 

Her-- "The father is worthless. He does nothing. He spends no time with us. He never wants to do the things I want. You're the only one that understands what I need".

 

You-- "Just come back to me, I will make your life better".

 

Her-- "I'm just confused right now. Let's just cuddle. Have I ever told you about so and so? He's so funny. He's taking me to lunch next week".

 

Rinse, wash, lather, rinse, repeat...

[Itspointless]

whatdoido123. It get the feeling you have been in denial of the whole situation of yours since she broke up with you. I find you story worrying as for the moment you seem to have suppressed most of your feelings and are almost not aware of it. You are now creating something for yourself that even is much worse than what you were already in. Let me tell you, mentally we can fall really deep, much deeper than you probably can imagine. When that happens some things in our brains can happen too, things we have to be aware of like: severe depression, dissociation or ptsd. I really hope you have some good people next to you. The fact that you already are sleeping bad is telling you something. Right now your writing is quit naive and pretty self-destructive.

 

The fact that she can't be alone is also a red flag.

[Trimmer]

well, whatdoido - you've received a lot of advice (not sure you've heard it, but you have received it...), the vast majority of it leaning strongly in the same direction.

 

However, you are convinced that you and your ex are unique and different: that things can simultaneously be the same as they were before, and also different: you will instantly become a better boyfriend so she won't stray again, and she won't be the person she has now shown you that she is.

 

I don't have anything further to say, except I hope you will let us know how things progress, with whatever you try to do. I don't mean that as if to say "I hope you crash and burn, like we told you..." (although I think there's a good chance you will...) but now that we've all tried to help you out, I hope you'll follow up so that people in the future can learn from your experience, however it turns out. Good luck.

[whatdoido123]

letting go is the most difficult things to do. I am not for the NC all the way and i am always ( or almost always ) for reconciliation if there is a strong base but here?

there will be probably someone even better than your ex out there for you but how can you find her if you are stuck in this hole and not willing to give yourself a chance?

 

 

Typing from my phone since I'm at work still...

 

 

But I do want to answer this: ya I'm stuck and if I keep focusing on my ex gf I will never find someone. I guess the hardest part is just losing feelings for her so I can let go easily. I think about her too much to a point where my head wants to explode

 

 

And ya today we hung out at my apartment during lunch. We both took a two hour lunch and after we ate we both crashed on my bed. She wanted a massage and I gave it to her. It was like for 10 minutes because I guess I was desperate just to be around her and touching her everywhere on her body. This is really killing me.

 

And now she say she is busy tonight and PROB Won't be able to talk tonight because she is going out drinking. That's her lame excuse! In other words she means she is sleeping at her current bf place tonight so I can't talk to u tonight but we can talk tmrow.

 

 

I feel like a dead rotton tomatoes. I have listened to her and been there for her the last two weeks. Instead I am the last resort and it's really killing me on the inside. I mean why did she try and make love with me today during lunch but her attitude changed completely afterwards???

 

 

Just imagine her ****ing her current bf still runs in my head. I don't even get why she is with this kid when I here for her and she ****ing knows it.

[SoThatHappened]

C'MON DUDE!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhh!

 

You are being used and you know it, yet you keep going back for more. Un-freaking-believable. Your value and stock keep going down in her eyes, everyday, while you're trying to achieve the opposite. How you can't see this is baffling...

 

As was posted earlier, you need to keep this thread updated along the way as a textbook lesson of what NOT to do.

[Herpderp]

My last post on this thread because posting anymore would be pointless.

 

Dude, u don't lose feelings for her to move on. You move on to lose feelings for her. K have a good life.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep, unfortunately, this thread needs to be pinned as an example of what not to do as a dumpee. I feel like this is one of those driver's ed videos with car crashes left and right.

[whatdoido123]

C'MON DUDE!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhh!

 

You are being used and you know it, yet you keep going back for more. Un-freaking-believable. Your value and stock keep going down in her eyes, everyday, while you're trying to achieve the opposite. How you can't see this is baffling...

 

As was posted earlier, you need to keep this thread updated along the way as a textbook lesson of what NOT to do.

 

 

I do know it, but i am TOO WEAK to stop what i am doing. I really have tried and tried and i tell myself OKAY i need to stop all this crap, but what do you know i go back at it again the next day. I do realize my stock goes down each and everyday. I am just depressed to a point where i don't even want to live sometimes because life is just that terrible. I guess loneliness has something to do with it too but also i get this bad vibe whenever i don't think about her.

 

Something is wrong with me, but i can't stop myself from doing WHAT I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING FROM THE START. :(

 

 

My last post on this thread because posting anymore would be pointless.

 

Dude, u don't lose feelings for her to move on. You move on to lose feelings for her. K have a good life.

 

 

How can you move on then when you have feeling for her still? I guess thats my question. It is really easy to say "i will move on", but when you actually do it, then its a totally different story.

 

 

Moving on is tough when you still Love her

 

BUT

 

When you don't Love her, then i can easily MOVE on and find someone else.

 

 

Yep, unfortunately, this thread needs to be pinned as an example of what not to do as a dumpee. I feel like this is one of those driver's ed videos with car crashes left and right.

 

 

I agree with you Simon. I have done EVERYTHING OPPOSITE of what everyone is telling me. The only way for me to learn is to crash head on.

[whatdoido123]

11/12/2014

 

Cliff- for TODAY

 

We agree to meet at a restaurant for lunch, and we both took a 2 hour lunch

We eat, and then we both head back to my apartment for over a hour

She jumps on my bed and ask me to join her , and i agree

We cuddle for 10 minutes

She ask me to massage her, she lies on her back, and ask me to massage her

She wants it bare skin, so i agree and massage her for 20 min???

Then she jumps on top of me we snuggle become intimate i grab her she grabs me, but NO SEX

She drives back to work

 

 

Then i TEXT her 20 minutes before she leave work, since she works 2 hours earlier than me asking her what she is up to after work

 

 

She replies saying "hanging out" and "going out to drink tonight"

 

 

In the back of my mind i know its "hanging out with her BF and probably sleeping with him tonight"

 

I feel like **** because she keeps lieing to me saying shes going out to drink when in reality she isn't, but spending time with that idiot BF

 

 

Now i am confused and depressed to a point i want to ****ing VOMIT.

[Zahara]

Unfortunately, when you're the dumpee, you have no choice but to move on even if you're still emotionally attached. How do you think we all moved on? It was not from lack of feelings but rather suffering through pain and grief to get to the point of emotional detachment and freedom.

 

You're no exception nor is your relationship or situation unique.

[sooshi]

You need to start taking responsibility for your life. She asks you to do things with her and in her way, and you do it. How does it make you feel when she is intimate with you in the way she was, and then apparently very casually go about the rest of her day without any emotional involvement with you? I can't imagine that it feels very good, but from what you've said, you care more about what she's doing and with whom, more than how you're being treated and how you're treating yourself. Where is the self-love?

 

If you don't like hearing what she has to say, then you need to stop contacting her. Continuing to do so is only causing you to hurt. You can stop the pain in part by stop contacting her. Let her live her life, regardless of who she's with or what she's doing, and start reclaiming yours.

[BC1980]

Of course you feel bad when she is using you like this, and you are allowing it. Anyone would feel bad after what happened today. You're giving her massages, and she is going to sleep with her BF tonight. She knows exactly what she is doing.

[whatdoido123]

I will comment stuff from earlier tmrow when I wake up.

 

 

I just wanted to say that last Friday I told her I met this girl and that she is Mexican and is currently in a 4 year relationship. I wanted to make her jealous that she was into me and this is the response I got from my ex gf text last Saturday.

 

 

Good morning. I didn't sleep well was thinking abt u n ur new girl. U might be lying to me abt this bcuz u want me to come back to u so u tell me there's another girl. As much as I hate seeing u become serious with another girl it is what it is. N yes timing is bad. But just knw me n the boy aren't even serious n I am the serious type n etc but I c myself once u date that girl I c myself hurt bcuz I knw u would propose get married n have kids....it really sux. Even though u think *BF NAME* would be the type to get married, honestly I don't think he would. I think we would prob date for yrs if it works out n it's going to b another one of those relationship with *EX GF BF NAME BEFORE DATING ME* n u....

 

 

 

That is the exact text I got from her BESIDE EDITING OUT THE NAME OF HER CURRENT BF AND HER PREVIOUS BF NAME BEFORE ME WHERE SHE DATING HIM FOR 4 years before he cheated on her and I'm trying to figure out what she is saying and what she is doing to me now is complete bull****. It's fraustratinggggggggg

Edited November 13, 2014 by whatdoido123

[PegNosePete]

Sweet Jesus, how do you even read that? Is she 12 years old?

 

You tried to manipulate a master manipulator, and she saw through it immediately. Quelle surprise. Nice job.

[whatdoido123]

Unfortunately, when you're the dumpee, you have no choice but to move on even if you're still emotionally attached. How do you think we all moved on? It was not from lack of feelings but rather suffering through pain and grief to get to the point of emotional detachment and freedom.

 

You're no exception nor is your relationship or situation unique.

 

 

Yeah its just that i don't understand how everything can come crashing down like no other. And once it did, it really hit me hard. I wish it didn't come unexpected. I mean i guess i should have known because a month before the breakup, she started going to the bar and she just said that she wanted to hang out with some friends because we argued too much. That should have been a hint to me, but i never thought about it breaking off unexpectantly like this.

 

 

No you don't. You're just so afraid of everything and such a weakling that you think you have to do this. I'm not saying this to insult you, but the only person that is making you miserable is you. It's not even her at this point -- she's just doing what you'll allow her to do.

 

Things aren't going to get better until you make them better. And the only way you can make them better is to summon some pride and strength and get yourself out of this awful, toxic situation. She's going to continue to take advantage of you and tease you because you refuse to remove yourself from the situation.

 

 

At least today she texted me "good morning" and i just ignored it. Then she follows up with a couple other text saying "Hello" "why u ignoring me". Then she follows up with 2 phone calls which i ignored just now. I mean i know what my excuse is going to be when i text her back. And that is i was sleeping. Why is she trying to reach me so bad, but at the same time when she is with her current BF she ignored me all last night

 

 

You need to start taking responsibility for your life. She asks you to do things with her and in her way, and you do it. How does it make you feel when she is intimate with you in the way she was, and then apparently very casually go about the rest of her day without any emotional involvement with you? I can't imagine that it feels very good, but from what you've said, you care more about what she's doing and with whom, more than how you're being treated and how you're treating yourself. Where is the self-love?

 

If you don't like hearing what she has to say, then you need to stop contacting her. Continuing to do so is only causing you to hurt. You can stop the pain in part by stop contacting her. Let her live her life, regardless of who she's with or what she's doing, and start reclaiming yours.

 

 

It makes me want to vomit. Yah we get pretty intimate and she teases me when we are hanging out. It is just not the same because when i am not with her i can picture her doing the same thing to her current bf as well. That is what pisses me off and i feel like she is just trying to keep me around just in case their relationship don't work out at the end of the day.

 

Well i try to. Its just tough to not contact someone who u talked to 24/7 for the past 4 years and then suddently u are alone and have no girl to talk to. I guess it just takes time to move on for me, but i really hope my relationship regardless with her or not i will be a better person and be more committed than ever.

[whatdoido123]

She, you and everyone here knows...

 

 

I mean i do! i just deny it and say NO she hasn't had sex with him yet just to make myself feel better. But i did ask her the other day how long before u date someone that it is OKAY to have SEX. Her answer was AT LEAST 5 dates. If she said 5 dates then pretty much she is saying they had sex already in my mind because they have been together for over 2 months.

 

 

Sweet Jesus, how do you even read that? Is she 12 years old?

 

You tried to manipulate a master manipulator, and she saw through it immediately. Quelle surprise. Nice job.

 

 

No she is 25 years old and i am 26 years old. I guess her text is easy to read for me because thats how she text me for the past 4 years. Maybe its in jibberish or something? lol

[mtnbiker3000]

At least today she texted me "good morning" and i just ignored it. Then she follows up with a couple other text saying "Hello" "why u ignoring me". Then she follows up with 2 phone calls which i ignored just now. I mean i know what my excuse is going to be when i text her back. And that is i was sleeping. Why is she trying to reach me so bad, but at the same time when she is with her current BF she ignored me all last night.

 

This is classic, text-book dumper behavior. It's commonly referred to as 'cake-eating'. She is yankin' on the chain to see if you're still there. And of course, you are... As soon as she sees you are, she's content (and you're left wondering) until she wants to check again. This is all about her and nothing about you.

 

If I were I you, I would send one more text that goes something like this: I've realized I need some time to sort some stuff out. I don't think us communicating right now is a good idea, so this will be the last text you receive from me for a while...

 

Then, that's it... Not one more communication. Not one. Don't give her a time frame. Nothing. Just dark. Of course she will not like this one bit and will try every manipulation technique in the book to get you to respond. And if you do, you'll be right back to where you are right now.

 

This is about you taking back some dignity and self respect, which right now you have none. Watch, it might even make you feel good and motivate you to continue doing the right thing: healing and moving on...

 

Then, the next step is spend some time to really start looking at your own thoughts, behaviors and patterns, because there is something majorly askew in your brain. How do I know? Because, like many of us here, I've been down this road...

 

You CAN feel better. It IS possible...

[Itspointless]

I do know it, but i am TOO WEAK to stop what i am doing. I really have tried and tried and i tell myself OKAY i need to stop all this crap, but what do you know i go back at it again the next day

You did go back because you do not want to see the truth. Taking the decision is really easy, there is no magical force keeping your head in captive forcing you to snort a line of Ex.

 

After your mental decision you will be faced with the hard part, keeping the promise you made to yourself and going through detox. Your above answer is just an excuse because you do not want to and you know it.

 

And about the sex, why would she otherwise be with him if she is that critical about him?

 

Keep that silence you started this morning.

[Dopefish333]

You can do it!!

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Does she have some kind of deep-seated hatred for the letter O?

[whatdoido123]

This is classic, text-book dumper behavior. It's commonly referred to as 'cake-eating'. She is yankin' on the chain to see if you're still there. And of course, you are... As soon as she sees you are, she's content (and you're left wondering) until she wants to check again. This is all about her and nothing about you.

 

If I were I you, I would send one more text that goes something like this: I've realized I need some time to sort some stuff out. I don't think us communicating right now is a good idea, so this will be the last text you receive from me for a while...

 

Then, that's it... Not one more communication. Not one. Don't give her a time frame. Nothing. Just dark. Of course she will not like this one bit and will try every manipulation technique in the book to get you to respond. And if you do, you'll be right back to where you are right now.

 

This is about you taking back some dignity and self respect, which right now you have none. Watch, it might even make you feel good and motivate you to continue doing the right thing: healing and moving on...

 

Then, the next step is spend some time to really start looking at your own thoughts, behaviors and patterns, because there is something majorly askew in your brain. How do I know? Because, like many of us here, I've been down this road...

 

You CAN feel better. It IS possible...

 

 

Yeah leaning towards that, its just hard to do it

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah leaning towards that, its just hard to do it

 

Most things worth doing are hard. That's what makes them worth doing.