What is she implying????

[BC1980]

Yeah she cheated and had a backup BF coworker, but that doesn't mean she had sex with him. I know they snuggled and watched a movie, but that doesn't really mean cheating. Cheating in my definition is if she had sex with him behind my back. That is considered cheating.

 

I mean we hung out today after work for like 2 hours. We grabbed dinner and talked. She told me more negativity of her current bf. The only problem is she isn't dumping her current bf yet which CONFUSES the **** out of me.

 

She keeps implying that IF WE GOT BACK TOGETHER WHAT WE WOULD DO WITH THIS AND THAT. That shows me she has INTENTIONS to getting back together, but just NO timeframe

 

I will tell you this about women. We are far more hurt my emotional cheating than by sex. We would be more hurt if our BF actually fell in love or forged some sort of close friendship with another woman. Men are much more upset if the woman sleeps with a man. So to apply that to your situation, just because your ex possibly hasn't slept with him, doesn't mean she isn't deeply involved in HER mind. So call it what you want, but she is clearly a master manipulator of both of you. I would not be surprised is she isn't sitting around talking sh*t about you around him.

 

She basically says a lot of stuff she has no intention of following through with. This is the oldest trick in the book to keep someone hooked. All you need to do is to say what they want to hear and give them a little action to back it up. That's all she is doing. Don't you think this has happened time and time again to people? This is not confusing in the least.

[BC1980]

That is actually what i have been trying to imply to u all. Yeah i ****ed up and stole money, but why in the world would she still be with me if i did something like that to her. It was actually worst than i stated though. I actually opened a credit card under her name and her info and took out $8000 cash from line of credit. I was addicted to gambling and i have taken steps to cure it. Yeah it takes time but i am alot better now and i know i will never ever do this type of thing again.

 

Considering what you did, I can think of two reasons she is still talking to you. One, she might want to get back at you by manipulating you. Two, she has extremely low self-esteem. If someone did that to me, you can guarantee I would not be with them and would find some way to involve the law because it's illegal.

 

Anyway, since you opened the door, you really need to be involved in a 12 step or some type of support group for your addiction. That is a life long problem that isn't "cured." All of this drama might trigger the need to start gambling again. This situation is not conducive to good mental health in anyone, let alone someone who has had addiction issues.

[Itspointless]

his situation is not conducive to good mental health in anyone, let alone someone who has had addiction issues.

whatdoido123 have you also considered what you will do if things work out different than you hope for?

 

You know you actually haven't stopped with gambling, the way you are into this option of her coming back is exactly what gambling is about and the behaviour that belongs with that. So in a way things fall into place for me now. You have to stop it man, you think you have changed, but you haven't.

[whatdoido123]

I will tell you this about women. We are far more hurt my emotional cheating than by sex. We would be more hurt if our BF actually fell in love or forged some sort of close friendship with another woman. Men are much more upset if the woman sleeps with a man. So to apply that to your situation, just because your ex possibly hasn't slept with him, doesn't mean she isn't deeply involved in HER mind. So call it what you want, but she is clearly a master manipulator of both of you. I would not be surprised is she isn't sitting around talking sh*t about you around him.

 

She basically says a lot of stuff she has no intention of following through with. This is the oldest trick in the book to keep someone hooked. All you need to do is to say what they want to hear and give them a little action to back it up. That's all she is doing. Don't you think this has happened time and time again to people? This is not confusing in the least.

 

Considering what you did, I can think of two reasons she is still talking to you. One, she might want to get back at you by manipulating you. Two, she has extremely low self-esteem. If someone did that to me, you can guarantee I would not be with them and would find some way to involve the law because it's illegal.

 

Anyway, since you opened the door, you really need to be involved in a 12 step or some type of support group for your addiction. That is a life long problem that isn't "cured." All of this drama might trigger the need to start gambling again. This situation is not conducive to good mental health in anyone, let alone someone who has had addiction issues.

 

 

Funny thing how this post comes up and what is happening for the first time. You guys should know we talk most nights unless she is making an excuse saying she went out drink when in reality she is spending the night at her bf place.

 

But anyways she text me like 3 hours ago, saying her current bf is spending the night at HER PLACE for the first time. That is a "OUCH" and i text back saying "at least u are honest". She then replies back saying "Yeah, Nothing is going to happen FYI". That right there blew my mind wide open and i responded back thru text saying "COOL".

 

She went on to say that she will talk to me tmrow. Its crazy how everything is going thru my mind thinking. Like it ouchs me on the inside knowing that the BOY finally knows when she lives and finally meets her parents, but on the outside i know that my ex gf parents would not like them because of his race. But its HURTS me inside knowing that he is spending the night at her place for the first time and sleeping on the bed that me and my ex slept on for years creeps me out.

 

God i hate today, that is why i am going to sleep soon just to sleep it off. There is nothing i can really do today and i am just torturing myself on the inside.

[whatdoido123]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

 

The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

 

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

 

The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

 

...

 

Since this thread is a joke, I'd figure I'd contribute a little.

 

AND, since I've already been warned to stay on topic and actually had a post deleted:

 

Ummm... whatdoido... you should go NC.

 

There.

 

 

Thanks for the advice dude

 

 

whatdoido123 have you also considered what you will do if things work out different than you hope for?

 

You know you actually haven't stopped with gambling, the way you are into this option of her coming back is exactly what gambling is about and the behaviour that belongs with that. So in a way things fall into place for me now. You have to stop it man, you think you have changed, but you haven't.

 

 

Thats true, its just i haven't gambled as much as i did back then. I am still healing from gambling and i just want to slowly get away and change myself to being a good guy again. I am such a hard headed guy that its hard to figure myself out too. I really don't know what i want in life. I wish all the pieces would fall into places naturally quickly so i don't have to deal with all this drama going thru in my life right now. I wish i won the lottery so maybe i can think of something else instead of my EX gf coming back anytime soon.

[Itspointless]

Thats true, its just i haven't gambled as much as i did back then. I am still healing from gambling and i just want to slowly get away and change myself to being a good guy again. I am such a hard headed guy that its hard to figure myself out too. I really don't know what i want in life. I wish all the pieces would fall into places naturally quickly so i don't have to deal with all this drama going thru in my life right now. I wish i won the lottery so maybe i can think of something else instead of my EX gf coming back anytime soon.

Yeah, it is hard when you loose your sense of self and have no idea of direction. You know if I could I would set the summer of 2013 on repeat. It was the best of my 35 years. But life took another path, I am also searching. Do not look to others, the grass always seems to be greener with others and sometimes it is frustrating as hell. Of-course you do not want drama who does, but clinging on to the past does not bring back what was. It never works like that, really it just doesn't. Your ex is not the key to your happiness, you are. Yeah it sounds corny, and the real life variant also takes a lot of work. I am not there yet either. Oh I wish I was. You must close the book of your ex man, it really isn't the right path.

[mtnbiker3000]

Yeah, it is hard when you loose your sense of self and have no idea of direction. You know if I could I would set the summer of 2013 on repeat. It was the best of my 35 years. But life took another path, I am also searching. Do not look to others, the grass always seems to be greener with others and sometimes it is frustrating as hell. Of-course you do not want drama who does, but clinging on to the past does not bring back what was. It never works like that, really it just doesn't. Your ex is not the key to your happiness, you are. Yeah it sounds corny, and the real life variant also takes a lot of work. I am not there yet either. Oh I wish I was. You must close the book of your ex man, it really isn't the right path.

 

^^^^ This!! As I stated, you have a flawed sense of understanding. You are looking at things all wrong. This experience WILL happen again and again to you. You really need some therapy and a support group beyond LS.

 

I really encourage you to read the books I mentioned! They are right up your alley. Try 'em. I dare ya!!

[whatdoido123]

Update: So i guess my ex gf is hanging out with me today and she is spending the night tonight (unless she flakes again).

 

I don't know why i am excited but part of me is scared as well. We plan on watching a movie today and just hang out

 

She been telling me more negative things about her current bf and i just don't under stand. She keeps saying she will SLOWLY leave him but i keep doubting myself.

 

I send her sweet text messages and i don't know cuz shes like "If me and him don't work out i want to get serious with you and have a kid"

 

I guess she is sending me mixed signals still so idk blahhhhh

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I send her sweet text messages and i don't know cuz shes like "If me and him don't work out i want to get serious with you and have a kid"

 

I guess she is sending me mixed signals still so idk blahhhhh

 

These are not mixed signals. She is telling you exactly what you are: her back-up, her plan B, her #2, her alternate. You apparently don't have enough self-respect to demand better, so now you've guaranteed she will always see you as a weak, wimpy pushover willing to accept what little you can get. She knows you will never leave, so she's going to use you until someone she likes more comes along...and he will. If you don't believe this will happen again with another guy you're just kidding yourself.

 

"If I break up with the guy I want, you'll be my consolation prize." True love, am I right?

[Trimmer]

These are not mixed signals. She is telling you exactly what you are: her back-up, her plan B, her #2, her alternate. You apparently don't have enough self-respect to demand better, so now you've guaranteed she will always see you as a weak, wimpy pushover willing to accept what little you can get. She knows you will never leave, so she's going to use you until someone she likes more comes along...and he will. If you don't believe this will happen again with another guy you're just kidding yourself.

BUT... and here's the silver lining ... I think this shows that you're pretty good at cuddling!

[whatdoido123]

These are not mixed signals. She is telling you exactly what you are: her back-up, her plan B, her #2, her alternate. You apparently don't have enough self-respect to demand better, so now you've guaranteed she will always see you as a weak, wimpy pushover willing to accept what little you can get. She knows you will never leave, so she's going to use you until someone she likes more comes along...and he will. If you don't believe this will happen again with another guy you're just kidding yourself.

 

"If I break up with the guy I want, you'll be my consolation prize." True love, am I right?

 

 

Actually she spent all day with me yesterday and spent the night. It's weird because she actually spent the night at my place for the first time since the breakup. Her mom actually yelled at her because she is sleeping over last night and karma will bite her back. We talked about it and she's like "ya I need to figure out who I am gonna be serious with and I need to choose"

 

 

It feels like she is leaning toward me but I'm not sure. Just my 2 cent

[Coe]

What is the point in this thread? You won't take any advice and are ok with being plan B. So go beg for the scraps from another guys table. It's not complicated.

 

And don't be so juvenile, you can guarantee that whatever you got upto in the bedroom with her this new guy is now doing. Self delusion is sad.

[Itspointless]

What is the point in this thread?

The point? He sure isn't doing this to please us. That is the number one mistake of people who decide to professionally work with people: they often want to compensate something themselves. Everybody has its own process to walk usually being misguided by the things that have happened to us earlier in life.

 

This thread is about experiencing and learning to hopefully being able to make wiser decisions that are constructive to his (mental)health and the specific history he is carrying within his body.

 

whatdoido123 has to found out and recognize for himself which patterns he keeps repeating even when he thinks he doesn't.

[William]

Folks, if you can't address the topic and the thread starter in a respectful and topical manner, simply move on. That saves us from banning you and assists in promoting more productive discussions.

 

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Edited November 23, 2014 by William

[Itspointless]

This thread is in my opinion an example how hard it sometimes can be for someone to acknowledge evens in life and coming to grips with old personal patterns: like gambling and lying. "I am the bad guy", "I have to earn her back", "I can't blame her for looking elsewhere", "I deserved this", etc. Unfortunately this thread is therefore at the same time educating for others.

Edited November 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to deleted post redacted

[whatdoido123]

These are not mixed signals. She is telling you exactly what you are: her back-up, her plan B, her #2, her alternate. You apparently don't have enough self-respect to demand better, so now you've guaranteed she will always see you as a weak, wimpy pushover willing to accept what little you can get. She knows you will never leave, so she's going to use you until someone she likes more comes along...and he will. If you don't believe this will happen again with another guy you're just kidding yourself.

 

"If I break up with the guy I want, you'll be my consolation prize." True love, am I right?

 

 

Not really, at least thats not what i think. Maybe i am wrong????

 

 

I mean yeah she spent the night over at my place last night and this morning we went horse back riding together. But for some reason she promised her BF that she was going to hang out with him so she left around noon today. It kind of got me upset and sad and depressed. She saw how i was and she say that she needs time to break up with him cuz he works at the same place as me and her and he carries a gun.

 

 

I guess her excuse is she is afraid what might happen if she did break up with him. And like she hasn't texted me for the past 6 hours going MIA and i am very sad. I just can't wait till this breakup happens because its very lonely without her ...

[whatdoido123]

This thread is in my opinion an example how hard it sometimes can be for someone to acknowledge evens in life and coming to grips with old personal patterns: like gambling and lying. "I am the bad guy", "I have to earn her back", "I can't blame her for looking elsewhere", "I deserved this", etc. Unfortunately this thread is therefore at the same time educating for others.

 

 

You could be right, but u could be wrong too. I really can't tell you the outcome until this is all settled, but i am leaning 60% / 40% now in which we will get back together as of today. I am scared to be honest>..

[mtnbiker3000]

To answer your original thread title/question: She is really not implying anything. To the contrary, she's being quite clear!!

[Trimmer]

You could be right, but u could be wrong too. I really can't tell you the outcome until this is all settled, but i am leaning 60% / 40% now in which we will get back together as of today.

Only you don't get a vote.

 

You do have veto power though, which you might be wise to consider using.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Not really, at least thats not what i think. Maybe i am wrong????

 

 

I mean yeah she spent the night over at my place last night and this morning we went horse back riding together. But for some reason she promised her BF that she was going to hang out with him so she left around noon today. It kind of got me upset and sad and depressed. She saw how i was and she say that she needs time to break up with him cuz he works at the same place as me and her and he carries a gun.

 

 

I guess her excuse is she is afraid what might happen if she did break up with him. And like she hasn't texted me for the past 6 hours going MIA and i am very sad. I just can't wait till this breakup happens because its very lonely without her ...

 

You're going to be waiting a long time kid.

[Diezel]

You three deserve each other.

Stop kidding yourself, she's never going to leave him for you because you're there for her now. She's having cake and eating it too.

[whatdoido123]

Sorry haven't updated this thread, but I'll respond tonight

 

 

Just want to say that me and my ex gf has been good and we are about to get back together officially very soon. I guess this thread can show that NC is a good option, but it's also not the only option.

 

 

I'll go into more details tonight.

[Chi townD]

Sorry haven't updated this thread, but I'll respond tonight

 

 

Just want to say that me and my ex gf has been good and we are about to get back together officially very soon. I guess this thread can show that NC is a good option, but it's also not the only option.

 

 

I'll go into more details tonight.

 

 

 

 

No you're not, but okay.

 

 

Will be standing by in my recliner and a tub of popcorn waiting for the trainwreck.

 

 

And look at the effort she putting into running around on her current boyfriend with you, she would be doing the same to you with him.

 

 

Dude, seriously.

 

 

I'm starting to think we're chasing bunnies here.

[Itspointless]

You could be right, but u could be wrong too. I really can't tell you the outcome until this is all settled, but i am leaning 60% / 40% now in which we will get back together as of today. I am scared to be honest>..

Well I am not so much talking about the fact if it will happen or not. I am worried about the psychological patterns both of you exhibit. The dynamic between you two is not in balance.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Sorry haven't updated this thread, but I'll respond tonight

 

 

Just want to say that me and my ex gf has been good and we are about to get back together officially very soon. I guess this thread can show that NC is a good option, but it's also not the only option.

 

 

I'll go into more details tonight.

 

Because being someone's b**** is a much better option.