What is she implying????

[Trimmer]

Your ex-girlfriend has a boyfriend.

 

She probably "had" him before she left you - probably cheated on you.

 

Now she is spending romantic time with you (certainly without him knowing about it), and suggesting clubbing together (definitely without him knowing about it.) She is cheating on him.

 

And you are blinded by the fog, so you won't see this as a character flaw of hers - much to your own detriment.

 

You will deny, bargain, and spin everything she does to soothe your grief at losing her, which means you will interpret everything in your favor. And she will take advantage of that to use you for emotional support, for a backup plan, and possibly even for a place to live, while still being able to keep you at arm's length: "Hey, we agreed, 'just friends', right?"

 

And if you think NC was driving you crazy, just wait until you experience this hell on earth.

[Herpderp]

Your ex-girlfriend has a boyfriend.

 

She probably "had" him before she left you - probably cheated on you.

 

Now she is spending romantic time with you (certainly without him knowing about it), and suggesting clubbing together (definitely without him knowing about it.) She is cheating on him.

 

And you are blinded by the fog, so you won't see this as a character flaw of hers - much to your own detriment.

 

You will deny, bargain, and spin everything she does to soothe your grief at losing her, which means you will interpret everything in your favor. And she will take advantage of that to use you for emotional support, for a backup plan, and possibly even for a place to live, while still being able to keep you at arm's length: "Hey, we agreed, 'just friends', right?"

 

And if you think NC was driving you crazy, just wait until you experience this hell on earth.

 

Sums about everything up in a nutshell. I know it's hard to accept. But the sooner u accept it the sooner you will move on

[Itspointless]

Why do you say that? She actually came over and brought me Paradise Bakery and left it in the fridge for me when i come home for lunch. It was really nice of her and she says she misses me alot. No girl would make up that BS though right? I feel like she really wants to get back with me, but it just takes time for her to realize that i have changed as a person right?

I said that because of the things others mentioned to you today. And because of your last sentence right here. I always applaud when people reflect and work on themselves. But here I get a nasty feeling with it. She cheats on you and you have to change? What is wrong here? I always cringe when friends tell me that a girlfriend wants them to change. You know why? Most of the time those girlfriends are not self-aware at all. They do not see the dynamic at play. I haven't read your story but the way you write it seems to me that your ex feels entitled. Well, it is about times that she comes down of her thrown. She is not that fantastic.

 

Sorry man, empower yourself and step back.

[Chi townD]

Dude, if you told her that you think her moving in with you would be a bad idea, watch how fast she turns on you.

[whatdoido123]

Did she apologise for cheating on you?

Did she say she wants you back?

Why is she still with her new BF if he is so terrible?

What measures will you take to prevent it from happening again?

 

 

I don't consider it cheating since we were broken up during that time. And we had alot of issue that needed to resolved.

 

Yes kind of, she tells me she misses me all the time now.

 

She is still with her new BF because she is afraid to get back with me right now.

 

If we got back together offically, i will be more caring and loving to her and i will probably propose to her within a year or two max since we were already together 4 years before this breakup.

 

 

She wants to be closer to work while living with you.

 

This is all about HER convenience, not yours.

It was really nice of her to be with you all day... where was her boyfriend? What kind of excuse do you think she gave him about where she was all day?

 

Yeah, she sounds FANTASTIC.

 

You should definitely have her move in with you. Then you'll finally get to meet her boyfriend.

 

You are in for a WORLD of hurt that when it happens, you can't blame her for. You can only blame yourself.

 

 

This might be true, but i can tell that she also wants to see if we can REKINDLE our relationship. When we went for our trip she never told her current BF anything and probably won't because she doesn't really like him from what i am told. She also told me alot about him and it makes me want to puke because she is still with him as of today.

 

 

Your ex-girlfriend has a boyfriend.

 

She probably "had" him before she left you - probably cheated on you.

 

Now she is spending romantic time with you (certainly without him knowing about it), and suggesting clubbing together (definitely without him knowing about it.) She is cheating on him.

 

And you are blinded by the fog, so you won't see this as a character flaw of hers - much to your own detriment.

 

You will deny, bargain, and spin everything she does to soothe your grief at losing her, which means you will interpret everything in your favor. And she will take advantage of that to use you for emotional support, for a backup plan, and possibly even for a place to live, while still being able to keep you at arm's length: "Hey, we agreed, 'just friends', right?"

 

And if you think NC was driving you crazy, just wait until you experience this hell on earth.

 

 

That might be true, and i will never find out if they were already dating before we broke up. I mean yeah it sucks because she could have been seeing him behind my back, but i don't blame her for what i have put her thru the past 4 years.

 

I said that because of the things others mentioned to you today. And because of your last sentence right here. I always applaud when people reflect and work on themselves. But here I get a nasty feeling with it. She cheats on you and you have to change? What is wrong here? I always cringe when friends tell me that a girlfriend wants them to change. You know why? Most of the time those girlfriends are not self-aware at all. They do not see the dynamic at play. I haven't read your story but the way you write it seems to me that your ex feels entitled. Well, it is about times that she comes down of her thrown. She is not that fantastic.

 

Sorry man, empower yourself and step back.

 

 

I mean every girl wants the PERFECT GUY, but realistally that would never happen. If i get another chance with her i will obviously be more understanding and show her my lover and stuff. The only issue is how long will this take before i can get her to move back in with me. She is scared and i am scared too but there is a reason behind this and that is because she and I are both scared to say "LETS GET BACK TOGETHER". I mean i ask her if we can rekindle but sometimes i feel like she does but is afraid to take the next step.

 

 

Dude, if you told her that you think her moving in with you would be a bad idea, watch how fast she turns on you.

 

 

I don't think she is that type of girl to do something like that. I have known her long enough that i know if she is commited in a relationship. She actually texted me this morning all day again and she is thinking about spending the night on friday at my place after work. Obvisouly she won't tell her current BF and that shows me she wants to see this through. She also say she is free Saturday and Sunday and that is hinting to me that she is leaning my direction.

[Diezel]

How does someone rekindle a flame they already put out?

 

Sorry buddy, I can tell she has her claws deep in you.

You want to be with a girl who cheated on you, is still with the guy, and is ready to branch swing back... and you want to be MORE understanding?

[Simon Phoenix]

You can't afford to be this obtuse and foolish. At this point, you can't be helped. You are determined to go about this the worst possible way and, unfortunately, you are in for a boatload of pain.

[Zahara]

I don't consider it cheating since we were broken up during that time. And we had alot of issue that needed to resolved.

 

C'mon now. She was with BF the day after you broke up. She was cheating on you. Don't play ignorant.

 

She's doing the same thing to her current BF now. You were no exception then.

Edited November 4, 2014 by Zahara

[Herpderp]

I felt exactly the same way u felt when my gf left me and ttold me she still loves and misses me. Then I grew a pair and blocked her from all contact. When someone wants to walk out of your life,it just means that their chapter in your life is over.please grow a pair and move on. If she really wanted to work things out,she wouldn't have left you.

 

One more thing .take her off the darn pedestal! She's nothing but a lying cheat .do u want to be with a lying cheat the rest of your life?

[whatdoido123]

How does someone rekindle a flame they already put out?

 

Sorry buddy, I can tell she has her claws deep in you.

You want to be with a girl who cheated on you, is still with the guy, and is ready to branch swing back... and you want to be MORE understanding?

 

 

Actually i don't like it at ALL, but what else can i do when i have strong feelings for her? I know i am such a idiot for doing this, but i really want her back in my life and i can't think of another way to get her back. I am hoping that within the next couple of weeks she will realize that her current BF is a NO-NO and that she will take me back for goods. I mean this weekend i am pretty excited because she plans to come over and spend the night. Not like we are going to do anything, but just thinking about the loss time i had with her will mean EVERYTHING to me and her.

 

 

You can't afford to be this obtuse and foolish. At this point, you can't be helped. You are determined to go about this the worst possible way and, unfortunately, you are in for a boatload of pain.

 

 

Well i am getting helped by trying to REKINDLE our relationship back. The only issue is her current BF in the way. If she is able to spend time with me on the weekend it just means that she isn't even committed to him at all. That just proves that she still has feeling for me and hopefully i can take her back.

 

I mean i did NC for 5 days in a row, before i texted her "Happy Halloween". And from that day on we have kept in touch thru text and phone. I mean i made the first move which was BAD of me, but i am not trying to be the guy who will regret not trying to get my ex gf of 4 years back.

 

 

C'mon now. She was with BF the day after you broke up. She was cheating on you. Don't play ignorant.

 

She's doing the same thing to her current BF now. You were no exception then.

 

 

Well its called a rebound because she wasn't happy in the relationship with me after 3 years i guess. I did not treat her like a girlfriend, but more of a friend i suppose. She went thru alot with me and when she broke up with me i FINALLY realize all the things i did that was wrong and that woke me up. I am actually glad she did this because i never thought she would break up with me thus me never realizing that i was treating her so horribliy

 

 

I felt exactly the same way u felt when my gf left me and ttold me she still loves and misses me. Then I grew a pair and blocked her from all contact. When someone wants to walk out of your life,it just means that their chapter in your life is over.please grow a pair and move on. If she really wanted to work things out,she wouldn't have left you.

 

One more thing .take her off the darn pedestal! She's nothing but a lying cheat .do u want to be with a lying cheat the rest of your life?

 

 

I mean Yeah, she did leave me and i was heart broken. I been with her long enough to realize that she still loves me and i send her pictures of our past 4 years and she enjoys every one of them. She tells me that she misses me a LOT and i can tell she really does. I mean i wish our realtionship did not go this way, but there is NO such thing as a PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. Every relationship has problems. Its how you go about it and that just builds bonding and stronger relationship with each other as time passes.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're lost in a vortex of delusion and denial.

[mtnbiker3000]

Who are you trying to convince?

[whatdoido123]

Who are you trying to convince?

 

 

I am not trying to convince anyone. I just hope that for all the effort i am putting in i can get the girl i have been with for 4 years back in my life. She is everything to me and i CANNOT lose her.

[SoThatHappened]

I am not trying to convince anyone. I just hope that for all the effort i am putting in i can get the girl i have been with for 4 years back in my life. She is everything to me and i CANNOT lose her.

You're not going to take the advice given. That's fine.

 

Just go for it. That's my advice at this point. You're likely going to get screwed, and not the good kind.

 

But, you're going to do what you're going to do and there's no point in trying to talk you out of it anyway.

 

Things may work out and you may get married and live happily ever-after.

 

My money's not riding on that, but I hope things work out for you either way.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're not going to take the advice given. That's fine.

 

Just go for it. That's my advice at this point. You're likely going to get screwed, and not the good kind.

 

But, you're going to do what you're going to do and there's no point in trying to talk you out of it anyway.

 

Things may work out and you may get married and live happily ever-after.

 

My money's not riding on that, but I hope things work out for you either way.

 

Yeah, at this point this guy is going to have to learn the hard way.

[mtnbiker3000]

I am not trying to convince anyone. I just hope that for all the effort i am putting in i can get the girl i have been with for 4 years back in my life. She is everything to me and i CANNOT lose her.

 

1. No one should be "everything to you", except you!!

2. If you ever had her, you don't anymore. She's already lost.

3. Why not put some effort into yourself?

 

Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? I mean that in all seriousness. Because it sounds like you are looking to her for your happiness and that will never work for you. With her, or the next, or the next!!

[SoThatHappened]

Yeah, at this point this guy is going to have to learn the hard way.

Sometimes learning the hard way is better.

 

I think giving advice beyond this point is pointless. Actually, I think others and I am at the point of saying "go for it."

 

You can try to get advice across only so long. The OP is not going to take it, so just let him learn.

 

There's also no point in asking for advice anymore, OP. Just do what you were going to do all along.

 

We'll be here if it doesn't work out. Good luck to you.

[Herpderp]

Go for it! Make sure u don't come crying back here again though... I don't wanna be the one that said I told you so....

[Herpderp]

I am not trying to convince anyone. I just hope that for all the effort i am putting in i can get the girl i have been with for 4 years back in my life. She is everything to me and i CANNOT lose her.

 

Sorry u already lost her. If someone truly loves you, they will want to resolve the issue instead of cheating. No matter what lies u wanna continue telling yourself, by all means continue.

[Itspointless]

Sorry u already lost her. If someone truly loves you, they will want to resolve the issue instead of cheating. No matter what lies u wanna continue telling yourself, by all means continue.

Hi whatdoido123, thank you for your answers. It is not that I do not understand you. But the fact she immediately jumped to someone else and very likely has been with that guy already, would be very much against my personal pride. One time I experienced a break where I also found out that my ex was already cheating on me, only two days, but nevertheless. For me it took away all the magic, she embodied disappointed for me. I felt like a fool. If these are the solutions these people have to offer to problems, well ... than it WILL happen again: if they feel stressed, low, uncared for, miss excitement, etc.

 

The fact that she is actively staying for now with this other dude, would be even more off-putting to me. It is your life, if you feel you have to try than do it. I am almost certain it will turn out a harsh lesson for you, but than at least you know. Good luck my friend.

[PegNosePete]

I don't consider it cheating since we were broken up during that time. And we had alot of issue that needed to resolved.

Come on man, open your eyes. She got together with this guy the day after you broke up. That is not just a rebound, that is pre-planned and I would bet my bottom dollar that they were cheating on you before you "broke up". Anyone can see that from 100 yards off, except you, because you're in such a fog.

 

Yes kind of, she tells me she misses me all the time now.

Dude that is not the same. "Kind of" should not be an answer to the question "did she say she wants you back?". It's a yes/no question. If she hasn't said the words exactly, then it's a NO. Missing someone is not the same as wanting them back. If she wanted you back then she would be knocking at your door right now.

 

She is still with her new BF because she is afraid to get back with me right now.

Afraid of what? I call BS on this pathetic excuse.

 

If we got back together offically, i will be more caring and loving to her and i will probably propose to her within a year or two max since we were already together 4 years before this breakup.

WTF. Dude. I meant, what would YOU do to ensure that SHE does not cheat on you, dump you and run off with another guy 1 day afterwards... again? And your response is that you'll act like a doormat and reward her poor behaviour. Nice one.

 

Well as the others have said, you're obviously going to do the worst thing possible despite everyone trying to open your eyes to what's going on here. Nothing more we can say really, other than to post back here when you need help and support -- because you WILL need help and support when it all comes crashing down again. Good luck with that.

[Diezel]

At this point... just crash and burn. Hopefully you crash and burn before you get married so she doesn't get to take half of the crap you own.

 

You CANNOT lose her?

 

What a joke, you already lost her once, you'll lose her again.

God knows she'll get pumped by her boyfriend during the weekend and then you'll get the sloppy seconds.

 

I don't condone cheating, but I have even less sympathy for people willing to stay with cheaters as if it were their only option.

 

Know how I know she will cheat again? You are essentially REWARDING her for bad behavior.

 

"Cheat on me and go become the girlfriend of another man? That's fine, I'll try my hardest to get you back, let you stay over, AND even propose."

 

What a joke.

[whatdoido123]

You're not going to take the advice given. That's fine.

 

Just go for it. That's my advice at this point. You're likely going to get screwed, and not the good kind.

 

But, you're going to do what you're going to do and there's no point in trying to talk you out of it anyway.

 

Things may work out and you may get married and live happily ever-after.

 

My money's not riding on that, but I hope things work out for you either way.

 

Yeah, at this point this guy is going to have to learn the hard way.

 

 

Yeah i guess this is like gambling where i am taking a risk trying to get my ex gf back and if it doesn't work i will be hurt even more. I guess i will have to learn the hard way then unfort

[whatdoido123]

1. No one should be "everything to you", except you!!

2. If you ever had her, you don't anymore. She's already lost.

3. Why not put some effort into yourself?

 

Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? I mean that in all seriousness. Because it sounds like you are looking to her for your happiness and that will never work for you. With her, or the next, or the next!!

 

 

I have actually. I have been going to the gym 4-6 times a week and before our break up i NEVER ever went. I mean i am depressed that this all happened so suddenly. I actually talked to her on the phone last night and she asked me "If i would take her back if her current BF didn't work out". And i was like "yeah" which i kind of regret now because i feel like she knows she was in the wrongs.

[whatdoido123]

Sometimes learning the hard way is better.

 

I think giving advice beyond this point is pointless. Actually, I think others and I am at the point of saying "go for it."

 

You can try to get advice across only so long. The OP is not going to take it, so just let him learn.

 

There's also no point in asking for advice anymore, OP. Just do what you were going to do all along.

 

We'll be here if it doesn't work out. Good luck to you.

 

 

Thank you!!! I really appreciate it even though you don't really mean it. I mean i am in this thread because i am confused what i really want, but at the same time i really want her back. She did say she might be spending the night today at my place and i offered to sleep on the couch because i don't want her to think i am clingy and trying to get her in bed since she already has a BF.

 

Go for it! Make sure u don't come crying back here again though... I don't wanna be the one that said I told you so....

 

 

I know what you mean. But sometimes you have to do what u have to do in life. It might be the biggest mistake in my life, but i have nothing to lose anymore because i pretty much lost everything in my life which was my EX GF

 

Sorry u already lost her. If someone truly loves you, they will want to resolve the issue instead of cheating. No matter what lies u wanna continue telling yourself, by all means continue.

 

 

Yeah we tried to sort it out many times, but i was being hard headed and never really resolve our conflict and she started drifting away. At least that is what she told me, and couple of month before our breakup she would go to the bar and hangout with guys and i guess i never saw her cheating on me until the breakup. IT hurted alot and it still hurts thinking about it.