i'm in such emotional turmoil!

[jennie]

so i decided to leave my boyfriend after a fight we got into this morning....

 

after the fact that i wanted to go to work at a hotel cleaning rooms because i was willing to do anything to work.

 

then he told me not to cause it was not worth the pay, so i was doing some work for him and he was paying me for it by taking it off my bills, rent, etc.

 

then this a.m. i jokingly told him it was his turn to make the bed.....

 

that was the last thing we said to each other.....i later got two voice mails from him telling me that i did not want to work, that he does everything around the house, that he can't afford to keep paying for everything.

 

this expensive house was his idea, i told him to find something cheaper so we would not have to struggle but he was drawn in by having a garage and a big yard.

 

so today he yells at me to go get a job any job and that my daughter and me have to start paying 1/3 of everything.

 

now i know that that is fair but i blame him for this mess as well as myself, i should of insisted on something more affordable.

 

regardless he laid it on the line how he felt, needless to say he left another voicemail saying he was sorry.

 

the real problem is i'm going to move back to my home state but my daughter wants to stay here now and this is killing me.

 

i don't have anywhere to stay and she does but there is not enough room for all of us as she has a four month old son, my adorable grandson that is breaking my heart to think of leaving his sweet smiling face and my daughter as well.

 

i'm so torn right now, i feel like just sticking it out here until i can save enough money to get my own place out here, but i don't know if i can pretend to be happy to make it a liveable situation.

 

he told me to get a job any job, and i called several hotels today but none were hiring for housekeepers, so i have to look elsewhere like k-mart or target, etc.

 

the problem is i don't want to stay here, i have a place to stay back home but have to leave my daughter cause she wont come with me, she has her job, friends and what nots here and does not like the small town that i want to go to.

 

my heart is breaking so much thinking of leaving them, not so much him but i know that will come in time too, when i take time to think about him, i will wonder if i did the right thing and if maybe if i had worked steadily if things would of been different.

 

now he wants to go to phoenix in march for the training camp games and if i get a job by some miracle tomorrow say, what about that? then he will probably be mad cause we wont be able to go, i can't seem to win....."snif"

 

anyway, that is all i had to say............jennie

[Miss Mojo]

hi jennie,

 

it seems to me, from what i can gather from your post, that your boyfriend is the one who ultimately makes decisions in this household. it was his decision to buy an expensive house with a large yard and a garage, and it appears he would have settled for this no matter how much you insisted on buying something more affordable. correct me if i'm wrong, but he sounds as though he would come across as a rather intimidating person, almost childlike if you ask me.

 

you were thinking logically when you suggested something more affordable. he was thinking irrationally, and now there are consequences.

 

what gets under my skin from this post is the fact that you are willing to work as a cleaner - anything to bring in some extra money - yet, he has the nerve to tell you not to because, "it's not worth the pay". he criticises you for wanting to work, criticises the job you choose, criticises you when you're not working the job you wanted to....is this man a control freak? is he going through a mid-life crisis?

 

he yelled at you today to get "any job". isn't that what you were doing by taking the initiative to get a cleaning job?

 

my only suggestion for now, is *do not let him walk all over you*, because that sounds like what he's doing. if you want to get a job as a cleaner, you do it. the fact of the matter is, you are pulling your weight by getting any job, and if he doesn't like it, tell him to shove the chux super wipes where the sun don't shine.

 

another job opportunity might come along while you are doing your cleaning work that pays better or that you will enjoy more, and if that's the case, then apply for it. as long as you are able to bring some money in now is all that matters. k-mart, target - any store are good options. what about the local club (if you have bar or waitressing experience)?

 

if you feel you can handle living with him until you earn enough money to move out, then by all means do it. ultimately, you have to live your life according to what makes you happy. not anyone else. stand your ground for your own good.

 

as for your daughter, how old is she? if she is old enough to look after herself and has somewhere to go, then let her go. if she is an adult, then now is the time where she has to stand on her own two feet and live her own life. if you move, she will know where you are. nothing is stopping either of you from visiting each other, talking on the phone, sending letters, e-mails etc.

 

i think you worry too much about what this man says to you and about the consequences. i wonder if he sees you as the subservient little housewife. don't worry if gets angry about training camp games. that's his problem to get all upset about, not yours. if he gets mad, tell him to complain to someone who cares, and stop acting like a spoilt brat who has to have his own way all the time.

 

you can win, jennie. when you start to do things for yourself, when you make rational decisions that make you happy regardless of what anyone else says, when you can fob off some grumpy-bum's comments about work, you will feel so much happier about your life and within yourself.