Lost and Hurting

[Angelita]

First I'm 29 years not some teenager. Secondly all of my post are coming directly from my cell phone. You try writing all of this out its not easy. So sorry if my writing isn't up your standards. As for being immature I've to admit I have been acting immature. It's not like at all.

 

Obviously I know this won't literally kill me I was using it figuratively maybe you weren't able to understand that.

 

I don't really know what's up with my mm marriage if it's bad or not. Being real I could care less. That's between him and his wife that's none of my business.

 

My hubby is a great guy. He does a lot for me and treats me great but he's stopped doing the things fell in love with. He not even the same man anymore. He doesn't even act the same.

 

Honestly the time I spend with my hubby and daughter it's all about them. I try my best to take care of them and to make them happy. The only time I spend with my mm is during my working hours and we talk during my ride to and from work. When I'm home it's all about my family.

[Lurkeraspect]

First I'm 29 years not some teenager. Secondly all of my post are coming directly from my cell phone. You try writing all of this out its not easy. So sorry if my writing isn't up your standards. As for being immature I've to admit I have been acting immature. It's not like at all.

 

Obviously I know this won't literally kill me I was using it figuratively maybe you weren't able to understand that.

 

I don't really know what's up with my mm marriage if it's bad or not. Being real I could care less. That's between him and his wife that's none of my business.

 

My hubby is a great guy. He does a lot for me and treats me great but he's stopped doing the things fell in love with. He not even the same man anymore. He doesn't even act the same.

 

Honestly the time I spend with my hubby and daughter it's all about them. I try my best to take care of them and to make them happy. The only time I spend with my mm is during my working hours and we talk during my ride to and from work. When I'm home it's all about my family.

 

Please try and rekindle the magic in your marriage. It sounds like you've got a good man. A man who provides and loves you. That's huge. Once you banish the MOM from your life, you will likely remember all the reasons that you truly love your husband.

 

I'm much older than you, a bit more life experience. You made a mistake, and you're at a crossroads. Choose what you know, or...the unknown. A man who likely won't leave his wife and family for you. A man, who (unlike your husband) has no problem cheating on his wife. Think carefully.

 

I wish you well. Truly. Weigh it all. Who is there for you at the end of the day? Who loves you, provides for you? Think carefully.

Edited October 27, 2014 by Lurkeraspect

[FusionCutter]

First I'm 29 years not some teenager. Secondly all of my post are coming directly from my cell phone. You try writing all of this out its not easy. So sorry if my writing isn't up your standards. As for being immature I've to admit I have been acting immature. It's not like at all.

 

Obviously I know this won't literally kill me I was using it figuratively maybe you weren't able to understand that.

 

I don't really know what's up with my mm marriage if it's bad or not. Being real I could care less. That's between him and his wife that's none of my business.

 

My hubby is a great guy. He does a lot for me and treats me great but he's stopped doing the things fell in love with. He not even the same man anymore. He doesn't even act the same.

 

Honestly the time I spend with my hubby and daughter it's all about them. I try my best to take care of them and to make them happy. The only time I spend with my mm is during my working hours and we talk during my ride to and from work. When I'm home it's all about my family.

 

You must see that you are also not acting the same. When you got married with him, you were very much in love with him. You are emotionally responsible for your husband. Please recognize this. Stop stabbing him in the heart with an affair knife.

 

I want to ask you how you would feel if you found out your husband was cheating on you with another woman. How would you feel? Devastated? Sad? Relieved? Angry?

 

Good people don't cheat on each other. People in love don't do this. You aren't a good person by continuing cheating. If you want to be a good person, then end this now. You'll never be able to properly address issues in your marriage if you keep seeing MM.

[FusionCutter]

Every person is defined by their actions. If you say you've made bad choices then doesn't that indicate bad behavior from both of you?

 

Or are you proud of your actions and willing to freely tell all your family what you've been doing?

 

It can't be both, think about it. Does that mean you're in denial and not honest with yourself about what you've been doing?

 

Exactly. We all love to think we are not bad people, but the true analysis of that is based from the actions. There's a reason why cheating is not brought out in then open and that it's a secret. It's because it's shameful behavior that has devastating consequences.

 

Angelita, if you care about innocent people, stop this behavior. The two people that will get caught up in this destructive behaviour is the people that least deserve it. Your husband and his wife did nothing to hurt you, so why are you continuing to hurt them?

 

You recognize you made some bad choices, then that's good. Please go fix them. You can do this.

[Poppy47]

Angelita,

 

You are 29 years old, you are NOT a princess. You are a wife and a mother in a marriage. Your husband is no longer courting you and you have a lifelong obligation to him and your child.

 

How about the innocent wife of the MM? Her whole life will be shattered in an instant if your are discovered.

 

None of us is the same as a few years ago. We all grow up (hopefully) and accept the changes that time brings to our relationships.

 

Don't live a lie. Fix it or leave it.

 

Have you spoken to your parents about this? What do you think they would say, or will say if you are found out?

 

I do hope you choose wisely.

 

Poppy

[Angelita]

My parents would not be happy with what I've been doing. My mom would probably lose all respect for me and if I were to leave my family for another man she would disown me. My mom is very religious so this is a big no no for her.

 

I remember everything that made fall in love with my hubby. I've tried to bring out those qualities out again. Nothing seems too work. He's not that guy anymore. He lost himself somewhere and a part me is kind of done trying to help him find out where he lost. When he's more then happy being the way he is now.

 

Do I even have a choice the guy is married with kids. I doubt he would ever leave them for me.

 

I might have changed but so has he. I know if he was to ever able to find what's been going on it would crush him. You would think that would be enough to make wanna stop but isn't. Maybe I am a bad person.

 

Actually a part me hopes he would cheat it would relieve some of the guilt. But to answer your question I probably would feel devastated, sad, relieved and angry. Part me wonders if he has or if he would it's not like he won't be able to find someone. Probably just saying that me feel better.

[FusionCutter]

My parents would not be happy with what I've been doing. My mom would probably lose all respect for me and if I were to leave my family for another man she would disown me. My mom is very religious so this is a big no no for her.

 

I remember everything that made fall in love with my hubby. I've tried to bring out those qualities out again. Nothing seems too work. He's not that guy anymore. He lost himself somewhere and a part me is kind of done trying to help him find out where he lost. When he's more then happy being the way he is now.

 

Do I even have a choice the guy is married with kids. I doubt he would ever leave them for me.

 

I might have changed but so has he. I know if he was to ever able to find what's been going on it would crush him. You would think that would be enough to make wanna stop but isn't. Maybe I am a bad person.

 

Actually a part me hopes he would cheat it would relieve some of the guilt. But to answer your question I probably would feel devastated, sad, relieved and angry. Part me wonders if he has or if he would it's not like he won't be able to find someone. Probably just saying that me feel better.

 

So think about this. You are ruining your husbands, your MM's wife, their kids, as well as your kid.

 

How it is worth it? What's your plan? Go until you get busted? Think about it. How does this end?

 

You are starting to see your actions make you a bad person. Keep going down this road and explore the idea that you are a bad person if you don't stop this now.

[the_artist_1970]

I just want to add that women who are good wives, do not sleep with another man and then have sex with their husband.

 

I think you are trying to calm your conscience.

 

Please reflect on what we have all tried to tell you. Most of us on this board have probably been where you are right now. We try to support each other because we do understand.

 

Cheers,

Poppy

 

Yes! Yes! Yes!

[Angelita]

Thinking about logically it's a no brainier of course it's not worth it. I don't see things like that when I'm with my mm everything becomes more then worth it. He has some kind of hold on me I know I have to get him gone from but can't.

 

What's my end game? I have no clue. Part wants to drop the both of them and run away as far as possible. Wish that was possible.

[lovinDKT3]

Thinking about logically it's a no brainier of course it's not worth it. I don't see things like that when I'm with my mm everything becomes more then worth it. He has some kind of hold on me I know I have to get him gone from but can't.

 

What's my end game? I have no clue. Part wants to drop the both of them and run away as far as possible. Wish that was possible.

 

 

Not true at all, because you can just drop MM yet you have no intent to do it.

 

To share a little of my story, I was you. I convinced myself that my husband had changed, I thought if he found out 1) he wouldn't leave 2) if he did I was ok with the marriage being over.

 

Being involved in that affair put my head in the clouds and reality was the fantasy I wouldn't it to be.

 

When he found out, reality was far different then the fantasy. He didn't leave or throw me out right away but he changed. He slowly withdrew and disconnected from me. Soon I was served with divorce papers and for almost two years he would barely look at me and would talk to me.

 

I see a lot of me in you, where your at today. You got involved with another man and its clouded your feelings and judgement about your husband. Its not him its you that has changed. Once you lose me (and you will at this rate) this will become painfully clear. It will be too late.

 

You don't see it, but you will.

[Angelita]

Idk what my hubby would if he ever found out. He could leave me but also think he would want to at least try to work it if we could. A lot would depend on how I would react to everything.

 

That's the thing I'm not living some fantasy. He has changed. I see it all the time. It's been going for a few years now it's just gotten worse since I started seeing the mm. People trying to blame my mm for our problems but He doesn't have much to do with it.

 

On a side note I haven't contacted the mm day. Although he has been trying to reach me all day. He contacted after work was going to answer but to just talk to my hubby so I called him up. Only problem was he didn't really seem interested. It kinda bummed me out.

[FusionCutter]

I think you have three options.

 

1. Kill this affair and go back to your marriage to properly deal with it.

2. Tell your husband everything.

3. Continue your bad behavior and continue to feel lost and hurt and hurt others.

 

Why would you continue option 3? I simply don't understand. It's selfish and hurtful. You said yourself you are lost and hurting. Other than option 1&2, how else can you fix your situation?

[lovinDKT3]

Idk what my hubby would if he ever found out. He could leave me but also think he would want to at least try to work it if we could. A lot would depend on how I would react to everything.

 

That's the thing I'm not living some fantasy. He has changed. I see it all the time. It's been going for a few years now it's just gotten worse since I started seeing the mm. People trying to blame my mm for our problems but He doesn't have much to do with it.

 

On a side note I haven't contacted the mm day. Although he has been trying to reach me all day. He contacted after work was going to answer but to just talk to my hubby so I called him up. Only problem was he didn't really seem interested. It kinda bummed me out.

 

What your doing here is the problem.

 

You wrote

My husband is a good man but I fell out of love with him a little over a year ago.

 

Right around the time you met the OM. Now your saying it was three years ago. WHY? Because 1) you can't or won't accept responsablilty that YOUR actions are mostly to blame for the state of your marriage 2) to justify the affair on going by smoothing your guilt of ruining the marriage. "It wasn't the affair, it was him changing" once this is becoming a little more clear to you, now you say it was three years. BTDT.

 

There is another poster on the infidelity side now who's husband just discovered her affair. Just like I did, as you are doing, she never thought he would want out even when finding out. Her husband threw her out, my husband divorced me.

 

I'm not saying he will end the marriage, but the chances of that is far greater then him staying.

 

On another note, you can't have it both ways. You can't say your marriage was to blame for your affair, yet he treats you like a princess and you don't want to end it.

 

You aren't using much logic, its all emotions. Emotions will lie to you, emotions are fickle. Running on emotions will lead to regrets.

 

You are firmly in fairyland. If not questions like "what happens when your husband finds out" "what are your plans" "how do you see this ending" "how do YOU want this to end" "do you want to be with OM" "do you want a divorce" would all be questions you have or are working to have an answer for. Your not facing these looming questions, you don't seem to have given them much thought at all. Why? Because your acting like a teenager and living a fantasy that it will all seem to work out. That you will be able to maintain your marriage and this affair. Not possible. At some point one of the BS's will find out. At some point one of the WS's will want more or less.

 

Time to grow up, put on your big girl panties and make some decisions while you have the options. Soon the outcome will be out of your control.

Edited October 28, 2014 by lovinDKT3

[jellybean89]

First I'm 29 years not some teenager. Secondly all of my post are coming directly from my cell phone. You try writing all of this out its not easy. So sorry if my writing isn't up your standards. As for being immature I've to admit I have been acting immature. It's not like at all.

 

Obviously I know this won't literally kill me I was using it figuratively maybe you weren't able to understand that.

 

I don't really know what's up with my mm marriage if it's bad or not. Being real I could care less. That's between him and his wife that's none of my business.

 

My hubby is a great guy. He does a lot for me and treats me great but he's stopped doing the things fell in love with. He not even the same man anymore. He doesn't even act the same.

 

Honestly the time I spend with my hubby and daughter it's all about them. I try my best to take care of them and to make them happy. The only time I spend with my mm is during my working hours and we talk during my ride to and from work. When I'm home it's all about my family.

 

Yes, I can type on a phone with out using text speak; I personally don't use it and instead use proper wording and spelling, to the best of my ability.

 

You keep talking about how your H has changed...look in the mirror. You are cheating on him. I would say YOU have changed. Like it has been pointed out, you claim your feelings for your H changed a year ago, right around the time you started an affair. You have chosen to give your time and attention to the affair - not to your marriage. that's on you.

 

No marriage stays full of unicorns and sunshine. LIFE takes over, as does work, financial stress, raising children, etc. You chose to turn to another man instead of focusing on your own home and family. Maybe your H has seen all the 'changes' with you and he just doesn't want to deal with you anymore? Maybe he is just tolerating you until he can figure out his next steps? Do you really think he doesn't sense that something is going on? How are you spending time with the MM? Lying to your H about where you are? And if you are texting with him during family time, do you really think your H doesn't have any suspicions?

 

I really hope he finds out. I really hope he can find a person who treats him how a wife should. I really wish he see what you are doing and puts you out. Life isn't about constant attention or partying or having fun. You are a parent. what examples are you setting for your children? What kind of role model are you? Would it be okay for your child to one day have done to them what you are doing to their father? Or would it be okay for your child to be involved in an affair?

 

Time to grow up and own your decisions and choices. If being married to a man who loves you, takes care of you and is a good father isn't good enough for you - LET HIM GO. Stop using him as 2nd choice. Your actions are really crappy and you don't seem to think they are or give a darn who you hurt..because you believe for some reason no one will find out about the affair. Tell that story to all the cheaters who thought that and then had their worlds come down on their heads.

[Angelita]

The way I see it option one is the only really option. I don't see the point in telling my hubby about everything that has happened it would only hurt him. I want to stop doing this and I'm trying too. It just isn't as easy as it looks.

 

 

I know marriage isn't always going to be smooth sailing no relationship is. That shouldn't mean you can't spend a night away only with your husband or wife. Should be able make time for your spouse. My husband doesn't even want to spend any time with it always has to be with our daughter around. To make even worse we barely see each since we both work long hours. And I have tried to get to do stuff alone but nothing. I even asked him we could go anywhere he wanted for MY birthday and I would pay for it and my mom would watch our daughter and he still said no even his mother said he would watch her.

 

I know for a fact he doesn't know what's going. He would have done or said something he wouldn't just sit and watch. It's not I see my mm everyday we only meet a handful of times a month. Although we do talk to each other daily.

 

Look I am already working to end things with my mm. I have been nc with him since I stared posting here even though it's a daily struggle.

 

Not all stories are the same just because a few get caught doesn't mean I will. I read somewhere most affairs never are found out.

[FusionCutter]

The way I see it option one is the only really option. I don't see the point in telling my hubby about everything that has happened it would only hurt him. I want to stop doing this and I'm trying too. It just isn't as easy as it looks.

 

 

I know marriage isn't always going to be smooth sailing no relationship is. That shouldn't mean you can't spend a night away only with your husband or wife. Should be able make time for your spouse. My husband doesn't even want to spend any time with it always has to be with our daughter around. To make even worse we barely see each since we both work long hours. And I have tried to get to do stuff alone but nothing. I even asked him we could go anywhere he wanted for MY birthday and I would pay for it and my mom would watch our daughter and he still said no even his mother said he would watch her.

 

I know for a fact he doesn't know what's going. He would have done or said something he wouldn't just sit and watch. It's not I see my mm everyday we only meet a handful of times a month. Although we do talk to each other daily.

 

Look I am already working to end things with my mm. I have been nc with him since I stared posting here even though it's a daily struggle.

 

Not all stories are the same just because a few get caught doesn't mean I will. I read somewhere most affairs never are found out.

 

You're doing the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing. Everyone on here can see your behavior is harmful to innocent people including children. That's why everyone felt so strongly about it.

 

 

Once you get out of your affair you can properly handle your marriage. It's the only way. Good luck and please keep us posted.

[DKT3]

The way I see it option one is the only really option. I don't see the point in telling my hubby about everything that has happened it would only hurt him. I want to stop doing this and I'm trying too. It just isn't as easy as it looks.

 

 

I know marriage isn't always going to be smooth sailing no relationship is. That shouldn't mean you can't spend a night away only with your husband or wife. Should be able make time for your spouse. My husband doesn't even want to spend any time with it always has to be with our daughter around. To make even worse we barely see each since we both work long hours. And I have tried to get to do stuff alone but nothing. I even asked him we could go anywhere he wanted for MY birthday and I would pay for it and my mom would watch our daughter and he still said no even his mother said he would watch her.

 

I know for a fact he doesn't know what's going. He would have done or said something he wouldn't just sit and watch. It's not I see my mm everyday we only meet a handful of times a month. Although we do talk to each other daily.

 

Look I am already working to end things with my mm. I have been nc with him since I stared posting here even though it's a daily struggle.

 

Not all stories are the same just because a few get caught doesn't mean I will. I read somewhere most affairs never are found out.

 

The only way you will have a chance of making your marriage work is being honest with yourself and stop blaming your husband for the affair. This has nothing to do with confessing, it has to do with you being able to put the affair behind you. If you continue to blame him you will repeat the affair either with this same MM or a different man.

 

Also most infidelity do go undiscovered, what your missing is most are one or two time infidelities and not prolonged affairs. 3 of 4 wives who have ONS do it only one time, while half that have affairs repeat. Affairs are discovered far more often. Affairs change people and most spouses notice the change. They don't always put their finger on it or refuse to accept it may be going on, but the longer you engage the MM the more likely you are going to get caught. Even if you never spoke to him again the risk as opposed to a ONS is so much higher because there is a trail leading you to MM and vice versa. Should your husband or his wife get on that trail you will be discovered.

 

The success of your marriage moving foward depends a great deal on your attitude and ability to disengage from the MM. Most often it isn't the sex or affair that ends the marriage, its the thinking that your missing out by staying with your husband. It creates a wedge that WW's keep diving deeper between her and the husband.

 

Without being honest with your husband this will be an almost impossible battle and your marriage has a great chance of failure. How do you address issue in your marriage yet avoid the biggest issue which is you are emotionally connected to another man. Your husband could change overnight and want to spend all his spare time with you, and you would still have feelings for this MM. How does that help? Your husband is at war and doesn't even know he is fighting. Is that fair?

[Angelita]

Ending it was not been easy at all I constantly want to talk to him. A part me wants to talk him to get closure theirs so much I want to say to him but I'm scared if reach out he could suck me back into the affair. It's a struggle.

 

Idt I have blamed my husband for my affair it might come out that way but I don't blame him. This is all on me. I was just stating the reason why I had the affair in the first place. That's not blaming him.

 

It's already happening part me doesn't even want to be next him anymore. I'm constantly comparing my hubby to my mm. Anything little things my hubby does now angers me. It was never like this when I was still in contact. So that wedge is already happening. Earlier today I was thinking maybe we could do marriage counseling again but idk if hubby would want since last time went it didn't really help. It's kind of expensive and it cost us a lot last time.

 

Finding away to disconnect from my mm is going to be hard and I'm going to have to find a to stop obsessing over. Too make worse he keeps blowing me up.

[DKT3]

Ending it was not been easy at all I constantly want to talk to him. A part me wants to talk him to get closure theirs so much I want to say to him but I'm scared if reach out he could suck me back into the affair. It's a struggle.

 

Idt I have blamed my husband for my affair it might come out that way but I don't blame him. This is all on me. I was just stating the reason why I had the affair in the first place. That's not blaming him.

 

It's already happening part me doesn't even want to be next him anymore. I'm constantly comparing my hubby to my mm. Anything little things my hubby does now angers me. It was never like this when I was still in contact. So that wedge is already happening. Earlier today I was thinking maybe we could do marriage counseling again but idk if hubby would want since last time went it didn't really help. It's kind of expensive and it cost us a lot last time.

 

Finding away to disconnect from my mm is going to be hard and I'm going to have to find a to stop obsessing over. Too make worse he keeps blowing me up.

 

You can either slowly kill whatever is left of your marriage by holding on to the fantasy of the MM or you can show some mercy to your husband and allow him the option. At this rate all you will do is cause more damage and pain.

 

And yes you are blaming your husband. If the reason your having an affairs start with "he isn't" then your blaming. Your in an affair because you wanted to be and it has nothing to do with your marriage or your husband.

 

I'll be honest, you don't sound like you want your husband at all, sounds like you know that you wouldn't be more then an affair with MM so you stay by default. Maybe its time you put some real thought into letting your husband go with or without a shot at being with the MM. You've already cheated on him, why punish him by making him your second choice and treating him accordingly. Do you resent him that much?

[Bootsie]

The way I see it option one is the only really option. I don't see the point in telling my hubby about everything that has happened it would only hurt him. I want to stop doing this and I'm trying too. It just isn't as easy as it looks.

 

 

I know marriage isn't always going to be smooth sailing no relationship is. That shouldn't mean you can't spend a night away only with your husband or wife. Should be able make time for your spouse. My husband doesn't even want to spend any time with it always has to be with our daughter around. To make even worse we barely see each since we both work long hours. And I have tried to get to do stuff alone but nothing. I even asked him we could go anywhere he wanted for MY birthday and I would pay for it and my mom would watch our daughter and he still said no even his mother said he would watch her.

 

I know for a fact he doesn't know what's going. He would have done or said something he wouldn't just sit and watch. It's not I see my mm everyday we only meet a handful of times a month. Although we do talk to each other daily.

 

Look I am already working to end things with my mm. I have been nc with him since I stared posting here even though it's a daily struggle.

 

Not all stories are the same just because a few get caught doesn't mean I will. I read somewhere most affairs never are found out.

 

 

Your H sounds like he's quite disconnected too. Even if he's not having an affair himself, it sounds like he's in the market...

 

 

If I were in your situation, but not actually having an A myself, I'd have a really honest talk with him. I'd tell him I'm feeling the disconnect and tempted to have an A with the OM who's paying me a lot of attention. I'd tell him I want the old "us" back and ask what he thought. Also explore the option of splitting up if he isn't interested in regaining "us". I'd be totally honest.

 

 

In your situation, total honesty requires disclosure of the A, especially as it really does sound like your marriage is on the rocks anyway, with at least one of you having an A.

[beach]

My parents would not be happy with what I've been doing. My mom would probably lose all respect for me and if I were to leave my family for another man she would disown me. My mom is very religious so this is a big no no for her.

 

I remember everything that made fall in love with my hubby. I've tried to bring out those qualities out again. Nothing seems too work. He's not that guy anymore. He lost himself somewhere and a part me is kind of done trying to help him find out where he lost. When he's more then happy being the way he is now.

 

Do I even have a choice the guy is married with kids. I doubt he would ever leave them for me.

 

I might have changed but so has he. I know if he was to ever able to find what's been going on it would crush him. You would think that would be enough to make wanna stop but isn't. Maybe I am a bad person.

 

Actually a part me hopes he would cheat it would relieve some of the guilt. But to answer your question I probably would feel devastated, sad, relieved and angry. Part me wonders if he has or if he would it's not like he won't be able to find someone. Probably just saying that me feel better.

 

Have you considered that you aren't the gal your husband married?

[eye of the storm]

MMs have a leg up on Hs. You don't have to pay bills with them, figure out who is calling the plumber, cook dinner with, or just deal with on a daily basis.

 

MMs (with few exceptions) are free to be the fantasy prince and you are able to tell yourself they are that way 24/7. They aren't. You are not the way with them that you are with your H.

 

You say your H has changed without admitting you have also. You say you ask your H to spend some time with you and he puts it off. Have you looked at him and told him how bad your marriage has gotten. Have you told him you are tired of being treated only as a mom and not as a wife. Have you told him that you two need to reconnect because you are starting to check out.

 

Sometimes you need to tell your partner what your NEEDS are. And sometimes you need to ring alarm bells to wake the other person up.

 

Plan the date, drop the kid off, and when he gets home have his clothes laid out on the bed and tell him what time the reservations are.

 

Stop acting like this is all happening to you. Get out there and do something to improve your life.

 

As to the statistic that most BSs don't find out about the A... Well, there is a certain type of bedding that is toxic to some guinea pigs, the only way to tell if your pig is one of them is to put the bedding in and see if they die. Not all of them do, most don't...but do you really want to be the one that does? Is it worth the risk? Because no matter how it works out, no matter the outcome, its bad. For everyone.

[Angelita]

I still feel like what me and my mm was really. Whether it was really or a fantasy to me it was really. I really fell in love and loved my mm I still do. I know I have to put this behind me but it's going to take time it won't happen over night.

 

I don't believe I am blaming my husband for my affair. If you believe I am well then we will have to agree to disagree.

 

I won't lie I'm not happy in my marriage but I want to fix it if can. I want to be with my hubby I want to be happy like we used to be. I way I used to love him and the way he made me feel was far beyond anything I felt with my mm. I have to find to get that back.

 

It might seem like my hubby is as disconnected from me as I am to him. It isn't really the case. He thinks things between us are great. I can't blame him for that since I've still have tried to meet all of this needs and to keep him happy. I don't see how telling him would it's only going to hurt him.

 

I will try to find ways to make us spend more time together. I have tried in past but I will admit I could have tried harder but I settled for my mm. I like the ideas you posted I will try to do them.

[DKT3]

Of course your unhappy with the marriage, you want another man.

 

Don't be so confident that you know what your husband is doing and thinking, does he know what your doing and thinking?

 

If the roles were reversed here how would you feel. I ask this because you seem upset with the idea that your husband may not be happy in the marriage. My wife told me that her therapist once told her that if she was unhappy then the odds are I was too unhappy. Good marriages aren't one sided, nor are bad ones.

 

You say he changed, why? What caused him to change? It is very possible that he is also engaged in an affair. Like your his affair(if he has one) could be very much like yours. As I always say the spouse see clues of affairs they just either won't believe its happening, or too scared to confront the situation.

 

Point being your faking it in the marriage, why are you so sure he isn't?

[FusionCutter]

I still feel like what me and my mm was really. Whether it was really or a fantasy to me it was really. I really fell in love and loved my mm I still do. I know I have to put this behind me but it's going to take time it won't happen over night.

 

I don't believe I am blaming my husband for my affair. If you believe I am well then we will have to agree to disagree.

 

I won't lie I'm not happy in my marriage but I want to fix it if can. I want to be with my hubby I want to be happy like we used to be. I way I used to love him and the way he made me feel was far beyond anything I felt with my mm. I have to find to get that back.

 

It might seem like my hubby is as disconnected from me as I am to him. It isn't really the case. He thinks things between us are great. I can't blame him for that since I've still have tried to meet all of this needs and to keep him happy. I don't see how telling him would it's only going to hurt him.

 

I will try to find ways to make us spend more time together. I have tried in past but I will admit I could have tried harder but I settled for my mm. I like the ideas you posted I will try to do them.

 

Learn to live authentically. You'll feel a lot better. You can start by ditching the MM. Accept your feelings were real. Let him go if you care about him. Then work on your marriage. Seriously evaluate the options, but don't have an interloper in your marriage - it will only cloud your thinking on how to fix it (or leave it). I think overwhelmingly the reasons for fixing it, outweigh the reasons leaving. Two reasons. He treats you well, and that you have a child.

 

You can only find out by ditching MM. Maybe it's not what you want - but it's not about what you want at this point when you're emotionally responsible for your family.