Wondering whether to stay in or get out?

[Johnny-Walker]

I am at this invisible cross roads where I am wondering whether to stick it out or bail out?

 

 

I was thinking to myself that if I thought it was time to end it, then it really is.

 

 

How do I sort through this to reach an ultimate conclusion?

[sweetandsour]

Can you give us some more information to go on and advise you with?

[Johnny-Walker]

6yrs together, known each other for almost 20, met in college, some very colourful history between us stretching back over the last 10yrs, she had an EA 3yrs ago.

 

 

I moved here 4months ago to be with her at her work and took a good job so that I was gainfully employed.

 

 

Where do I start with the problems?

 

 

Work is one, I can mostly be finished by 5:30, she never seems to be able to get finished before 7 and often much later.

 

 

My advice is often completely ignored and I am nearly always right(not being big headed but when I say it will happen it always does).

 

 

Sex has gotten old, don't take this as I dont get any, on the contrary, I get plenty but it is always bed time vanilla, anything else is rebuffed or played down, she always said she liked anal play with me, allowed light fingering and seemed to like to have her ass licked when I went down on her, I was subtle and gentle with her and bought a couple toys to expand the play but get more use out of them on my own when she is away at international shows, I called her out one night and said "if you do actually like to have your ass played with then you do it and I can watch and see what you actually like as I seem to be doing it all wrong", since then, anything touching her ass has been met with a forceful shove away, no biggie, but blow jobs are a thing of the past almost and take some harrassing to get, I don't even waste my time groping her in the kitchen or on the sofa as it is made clear that what ever it is she is doing is way more important than taking care of my needs.

 

 

Her wanting for her own horse again when we don't even have a car to get around in, tha fact that her work doe not allow time for me, where the hell would she magic up time for a horse from? Then there is the dog issue, she wants a new puppy to replace the collie who is getting on in years, again, barely time and effort for me, where is the energy for a new puppy going to come from?

 

 

Am I nit picking or looking for excuses to end this?

[me85]

These are typical issues in a RS. Are you still in love with her? Maybe just go on a vacation without her. Sometimes people just need time apart.

[Gloria25]

Have you discussed these things with her?

 

I mean, she should at least be advised of your concerns so that she can have an opportunity to work on them.

 

I mean, things come up in relationships...You just can't sit back and make a list of things then take the list and smack them upside the head. I think they at least deserve an opportunity to work on whatever the issue that comes up (unless they blatantly KNOW they are doing wrong by you, i.e. putting bleach on your colored clothing while washing them).

[Johnny-Walker]

I have told her point blank about the work thing, my actual words were "unless you change the situation with your work then one of us needs to find somewhere else to live", not sure if I could have put it in any more of a serious way?

 

 

The sex has been addressed several times but it gets mildly better for a week or 2 then withers away again.

 

 

And as for my advice being ignored, I am almost to the point where I no longer take an interest as I any participation might lead to more advice being ignored and it usually has some form of impact on my life as well as hers.

 

 

I feel so stupid being on a relationship forum trying to gain insight into where I can try to change things, but I actually feel as though I am not the one needing to change.

 

 

Take today for example, I will (after posting this) fold the last of 5 loads of washing and drying, take out 2 bags of accumulated rubbish and go grocery shopping, she left for the show on Thursday lunch and I am at home sorting out the piles of clothes she went through to pack her bag for the 4 days away, the house is cleaner and tidier when I'm home alone, the washing machine runs daily and the dish washer accumalates the dishes until full, unlike the norm of her stacking them in the sink as the dish washer is full of clean crokery.

 

 

I feel like an ogre for seemingly contunually having to say something and it just gets under my skin always having to do it myself in order for it to be done. What normally happend before is that I would have a lot of work on and have to work over to keep up and would get sick of walking into a pig stye, go off on one and things would be done there and then but slip away gradually and the cycle would repeat. This is my life not a merry go round.

 

 

Is it too much to ask to participate in what is supposed to be our relationship?

[Johnny-Walker]

Well, she came back from the show last night, it is my day off today and I have the wonderful day all to myself as it was seemingly not possible to have the same day as me and she has tomorrow off. I mean, there are 4 of them up there, ok one guy is sort of ish part time but he is part of the business, the boss and the other girl could surely unpack the truck and clean it out???

 

 

She seems to be happy to go with the flow no matter how much damage it is doing to our relationship, let's see what time she finishes work tonight, would be nice if it was before 7 but I doubt it.

 

 

A whole day contemplating my future, been to town and actually enjoyed looking at the things I like without being ushered away into other shops in a hurry.