Shepp Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 ^^^^^ Guy in that photo gives me the creeps... Body looks ok but looks like he is sneering and bit of a mirror magnet... Please don't be a mirror magnet... He looks a tad like Ian Thorpe!! Just me? However there isn't a lot of clothing I can wear that is cut correctly for my body type. Formal shirts for example, either the arms are too small, or if not, it hangs like a curtain from my chest. Where are all these small armed dudes that they cut shirts like that for! I always have to go a size up on anything that's meant to be fitted else it doesn't fit my shoulders - like being in a straight jacket where you can't cross your arms - ridiculous! I struggle to even get a smile from girls if I'm on the train, in a cafe, or out and about and our eyes meet. Sigh.. that's probably a story for another thread I guess.. I don't know if it is completely unrelated! Approachablity is the issue here right.. You want to be flashing girls your best smile and tricking up conversations, if your giving off that approachable vibe it won't matter how defined your abs are! My missus gets so fed up,of me sticking up random conversations with strangers wherever we go but sure some people might think your a weirdo but that's there lookout if they can't kick back and be friendly to a stranger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 It's a preference and nothing more. I agree with a lot of others here in the fact that being athletic and toned is far more interesting than a beefy, over-built guy. Most of them have issues with steroids, anger, etc. Keep the fat away, that's the main thing. Calories in > calories burned = fat loss. To maintain being slim: Calories in = Calories burned. Link to post Share on other sites
KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I personally really like buffed out men. It's like safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Do you pre-judge guys for being muscular? For example thinking that they are probably narcissistic/ players/ lacking in intelligence/ aggressive? My answer, hopefully taken with a grain of salt (for reasons you'll see shortly) and understand that I don't mean anything to be mean or awful (I promise), I will honestly say I do pre-judge guys who're muscular as being a bit narcissistic/players/unintelligent/aggressive. However... When I was 18, I met a guy who I thought was super nice, cute, and very sweet... But he was at the end of his phase one of body building and weightlifting training. To look at him, you couldn't really tell he worked out until he took his shirt off. By the time we broke up, he was deep in phase 3, had bulked up considerably... Like 25 year old Arnie bulked. So I'm not sure it was so much the fact that he was a body builder that made him the way he was (more on that below), I think it was because I met him during a consuming lifestyle change and I wasn't ready for what it brought with. When we started, he was nice, sweet, caring... Then towards the end he was all "I'm hot and I know it," probably cheating, and had turned into a meathead who spent every Saturday, all day, every day, in weight lifting, bench press, body sculpting competitions. He wasn't a bad guy at all, he just came with a lifestyle I wasn't into and turned into "one of those guys." That being said, looking at your picture, you look like the type of guy one of my girlfriends would call a "giftwrapped God." To look at you dressed in everyday wear, you'd look like a guy who definitely takes above-average care of himself, it's not until you see him with his shirt off that you find out that... Woo-hoo-HOO! He's a buff hottie! She calls them giftwrapped Gods because they have bodies of Adonis but their clothes keep it all wrapped up, so that when she unwraps them later... She says it's like a big secret that only she's in on on just exactly how buff he is and she loves it. Total turn on. Please, I mean this in only the nicest, non-demeaning way. I really, really do. You seem like a great guy on your posts, it's just your original post focuses on the body-only, so it's hard to not feel really uncomfortable that I'm addressing this totally superficially and not doing your seemingly great character any sort of justice. Or the great character of other men who work out, even to the Stallone-level. Please, don't be offended. Would it make you feel insecure to go out with such a guy, maybe worrying somewhat about your own figure/diet etc? Yes! I'm secure about my figure and diet to begin with, so this would make it much more intimidating for me. At the time I was with the guy I was with, I felt insecure but he gave me no reason to feel that way by things he did intentionally. However, I don't think he realized when he discouraged me from going to the gym with him or responded to my "I wish I could lose weight" with a push to diet and lots and lots and lots and lots (and lots) of tips on how to do it really hit me the wrong way. He wasn't being mean, but his delivery was unintentionally insensitive. That fueled more problems related to my statement above. I was much more oversensitive. Even right now, I'm working hard to turn my physical life around.... P90x, 21 Day Fix, running, circuit training, etc... At the gym, I get looks from a lot of the more... Hardcore... Guys, which I know are judgmental. I definitely get the impression that my size 6/8 butt doesn't belong there. I've even got the snarky comments from some of the more assertive people... "Did you really run a half marathon?" So I'd say for women who are in that environment, you'd think that would help your case, but honestly... It may not. Is the appearance itself a turn off? At what point does it become too much? When you've hit Stallone, it's too much. That level of supreme competitive body building level of physique... It's too much. I'm more of a Van Damme person... Muscular, but athletically muscular. Muscles not for show, but muscles because you're at an overall level of total fitness. For you, without being crass, you've found the great middle ground. Very much the giftwrapped God where a girl can tell you are an above-average level of fit will be happily surprised to find out that you're actually an Adonis. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) It's a preference and nothing more. I agree with a lot of others here in the fact that being athletic and toned is far more interesting than a beefy, over-built guy. Most of them have issues with steroids, anger, etc. Keep the fat away, that's the main thing. Calories in > calories burned = fat loss. To maintain being slim: Calories in = Calories burned. Another ridiculous misconception.... Some guys get big, other guys get toned.....and some go nowhere...even though all three do the same level of exercise/diet... Some guys are stronger than others and some are more defined...You do realize that there are millions of people taking steroids(including women) and only a very small percentage of those people get huge?...Its not magic... Even though I am bigger than most guys, i also train less than most guys..I do train hard, but so do others and they dont have the size...Just genetics-nothing more...I cant see how someone who is toned is more "interesting" than someone who is jacked....I think interesting has more to do with substance than style.. I know some very huge and strong guys...Powelifters and bobybuilders....Most are humble, kind spirited, and just like anyone else..They have good careers, nice families, etc. .The percentage of these guys that are douchebags probably isnt more than the general population, its just that the ones who are get the most attention, unfortunately... At the end of the day, no one needs to care what anyone else thinks....No matter what they are, they are likely to find someone who is nuts about how they look....Its a big world out there.. TFY Edited October 26, 2014 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Another ridiculous misconception.... No. Having spent many years in the gym, I am well aware of how guys get THAT big, and it isn't nutrition. Don't assume someone doesn't have a background and has no idea what they are talking about. This is stuff I have seen FIRST HAND. Some guys get big, other guys get toned.....and some go nowhere...even though all three do the same level of exercise/diet... Some guys are stronger than others and some are more defined...You do realize that there are millions of people taking steroids(including women) and only a very small percentage of those people get huge?...Its not magic... Many different types of steroids work on different people but the common denominator is STEROIDS. Even though I am bigger than most guys, i also train less than most guys..I do train hard, but so do others and they dont have the size...Just genetics-nothing more...I cant see how someone who is toned is more "interesting" than someone who is jacked....I think interesting has more to do with substance than style.. I know some very huge and strong guys...Powelifters and bobybuilders....Most are humble, kind spirited, and just like anyone else..They have good careers, nice families, etc. .The percentage of these guys that are douchebags probably isnt more than the general population, its just that the ones who are get the most attention, unfortunately... At the end of the day, no one needs to care what anyone else thinks....No matter what they are, they are likely to find someone who is nuts about how they look....Its a big world out there.. TFY Most guys I know -- from first hand experience, that are THAT buff are automatic arseholes. Just saying from first hand experience but what do I know? There are a few percentage of them who are genuine good guys. Those guys aren't professional bodybuilders. They're also steroid free..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) I'm not a fan of the Dwayne Johnson build. No judgement about his intellect (really, that would be like automatically assuming that a woman with big boobs is stupid), just doesn't do anything for me aesthetically. My guess is that for many women, moderately buff is a good look. I'll take my own preferences out of the equation, since I probably prefer leaner men than most women do, but I don't know too many women who do drool over Dwayne. On the other hand Hugh Jackman seems to get a lot of female fans... At the end of the day, just be whomever you're happiest being. Edited October 27, 2014 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think its sad the way buff men are being pre-judged. Ill never forget a guy I had in one of my classes. He was buff, blonde, and handsome. He also seemed very shy and bashful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Most guys I know -- from first hand experience, that are THAT buff are automatic arseholes. Just saying from first hand experience but what do I know? There are a few percentage of them who are genuine good guys. Those guys aren't professional bodybuilders. They're also steroid free..... Ain't that the truth. I lift fairly regularly and many men think I would be interested in gym rats/body builders/etc but nothing is further from the truth. I date regular guys who have limited interest in the gym. Wouldn't touch any of those arseholes with a barge pole. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Ain't that the truth. I lift fairly regularly and many men think I would be interested in gym rats/body builders/etc but nothing is further from the truth. I date regular guys who have limited interest in the gym. Wouldn't touch any of those arseholes with a barge pole. No way Emilia. O M G. Remind me to never ever talk to you again... Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think its sad the way buff men are being pre-judged. Ill never forget a guy I had in one of my classes. He was buff, blonde, and handsome. He also seemed very shy and bashful. Some people are just envious and insecure, so they hide that by knocking others that have what they will never achieve...Its no different than the people that call attractive women airheads and sluts and all people with money miserly crooks... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Some people are just envious and insecure, so they hide that by knocking others that have what they will never achieve...Its no different than the people that call attractive women airheads and sluts and all people with money miserly crooks... TFY To be fair. Further along I get I feel like I get judged more by my fellow men than women. Nasty looks even occasionally. Thankfully not by women (maybe no looks but that is a different matter entirely ), that would hurt! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 To be fair. Further along I get I feel like I get judged more by my fellow men than women. Nasty looks even occasionally. Thankfully not by women (maybe no looks but that is a different matter entirely ), that would hurt! People are so quick to judge, when they dont know what the hell they are talking about.....If they cant achieve it and you can, then somehow you cut corners or cheated....Its so lame... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_dave Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 My answer, hopefully taken with a grain of salt (for reasons you'll see shortly) and understand that I don't mean anything to be mean or awful (I promise), I will honestly say I do pre-judge guys who're muscular as being a bit narcissistic/players/unintelligent/aggressive. However... When I was 18, I met a guy who I thought was super nice, cute, and very sweet... But he was at the end of his phase one of body building and weightlifting training. To look at him, you couldn't really tell he worked out until he took his shirt off. By the time we broke up, he was deep in phase 3, had bulked up considerably... Like 25 year old Arnie bulked. So I'm not sure it was so much the fact that he was a body builder that made him the way he was (more on that below), I think it was because I met him during a consuming lifestyle change and I wasn't ready for what it brought with. When we started, he was nice, sweet, caring... Then towards the end he was all "I'm hot and I know it," probably cheating, and had turned into a meathead who spent every Saturday, all day, every day, in weight lifting, bench press, body sculpting competitions. He wasn't a bad guy at all, he just came with a lifestyle I wasn't into and turned into "one of those guys." That being said, looking at your picture, you look like the type of guy one of my girlfriends would call a "giftwrapped God." To look at you dressed in everyday wear, you'd look like a guy who definitely takes above-average care of himself, it's not until you see him with his shirt off that you find out that... Woo-hoo-HOO! He's a buff hottie! She calls them giftwrapped Gods because they have bodies of Adonis but their clothes keep it all wrapped up, so that when she unwraps them later... She says it's like a big secret that only she's in on on just exactly how buff he is and she loves it. Total turn on. Please, I mean this in only the nicest, non-demeaning way. I really, really do. You seem like a great guy on your posts, it's just your original post focuses on the body-only, so it's hard to not feel really uncomfortable that I'm addressing this totally superficially and not doing your seemingly great character any sort of justice. Or the great character of other men who work out, even to the Stallone-level. Please, don't be offended. Yes! I'm secure about my figure and diet to begin with, so this would make it much more intimidating for me. At the time I was with the guy I was with, I felt insecure but he gave me no reason to feel that way by things he did intentionally. However, I don't think he realized when he discouraged me from going to the gym with him or responded to my "I wish I could lose weight" with a push to diet and lots and lots and lots and lots (and lots) of tips on how to do it really hit me the wrong way. He wasn't being mean, but his delivery was unintentionally insensitive. That fueled more problems related to my statement above. I was much more oversensitive. Even right now, I'm working hard to turn my physical life around.... P90x, 21 Day Fix, running, circuit training, etc... At the gym, I get looks from a lot of the more... Hardcore... Guys, which I know are judgmental. I definitely get the impression that my size 6/8 butt doesn't belong there. I've even got the snarky comments from some of the more assertive people... "Did you really run a half marathon?" So I'd say for women who are in that environment, you'd think that would help your case, but honestly... It may not. When you've hit Stallone, it's too much. That level of supreme competitive body building level of physique... It's too much. I'm more of a Van Damme person... Muscular, but athletically muscular. Muscles not for show, but muscles because you're at an overall level of total fitness. For you, without being crass, you've found the great middle ground. Very much the giftwrapped God where a girl can tell you are an above-average level of fit will be happily surprised to find out that you're actually an Adonis. Thanks Redheaded Mistress for your honest (and very complimentary) post! Van Damme's physique is much more to my taste than Arnold Schwarzeneggers, if I were to have a goal in mind with regard to future progress it would be to look more like the former. Props to you for your workout regimen, it sounds very demanding! It's a shame to hear about the judgmental looks you're getting, and a size 6/8 is only a size ten to twelve here, that's not big at all! Regarding being intimidated/ feeling insecure about my physique.. it would be a shame for that to be a potential barrier to me finding a girlfriend. I'm not the most confident guy myself, so if I were to pluck up the courage to talk to a woman it would be because I really fancied her as she was, not for what she could be if she lost a bit of weight! Is there any way that (as a guy who would probably be doing the approaching) I could put a woman at ease in that respect, for example by playing down my gym-going, being generous with compliments etc? He looks a tad like Ian Thorpe!! Just me? Where are all these small armed dudes that they cut shirts like that for! I always have to go a size up on anything that's meant to be fitted else it doesn't fit my shoulders - like being in a straight jacket where you can't cross your arms - ridiculous! Haha tell me about it! I've come across some really nice shirts at my local TK Maxx (yeah I know... ) and when it comes to trying them on I can't even get my forearms into the sleeves! I don't know if it is completely unrelated! Approachablity is the issue here right.. You want to be flashing girls your best smile and tricking up conversations, if your giving off that approachable vibe it won't matter how defined your abs are! My missus gets so fed up,of me sticking up random conversations with strangers wherever we go but sure some people might think your a weirdo but that's there lookout if they can't kick back and be friendly to a stranger. Thanks for that advice, I know it's what I need to do. I find it quite hard to smile at attractive girls. It's annoying, I'm not as intimidated by older women but anyone attractive of my own age and I turn into a nervous wreck! Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I never found Dwayne Johnson attractive until I observed him in interviews years back (example above). He comes across very humble, has a great sense of humor and is articulate (when he's not laughing ). Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm a fairly muscular guy who's been single for 18 months now, without so much as a tumbleweed blowing across the barren desert that is my love life. In spite of my appearance I am very bashful, kind and extremely placid, and was wondering perhaps whether having such a physique might actually be counting against me. I would like to meet a cute girl with a similar personality to myself, but the only notable female attention I have received in my life has been from a pair of inebriated wenches in a nightclub. I get a lot of compliments (it's one of the first things they remark upon) from male colleagues at work who are surprised that I'm single, but what guys think a woman finds attractive isn't necessarily what a woman would find to be attractive. I have some questions that I would be grateful for your female perspective on.. 1. Do you pre-judge guys for being muscular? For example thinking that they are probably narcissistic/ players/ lacking in intelligence/ aggressive? 2. Would it make you feel insecure to go out with such a guy, maybe worrying somewhat about your own figure/diet etc? 3. Is the appearance itself a turn off? At what point does it become too much? Thanks! 1. Perhaps a bit. I've dated plenty of jocks in my life and apart from one they all pretty much fit the stereotype as you described. 2. Perhaps a bit. At the same time, if he chose me over other girls then he must have liked what he saw to begin with 3. I have never been attracted to overtly muscular men. There is a difference between men who are fit as a result of what they do for a living and/or just maintaining a level of health and fitness that is regarded as "normal" and guys who live and breathe fitness and workouts and nutrition where the gym ends up being their real "girlfriend". Anyone THAT consumed with their physicality is far too narcissist for my taste. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 1. Perhaps a bit. I've dated plenty of jocks in my life and apart from one they all pretty much fit the stereotype as you described. 2. Perhaps a bit. At the same time, if he chose me over other girls then he must have liked what he saw to begin with 3. I have never been attracted to overtly muscular men. There is a difference between men who are fit as a result of what they do for a living and/or just maintaining a level of health and fitness that is regarded as "normal" and guys who live and breathe fitness and workouts and nutrition where the gym ends up being their real "girlfriend". Anyone THAT consumed with their physicality is far too narcissist for my taste. Fair enough....but you need to be aware of this fact.... Just because a guy is buff/muscular doesnt necessarily mean he is a gym rat, vain, or anything else....Could be? Sure...But to assume it of all is wrong... I know a guy that is 6'5" and solid 260....He eats junk food, smokes cigarettes and weed, and while he works out , I wouldnt call him a narcissist or being "married" to the gym...People assume that of me...I take care of myself and eat pretty strict, but if life is in the way I readily blow off the gym and if there is good food around, Ill eat it-I just dont make it a habit.... At the same time there are guys that you may not even think work out at all that are gym nuts and spend 2 hours each day in there... Point is dont always assume that the way someone looks dictates that they are a certain way...This stuff comes easier for some than others.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Fair enough....but you need to be aware of this fact.... Just because a guy is buff/muscular doesnt necessarily mean he is a gym rat, vain, or anything else....Could be? Sure...But to assume it of all is wrong... .. TFY You know, I didn't actually purposely do this, but every single girl I have gone out with or dated in the last few years had gym memberships and went regularly. I don't actually concern myself with women that might think negative things about guys that go to the gym too much. Honestly, I might be thinking they are not for me anyway because they probably watch too much TV, eat too much food and don't do enough physical things, which will bite them in the ass as they age if it hasn't already. People judge all the time. I judge as well. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 You know, I didn't actually purposely do this, but every single girl I have gone out with or dated in the last few years had gym memberships and went regularly. I don't actually concern myself with women that might think negative things about guys that go to the gym too much. Honestly, I might be thinking they are not for me anyway because they probably watch too much TV, eat too much food and don't do enough physical things, which will bite them in the ass as they age if it hasn't already. People judge all the time. I judge as well. It just all comes down to personal preference like I said before. Some girls love guys that are all jacked up, while others prefer skinny guys who don't even work out, some like guys who are fat, & some like guys who are a bit fit but not really huge & buffed up. And it's the same for guys too. Some like chubby girls, some like ones who are heavily into fitness, etc. Every person has their own personal preference. I overheard my brother's girlfriend one time say to him that she wouldn't be with him if he wasn't as big as he was muscle wise, so she has the preference of being with a bigger guy. lol not sure how shallow that sounds, but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks for that advice, I know it's what I need to do. I find it quite hard to smile at attractive girls. It's annoying, I'm not as intimidated by older women but anyone attractive of my own age and I turn into a nervous wreck! Fake it till you make it I'm claustrophobic, and I found the best way to battle that through firefighter training was to just pretend I wasn't, just keep on pretending to myself it wasn't scared so that the fear didn't factor in any decision I made. And now, i'm still claustrophobic, I don't like small spaces but I'm not scared anymore, I know I can do whatever needs to be done because - ive already done it! Smile at the very next attractive girl you see like you haven't got a care in the world, and then the next one wont be so hard cause you've already done it once, and the one after that easier still, and on and on.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 It's going to be different for every woman. Looks are not very important to me but if I were building a man from scratch I would make him muscular but not cut -- very strong but not with a low body fat. I like guys somewhat larger than most of my friends. I also really like average guys. I'm not big on the Hollywood lean or very thin look though there's really no look that would have me not give a guy a chance. (And I know there's a big amount of genetics there and guys can't help whether they have a large frame or not - which is basically what I like- so I wouldn't judge for it.) Edit: Fitness matters to me so a guy who can keep up would be attractive regardless of frame. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks Redheaded Mistress for your honest (and very complimentary) post! I was horrified that you'd think I was being a b-word. So thanks for understanding I wasn't trying to be rude or superficial. Van Damme's physique is much more to my taste than Arnold Schwarzeneggers, if I were to have a goal in mind with regard to future progress it would be to look more like the former. And that's what I can tell. That functional, fit level of working out vs the "for show." I look at Arnold and even when he was doing the bang, explosion action movies, and despite the fact that I LOVED (and love still) his movies, all I could say is "he doesn't look like he could actually do any of this stuff!" He was about as athletically graceful as a ton of bricks. Van Damme, Bruce Lee, even Jackie Chan, they're muscular guys, but they aren't ripped, and they LOOK fit. That functional fitness as opposed to the "for show" fitness is very different. Props to you for your workout regimen, it sounds very demanding! It's a shame to hear about the judgmental looks you're getting, and a size 6/8 is only a size ten to twelve here, that's not big at all! It's smaller than the average here too (which is I guess 12 in the states), but when you're in a gym with the SERIOUS workout people, the 5 hours a day, competition-level folks, it may as well be a size 20. Even when I ran a half marathon, I was getting the "who's the chubby girl?" looks. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't sting and add to a level of insecurity, but I'm working on it. Regarding being intimidated/ feeling insecure about my physique.. it would be a shame for that to be a potential barrier to me finding a girlfriend. Some people won't date too thin people. Others won't date somebody who's too chubby. Some people like tall people, others like short. The fun is that no matter what physique you are, you'll drive one segment mad, but turn off the other. The trick in dating is skipping over the people who say "I love you because of that physique," "I don't want anything to do with you because of that physique," and finding the people who say "I like you, I don't care what your physique is." I know this is kinda sucky to say, but unless you're a freak of nature and determined to make all men look awful (), you won't always look like you do now. When I met my husband, I was a size 14, when we dated I was a 2, now I'm an 8. At each and every stop on my weight, he felt and treated me just the same. And while I'm lamenting how I wasn't as thin as I was, he says "yeah, but your chest is bigger now than before so there's that bonus!" I can tell you, at the size 2 he loved my legs, at the size 8 he likes my butt, and the size 14 he loves the chest. The security in being loved beyond that identifier is so worth it. And you'll be delighted when you find it. I'm not the most confident guy myself, so if I were to pluck up the courage to talk to a woman it would be because I really fancied her as she was, not for what she could be if she lost a bit of weight! With that attitude, there's a girl out there wondering where you are. You guys just need to find each other! Is there any way that (as a guy who would probably be doing the approaching) I could put a woman at ease in that respect, for example by playing down my gym-going, being generous with compliments etc? You want my honest opinion, but back in my "single and looking" days, any guy who launched into the compliments might as well have told me "I'm really into my looks, your looks, and just looks in general. I'm not into anything but what is displayed." Total turnoff. Complete and total turnoff. Compliments on the physical and I always glazed over. I actually think that I read something somewhere about superficial compliments when you first meet somebody are actually interpreted as more of a statement of negativity on the giver than a statement of the positive on the receiver. I think it was something like... Every superficial compliment given when you're first getting to know somebody ("you're pretty," "you have a nice smile," etc) evokes the same response on the receiver as if the giver had made three statements of self-praise about themselves ("I'm awesome," "I'm good looking," "I have a lot of money," etc). The guys I always responded to were the ones who came up and started actual conversations. "Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you, boy the band/bar/club is really great tonight, are you into this type of music/scene normally? Oh yeah, me too (or nah, me neither)... I like X, Y, Z band/bar/club too because it reminds me of (what she just said she liked about what you're doing now or what she likes in general)... Etc, etc, etc." You can tell pretty quickly if she's into you by how she responds. One word, polite answers? Ok, keep on moving. But if she's interacting with you, brilliant. I don't know that I'd mention the gym right away, unless you talk about hobbies and she mentions being a gym person herself, but even then I'd do a polite "Oh, me to, I go to X gym because I like their cardio/trainers/weight room/etc" and then talk about something else, unless she's really into it. But let her take the lead, let her talk about her and listen. A confident guy who comes on and starts a nice, friendly banter, without the sexual overtones and "hey baby, you looking fine" stuff... That's a big hit with ladies. Or at least with the ladies I hang with, which granted are in their mid-to-late 20s, early 30s, and more future-oriented. Not man crazy "I need to get married," but not "I'm just looking for something casual." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
missjessi2422 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I've never really tried to get bulky, or too muscular. Here's what I look like at the moment to give you a better idea... http://dc652.4shared.com/download/tmebv_TOba/untitled2.jpg?lgfp=3000 I'm 5'10 and 80Kg or 176lbs, and don't want to be any bigger otherwise I'll lose acceleration and balance when I play soccer. I originally started because I had a birth defect, a slightly protruding bone in my chest that I wanted to cover up. I've been going for eight years now, and am happy to just be maintaining my shape rather than modifying it. It just saddens me somewhat that lovely ladies I'd be really interested in might go through the same process as Phoe, and think they're unworthy, or at the other end of the spectrum, write me off as being the stereotypically unintelligent, narcissistic gym rat. I struggle to even get a smile from girls if I'm on the train, in a cafe, or out and about and our eyes meet. Sigh.. that's probably a story for another thread I guess... Thanks for all you input so far! Wow, Mr_Dave.. you are cute I would say hi to you and smile I'd be shy and nervous doing it, but I like to push out of my comfort zone ... and i also like to make a guy shy and nervous too haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_dave Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I was horrified that you'd think I was being a b-word. So thanks for understanding I wasn't trying to be rude or superficial. And that's what I can tell. That functional, fit level of working out vs the "for show." I look at Arnold and even when he was doing the bang, explosion action movies, and despite the fact that I LOVED (and love still) his movies, all I could say is "he doesn't look like he could actually do any of this stuff!" He was about as athletically graceful as a ton of bricks. Van Damme, Bruce Lee, even Jackie Chan, they're muscular guys, but they aren't ripped, and they LOOK fit. That functional fitness as opposed to the "for show" fitness is very different. It's smaller than the average here too (which is I guess 12 in the states), but when you're in a gym with the SERIOUS workout people, the 5 hours a day, competition-level folks, it may as well be a size 20. Even when I ran a half marathon, I was getting the "who's the chubby girl?" looks. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't sting and add to a level of insecurity, but I'm working on it. Some people won't date too thin people. Others won't date somebody who's too chubby. Some people like tall people, others like short. The fun is that no matter what physique you are, you'll drive one segment mad, but turn off the other. The trick in dating is skipping over the people who say "I love you because of that physique," "I don't want anything to do with you because of that physique," and finding the people who say "I like you, I don't care what your physique is." I know this is kinda sucky to say, but unless you're a freak of nature and determined to make all men look awful (), you won't always look like you do now. When I met my husband, I was a size 14, when we dated I was a 2, now I'm an 8. At each and every stop on my weight, he felt and treated me just the same. And while I'm lamenting how I wasn't as thin as I was, he says "yeah, but your chest is bigger now than before so there's that bonus!" I can tell you, at the size 2 he loved my legs, at the size 8 he likes my butt, and the size 14 he loves the chest. The security in being loved beyond that identifier is so worth it. And you'll be delighted when you find it. With that attitude, there's a girl out there wondering where you are. You guys just need to find each other! You want my honest opinion, but back in my "single and looking" days, any guy who launched into the compliments might as well have told me "I'm really into my looks, your looks, and just looks in general. I'm not into anything but what is displayed." Total turnoff. Complete and total turnoff. Compliments on the physical and I always glazed over. I actually think that I read something somewhere about superficial compliments when you first meet somebody are actually interpreted as more of a statement of negativity on the giver than a statement of the positive on the receiver. I think it was something like... Every superficial compliment given when you're first getting to know somebody ("you're pretty," "you have a nice smile," etc) evokes the same response on the receiver as if the giver had made three statements of self-praise about themselves ("I'm awesome," "I'm good looking," "I have a lot of money," etc). The guys I always responded to were the ones who came up and started actual conversations. "Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you, boy the band/bar/club is really great tonight, are you into this type of music/scene normally? Oh yeah, me too (or nah, me neither)... I like X, Y, Z band/bar/club too because it reminds me of (what she just said she liked about what you're doing now or what she likes in general)... Etc, etc, etc." You can tell pretty quickly if she's into you by how she responds. One word, polite answers? Ok, keep on moving. But if she's interacting with you, brilliant. I don't know that I'd mention the gym right away, unless you talk about hobbies and she mentions being a gym person herself, but even then I'd do a polite "Oh, me to, I go to X gym because I like their cardio/trainers/weight room/etc" and then talk about something else, unless she's really into it. But let her take the lead, let her talk about her and listen. A confident guy who comes on and starts a nice, friendly banter, without the sexual overtones and "hey baby, you looking fine" stuff... That's a big hit with ladies. Or at least with the ladies I hang with, which granted are in their mid-to-late 20s, early 30s, and more future-oriented. Not man crazy "I need to get married," but not "I'm just looking for something casual." Thanks again for a terrific post Redheaded Mistress! Wow you're an Arnold Schwarzenegger fan too, that makes you a definite keeper in my book! My ex-girlfriend fell asleep during Total Recall, how is that even possible? Your advice on approaching women is great - it makes a lot of sense and I shall put it into practice (when I next see someone I just have to approach.. ) thank you! Wow, Mr_Dave.. you are cute I would say hi to you and smile I'd be shy and nervous doing it, but I like to push out of my comfort zone ... and i also like to make a guy shy and nervous too haha Hehe, aww thanks missjessi! Link to post Share on other sites
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