irc333 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I am kind of at my wits end when it comes to dating inter-religiously. I grew up Catholic and had attended Catholic churches for a while, but had been exploring other faith-based religions of a non-denominational variety. I get to talking to this woman on POF, said she's looking for a Christian man, right. She has a lot of the same outdoor interests as I do and we get to talking about kayaking. She noticed me in a kayak in my picture and she was guessing which location that was on the coast judging by the picture. She joked about how she lives among mostly senior communities near her home. Things are going well, conversation is flowing then she asked the, "So which church do you go to?" question. Well, I told her I am going to a local Catholic church, but had been exploring other churches as the one I'm in doesn't have a sense of community" Immediately she said, "Sorry, we aren't a match, I wish you luck in your search" and I said, "Wow, that's pretty quick to judge, why not?" and she said, "Different faiths, yah know?" I said, "Well, I know people of varying faiths that marry, they are of different faiths...but...one thing remains clear, they are ALL Christian. But she's "Assemblies of God" , I looked it up and it's of some kind of "speaking in tongues" kind of faith...Pentecostal. Apparently, it wasn't up for argument , the ever flowing conversation ceased and that was that. She's 49, no kids, and live in an area in the boonies where God called her obviously, but chances are, and no offense, she may choose an spinster lifestyle unless she's into 80 year old men. Can someone explain to me why some people have no problem marrying into different religions while others have strict deal breakers. I mean it's enough that people can be picky with NON-religious aspects, but attempting to date a Christian woman takes it up a notch further. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Some people have faith that the leadership of their particular organization is correct and going to an outside church will be denying their faith as they intentionally getting involved in an unequally yoked relationship. Others take the view that while I think my particular brand of church is where God wanted me that no human organization has a total and universal truth but is just a part of the greater universal truth. That God wanted an X church to reach folks like me and a Y type church to reach you. And yes we can mix and I can suppress my preferred worship style or doctrinal understanding and go to your church with you as a family, even if the Bishops at your church has X, Y and z wrong in my or my church leaders opinion. On the other side if God wanted you in a Y organization and I am a X by His will then we were not meant to be a family, we have less then a total connection because our spiritual styles and/or understandings are incompatable Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Some people have faith that the leadership of their particular organization is correct and going to an outside church will be denying their faith as they intentionally getting involved in an unequally yoked relationship. Leadership, just like regular human beings, have been known to have been dreadfully wrong. I knew of a woman that took advice of a pastor when she was considering breaking off her engagement of a man she had planned on marrying only to find out from the pastor giving her advice that she has an obligation to marry him since they were engaged. Apparently in her religion, to break off a planned marriage is still sacrilege. She went with the pastor's advice, got married, and suffered a 2 year marriage to an abusive husband. (now ex). Also, to what end is someone "unequally yoked? What? If they all seem to believe in the Holy Trinity, that Jesus died for our sins, but yet...one must have "total immersion" as a flavor or baptism as opposed to other means of simply getting wet? Don't speak in tongues? Sorry we can't date. I know of college aged adults that aren't allowed to date, just marry. Apparently traditional dating is sinful. Funnily enough, I know of couples that take no qualms on marrying outside their faith, though typically this is with older singles and had broken themselves out of the aforementioned, "cult of the church." A lot of course, already had one divorce under their belt. I knew this Catholic woman, was highly involved in her church, met a local Presbyterian deputy. Turns out she didn't care for the numerous stipulations her church set forth in order for them to get married, so she found an easier way...marry in her future HUSBAND's church instead. If a couple is in love, they won't let something like that stand in the way. Christian is Christian right? Most of my family is Catholic and a ton of them married non-Catholics. I could go on, but I found it surprising from a 49 year old woman. Of course, she did mention in her profile that she sold her home and other personal effects, and embarked on a ministry and come back. I tend to shy away from those "I'll pray about it" types when it comes to making simple decisions as well. Others take the view that while I think my particular brand of church is where God wanted me that no human organization has a total and universal truth but is just a part of the greater universal truth. That God wanted an X church to reach folks like me and a Y type church to reach you. And yes we can mix and I can suppress my preferred worship style or doctrinal understanding and go to your church with you as a family, even if the Bishops at your church has X, Y and z wrong in my or my church leaders opinion. On the other side if God wanted you in a Y organization and I am a X by His will then we were not meant to be a family, we have less then a total connection because our spiritual styles and/or understandings are incompatable 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 If they all seem to believe in the Holy Trinity, that Jesus died for our sins, but yet...one must have "total immersion" as a flavor or baptism as opposed to other means of simply getting wet? Well, from what I understand, not all Pentecostals do believe in the Holy Trinity. And I think a central tenet of Pentecostalism is the direct experience of God - which is pretty fundamentally opposed to the structure of the Catholic Church, in which you have not only assorted priests and bishops but also the Pope as intermediaries. A lot of non-Catholic Christians see the Catholic church as deeply broken, so it doesn't really surprise me that someone who might hold to her faith tightly wouldn't consider a Catholic --even a lapsed one -- as a suitable partner. It's quite untrue that "Christian is still Christian" - wars have been fought over that topic for centuries, dude. There are some pretty fundamental philosophical differences, which is the entire reason these various Christian denominations even exist! Honestly, she did you a favor; I'm not sure what there is to complain about. Of course you can cite examples of Catholics and other Christians who choose to marry, but so what? Some people are more "live and let live" about religion, but she clearly isn't - so isn't that a good thing to know right up front?? You should be thanking her. It's an issue of compatibility, and you aren't -- her age has nothing to do with it. You may think that a 49-year-old woman should let go of her religious beliefs in favor of finding a guy, any guy, but she clearly doesn't. And why judge her for that? You're just not compatible! Honestly, I'm not even religious and I think your condescension toward her on that matter is frustrating. So why in God's name would you want to date each other? You would be at each others' throats on this topic. Let it go and say "thanks" to her in your mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren2013 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I go a Christian Universalism church. Mike Williams is my Bible teacher at Mike Williams Ministries - Gospel Revolution Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 catholic.................... Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Traditional Anglican/Episcopalian Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Traditional Anglican/Episcopalian Ok, now I've always been curious about the difference between High Church and Low Church Anglican. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 skydiveaddict, This is "high church" Anglican Forward in Faith I can't comment on the "Low Church" ... Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 skydiveaddict, This is "high church" Anglican Forward in Faith I can't comment on the "Low Church" ... Interesting. I didn't know there are doctrinal differences (ordination of women etc). I assumed it was the ornateness of the service. High Church being more traditional and Low Church more modern. Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) Oh IRC, we need to talk. I was dumped by my last boyfriend not because we are of different faiths, but because I was not Christian enough. And yes although I have forgiven him, still love him dearly, this has been a bee in my bonnet that continues to sting. The breakup conversation was "I need to be with an Evangelic Christian" Note this was the first time I ever heard him refer to himself as such after 9 months of dating and at no point had I seen him spreading the good word. I being a retired Catholic and what I would call an average Christian at best (but a work in progress) was beyond shocked. Talk about taking the yoke thing a lil too hard. I won't keep talking cause I'll just wind myself up but what I have learned is a) the more conservative Christians do not consider Catholics to be "real" Christians b) interpretation of the Bible is vastly different in many instances (bring up Mary to someone of a more conservative base...if you are a devote it won't go well) c) within the extremes, individuals will not make their own choices but will act in the direction of church leadership d) they are looking for a very set list of criteria and if an individual does not meet them all they will be tossed aside e) evangelized dating is common and f) emotions never have anything to do with it and are to never be the basis for a decision (Ok, can't say that is wrong or bad but well, we have them). They could fall in love with someone who is the best thing since slice bread with the purest heart, puts God first and foremost, serves other people etc. but if they show a weakness or difference in opinion regarding the Bible, that person will be punted and put in the cold. Obviously I am talking the extremes here but I have seen, experienced and spoken to enough people that it is common within the more conservative groups. Wife is born again after marriage and leaves husband because he isn't Christian so they are unequally yoked (they missed some other parts of the Bible me thinks). It really does happen. She did you a favor being honest like she was...seriously, it would have never worked anyway. Edited October 29, 2014 by Allumere 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I am a latter day saint convert......i have found it hard to date outside the church.....and i have dated outside the church......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I'm Catholic and married Catholic and divorced that Catholic and now I date a Catholic. But I live in South Jersey so that explains it all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Well, from what I understand, not all Pentecostals do believe in the Holy Trinity.. The Oneness Pentecostals, they often have Apostolic in their names although the Apostolic denomination does believe in the Trinity. Somewhere around 17 million of the 280 million Pentecostals worldwide are in the Oneness camp. as with many minority churches worldwide to survive among the mainstream they tend to be noisier and have more restrictions upon what its members can do if visiting other houses of worship and getting into religiously mixed relationships. But to be fair their rules are little different than Catholic rules at the time my parents met. In the end do you want a relationship cut at the start or in the case of many friends of mine have the wedding date set only to be told they must convert, or at least fake it for a few months? Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 My church is tight. Interfaith. BAM! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sorry to hear that Alumere, I know this one woman, active in her church, she's active in her church, plays the piano during services, active with her kids in the same church, but tends to be more secular than other conservatives. Has a boyfriend that probably hasn't set foot in a church since he was a kid and doesn't plan on going to church with her anytime soon...and she's okay with that. And it's been fine for her. And get this, she won't get married until she's lived with the guy for so long....and yes, plans on doing this fully aware of her actions as she's "Been there, done that" by remaining chaste until the wedding night and of course not living together....apparently, that marriage as a terrible shambles...so she decided on never going through those steps again. In unrelated dating/religious topic, this one woman was new in town, met her briefly through Meetup, was a former Catholic, but now "born again." (sometime in her adult years). She was attending a Presbyterian church...and she was always correcting her friends in that church...as they were asking about her Presbyterian background.....she didn't have one and kept saying, "I'm Christian, not Presbyterian." Anyhow, it kind of stinks that for one, you're dealing with these situations with dating and 2nd, you're also dealing with the superficiality or complaints of typical NON-religious aspects of dating. I have noticed Catholics don't make stink about dating other religions while the strict Pentecostal types do. Looks like it goes in one direction. Like some people don't wind up dating in their own church/religion because they aren't attracted to anyone there, not tall enough, bald, etc. So therein likes a double whammy. Oh IRC, we need to talk. I was dumped by my last boyfriend not because we are of different faiths, but because I was not Christian enough. And yes although I have forgiven him, still love him dearly, this has been a bee in my bonnet that continues to sting. The breakup conversation was "I need to be with an Evangelic Christian" Note this was the first time I ever heard him refer to himself as such after 9 months of dating and at no point had I seen him spreading the good word. I being a retired Catholic and what I would call an average Christian at best (but a work in progress) was beyond shocked. Talk about taking the yoke thing a lil too hard. I won't keep talking cause I'll just wind myself up but what I have learned is a) the more conservative Christians do not consider Catholics to be "real" Christians b) interpretation of the Bible is vastly different in many instances (bring up Mary to someone of a more conservative base...if you are a devote it won't go well) c) within the extremes, individuals will not make their own choices but will act in the direction of church leadership d) they are looking for a very set list of criteria and if an individual does not meet them all they will be tossed aside e) evangelized dating is common and f) emotions never have anything to do with it and are to never be the basis for a decision (Ok, can't say that is wrong or bad but well, we have them). They could fall in love with someone who is the best thing since slice bread with the purest heart, puts God first and foremost, serves other people etc. but if they show a weakness or difference in opinion regarding the Bible, that person will be punted and put in the cold. Obviously I am talking the extremes here but I have seen, experienced and spoken to enough people that it is common within the more conservative groups. Wife is born again after marriage and leaves husband because he isn't Christian so they are unequally yoked (they missed some other parts of the Bible me thinks). It really does happen. She did you a favor being honest like she was...seriously, it would have never worked anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Funny thing, I know of this 50-something 7th Day Adventist I met, she said she'd have no problem hanging out with me as a friend, but not as someone to date. I said to her, "How many single, 7th Day Adventist SINGLE men do you actually know in your age bracket?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) Funny thing, I know of this 50-something 7th Day Adventist I met, she said she'd have no problem hanging out with me as a friend, but not as someone to date. I found it kind of odd that she was Hispanic and not Catholic. Apparently somewhere down the line her father was a convert from Catholicism, so it "stuck" in the family. I would get kind of landblasted when I couldn't date a "former" Catholic because of this. lol I said to her, "How many single, 7th Day Adventist SINGLE men do you actually know in your age bracket?" evangelized dating is common Wow...where I live, when I was younger and going to college, I knew of this 19 year old woman that was "dating" or more so "courting" her boyfriend. Apparently, they weren't allowed to "date" but be chaperoned at all times. Their times together consisted of spending his entire time with her at her house with the parents there of course. Surprised he didn't bail, that would've gotten old quick. Edited October 29, 2014 by irc333 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) Wife is born again after marriage and leaves husband because he isn't Christian so they are unequally yoked (they missed some other parts of the Bible me thinks). It really does happen. WOW!! I actually know a male co-worker. He had been married to his wife a good long while...then later SHE became "born again",but...they are still together. He wasn't much of a church-goer...but they aren't allowed to have internet in the house. Forsaking the whole "falling in love" aspect, and then splitting hairs like that is kind of sad. When my mom and dad met, it was only a coincidence they were both Catholic, had they not been, it likely still would not have mattered. From the sounds of it, finding a mate isn't something they should be doing, but more so better off joining a convent of sorts. Edited October 29, 2014 by irc333 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) but if they show a weakness or difference in opinion regarding the Bible, Does this include, "If you read or watch the Harry Potter books or movies and/or celebrate Halloween you're da**ned to hell!" Yep, known Christians like this as well. When at work, when I hear them goin' crazy over this movie franchise, I just roll my eyes. LOL :laugh: I should put in my dating profile, "If you're one of those stick up your butt Christians that have something against Harry Potter, then move on to the next profile." Edited October 29, 2014 by irc333 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Does this include, "If you read or watch the Harry Potter books or movies and/or celebrate Halloween you're da**ned to hell!" Yep, known Christians like this as well. When at work, when I hear them goin' crazy over this movie franchise, I just roll my eyes. LOL :laugh: I should put in my dating profile, "If you're one of those stick up your butt Christians that have something against Harry Potter, then move on to the next profile." Yes, I do know folks that don't do Halloween although I can't say which flavor of Christian they are beyond saying very conservative. They are great folk but definitely step away from the secular in terms of any form of media, what music is listened to and yes, courting is the path verses dating. With that said these individuals are very direct about their position (i.e., we don't do XYZ because ABC) but DO NOT come across as judgmental and do not ignore me or walk on the other side of the street because I do not have the same interpretations. Sure, they would prefer I considered what they have to say as it is their belief that it would be best for my soul...I can dig that...but it hasn't caused them to toss me nor does it result in being a topic of conversation every time we come in contact. I come across a bit harsh and opinionated I am sure. I do not have an issue with someone choosing to date within their faith. And if we are talking young folks with the possibility of raising children down the line I can see where differences in faith can be very challenging (of course my college friends who are Hindu and Jewish with two kids have managed just fine over the past 15 years...and yes, both practice their religion). What I take issue with is what I experienced and happens commonly. If ya know you only want to be with someone who is X, then why not a) put that front and center in your online dating profiles and b) ask those questions either prior to or during the first date. I have actually emailed gents that did just that and commended them with being very clear and honest about what they wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yes, I do know folks that don't do Halloween although I can't say which flavor of Christian they are beyond saying very conservative. They are great folk but definitely step away from the secular in terms of any form of media, what music is listened to and yes, courting is the path verses dating. With that said these individuals are very direct about their position (i.e., we don't do XYZ because ABC) but DO NOT come across as judgmental and do not ignore me or walk on the other side of the street because I do not have the same interpretations. Sure, they would prefer I considered what they have to say as it is their belief that it would be best for my soul...I can dig that...but it hasn't caused them to toss me nor does it result in being a topic of conversation every time we come in contact. I come across a bit harsh and opinionated I am sure. I do not have an issue with someone choosing to date within their faith. And if we are talking young folks with the possibility of raising children down the line I can see where differences in faith can be very challenging (of course my college friends who are Hindu and Jewish with two kids have managed just fine over the past 15 years...and yes, both practice their religion). What I take issue with is what I experienced and happens commonly. If ya know you only want to be with someone who is X, then why not a) put that front and center in your online dating profiles and b) ask those questions either prior to or during the first date. I have actually emailed gents that did just that and commended them with being very clear and honest about what they wanted. Good points, I am just venting a bit, mainly due to a failed Christian singles Meetup I think I posted about in another thread where the organizer claimed her main reason for cancelling the Meetup was due to the frustration of female friends relationship and/or marital histories in her church that she's been trying to get to join the group. I found that rather ironic that such people of faith let their frustrations impact them so much, that they would beget a social life among that would involve men in a social setting whatsoever. The organizer made some mention of doing just a "girls only" thing instead. Funny thing, one of the dinner Meetups I went to I was the ONLY man that showed up, that also could have been a reason, more women than men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Maybe I should put in my profile, "Looking for a Christian that's grounded". Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Maybe I should put in my profile, "Looking for a Christian that's grounded". I.e. non-denominational 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I.e. non-denominational Well, today's the day to edit it. "I'm seeking a Christian woman that won't think I'll burn in he** for getting in costume and going to a fun Halloween party with great friends! If you have a problem with that, please move on. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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