How should I pursue this girl?

[somedude81]

Wow, I just got a text from Lunch Girl. Of course she said no

 

"Hey sorry for texting you so late. I'm not going to be able to go hiking with u tomorrow sorry :maybe next

 

I'm actually really surprised she texted me.

 

What should I text back to her. Other than, "It's Ok. Thanks for getting back to me."

[Million.to.1]

What should I text back to her. Other than, "It's Ok. Thanks for getting back to me."

 

That's perfect. End it with a smiley face.

 

 

The other girl sounds really nice and is interested in you as a friend or maybe more. The fact that she was asking about your interest in another girl is a positive sign. She is sussing your situation out.

 

You should make her your friend. Let signs of interest develop naturally if they are going to, but if not she could be the perfect type friend to help you with this stuff.

[somedude81]

That's perfect. End it with a smiley face.

 

 

The other girl sounds really nice and is interested in you as a friend or maybe more. The fact that she was asking about your interest in another girl is a positive sign. She is sussing your situation out.

 

You should make her your friend. Let signs of interest develop naturally if they are going to, but if not she could be the perfect type friend to help you with this stuff.

 

Ok good enough

 

I sent it exactly like that and she quickly replied "Ur welcome ! Good night.

 

And then anther text less than a minute later "Thanks for understanding "

 

LOL, I don't understand her at all

[somedude81]

Hmm, a post of mine vanished, hopefully it will show up tomorrow.

 

The other girl is nice, and I think she may be possibly interested. Of course I've been wrong about this many times before.

 

I'm not really going to pursue her and instead just be friendly with her and see what happens.

 

One thing that pains even me to admit, she's too young for me. She's only 19. I started dating my ex when she was 20 and she turned 21 about a month later. Even though it wasn't that long, it was still a bit of a bother with her not being able to drink when we went out. Also I don't think I want to date a girl that young. Still I doubt I'll turn her down if she is interested.

[Teknoe]

Let girls pursue you.

 

You do that by being awesome.

[thefooloftheyear]

Wow, I just got a text from Lunch Girl. Of course she said no

 

"Hey sorry for texting you so late. I'm not going to be able to go hiking with u tomorrow sorry :maybe next

 

I'm actually really surprised she texted me.

 

What should I text back to her. Other than, "It's Ok. Thanks for getting back to me."

 

Dont thank her....what did she do to earn thanks?

 

Here is what you do...

 

No text or just "NP"..(no problem)....

 

If you do text NP, wait at least 24 hours to do it....

 

Show them you arent waiting around for them like a lonely puppy....

 

TFY

[somedude81]

Yup, so now things are completely awkward with busy girl and she is avoiding me. Or it could just be my impression. Either way she has been spending more time with the other guy and that is not something I want to see.

 

The other girl who is in the dance class and my math class is most definitely not an option. Somehow the topic of height came up and she said that she would only want to date a guy who is a few inches taller than her, she's 5'8. She actually mentioned heels

 

I have no problem with a girl wanting a guy that is taller than her. Though it's really lame that I don't have a chance with a girl because of something that I have no control over.

 

I really do wonder how many girls have ruled me out because of my height.

 

During class my salsa class I realized that another girl I thought I had a chance with has no interest in me either.

 

Right now I'm pretty much at the point where every girl that I have been interested in has shown me that they are not interested in me or already taken, and I'm just considering not going to dance class anymore. Yeah it's fun, but my primary goal of that class to meet women. And now there is no chance of going on a date with anybody I was interested in.

 

This year turned out to be a complete fail.

[rester]

You're so reactive, somedude. I don't mean that in an insulting way. I mean that in a you're-beating-yourself-up-and-I-hate-to-see-you-doing-it way. People keep telling you to not focus on the outcome so much but you don't listen. Life's a journey and we're all going to be learning more and more each day until we're dead. Focus on what you've learned this semester and you'll probably see that it's not a complete failure.

[thefooloftheyear]

I know you wont listen to me, but I feel for you and somehow feel a need to keep trying to reach out...

 

You need a break from this shyt...Do something male oriented....anything....take yourself out of their realm...Be productive somehow, but do it without the sexual tension of women around...You are going to go crazy, man....

 

I really wish you had some male buddies...or a male oriented hobby...

 

You know what is going to happen if this continues? You are going to turn into one of those miserable woman haters that blame all of their life's problems on why a woman wont give you some piece of ass....Its nuts, man...

 

Just hang in there...but dont continue to keep playing ball with those girls...You are like Charlie Brown and Lucy...You know where she holds the football for him to kick it and at the last minute she pulls it away...he falls on his back and she gets a laugh...nonsense, bro..

 

TFY

[somedude81]

You're so reactive, somedude. I don't mean that in an insulting way. I mean that in a you're-beating-yourself-up-and-I-hate-to-see-you-doing-it way. People keep telling you to not focus on the outcome so much but you don't listen.

 

What else is there besides the outcome? I set my goal and I just can't even get close to meeting it.

 

I wanted to get one more girlfriend before I graduated and instead of that I can't even get one girl to spend anytime alone with me at all. I completely failed. There must be something horribly wrong with me that I absolutely need to figure out or I will be alone the rest of my life.

 

Life's a journey and we're all going to be learning more and more each day until we're dead. Focus on what you've learned this semester and you'll probably see that it's not a complete failure.

 

Yeah I did learn some stuff this semester about women. But unfortunately it was all negative. Stuff like:

 

"If a woman doesn't give you an excited yes when you invite her out, it really means no. "

 

"Women will try super hard to avoid actually saying no. Once a woman gives you one of her excuses, she expects you to understand and lose all interest in her."

 

"Just because I think I click with a girl does not mean she feels the same way."

 

After all of this I'm just really tired. I'm not having fun anymore.

[xxoo]

What else is there besides the outcome?

.

 

School, work, friends, travel, sports, challenges, competitions, hobbies, experiencing all the amazing things life has to offer, and becoming an interesting person to get to know and date in the process.

[Imajerk17]

Well somedude thing is this has all been discussed many many times before in your threads. The Clif notes:

 

1. Girls 20--23 are going to be categorically unwilling to date a 33-year-old guy. These strikeouts that you are experiencing are somewhat to be expected from this alone.

 

2. Making getting a girlfriend your mission in life doesn't work.

It doesn't work even though you insist it can. If it did work you would have had more success with it. You'd be better off making getting a job, pursuing a hobby, a cause, anything except finding a girlfriend your mission. (Have you ever read David Dieda "Way of the Superior Man". It would really help you. I recommend this to all the guys on LS.)

 

3. You have far more pressing concerns right now than getting a date, such as graduating and securing employment. The good news is that when you get those handled you can pursue women closer in age whom I think you'd have more luck with.

 

Forgive me if I missed anything.

 

Anyway you seem to keep resisting the above. Maybe you ought to reconsider?

Edited November 4, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Teknoe]

Well somedude thing is this has all been discussed many many times before in your threads. The Clif notes:

 

1. Girls 20--23 are going to be categorically unwilling to date a 33-year-old guy. These strikeouts that you are experiencing are somewhat to be expected from this alone.

 

2. Making getting a girlfriend your mission in life doesn't work.

It doesn't work even though you insist it can. If it did work you would have had more success with it. You'd be better off making getting a job, pursuing a hobby, a cause, anything except finding a girlfriend your mission. (Have you ever read David Dieda "Way of the Superior Man". It would really help you. I recommend this to all the guys on LS.)

 

3. You have far more pressing concerns right now than getting a date, such as graduating and securing employment. The good news is that when you get those handled you can pursue women closer in age whom I think you'd have more luck with.

 

Forgive me if I missed anything.

 

Anyway you seem to keep resisting the above. Maybe you ought to reconsider?

 

 

He ought to, but the real question is will he?

 

Banging your head against the wall 100x over, things are not going to magically change or improve. It's time to change your strategies and maybe even consider taking a break from this whole girl thing.

 

I do think the ultimate sign of unhealth is SD saying he's going to stop attending the dance class because none of the girl potentials worked out. When you're taking a class strictly to meet a GF rather than to take it for self personal growth, it's a bad sign IMO.

 

Do things to better yourself, period. What he's doing is very unhealthy.

[mexcity]

Yep. It's time to channel all that energy into securing employment. I know is not as fun as posting on LS, but you are a month away from graduating.

 

There's so much useful advice given to you. I have learned a lot from it.

 

Stop wasting time chasing college age women. Yes, they are very attractive, but 30+ year old guys won't get to date them. Maybe as a sugar daddy, but you need resources for that. It's time to focus on making money.

[somedude81]

One little tidbit to all the people who think my age is the reason why college girls don't want to date me.

 

Math girl asks "So what do think think of the old guy in our class?"

Me: "Which one?"

Her: "The one with the shaved head. He said he's like 32 years old"

Me: "Maybe he's working on his masters or something?"

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

Then I started teasing her about a guy in the class who seems to be pursuing her.

 

Long story short, she doesn't have a clue how old I am. Most likely nobody else in the class does either. She just assumes that I'm a few years older than her. Not that I'm actually 14 years older.

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

[Million.to.1]

One little tidbit to all the people who think my age is the reason why college girls don't want to date me.

 

Math girl asks "So what do think think of the old guy in our class?"

Me: "Which one?"

Her: "The one with the shaved head. He said he's like 32 years old"

Me: "Maybe he's working on his masters or something?"

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

Then I started teasing her about a guy in the class who seems to be pursuing her.

 

Long story short, she doesn't have a clue how old I am. Most likely nobody else in the class does either. She just assumes that I'm a few years older than her. Not that I'm actually 14 years older.

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

 

But Dude, a girl WILL eventually find out how old you are if you spend any time with them.

You just had a girl clearly explain to you that she thinks it's creepy.

 

Ok, so we all except that you don't LOOK 33. But you are. You can't keep it a secret forever from girls you are trying to get to know.

[Million.to.1]

... and what would you have said if after that conversation she asked your age?

 

"how old do you think I am?"

 

and then?...

 

 

Have you considered that maybe she knows you were older and was playing devils advocate to see if you would own what you are doing?

[xxoo]

One little tidbit to all the people who think my age is the reason why college girls don't want to date me.

 

Math girl asks "So what do think think of the old guy in our class?"

Me: "Which one?"

Her: "The one with the shaved head. He said he's like 32 years old"

Me: "Maybe he's working on his masters or something?"

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

Then I started teasing her about a guy in the class who seems to be pursuing her.

 

Long story short, she doesn't have a clue how old I am. Most likely nobody else in the class does either. She just assumes that I'm a few years older than her. Not that I'm actually 14 years older.

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

 

She sounds like a savvy girl trying to indirectly send you a message.

 

Why don't you share your age when age comes up? Curiosity about your age is a likely reason the topic comes up.

[Lani]

One little tidbit to all the people who think my age is the reason why college girls don't want to date me.

 

Math girl asks "So what do think think of the old guy in our class?"

Me: "Which one?"

Her: "The one with the shaved head. He said he's like 32 years old"

Me: "Maybe he's working on his masters or something?"

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

Then I started teasing her about a guy in the class who seems to be pursuing her.

 

Long story short, she doesn't have a clue how old I am. Most likely nobody else in the class does either. She just assumes that I'm a few years older than her. Not that I'm actually 14 years older.

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

 

Regardless of what she may appear to be thinking (although I agree with others that she was likely prodding you), you *are* that old. And you are trying to dance with young women. And you're not doing your masters.

She said it herself that it's creepy...

Focus on school and then get the hell out of there and get on with your f'king real life- the one that should have started 5 years ago.

[clia]

One little tidbit to all the people who think my age is the reason why college girls don't want to date me.

 

Math girl asks "So what do think think of the old guy in our class?"

Me: "Which one?"

Her: "The one with the shaved head. He said he's like 32 years old"

Me: "Maybe he's working on his masters or something?"

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

Then I started teasing her about a guy in the class who seems to be pursuing her.

 

Long story short, she doesn't have a clue how old I am. Most likely nobody else in the class does either. She just assumes that I'm a few years older than her. Not that I'm actually 14 years older.

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

 

Even assuming that this particular girl hasn't figured out that you are 14 years older than her, she has just confirmed what we have all been trying to tell you. Girls of that age think what you are doing is creepy. If you actually went out on a date with one of them, you would likely get dumped very quickly once they learned your age.

 

I think it's ostrich-like behavior to keep insisting that none of these girls have any idea whatsoever how old you are. Frankly, the fact that age keeps coming up in these conversations is odd in and of itself, and indicates that they know something is up. They may not know you are 33, but they do know you are substantially older than they are, and that is likely killing your chances to date them.

 

IMO, it's time for you to take a new approach. What you do hasn't worked. But, I know you won't. It's too bad -- you are your own worst enemy.

[Teknoe]

Even assuming that this particular girl hasn't figured out that you are 14 years older than her, she has just confirmed what we have all been trying to tell you. Girls of that age think what you are doing is creepy. If you actually went out on a date with one of them, you would likely get dumped very quickly once they learned your age.

 

I think it's ostrich-like behavior to keep insisting that none of these girls have any idea whatsoever how old you are. Frankly, the fact that age keeps coming up in these conversations is odd in and of itself, and indicates that they know something is up. They may not know you are 33, but they do know you are substantially older than they are, and that is likely killing your chances to date them.

 

IMO, it's time for you to take a new approach. What you do hasn't worked. But, I know you won't. It's too bad -- you are your own worst enemy.

 

 

+1. I actually believe SD is scared at the thought of entering a "real" relationship with someone much closer to his age. Why? It requires being vulnerable, open and being social.

 

He seems to want his dream his way. Deep down, despite what he says about wanting to have a girlfriend, I think he subconsciously sabotages himself year after year because this charade is compelling to him much more than actually entering a mature relationship that inevitably would force him to grow and step out of his comfort zone. Just a theory. Otherwise, I have no idea why someone would continually pound their head against the wall for over 6 years now.

 

And I agree with the others, that girl knows you're much older, and was just prodding you. You have to fess up to your age sooner or later, because if you don't you never grow truly closer to them. And now if you do, she will be like "Why didn't he tell me his age that day? Creepy."

 

Time to move on, SD. Listen to us here. We're trying to save you some face.

[BlueIris]

+1. I actually believe SD is scared at the thought of entering a "real" relationship with someone much closer to his age. Why? It requires being vulnerable, open and being social.

 

He seems to want his dream his way. Deep down, despite what he says about wanting to have a girlfriend, I think he subconsciously sabotages himself year after year because this charade is compelling to him much more than actually entering a mature relationship that inevitably would force him to grow and step out of his comfort zone. Just a theory. Otherwise, I have no idea why someone would continually pound their head against the wall for over 6 years now.

 

And I agree with the others, that girl knows you're much older, and was just prodding you. You have to fess up to your age sooner or later, because if you don't you never grow truly closer to them. And now if you do, she will be like "Why didn't he tell me his age that day? Creepy."

 

Time to move on, SD. Listen to us here. We're trying to save you some face.

 

I think that focusing on getting a girlfriend is also a way to avoid focusing on school and employment, the more daunting challenge. An avoidance technique. ( I should know! I'm guilty of coming here to avoid work- haha!)

[the tank]

I think you focus too much on dating at school and on your dance class. Dancing should be a hobby. You should go to place where people of 28-33 go !! When it dont work , you need to change your strategy

[MidwestUSA]

Her: "Yeah maybe, but don't you think it's weird to have a guy so old dancing with girls who are 19 and 20? It's kind of creepy."

 

 

The last day of class I'm going to tell her my age and just watch her freak out

 

 

 

Well, we'd all love to hear her reaction to that.

 

 

You just don't get it. She's telling you what everyone here has been telling you. You ARE 'that guy'.

[somedude81]

But Dude, a girl WILL eventually find out how old you are if you spend any time with them.

You just had a girl clearly explain to you that she thinks it's creepy.

 

Ok, so we all except that you don't LOOK 33. But you are. You can't keep it a secret forever from girls you are trying to get to know.

 

Depending on the circumstances I can keep my age a secret forever. But if I am interested in the girl then of course I will tell her. I wouldn't build a relationship on lies.

 

It was really interesting having her tell me that she thought the other guy was creepy just because of his age. Some people have said that they felt that way too about older guys when they were that young, but now I heard it directly from a girl. The the funniest thing was that she just had no idea how old I am and I was laughing inside.

 

 

 

She sounds like a savvy girl trying to indirectly send you a message.

 

Ha ha ha absolutely not. BTW that was exactly the type of post I was expecting.

 

"Maybe she's giving you a hint that she thinks creepy guys are weird and she thinks you are weird because she knows you're old."

 

LOL no. She doesn't have a clue.

 

 

 

 

 

Why don't you share your age when age comes up? Curiosity about your age is a likely reason the topic comes up.