How should I pursue this girl?

[somedude81]

Even assuming that this particular girl hasn't figured out that you are 14 years older than her, she has just confirmed what we have all been trying to tell you. Girls of that age think what you are doing is creepy.

 

Yes, I am now aware of that. It was very eye opening to have that conversation.

 

If you actually went out on a date with one of them, you would likely get dumped very quickly once they learned your age.

 

Eh, I don't know. I think it depends on how much the girl likes me.

 

Don't forget that I started a relationship with a 20 year old when I was 32.

 

Perhaps if she knew my age before she stared to like me, she would have thought I was creepy and weird. But by the time the first date came around, she wasn't going to let my age stop her.

 

I think it's ostrich-like behavior to keep insisting that none of these girls have any idea whatsoever how old you are.

 

I just posted proof that these girls don't have any clue! Sounds like you are the ostrich.

 

She would not have said those things to me if she thought that I was that old.

 

Frankly, the fact that age keeps coming up in these conversations is odd in and of itself, and indicates that they know something is up.

No!

 

We were talking about people in the class and she brought up that guy. If I was 18 years old and looked like I was 16, she would have said the same exact thing to me about that other guy. She's not dropping some hint that she secretly knows that I'm old and creepy.

 

My age is not relevant at the early stage before I even get a date.

 

That's what I've been trying to say!

[thefooloftheyear]

Yes, I am now aware of that. It was very eye opening to have that conversation.

 

 

 

Eh, I don't know. I think it depends on how much the girl likes me.

 

Don't forget that I started a relationship with a 20 year old when I was 32.

 

Perhaps if she knew my age before she stared to like me, she would have thought I was creepy and weird. But by the time the first date came around, she wasn't going to let my age stop her.

 

 

 

I just posted proof that these girls don't have any clue! Sounds like you are the ostrich.

 

She would not have said those things to me if she thought that I was that old.

 

 

No!

 

We were talking about people in the class and she brought up that guy. If I was 18 years old and looked like I was 16, she would have said the same exact thing to me about that other guy. She's not dropping some hint that she secretly knows that I'm old and creepy.

 

My age is not relevant at the early stage before I even get a date.

 

That's what I've been trying to say!

 

 

I got a broken clock here that tells the perfect time twice a day....for a second...

 

Stop using that as a guideline...Maybe the planets aligned...Or maybe you were there for her when she needed a lift..Who knows? Could be a thousand reasons, at the end of the day....it didnt work, so it doesnt really "count", unless it lasted a while and you dumped her...

 

You got everyone here telling you its not working, yet you hold on to straws....Its nuts, man...

 

 

TFY

[clia]

Don't forget that I started a relationship with a 20 year old when I was 32.

 

I haven't forgotten this, and no one has ever said that there are no 21 year olds who would date 33 year olds. But that isn't the norm. That was a one off situation for you, and you keep hanging your hat on it. You seem intent on making your dating pool as narrow as possible, which defies logic for a guy who wants nothing more than to find a girlfriend.

 

What about the guy busy girl is hanging out with. How old do you think he is? Is he 33?

 

I just posted proof that these girls don't have any clue! Sounds like you are the ostrich.

 

Dude, no you didn't. You posted one conversation with one girl, who to me appeared to be fishing to find out your age because she knew you weren't normal age for a college student. But whatever. I was a 21 year old girl. We aren't stupid. She may not know you are 33, but she knows you are older. Being "older" can be enough to rule you out for a 21 year old. I wouldn't have even dated a 25 year old when I was 21. That seemed ancient.

 

She would not have said those things to me if she thought that I was that old.

 

Don't be so sure. Again, she might've been fishing for your age. My point is that age seems to come up a lot in your conversations with these 21 year olds. I don't ever recall talking about age with the guys in my classes when I was 21, or trying to guess their age, or anything along those lines. Probably because they were all within a year or two of my age, and that was quite evident.

 

My age is not relevant at the early stage before I even get a date.

 

Your age is 100% relevant at the early stage before you get a date. It's beyond bizarre that you keep insisting that it isn't. Age is one of the top things people look at when they are deciding whether to date someone. For you, it's probably the number 1 thing! So why would it be any different for a woman? And if it's so irrelevant, why do you hide it? Why didn't you tell your friend that you are 33 and you are offended by what she said, since you are even older than the guy she pointed out?

 

At any rate, who cares now? You are graduating in two months and none of the 21 year old girls you were interested in want to date you. Your plan of attack for the semester didn't work. So now what? Might you take some of the other advice you've been given on how to get dates?

[MidwestUSA]

 

 

Don't forget that I started a relationship with a 20 year old when I was 32.

 

Perhaps if she knew my age before she stared to like me, she would have thought I was creepy and weird. But by the time the first date came around, she wasn't going to let my age stop here.

 

 

She started to like you because you were a soft, easy landing coming off the end of her bad relationship. She got over it in six months.

 

 

And yes, she probably would have thought you were creepy and weird if she'd known your age. Your current group of 21 year olds are proving exactly that to you.

 

 

So your game plan is to conceal your age until you have them reeled in. Never a good idea to start a relationship based on a lie. Never.

[somedude81]

I haven't forgotten this, and no one has ever said that there are no 21 year olds who would date 33 year olds. But that isn't the norm. That was a one off situation for you, and you keep hanging your hat on it. You seem intent on making your dating pool as narrow as possible, which defies logic for a guy who wants nothing more than to find a girlfriend.

 

That "one off situation" was the biggest most important thing that ever happened in my life.

 

What about the guy busy girl is hanging out with. How old do you think he is? Is he 33?

 

I don't see why not.

 

Dude, no you didn't. You posted one conversation with one girl, who to me appeared to be fishing to find out your age because she knew you weren't normal age for a college student.

 

That was one absolutely clear conversation that proved that she didn't know how old I was. She was not trying to fish out my age. We were talking about other guys in the class.

 

But whatever. I was a 21 year old girl. We aren't stupid. She may not know you are 33, but she knows you are older. Being "older" can be enough to rule you out for a 21 year old. I wouldn't have even dated a 25 year old when I was 21. That seemed ancient.

 

Yes, she knows that I am older than her. I'm not trying to say that I'm 20 years old.

 

Though if a 21 year old thinks that a 25 year old is too old for her, that's nothing I can help.

 

Don't be so sure. Again, she might've been fishing for your age. My point is that age seems to come up a lot in your conversations with these 21 year olds. I don't ever recall talking about age with the guys in my classes when I was 21, or trying to guess their age, or anything along those lines. Probably because they were all within a year or two of my age, and that was quite evident.

 

My age has come up in conversation one time this year and only with this girl. It is not as frequent as you seem to think it is.

 

A while ago I had a conversation with a girl about an off-campus ballroom and I asked her what the crowd was like and she said that most of the people there are "our age." This girl was not trying to fish out my age and just assumed that I was around the same age she was.

 

Last year a girl asked me how old I was after I told her that I've been at the school for four years. I told her my true age and she was honestly surprised.

 

These girls I interact with at school don't know how old I am. Argue with me all you want, you're not going to change what I know.

 

 

Your age is 100% relevant at the early stage before you get a date. It's beyond bizarre that you keep insisting that it isn't. Age is one of the top things people look at when they are deciding whether to date someone. For you, it's probably the number 1 thing! So why would it be any different for a woman? And if it's so irrelevant, why do you hide it? Why didn't you tell your friend that you are 33 and you are offended by what she said, since you are even older than the guy she pointed out?

 

At any rate, who cares now? You are graduating in two months and none of the 21 year old girls you were interested in want to date you. Your plan of attack for the semester didn't work. So now what? Might you take some of the other advice you've been given on how to get dates?

[somedude81]

So your game plan is to conceal your age until you have them reeled in. Never a good idea to start a relationship based on a lie. Never.

 

How is it a lie if I don't tell a girl my age until we've been on one date?

 

Is there some dating law that I'm under obligation to tell a girl how old I am before I ask her out? Perhaps women are required to tell me their bra size and weight before they say yes?

 

 

 

Whoops, I didn't finish quoting the bottom part of my previous post.

 

Your age is 100% relevant at the early stage before you get a date. It's beyond bizarre that you keep insisting that it isn't. Age is one of the top things people look at when they are deciding whether to date someone. For you, it's probably the number 1 thing! So why would it be any different for a woman? And if it's so irrelevant, why do you hide it?

 

I'm saying that my age is irrelevant because they can't tell how old I am. Since they can't tell how old I am, they are not using my age as a reason to reject me.

 

In other words, young women are not rejecting me because of my age. There is something else. And no it's not because I don't have a job either.

 

 

Why didn't you tell your friend that you are 33 and you are offended by what she said, since you are even older than the guy she pointed out?

 

Because she might talk to other people. I don't want it getting out how old I am. As I learned, some girls have an irrational response to knowing a guy is older. Since girls can't tell how old I am, I'll just keep my age a secret and let a select few know.

Edited November 4, 2014 by somedude81

[MidwestUSA]

Well alrighty then. Despite everyone's suggestions, you're going to keep doing it your way.

 

How's that working out for ya?

[preraph]

SD, have you ever told us why you only like the young 20 year old girls?

 

Also, if you can be 34 and you think people think you're 25, don't you think there's a 23-year-old woman out there who everyone thinks is 20?

[somedude81]

SD, have you ever told us why you only like the young 20 year old girls?

 

Yup, many times

 

Ideally I want to date a woman between 21 and 24. That's the age range I'm just most attracted to right now.

 

Also, if you can be 34 and you think people think you're 25, don't you think there's a 23-year-old woman out there who everyone thinks is 20?

 

Sure. Though I don't know what point you're getting at.

[xxoo]

Yes, I am now aware of that. It was very eye opening to have that conversation.

 

It was eye opening to hear that very young women think it is creepy when guys over 30 try to dance with them (and date them, logical conclusion).

 

We've been telling you this for a long time, but you don't believe it until, by chance, a young woman says it clearly from her own mouth. Your refusal to believe things until it comes directly from a woman in clear words contributes to your very slow learning curve. It isn't common for people to spell these things out, although we all understand they are true.

 

How will you change your strategy after that eye opening experience?

[Million.to.1]

 

Ideally I want to date a woman between 21 and 24. That's the age range I'm just most attracted to right now.

 

 

Why won't you actually listen to us SD? These woman of 21-24 aren't attracted to you.

 

you did have 1 GF for a short time who was this age... yes yes yes we all know. But that's not NORMAL.

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE please just try and understand. We are trying to help you, and you are the only one making it hard on yourself.

[Million.to.1]

Also, if you can be 34 and you think people think you're 25, don't you think there's a 23-year-old woman out there who everyone thinks is 20?

 

 

Sure. Though I don't know what point you're getting at.

 

His point is that you could find a woman of 24-27 who still looks young and therefore you'd be attracted to her. (and she might actually be interested in you )

[normal person]

Yup, many times

 

Ideally I want to date a woman between 21 and 24. That's the age range I'm just most attracted to right now.

 

 

 

 

You've missed the boat on girls this age, accept it. Yeah, you like them. But they don't like you. You're always so incapable of seeing that.

Edited November 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

Yup, many times

 

Ideally I want to date a woman between 21 and 24. That's the age range I'm just most attracted to right now.

 

 

 

Sure. Though I don't know what point you're getting at.

 

Well, of course you don't because there was a typo. Sorry. I meant don't you think since you believe no one can tell your age that there is a 34 year old woman out there, similarly, who looks 20? That you wouldn't be able to tell she's older than 20 that you would be attracted to. If you exist, then she must exist.

[clia]

It's actually really sad. I think if you had taken even some of the advice you've gotten over the past 6 years on this site, it's very likely you could've gone on at least a few dates this semester. You might even have a girlfriend by now. If you had been able to, even briefly, lift up your blinders and try to see the world in a different way. If you had been able to, even a few times, step out of your comfort zone. Instead, you stuck to the same tired plan you've used for the past however many years, which has only resulted in a positive outcome for you one time, and even that was short-lived.

 

You've talked in some of the other threads about all this effort you've made to pursue girls. What effort is that, aside from a lot of overthinking? Did you do anything outside of simply go to class and decide which girls from class you were going to pursue? So you talked to girls in class and walked with them after class. Is that really that much effort? Did you go to any meetup events? Did you try speed dating? Did you get involved in any other activities outside of your school? Did you do anything remotely social where you might have the opportunity to meet someone? Did you go sit at a bar and have a meal and make conversation with the person sitting next to you? Did you update your OLD profile? Did you update your Tinder profile? Most people who are putting in an effort at dating aren't merely relying on one method. They have other ways of interacting with people. Even kids in college are going to parties, to bars, volunteering, playing intramural sports, etc. They aren't just meeting people in class. I never dated a guy from class when I was in college. I dated guys I met when I went out on the weekends.

 

You think you are alone in getting rejected? Everyone has been rejected, men and women. Most people (men and women) do have to go through a lot of frogs before they find the right person.

 

I'm not sure what kind of advice you expect out of anyone on this site anymore. There's no secret formula. It's all been said. You've been given hundreds, if not thousands, of pages of good advice. But you ignore it, or you try to convince us why we're wrong, or try to find the secret. Why is that? Why are you so stubborn? Why wouldn't you listen to people who have actually gone on dates and been in relationships? It's really strange and sad.

[BlueIris]

It’s pretty arrogant and dismissive toward these young women, SD, to say that they don’t have a clue, that they couldn’t possibly mean what lots of folks say they could mean. It's not cool, nice, or good-guy of you to assume that they are dumb or clueless, and that you can pull things over on them.

[Weezy1973]

I'm saying that my age is irrelevant because they can't tell how old I am. Since they can't tell how old I am, they are not using my age as a reason to reject me.

 

In other words, young women are not rejecting me because of my age. There is something else. And no it's not because I don't have a job either.

 

 

Yes! There is something else!! Young women are rejecting you because you're not attractive to them in any way. You're not an attractive man. You have gotten so much advice on how you can make yourself more attractive in these threads, yet you ignore all of it. And you remain unattractive. And you keep getting rejected.

 

Can you see the pattern?

[Teknoe]

It's actually really sad. I think if you had taken even some of the advice you've gotten over the past 6 years on this site, it's very likely you could've gone on at least a few dates this semester. You might even have a girlfriend by now. If you had been able to, even briefly, lift up your blinders and try to see the world in a different way. If you had been able to, even a few times, step out of your comfort zone. Instead, you stuck to the same tired plan you've used for the past however many years, which has only resulted in a positive outcome for you one time, and even that was short-lived.

 

You've talked in some of the other threads about all this effort you've made to pursue girls. What effort is that, aside from a lot of overthinking? Did you do anything outside of simply go to class and decide which girls from class you were going to pursue? So you talked to girls in class and walked with them after class. Is that really that much effort? Did you go to any meetup events? Did you try speed dating? Did you get involved in any other activities outside of your school? Did you do anything remotely social where you might have the opportunity to meet someone? Did you go sit at a bar and have a meal and make conversation with the person sitting next to you? Did you update your OLD profile? Did you update your Tinder profile? Most people who are putting in an effort at dating aren't merely relying on one method. They have other ways of interacting with people. Even kids in college are going to parties, to bars, volunteering, playing intramural sports, etc. They aren't just meeting people in class. I never dated a guy from class when I was in college. I dated guys I met when I went out on the weekends.

 

You think you are alone in getting rejected? Everyone has been rejected, men and women. Most people (men and women) do have to go through a lot of frogs before they find the right person.

 

I'm not sure what kind of advice you expect out of anyone on this site anymore. There's no secret formula. It's all been said. You've been given hundreds, if not thousands, of pages of good advice. But you ignore it, or you try to convince us why we're wrong, or try to find the secret. Why is that? Why are you so stubborn? Why wouldn't you listen to people who have actually gone on dates and been in relationships? It's really strange and sad.

 

 

clia, this is one of the best replies I have ever read in a SD thread here on LoveShack. It perfectly summarizes the issues at hand here. A combination on his part of being incredibly stubborn and blind and living in denial (and fear) has led him to the quality of living he is currently experiencing.

 

It's very telling that he finally has an "eye opening understanding" that girls in their early 20s can be creeped out by guys in their mid 30s. Like seriously? One, everyone here has been telling you the same exact thing and two, it should be plain obvious to see why. A guy in his 30s targeting only girls in their 20s has a creepy stigma to it, and deservedly so. Especially when he refuses to date anyone 25 or over. I understand preferring early 20s. But ONLY early 20s? When you're 33? There's something off with that picture.

 

I really do feel sad for SD. He's gotten 1000s of pages of sound advice, yet he continues to fall into his same patterns time in and time out. It's almost incomprehensible. It's mind boggling, literally.

[Million.to.1]

It was really interesting having her tell me that she thought the other guy was creepy just because of his age. Some people have said that they felt that way too about older guys when they were that young, but now I heard it directly from a girl. The the funniest thing was that she just had no idea how old I am and I was laughing inside.

 

Most people would be embarrassed if caught in this situation. Not laughing.

 

 

 

 

 

I really do feel sad for SD. He's gotten 1000s of pages of sound advice, yet he continues to fall into his same patterns time in and time out. It's almost incomprehensible. It's mind boggling, literally.

 

 

Just watch as he only replies to the posts he wants to and completely ignores any that are "insulting" to him.

 

 

Why do we bother?

[Teknoe]

Most people would be embarrassed if caught in this situation. Not laughing.

 

Just watch as he only replies to the posts he wants to and completely ignores any that are "insulting" to him.

 

Why do we bother?

 

Ditto the embarrassment. That's how I would have felt if I were him. Laughing on the inside? That's a weird response.

 

Ever notice how his monster threads always get 500+ likes, and 95% of the likes are given to posts other than his? Nuff said.

[Million.to.1]

.... and queue moderation to "clean up the thread".

[Teknoe]

Because she might talk to other people. I don't want it getting out how old I am. As I learned, some girls have an irrational response to knowing a guy is older. Since girls can't tell how old I am, I'll just keep my age a secret and let a select few know.

 

You are living in serious denial buddy if you truly believe in your heart of hearts that college girls don't know you're at least considerably older than they are. And at 20, even 26 is "considerably older."

 

You can cling to the whole "I've had a couple college students guess me as being 24-26 years old" as much as you like, but like we said before, people always guess 5-7 years under. That's called social etiquette. Deep down, they know you're 30 or thereabouts.

 

You don't want it getting out how old you are? LOL. Sorry bud, they already know. You're just going to have to trust us on this one. You don't need to announce your age, and I find it incredibly arrogant/short-sighted on your part that you assume these young college girls have no clue how old you are. It's just another delusion you're clinging on to, and it's completely unhealthy.

 

The sooner you graduate college, the better off you will be. I do sincerely hope you're doing well in your classes, esp. calculus. You are doing well, aren't you?

[SummerDreams]

On Wednesdays I always remember of you somedude cause I have dance class as well. In my dance class there are 15 women (all older than me) and there are 2 men. The one of them is really creepy cause you can see him moving around the circle we make to dance all the time and try to talk to every woman there, yes even me (and he's my dad's age). While we are dancing he is noticing all women, he's trying to listen to what they are talking about and is making jokes. No woman is giving him any attention other than being polite to him in case he asks something. I can't explain to you how creepy I find his behavior and how sad it is to observe him, so desperate to get some attention. I mean, I feel sad for him but I surely don't think this is the appropriate way or place to find a girlfriend. I do hope this is not how you act in your dance class and this is not how girls there see you.

[Teknoe]

Contradicting yourself, much?

 

 

Yes, I am now aware of that. It was very eye opening to have that conversation.

 

You admit here you are now blatantly aware that girls in their early 20s can easily be creeped out by guys in their mid 30s pursuing them...

 

Then you go and say this

 

 

My age is not relevant at the early stage before I even get a date.

 

Um, that's the biggest delusion you could ever believe. A girl in her early 20s just told you it's creepy that a 32 year old is dancing with 19 and 20 year olds. Then you go and say "I GET IT NOW" and then you go and say "NOPE, MY AGE IS NOT RELEVANT."

 

Of course it's relevant. Maybe not to you BUT TO THEM IT IS. And dating is a 2 way street, buddy. As others here have said for years on end now, age is one of the primary factors early on in the dating process. It's something people like to know even before they consider dating someone.

 

Your own lack of failures is entirely based on your lack of ability to understand reality and operate around that reality. You keep living in your own fantasy world and where has that gotten you exactly?

Edited November 5, 2014 by Teknoe

[preraph]

On Wednesdays I always remember of you somedude cause I have dance class as well. In my dance class there are 15 women (all older than me) and there are 2 men. The one of them is really creepy cause you can see him moving around the circle we make to dance all the time and try to talk to every woman there, yes even me (and he's my dad's age). While we are dancing he is noticing all women, he's trying to listen to what they are talking about and is making jokes. No woman is giving him any attention other than being polite to him in case he asks something. I can't explain to you how creepy I find his behavior and how sad it is to observe him, so desperate to get some attention. I mean, I feel sad for him but I surely don't think this is the appropriate way or place to find a girlfriend. I do hope this is not how you act in your dance class and this is not how girls there see you.

 

I hope he's not acting that way, too, but I don't think he is (well, maybe in his head). He doesn't have trouble getting girls to talk to him as someone this obvious would. I actually think the dance class is a perfect place for him to see if he can meet someone. For one thing, even if, let's say, you are "off" socially some way, it's a place to learn what works and what doesn't. After all, partner dancing is a lot about etiquette and comportment.