How should I pursue this girl?

[somedude81]

Because they might want to make a friend? I have the number of many people I have no interest in dating. I am always open to new friends. I have plenty of male friends. I don't back off unless I feel like they want more than I'm willing to give, though. And I'm sensing that's what's happening with these girls.

 

They may just be being friendly. Young women that age have a LOT of acquaintances and social contacts. Add numbers like candy.

 

They seriously may not even consider that you have romantic interest.

 

Of the girls I mentioned, only one did I approach as anything more than a friend. I said that in a previous post.

 

I asked busy girl straight up if she had a boyfriend and she gave me the too busy to date line. She is the only girl who knows I'm interested in her.

 

The other girls including lunch girls, I never asked if they were single, or ever mentioned the words boyfriend or date or anything like that. We just made plans to hang out assumingly as friends.

 

I also don't have much or if any communication between the time we make plans and when they cancel. So something is going through their heads after the fact.

[normal person]

 

I also don't have much or if any communication between the time we make plans and when they cancel. So something is going through their heads after the fact.

 

I'm not saying this is the case, but they could be giving you their numbers because it's easier to avoid you that way. It's hard to reject someone in person. It's much easier to just give you their number so you don't feel bad, then not text back or text back just enough so that you don't feel bad.

 

Don't assume every girl who gives you her number is a "prospect." Sometimes it's a strategic move to diffuse a situation they don't wanna be in.

[Lani]

Of the girls I mentioned, only one did I approach as anything more than a friend. I said that in a previous post.

 

I asked busy girl straight up if she had a boyfriend and she gave me the too busy to date line. She is the only girl who knows I'm interested in her.

 

The other girls including lunch girls, I never asked if they were single, or ever mentioned the words boyfriend or date or anything like that. We just made plans to hang out assumingly as friends.

 

I also don't have much or if any communication between the time we make plans and when they cancel. So something is going through their heads after the fact.

 

Hang on.. did you actually tell busy girl you like her? Or did you just ask if he had a boyfriend, and assume she knew?

 

I've given my number to a whole bunch of people who I don't want to date. It's only a phone number, not my virginity.

[MissBee]

Hang on.. did you actually tell busy girl you like her? Or did you just ask if he had a boyfriend, and assume she knew?

 

I've given my number to a whole bunch of people who I don't want to date. It's only a phone number, not my virginity.

 

Right!

 

Especially if you meet them/know them in a setting like dance class, any other kind of class, church or work. The pressure isn't there to assume they ask for dating reasons but simply because you do an activity together and know each other in class it's much easier to give them your number without thinking much about it. It's not like you met them at a club or party or any other random way where them asking would almost 100% be to follow up romantically.

Edited October 29, 2014 by MissBee

[Cristo]

SD, I agree that these girls are just not into you.

 

Based on how much you're stressing about this, I'm thinking that you're wound up tight when you're around them (even if you think they're not). Also, you have stated in the past that you don't know how to flirt. So this isn't helping you either.

 

Next time, talk to many girls at once. Get to know them through class and develop a reputation as a cool guy in that class. Then flirt like crazy.

 

If everybody likes you and you're flirty, you'll get the girls.

[MidwestUSA]

So then why are they giving me their numbers and making plans with me?

 

And why do you assume that I have no connection or share any of the above you listed with these women?

 

Well, they're not really making plans with you, are they? They're chatting.

 

They're looking for hang out buddies. Girls that age collect them. My stepdaughter has 3500 Facebook friends. It doesn't mean a damn thing.

 

I suspect lunch girl doesn't know the ball is in her court. She probably doesn't even know there's a ball.

[somedude81]

Wow, I just got a text from busy girl.

 

First part was something we were joking about. Second part was this.

 

"(My name), you know I want to be friends with you but I can't help but feel that you keep wanting more than that... I just see you as a friend, okay?"

 

I'm stunned that she said that. I wouldn't expect a girl to be so direct. Still I was a little confused because I thought I was being obvious and that she knew I liked her. Hell, a few weeks ago I told her that I really want to know if she has a boyfriend because I want to go out with her, and that's when she told me that she was too busy to have a boyfriend. After that I got her number and kept trying to make plans with her. So how is she just now feeling that I want more than to be her friend?

 

Aside from the obvious that she just sees me as a friend, I feel that there's something else she's trying to tell me.

[Lani]

Wow, I just got a text from busy girl.

 

First part was something we were joking about. Second part was this.

 

"(My name), you know I want to be friends with you but I can't help but feel that you keep wanting more than that... I just see you as a friend, okay?"

 

I'm stunned that she said that. I wouldn't expect a girl to be so direct. Still I was a little confused because I thought I was being obvious and that she knew I liked her. Hell, a few weeks ago I told her that I really want to know if she has a boyfriend because I want to go out with her, and that's when she told me that she was too busy to have a boyfriend. After that I got her number and kept trying to make plans with her. So how is she just now feeling that I want more than to be her friend?

 

Aside from the obvious that she just sees me as a friend, I feel that there's something else she's trying to tell me.

 

Like what?

[somedude81]

Almost like this was her way of telling me to back off and leave her alone. She should already know that I was interested.

[MidwestUSA]

Like what?

 

I suspect 'I just see you as a friend, okay?' means 'stay away from me', given the text you sent her yesterday, or whenever.

[Weezy1973]

 

"(My name), you know I want to be friends with you but I can't help but feel that you keep wanting more than that... I just see you as a friend, okay?"

 

I'm stunned that she said that. I wouldn't expect a girl to be so direct. Still I was a little confused because I thought I was being obvious and that she knew I liked her. Hell, a few weeks ago I told her that I really want to know if she has a boyfriend because I want to go out with her, and that's when she told me that she was too busy to have a boyfriend. After that I got her number and kept trying to make plans with her. So how is she just now feeling that I want more than to be her friend?

 

Aside from the obvious that she just sees me as a friend, I feel that there's something else she's trying to tell me.

 

What are you talking about? This is as direct as it gets - and the directness you've been hoping for according to your other thread. And at no point does it seem like she just figured it out that you want to date her as she said "I feel that you keep wanting more..." In other words it's been a prolonged thing that she's known and no matter how many hints she has to give you, "you keep wanting more." So now she's being completely direct. She just sees you as a friend. She's not attracted to you. End of story. There is no more.

[MidwestUSA]

Almost like this was her way of telling me to back off and leave her alone. She should already know that I was interested.

 

Exactly. And of course she knew you were interested. But you couldn't accept just friendship/hang out buddies. She probably ran that text past the other guy and a bunch of her friends and came up with the nicest way to tell you to back off. Respect it.

[yajiuma]

Well you wanted "direct" and she gave it to you. I think you kind of pushed her into this when you didn't pick up on the "too busy to have a boyfriend" meant she was not into you more than a friend and you continued to try and create some kind of romantic attachment.

[Lani]

Almost like this was her way of telling me to back off and leave her alone. She should already know that I was interested.

 

Heres the way I see it.

You asked her if she had a boyfriend and told her you wanted to date her. She said she didn't have time to date. Right?

To her, that was the end of that. She'd told you she wasn't dsting and any interaction you had from there she saw as a strictly friends deal. People give friends their numbers. From the way you describe her messages and your interactions it sounds a lot like she thought you we're friends all along.

 

Then you made it weird.

 

Now she's been honest and direct, and although you say you want that, you're now saying is unexpected?

Edited October 29, 2014 by Lani

[somedude81]

Heres the way I see it.

You asked her if she had a boyfriend and told her you wanted to date her. She said she didn't have time to date. Right?

To her, that was the end of that. She'd told you she wasn't dsting and any interaction you had from there she saw as a strictly friends deal. People give friends their numbers. From the way you describe her messages and your interactions it sounds a lot like she thought you we're friends all along.

 

Then you made it weird.

 

Now she's been honest and direct, and although you say you want that, you're now saying is unexpected?

 

Oh, that's starting to make sense.

 

Back then when we talked; to her the topic of me being interested in her was over and we would only be friends from then on? Then to her, we were just friends yet she felt that I wanted to be more than friends?

 

So it's almost like she expected me to turn off all interest in her at that point and was confused when I didn't do so. Did she actually think that her expectation was realistic, or that I even understood what she was talking about?

[Lani]

Oh, that's starting to make sense.

 

Back then when we talked; to her the topic of me being interested in her was over and we would only be friends from then on? Then to her, we were just friends yet she felt that I wanted to be more than friends?

 

So it's almost like she expected me to turn off all interest in her at that point and was confused when I didn't do so. Did she actually think that her expectation was realistic, or that I even understood what she was talking about?

 

Yeah, pretty much.

 

It's likely she didn't expect you to turn off your feelings, however did probably expect that you'd respect her telling you she wasn't dating, and would deal with things in your own time.

Then, once she realised you hadn't, and liked her a more than a friend, she felt she needed to say something.

 

Have you responded to her?

[MidwestUSA]

Oh, that's starting to make sense.

 

Back then when we talked; to her the topic of me being interested in her was over and we would only be friends from then on? Then to her, we were just friends yet she felt that I wanted to be more than friends?

 

So it's almost like she expected me to turn off all interest in her at that point and was confused when I didn't do so. Did she actually think that her expectation was realistic, or that I even understood what she was talking about?

 

It's simple. She was willing to be friends but told you she didn't want to date (or was too busy, whatever, she didn't want to date you).

 

She wasn't confused when you didn't turn off all interest, she was annoyed. Maybe creeped out. Maybe pissed. Who knows.

You didn't respect the boundary she offered you, and now she's told you where to go. In a pretty polite manner, I might add.

 

 

Yes, it's a realistic expectation to be friends. And I'm pretty sure you had all kinds of advice early in this thread telling you what she meant.

[Million.to.1]

Oh, that's starting to make sense.

 

Back then when we talked; to her the topic of me being interested in her was over and we would only be friends from then on? Then to her, we were just friends yet she felt that I wanted to be more than friends?

 

So it's almost like she expected me to turn off all interest in her at that point and was confused when I didn't do so. Did she actually think that her expectation was realistic, or that I even understood what she was talking about?

 

It's not her fault that you couldn't "turn off all interest". She does not have unrealistic expectations. She said "i don't have time for a boyfriend" which is a polite way of saying, "I don't consider YOU boyfriend material". You just didn't recognise the clear hint and kept pursuing.

The txt now is direct and clearly saying (politely) "please stop being a desperate creepy guy"

 

She is not interested in being your friend either. She is still being polite. "i see you as a friend" means "i will not ignore you completely in class because that would be bitchy, but please back off."

[Million.to.1]

I would also take lunch girls "i'll think about hiking on sunday" as another obvious "not interested in dating you" if it were me.

 

A girl who is interested in you, will find time and not make excuses. End of story.

[somedude81]

Yeah, pretty much.

 

It's likely she didn't expect you to turn off your feelings, however did probably expect that you'd respect her telling you she wasn't dating, and would deal with things in your own time.

Then, once she realised you hadn't, and liked her a more than a friend, she felt she needed to say something.

 

Have you responded to her?

 

Well she didn't say anything until I sent that stupid text, which actually became the catalyst for this very eye opening conversation we're having.

 

Yes I responded. I told her that I liked her but thought I made it obvious and apologized if I made her feel mislead. I said that I'm fine being her friend but I do want to get to know her better. I closed with asking her to please tell me if that makes her at all uncomfortable.

 

Then she replied and said "As long as you know where I stand, I think we are good to go. "

 

I sent her another message but haven't received a reply yet.

 

While this thing started awkwardly I'm actually really enenjoying being able to talk to her so openly.

[Cristo]

Oh, that's starting to make sense.

 

Back then when we talked; to her the topic of me being interested in her was over and we would only be friends from then on? Then to her, we were just friends yet she felt that I wanted to be more than friends?

 

So it's almost like she expected me to turn off all interest in her at that point and was confused when I didn't do so. Did she actually think that her expectation was realistic, or that I even understood what she was talking about?

 

Why are you assuming that she actually cares about your feelings?

[Lani]

Well she didn't say anything until I sent that stupid text, which actually became the catalyst for this very eye opening conversation we're having.

 

Yes I responded. I told her that I liked her but thought I made it obvious and apologized if I made her feel mislead. I said that I'm fine being her friend but I do want to get to know her better. I closed with asking her to please tell me if that makes her at all uncomfortable.

 

Then she replied and said "As long as you know where I stand, I think we are good to go. "

 

I sent her another message but haven't received a reply yet.

 

While this thing started awkwardly I'm actually really enenjoying being able to talk to her so openly.

 

By 'get to know her better' you mean as friends, right?

What happens if she starts dating the other dude in front of you, are you going to be okay to not chuck a wobbly and bait her for a fight?

[Cristo]

Well she didn't say anything until I sent that stupid text, which actually became the catalyst for this very eye opening conversation we're having.

 

Yes I responded. I told her that I liked her but thought I made it obvious and apologized if I made her feel mislead. I said that I'm fine being her friend but I do want to get to know her better. I closed with asking her to please tell me if that makes her at all uncomfortable.

 

Then she replied and said "As long as you know where I stand, I think we are good to go. "

 

I sent her another message but haven't received a reply yet.

 

While this thing started awkwardly I'm actually really enenjoying being able to talk to her so openly.

 

Time to drop it, man. It's over.

[yajiuma]

Ahh Somedude please don't wallow in this situation with "busy girl". She's been polite and direct with you. Learn your lessons from this experience, become better at reading social cues.

 

Unless you truly (like really, honestly!) want to be purely friends with "busy girl" than I would stop torturing yourself by communicating with her- it will be much much worse if you continue this relationship thinking you can still win her over!

[NJ123]

It seems there must be something your doing while talking to these girls that are turning these girls off from viewing you as a potential boyfriend.